Any Dream Analysts Out There?
September 16, 2008 by Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor
Filed under breastfeeding, mothering
I have had two dreams — nightmares — that Nicole turned out not to be mine. The first dream happened when she was six weeks old. In the dream, my husband and I were staying at a hotel. There was a knock on the door, and in walked one of my old neighbors from Michigan. He had come to pick the baby up. “Thanks for watching her!” he said, and walked out the door with her. I was positively heartbroken to realize that I had only been babysitting and I had fallen so in love with her that I had convinced myself she was mine.
In the second dream, I realized that when I went to work each day (which is bizarre because I do not work outside the home in my waking life), the baby went to her “real” mother in prison. I was the wet nurse that took care of the baby at night when she wasn’t allowed to visit her mother in prison. I had to decide whether I wanted to continue being a wet nurse in spite of the risk of disease transmission. Again I was broken-hearted that Nicole wasn’t mine.
At first I thought the dreams were simply affirming my love for Nicole. Now I wonder whether they are about my subconsciously feeling inadequate as a mother. “Maybe I’ll be found out as a fraud and someone will come take her away from me!” I don’t feel that way during the day. I enjoy her a lot and she is an easy baby. If anything I worry about giving my older girls enough attention and reassurance during this time of change in our family. So I am not sure why I am dreaming these dreams. I certainly plan before I go to bed to tell myself not to dream those dreams anymore!
Have you had similar dreams? Any thoughts on the interpretation?
There’s a dream interpretation website a friend of mine visits religiously. I don’t know the name of it, though
My recurring dream involves a bear. He’s always after me. Sometimes he talks to me, sometimes not. Normally I’m running up the very long driveway at my parents house to get away from him. I’ve had this dream since I was very young (under 10) and I have no idea what it means. (www.dreammoods.com tells me it could be about aggression,obstacles, competition, and threats, as well as the cycle of life, death, and renewal, or even a period of introspection. Glad they’re clear on that, haha.)
Funny how our minds work, hmm…
Alicia, my 3-year-old dreams about bears too (and coyotes and ghosts, but they are friendly ones). Once she told us that a bear was chasing her, and bit off her leg, and she had to hop on one leg! Fortunately she was laughing as she relayed that story to us!
As you well know, being preggers creates all kinds of wacky dream opportunities. A couple weeks ago, I had a dream that I was helping Matthew McConaughey design a line of shirts. They were button-down shirts with no sleeves and we were sitting on a recliner together (outside), discussing color choices.
What the heck?!?
Of course, I also had several dreams in the beginning of my pregnancy that the baby was a girl, and lo and behold, we found out last week that it’s a boy!
So…my response to your dream question: who the heck knows.
The mind is a very, very mysterious thing.
P.S. I’m sure all of your girls are feeling very loved by Mommy. We tend to doubt ourselves far more than our kids ever could.
@ Angela - In the very first bear dream in my…bear dream series, I guess (haha), the bear was trying to harm me. Probably bite my leg off like your daughter’s bear. And he was taunting me while he was trying to get in my hiding place (which was, in that dream, a huge outdoor storage building my father was building - my journey up their driveway led me to that). It was creepy. In all the other bear dreams I’ve had, he’s after me but it’s because he wants to tell me something important or get me to do something. I don’t know why I always run. Anyway, I agree with Liberty - I’m sure all your children feel loved
@ Liberty - Yeah, you can send that Matthew McConaughey my way. But you can keep the shirts.
Send Matthew my way next, as long as he’s not coming for my baby LOL!
@ Alicia - does it ever work to tell yourself not to dream the dream? I have had recurring dreams about going back to school and not being able to find my locker, not having done the homework etc., and if I tell myself not to dream that, it always works. It’s just when I forget that it happens again!
I have the dream so randomly (I might have it once a year, it might happen once every two or three years, or I might hit a period when I’ll have it a few times in one week!) that I’ve never really thought about telling myself not to. The last time I had it, I was pretty sure why I had it, so I guess my goal should be to deal with that particular situation.
Have you checked out any dream dictionaries since having yours?
Alicia, I just checked the dream dictionary at the site you mentioned, and as close as I can come (hard to look up “my baby isn’t mine” LOL) it said, “To dream that you are babysitting, suggests that you need to care for the child within yourself.” Sounds fair! The other entries about young babies were about feeling vulnerable and not wanting to ask for help. Sounds fair also!
