Now I Just Cuddle on Demand

Today’s guest post comes from Kate at Babylune. She tells the beautiful story of how she has found creative and loving ways to identify and meet her daughter’s needs throughout the weaning process.

Now I Just Cuddle on Demand

Weaning. I’ve wanted to do it for almost a year, but I am just getting around to it now. My daughter is almost 2 years-old.

Weaning, many women will tell you, is completely unnecessary. Children, they maintain, stop when they want to. Which, in my experience of watching children left completely to their own devices, is when they are 4 or 5 years-old. Others believe that if there is milk in the breast, it is there for the woman’s child, or children, to drink. I understand and respect those beliefs.

That said, I work. My daughter really doesn’t mind being away from me for between 5 and 8 hours a day. She could always ensure that my milk supply stayed in production by waking up during the night to nurse. And, not because she was hungry. She can open the fridge, take out her favorite drinkable yogurt, open it and drink it all by herself.

When my older son was a little over a year old, it took three nights of offering him water during night wakings before he started sleeping through. After three nights of trying the same thing with my daughter a year ago, I gave up and just offered her the breast. Recently, I tried it again and it took about three weeks to get her sleeping from 10PM to 6:00AM without a break.

We’re now down to one very short breastfeeding session immediately before bed for the night. Getting here has not been easy.

I understood that I would need to set a feeding schedule in order to eliminate one nursing session at a time. This meant, paying attention to other clues when my daughter asked to nurse. My older son refused to eat anything except a single dish of mashed potatoes with cheese and spinach at lunch until he was 18 months-old. Continuing to nurse him until just past his second birthday was essential to prevent him from starving.

My daughter, again, was different. Her nursing seemed to have nothing to do with the need for nourishment. I learned that when she asked to nurse, she wanted quiet time; she wanted my undivided attention, she wanted to go to sleep; or just a reflective break from figuring out the world. Breastfeeding does offer safety, calm, and love, but it is not the only way to give a child what he or she needs, it’s just the easiest way.

I’ve since discovered an alternative. I call it cuddling on demand. The best part is that I can ask for it as often as I give it. I like this mutually rewarding phase of family life. We never have to wean ourselves off hugs.