Shame on Parents Magazine
April 18, 2009 by Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor
Filed under activism, nursing in public
The debate rages on about breastfeeding in public and whether or not nursing mothers need to be “discreet.” Jennifer B. wrote in to share her concern:
“In the latest issue of Parents Magazine (May 2009), on page 106, there is a blurb about nursing in public. It really made my hair curl! The paragraph, part of the Manners section, asks the question, “It is okay to nurse my baby in a restaurant?” Jana Banin, the etiquette columnist, says, ”Yes, as long as you’re discreet: Think scarves, shawls, dark booths, or quiet corner tables. No doubt you crave brunch as much as your baby craves milk, and there’s no reason why choosing to breastfeed has to mean months without eggs Benedict. In fact, you deserve it.” While I agree with the sentiment of the answer (it’s okay to nurse in public), the first sentence of her response qualifies when it’s okay, meaning it’s not always okay! I would love if a bunch of nursing moms emailed her and corrected her position! What she is saying undermines moms who may want to nurse but are wary of public nursing, and undermines the effort many women put into getting the general public to be accepting of nursing moms. Her email is manners@parentsmag.com. We shouldn’t need to feel ashamed about nursing in public, or made to feel as though we need to hide in dark corners of restaurants or cover up with a conspicuous shawl to feed our children! Who wants to eat covered up anyway??”
Jennifer B., I share your concern and thank you for bringing the column to my attention! Here is what I have emailed to the magazine in response:
“When you were asked, “Is it okay to nurse my baby in a restaurant?” (May 2009), a better answer would have been, “Yes, in fact the right of a mother and baby to breastfeed in public is statutorily protected by law in the majority of states, regardless of whether or not the mother is being “discreet” by anyone else’s standards. Etiquette defines the rules of socially acceptable behavior. Unfortunately, some people find breastfeeding in public socially unacceptable. However, etiquette in this case does not require the mother to accommodate those people. Instead, etiquette defines what those people should do when they witness breastfeeding in public. The polite thing for those people to do is to avert their gaze and let everyone eat in peace.”
Parents Magazine should support breastfeeding mothers and babies by reminding people that it is acceptable behavior to nurse in public freely. The more women are able to perform that most basic act of nurturing their babies in public, the more it will become socially acceptable.
Sincerely,
Angela White”
Nearing six months of nursing, I am getting more and more tired of hearing stuff like this! My little one just throws off any blanket I put on top of her–sorry! Sorry that America is full of prudes who think nursing is not natural. Sigh.
Thank you Angela for such a well-crafted response! I am still trying to formulate my own personal response to the column. There are so many issues here- breastfeeding law, the right of a child to eat, fairness (no one asks a bottle-feeding parent to be “discreet”) etc. I am having a hard time not writing a complete manifesto! I hope people write in to Parents with equally good comments!
I agree. Junk like this is why I let my mainstream magazine subs run out and got Mothering Magazine instead. I LOVE Mothering.
What I just sent to Miss Manners:
From: Betsy Yates
Date: Sun, Apr 19, 2009 at 10:33 AM
Subject: Public nursing
To: “manners@parentsmag.com”
The breast my baby munches on is no more offensive than the Eggs
Benedict folks are shoveling in their pie holes at a restaurant for
brunch. At least my little spud doesn’t chew with his mouth open. Yet.
–
Typing with one hand, baby in the other. Decode accordingly.
I am not opinionated about much except the passion I feel for a few things…
…that make my toes curl:
1. Pushing of epidurals (this is why we have a higher instance of C-sections in our country than other countries.). This is the same midset that frowns of nursing in public.
2. While I don’t choose “co-sleep” with my daughter, I think it is a natural process. People in the U.S. seemed to be generally dumb-founded if you co-sleep with your child. In fact, most other countries in the world co-sleep with their children until they are 5!
3. Breastfeeding. It is natural. There is nothing offensive about it! Don’t stare if you don’t want to see. Period. I don’t like it when someone picks there nose at a restaurant, so I don’t stare at them. People seem to make less of a deal out of things that are truly offensive as that. Furthermore, when people suggest you should starve your child until you can get home to feed, it just amazes me. I breastfeed anywhere. If you ask me to cover up in a public place, I will look at you with a blank stare until you uncomfortably walk away from me and my child. It is so ridiculous that it doesn’t even warrant me opening my mouth to defend my choice to give my child the best possible nourishment available to them to make them strong and healthy physically and emotionally.
Whoo-hoo! You tell ‘em Angela! I love your response.
Well, this won’t be the first tee’d off letter I’ve written to this magazine.
Nursing in public is a protected status in most states now. It is our basic right. This magazine may as well tell people it’s “okay” to be a minority in public as long as you’re discreet about it. What a totally ignorant author. Clearly the LAW does not require me to be discreet by your standards, and if you try to tell me so in the state of IL I can take action. So just try it, lady!
Here’s some more contact information if you want it:
Editor-in-Chief: Dana Points, dana@parentsmag.com
Letters to the Editor: mailbag@parentsmag.com . They ask that you please include your daytime phone number, city and state or province.
Excellent response! Write on!
Excellent responses, Jennifer and Angela! I hope they print them!