Breastfeeding Advocacy Questions
August 9, 2007 by Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor
Filed under breastfeeding, nursing in public, toddler nursing
Here are the breastfeeding advocacy questions on my mind today: when I attend a breastfeeding support group meeting, should I attempt to refrain from breastfeeding my 2.5-year-old so as not to shock or possibly alienate the new mothers? What about toddler nursing in public? Does it open people’s eyes about the prevalence and duration of breastfeeding and advance the cause of nursing in public, or does toddler nursing set back the cause?
I don’t make a point of nursing in public or nursing anywhere for that matter. I simply respond to my toddler’s needs, whenever and wherever she has them. There are times when I might be able to distract her when ordinarily I would nurse her. Certainly I could delay nursing until I reach a more private location.
It just saddens me a bit — a breastfeeding support group is the one place where I would expect to be able to nurse my child without hesitation. Unfortunately, there seems to be an age where that’s no longer true. I’ve had one person suggest to me that toddler nursing in the support group meeting interferes with the mission of promoting breastfeeding. Is there a line after which breastfeeding should be closeted, even at a breastfeeding support group meeting? Where is the line — at what age?
In my opinion you’ve answered your own question with this line: “I simply respond to my toddler’s needs, whenever and wherever she has them.”
Now granted my one and only child is only a year old so I can’t say I’ve been in your shoes. Who knows how I’ll feel about NIP a year and a half from now. But I personally feel that your breastfeeding relationship with your child is your business and no one elses. Why should your child suffer confusion or feel rejected for someone else’s comfort level? What’s important is your child’s well being and YOUR comfort level. If you feel self-conscious in present company then by all means find a private location or distract your child to a later point. But if you want to bf then go right ahead!
Thanks for the support! I needed that today!
This exact issue came up at my last LLL meeting. The mix of people was unusual that night: three pregnant women and about 5 nursing toddlers all above 18 months old. One little girl even had a birthday; she turned 2. One of the pregnant women was a first time mom-to-be and the other had a 5 year old who was running around, but was not able to nurse him long, mostly because of lack of support. She was hoping LLL will help her go longer with her upcoming baby. The third pregnant woman was a doula and was still nursing her 3 1/2 year old. I was there with my 22 month old.
We were conducting the meeting as usual but I sensed that the newcomers might be a bit overwhelmed by what they were seeing. Walking talking small people lifting their mother’s shirts or asking “Can I nurse?”. I tried to put myself in their shoes. Even though I intended to breastfeed when I was pregnant (and I liked the way self-weaning sounded when I read about it) I had never really seen a toddler nurse. The first time I saw “big kids” nursing at LLL I was a bit “weirded out”.
So I decided to bring it up. I said something like this:
“I want to address the fact that we happen to have a lot of older kids nursing here tonight, and how that might seem to a mom who has never nursed a one month old, let alone a one or two year old….” Then we talked about how there is no pressure to nurse this long and LLL’s mission is to support every mom in her nursing goals, be they 3 months or 3 years.
We also pointed out that these babies grow one day at a time. Its not like suddenly at age 12 months they become “too old” overnight. We talked about how nursing is a relationship and how it is really about “mutual desire” so that if it gets too annoying or bothersome for the mom, and she wants to stop then weaning is appropriate. Breastfeeding should never be something that is not mutual.
The woman who had a hard time with her first son responded that she thought it was wonderful that we “were willing to put up with it for so long” (LOL) and so we continued the discussion by pointing out that no one feels like they are “putting up” with anything. That if that were the case, then the relationship would not be mutual, etc.
I think these are fair things to bring up and discuss. Maybe at your next meeting, when your daughter starts to nurse, you could open it up as a point of discussion. “I imagine many of you have probably never seen a toddler nurse, and it may make you uncomfortable.” and if you can relate, like before your first daughter was born, did you think toddler nursing was foreign, weird?
I think by talking about it, it stops being the elephant in the room, and makes people more comfortable with it. My LLL meetings allow dads to attend and by the end of our discussion even the men were nodding and understanding.
Good luck!
Well said, Eilat. I think it would make a great discussion. Perhaps I need to have a talk first with the one person who really has an issue with it (not with extended breastfeeding - she nurses her 5 year old - but with nursing in front of the new moms). We need to be on the same page before it is ever brought up at a meeting.
I think it is entirely appropriate to nurse a toddler ESPECIALLY in a breastfeeding support meeting. In my experience, I attended my first LLL meeting when pregnant and that is the first time I saw a toddler nursing and I WAS shocked. I had never seen such a thing before - in our uptight culture - it gave me a lot to think about. I am currently nursing my now-17-month-old like crazy and believe me, it has not crossed either of our minds to wean. I have seen many more toddlers nursing since then, but that first time was a real eye-opener, and I am grateful to that mother for helping me to learn what I didn’t know I didn’t know…
Interesting, Amy! I’m glad to hear that seeing toddler nursing, as shocking as it was at first, eventually led you to toddler nursing as well!
Well, yes, and that’s the point - sadly, in our culture it IS shocking even for a mother-to-be living in a relatively “crunchy” community to see a walking, talking kid eat some hot dogs and then settle in for a nurse. I actually have shared this experience with a lot of folks along the way to prepare them for what they would eventually witness me doing as my baby gets older. I continue to nurse her in public at this point - did so only this morning - and I think it is important for people to see. Maybe “startling” is a better word - only because most people simply have never considered a toddler as a nurseable baby still - we must all do our part to educate in our own little pods, and perhaps when our children are parents they will find it funny that we ever found it startling - I’m optimistic.
I think Eliat’s got the bull by the horns, and handled that particular situation really well.
I also think your situation is a little different, Angela. You and this other person need to be on the same page.
If I had seen a nursing toddler when I went to my first LLL meeting at seven months pregnant, I’m sure I would have been startled, too. But I went on to nurse my daughter until she was 3 1/2 - and I’m sure she’d still be nursing if medical issues hasn’t forced me to wean her.