How to Talk So Kids Will Listen: A Review

The classic parenting book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish is as relevant and helpful today as it was when it first came out 30 years ago. The descriptions, examples and cartoons offer straightforward information that parents can put into practice right away. Readers can invest time in the practice exercises or simply skim the summaries for an overview or a brief refresher.

Throughout the chapters on “Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings,” “Engaging Cooperation,” and “Alternatives to Punishment” I found myself dog-earring pages and scribbling notes in the margins:

Prevention not punishment.

Punishment versus natural consequences.

Give child a way to make amends.

Teach them the problem-solving skill.

This book has helped me transition from being the mother of a breastfed toddler whose two’s weren’t all that terrible, to the mother of a four-year-old and a seven-year-old who challenge my parenting skills daily. When I have the presence of mind to employ one of the techniques suggested in the book, I notice how it diffuses conflict rather than escalating it. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen equips parents with helpful communication skills, and it will remain one of my favorite attachment parenting references.