Remaining Attached after Weaning

October is Attachment Parenting Month and I could not pass up this opportunity to talk about some ways to stay close to your children after they have weaned. Attachment Parenting International explains:

“Attached at the Heart Through the Years” is the theme for AP Month 2009 and a statement that healthy, secure attachments between parents and children is a dynamic process that extends throughout childhood and does not end with baby bonding. During AP Month, parents are challenged to re-examine their daily activities and traditions and learn new ways to grow with each other and remain close and supportive.

I found breastfeeding to be a natural and easy way to bond with my children and to stay close to them through toddlerhood. Remaining close and attached was practically effortless during that time. The real challenge came after each child had weaned. Of course we could still hug and kiss and snuggle, but staying attached to active and independent children requires some additional attention.

Five Ways to Promote Attachment with the Older Child

1. Read to your child. Of course we read to our children when they have not yet learned to read, but it’s important to continue reading to your children even after they can read to themselves. Reading with your children not only promotes vocabulary building and comprehension, but it also offers the opportunity for snuggling together on the couch or in bed, and gives the children the gift of your undivided attention. Sitting quietly and talking with a child about a book often leads to the child talking about other things like her friends and school. Favorite reads in our family have been Little House on the Prairie, Caddie Woodlawn, Pippi Longstocking, and The Swiss Family Robinson.

2. Establish traditions. Holiday and everyday traditions bring family members together and lend a sense of stability and security to the family. In my house our traditions center around food! Wednesday nights we have a “feast” made from the contents of the Community-Supported Agriculture basket we pick up Wednesday afternoons. Friday night is pizza night (I love this pizza dough recipe from Allrecipes.com — it makes three crusts so I can use one and freeze the other two portions of dough for future pizza nights! If you want you can substitute an additional cup of whole wheat flour for one cup of the all-purpose.) Saturday morning we have a special breakfast, often these oatmeal pancakes which can be made fresh or frozen ahead of time and popped in the toaster. The kids look forward to these special meals. Best of all we are guaranteed to all sit down at the table together, a practice that many studies show is important for staying connected as a family and keeping children out of trouble at school.

3. Embrace the outdoors. Many of our happiest family memories are of the times we have gone on a bike ride, taken a hike, or spent the weekend camping. This is one of the best ways for the whole family to be entertained and enjoy spending time together. The fresh air and exercise are bonuses!

4. Spend time in the kitchen. Even young children love working in the kitchen with Mom or Dad. My kids often help with the preparation of the family tradition meals mentioned above. At the suggestion of Family Fun magazine I have taken these shared cooking activities one step further by taking pictures of us cooking particular favorite recipes. I plan to compile the recipes and photos in a special family “cookbook” for the children to have when they are older.

5. Snuggle for bedtime and consider co-sleeping. My seven- and four-year-old girls enjoy the sense of security they get when they are peacefully snuggled to sleep each night. After story time, either I or their dad snuggles them to sleep. Half the time the adult will fall asleep too, but often after five to ten minutes of snuggling, both girls will be asleep and the adult gets up to have a nice, quiet evening. It’s such a small investment of time on the parent’s part and yet it’s so meaningful to the child. I don’t understand why some parents would rather listen to their child cry than spend those precious moments snuggling in bed. It’s a privilege to have your children want to be with you, and it’s a privilege I intend to work hard to continue to earn as my children grow older.

Staying “attached at the heart through the years” is a joy for the whole family!