Musical Beds in the Attachment Parenting and Breastfeeding Family
July 26, 2007 by Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor
Filed under breastfeeding, sleep
Do other parents in attachment parenting and breastfeeding families play an unwitting game of “musical beds” each night? My husband joked the other day that he never knows what person he will wake up next to in the morning!
We’ve gone through all sorts of permutations over the years: co-sleeper next to our bed, baby in our bed, toddler in our bed, toddler on a twin mattress next to our king mattress with both of our mattresses on the floor, toddler on a mattress on the floor but our mattress up on the bed frame.
Nowadays the night starts off like this. My husband and I sleep in our king-sized bed in our room, my 5-year-old sleeps in her twin bed in her room, and my 2.5-year-old sleeps in a queen-sized bed in her room. At some point during the night, the 5-year-old joins us in our bed. If she manages to climb in between my husband and me instead of on the other side of my husband, I eventually get tired of getting kicked and I move to her bed. Usually by 6 a.m. or so, my 2.5-year-old wakes up to nurse, and I sleep another 2 hours with her in the queen bed.
I realize that I have total control over whether my kids are allowed to join our bed and/or stay in our bed, and where we all sleep each night. We do what works for our family, and we’re happy with it. (I’m a lot happier with it now that my toddler has night-weaned and sleeps a good 8-hour stretch without nursing!)
What are the sleeping arrangements in your household?
In our house, my husband and I sleep in the queen sized bed with my ten month old. My almost three year old sleeps on a crib mattress on the floor (her choice). About half way through the night my toddler will join us in the bed. Sometimes if I feel overwhelmingly crowded (about two or three times a week) I will go and sleep on the couch.
Co sleeping has worked wonderfully for us and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I have never co-slept with any of my children, even though I nursed my first child until he self weaned at 22 months. My oldest is in a twin bed in his room and the 5 month old is in her crib in her room. I never really learned how to nurse laying down and my husband and I don’t really like the idea of a crowded bed. I’m a light sleeper and don’t think I would get any rest that way.
I am very tired of our sleeping arrangements. My husband is so tired of them that he actually has opted out entirely and just sleeps in another bedroom by himself. I don’t know how to move away from cosleeping now, with my 22-month old daughter, without letting her cry it out, which I’m apparently not willing to do.
I miss sleeping with my husband. My daughter still wakes up to nurse occasionally at night, and that disturbs his sleep and leaves him working at a lower capacity all day the next day, which means more time away from home. He does everything he can to maximize time at home, and if that means sleeping by himself, he does it.
I would love to move my daughter to her own bed. My son got moved to his own bed at some point, but it took a long time to transition him. He sometimes sleeps with me and my daughter, but not often. Usually just if he wets his bed. I never change sheets in the middle of the night!
I loved cosleeping with both of my kids, and my husband has gone along with it because I loved it so much, but was not willing to tolerate broken sleep so slept elsewhere. I’m ready to sleep with him again, and I’m ready for my daughter to be in her own bed (in our room), but I don’t know how to do it in a gentle fashion.
I’m very frustrated about this right now.
We have musical beds going on in our house. Currently, I sleep with our newborn daughter in our bed. My husband primarily sleeps in the spare bedroom. My 21 month old son, a former co-sleeper, sleeps primarily in his crib but will happily sleep my husband when given the choice – which is quite frequent. My husband is from India, a land of co-sleepers so he doesn’t understand this obsession with having kids sleep in different beds and rooms.
We don’t mind these arrangements – we all get plenty of sleep and our kids are small. It’s temporary and frankly, we love snuggling with our kids. They’ll be grown before we know it.
I just found this website after typing in gentle sleeping techniques. My husband and I sleep with our 21 month old son, who thankfully sleeps through the night now that he’s been weaned (17 months). Our biggest problem is that it takes ages (on average an hour, sometimes more, sometimes less) to get him to sleep. We lie with him, which I love but the time it takes is worrying as I’m 17 weeks pregnant and wondering how I’ll manage this with a newborn. Any suggestions would be most appreciated.
Yea, musical beds describes it for us! My partner sleeps on the couch so much – the three of us in bed is just crowded. I am seeking a better option for myself and others. Our 15 month old goes from crib to bed and sometimes back or opposite. She cant sleep alone in a bed yet safely. I fantasize about a “crib-bed” for several purposes. A twin or larger bedwith crib railings all around. This would keep her in her bed more, my partner in HIS (our) bed more, and mostly me moving from my bed to babys bed and back. PLUS when I amm exhausted I could nurse / nap with her in her crib / bed while she might not fall asleep! I think the safety regulations would be difficult given adult body weight and moving around – need a special mattress to not have baby – especially a small one – lodge between mattress and sideboards if a large adult uses it and causes the mattress to “sink” in the middle / go up on the sides. If we went for a 2 month / 10 pound minimum for baby and a ??? 200 ?? or more? pound maximum for adults perhaps it could be designed. I think no company wants thr liability of this for the person who might get in the bed drunk and crush the baby. Maybe we could start a company and have an application review and require references saying the person does not drink heavily ever. And make bold labels that are illegal to remove! What do you think?