Balancing a Baby and a Beautiful Home
November 2, 2009 by Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor
Filed under mothering
Here’s my philosophy on balancing the responsibilities of a baby and the housecleaning: Your only job as the parent of an infant is not to cross the line from untidy to unsafe. I have found that being the type of parent I want to be has required me to lower my standards when it comes to keeping a home.
Photo by Easternblot
When my child is an infant, my child comes first — first before the dirty dishes in the sink, and first before the unfolded laundry. Those dirty dishes don’t pose a hazard to my baby, nor does the unfolded laundry. So when my baby needs to be nursed, changed, carried or otherwise tended, the baby comes first. And when the baby naps, my needs come next. My needs do not include a sparkling clean home, but rather are often a hot bath, a rest, or eating food when I actually have the opportunity to savor the flavor and not just inhale it.
Now that my baby is a toddler, my standards are rising in keeping with my abilities. My 15-month-old can play independently while I wash her lunch tray and do the dishes. That often was not the case when my daughter was first starting solid foods. The second she started fussing in her high chair or in my lap, we stopped lunch and moved on to her next need — to be cleaned, changed, or entertained. Feeding time needed to be a happy time, and I wasn’t about to let her fuss in her high chair while I tried to clean up. The tray and dishes often went forgotten for hours. Yes it would have been easier to clean them right away, but I prioritized my baby’s immediate needs over the need to keep things sparkling clean at all times. This was true when my baby was an only child, but was even more so when I had two children (and now three).
How does breastfeeding play into all of this? I think breastfeeding makes everything easier. I didn’t have any bottles to sterilize, and breast milk stains are a lot easier to get out of clothes than f*ormula stains! I rested while my baby nursed, and I benefited from the feel-good breastfeeding hormones.
What about you? Have your standards of clean changed since you’ve become a parent?
It is such a relief to hear another Mother say these words…you just have no idea!
I constantly feel the need to defend myself when people come over and there are dishes over flowing from my sink or when I have 3 loads of laundry that need to be folded or put away. But i know that in order for my child to come first, yes the housework will have to suffer.
I really think there is so much pressure out there today for women to be “perfect” and these celebrity moms make it look so easy like they’ve really got it together (no one sees photos of the nanny or maid of course). But in the real world, is it truly possible to “do it all” without compromising the time you could be spending with your child?
This is a battle that plays out in my head all day everyday… In the end all I have to do is look at my daughters sweet little face, bored to tears in her high chair as I stand at the sink, soap up to my elbows. ” Heck, these can wait,” I say. “Let’s go outside and dig in the dirt.”. She claps her hands and smiles as I unbuckle her…. having a clean house has never given me as much joy as these precious times with my child..
Amber P
It is true that it’s hard to nurse and multi-task! I enjoyed those times of just cuddling and forced relaxation. I totally agree with you–the mother being healthy and whole is much more important than having a sparkling clean household and a psychotically tired mom!
I learned this lesson while I was pregnant, too, and chose to make taking care of myself and concentrating on making a healthy baby my number one priority. When I was tired, I rested, and I made smart food and exercise choices a big goal. I realized this was a good lesson for me overall, and taught me how I should have been taking care of myself all the time. Now that our little one is here (11 days old already!) I have absolutely no illusions about what my priorities are — to keep him fed, clean, happy, and safe, and next to recover physically from the birth and feed myself well, and finally to do anything else *if* I have the energy and desire to do. Years from now we won’t remember how nicely the carpet was vacuumed or whether dishes sat in the sink for days, but the wonderful moments we’ve had with our son and the comfort we have in knowing we gave him every attentive moment he wanted and needed. I’m also learning to say an emphatic “yes, please!” when friends offer to cook or clean for us in these first few weeks!