Aha! So, it could be that maybe you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed, but feel as if you want to handle it all on your own, and your “inner child” is telling you, “Hey, I need a break here! I need some attention, too!”
I feel like Harry and Ron when Professor Trelawny has them reading their tea leaves:
Ron Weasley: Right, you’ve got a crooked sort of cross.… That means you’re going to have ‘trials and suffering’—sorry about that—but there’s a thing that could be the sun … hang on … that means ‘great happiness’ … so you’re going to suffer but be very happy about it……
Harry Potter: You need your inner eye tested.
I wonder if you have thoughts that you feel like “all you do” is breast feed Nicole now (so not true), versus more varied parenting activities to the other girls, so you worry that that is all she needs you for, hence the feeling of someone taking her away after you’ve fed her, or maybe you’re feeling stretched thin between all the girls and that you might be afraid that you feed her but not have time for anything else? I know that isn’t the case since you’re giving her the exact attention she needs at this stage, but that would be an understandable worry, especially subconsciously. It would also be reasonable if you were worrying about giving time to Nicole and thus feeling worried that the other two might feel neglected — I am confident that they are feeling very connected to and cared for by you and are also learning to model fantastic caring tendencies by seeing you parent Nicole and them at the same time.
I happen to usually have very vivid and involved dreams, and sometimes it helps to go through things at night and tell myself I’m not going to dream about certain things, or I can sometimes wake myself up and tell myself not to dream something anymore. Other times I accept that I must be trying to work through something even if it is upsetting, and accept the power of my mind to work that out. Easier said than done, sometimes.
Hello Angela! I don’t refer to myself as a “dream analyst” (they tend to take things apart without really putting them back together again in my humble opinion! See “dream moods comment!” )
But maybe I can help a little…
Your friends so far have given you quite healthy advice I think. Firstly, yes, studies do show that the hormones released during pregnancy do make an expectant mother have usual dreams, and that these dream types even vary with each trimester in line with the different hormones working and the baby’s development. So on one level, as we women know so well - nature has a lot to answer for!
On another level, there is research to indicate that anxiety dreams in mothers during pregnancy and the nursing period can actually reduce real life anxiety. It is as if on a subconscious level, our mind is playing out all our worst fears, but giving us a dress rehearsal so that come what may, we are prepared and ready to deal with it. This can help you prevent situations that might otherwise cause anxiety in waking life because you are calm and confident at a deeper level, and has even been linked to shorter labour times! So trust that your mind is helping you, and don’t feel anxious about being anxious!
And finally, there is always the symbolic level which must not be over-looked. Attending to your own inner child, especially when under great stress or responsibility is sage advice. Try to find a little time for your self to relax, laugh, have fun. I like to get out the crayons and scribble - it doesn’t have to be a beautiful artwork, but just using such a childish medium and letting go I find very freeing and it always makes me laugh. I also like to go on the swings in the park, run down sand dunes and make up nonsense rhymes. (You kind of respected me until this point, right? lol) Try whatever works for you.
Your child in the dream though might not actually be your daughter, but representative of something else. What else in your life is precious to you? Do you have a new project, a new hobby or job that you fear you will have to give up? Your sense of loss may not be so literal as it initially seems. If you would like me to go a bit deeper, drop me an email and I would be happy to see if I can help.
In the meantime, I will write a blog entry tomorrow about the common dream symbol of the lost baby, and maybe there will be something of interest for you there as well.
All the best Angela!
Hi Dream Wizard! Thanks for your thoughts on my dreams! I haven’t had them since, so maybe I’ve been gaining confidence and doing a better job of caring for myself as well
I had a dream recently where I was in a hospital room with another lady who was the patient. I don’t know if I was the Doula, the adoptive mother, or just the wet nurse, but they brought me the baby to breastfeed, and it had two heads, i.e., it was conjoined twins with one body. I had to figure out how to position the baby/babies, and I realized that even though the babies had one stomach, that both mouths needed to suck, so I was going to have to work out a schedule to feed both babies on both sides. Later in the dream I went to a buffet dinner with my husband, and I was worried that they had put the baby in a chaffing dish instead of a bassinet.
That’s great news Angela! As we make changes in our lives, we should also see our dreams changing to reflect this. So am glad to hear you are taking good care of yourself and feeling good!
All the best!