Independence and the Breastfed Child

Independence is the topic for this month’s theme day here at the Health and Wellness Channel. When I first heard the topic, it struck a chord with me. I felt a little rant welling up on this subject. You see, I get the distinct impression that some people associate breastfeeding with a dependence on the mother. An unhealthy dependence, one that somehow keeps the child unnaturally close and clingy and unable to separate or venture out to explore and make friends with confidence. It irks me when I sense that, because I have found the exact opposite to be true. Breastfeeding, and the attachment parenting philosophy that often accompanies it, can give children the self-confidence and security to be independent! The nursling feels safe to run off to explore a new situation because she knows she can come back to the security and comfort of the breast. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that mothers need to be breastfeeding to provide security to their children! Far from it! I’m just saying that breastfeeding is one way to provide the security necessary to help a child on the path to independence, and that breastfeeding is not a crutch or hindrance to independence.

I happen to be a particularly shy person. I worried about helping my children make friends and I hoped that they wouldn’t suffer from a crippling shyness. Now that my older two are three and six years of age, I am happy to report that I have gotten several comments from friends who say, “Your children make friends so easily!” “Your children aren’t shy!” Those things are often said by someone with younger children — ones who still want to stay by mommy’s side at the park. At first I smile and think back to myself about how my children were just like hers, wanting to stay by me, coming to me for a cuddle and a nursing session in between activities. And then I try to explain to the mommy, looking wistfully at my now-independent children, that by giving my children the gift of security at my side in the beginning, we all benefited from a greater independence later on.

For evidence of this, see this question from a breastfeeding mother who wrote about her daughter’s growing independence, and this story about the time my then four-year-old made it quite clear my presence was no longer necessary!