Stand Up for Yourself and Your Baby
December 5, 2007 by Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor
Filed under breastfeeding, breastfeeding stories, nursing in public
Do you support breastfeeding in public? What does “public” include? The mall, the park, a restaurant? What about in church (or any house of worship)? That last category seems to be really problematic. Some churchgoers feel very strongly opposed to babies breastfeeding in church. Apparently babies belong in the nursery or the “cry room” (what an awful name). Personally, I think people should focus on the sermon and not on the nursing mother and baby. I can’t imagine nursing is so distracting (certainly not any more so than a crying baby being rushed out of the service). Furthermore, it can be terribly devastating to a breastfeeding mother to be approached by a fellow parishioner or even part of the clergy about this issue. Church is supposed to be a supportive environment. Whether or not a particular church member supports breastfeeding in public, that member should support the breastfeeding mother and baby as part of the community. If breastfeeding allows the mother and child to attend services, I would think that activity would be condoned. I know not everyone shares my opinion (feel free to leave your own opinion in the comments).
Sarah wrote to share her story about breastfeeding in church:
I am 21 years old! I have two girls and love them both. I had my first daughter when I was a senior in high school. Her name is Brooke and she is 2 1/2 years old. She will turn 3 the day after Christmas. I just had my second baby 4 weeks ago. My little baby’s name is Rylie. On Sunday my husband and I went to church with both kids for the first time since the new baby had come. Rylie start to cry so I took her to the bathroom and changed her diaper. She was still crying so I knew that I would have to feed her. I went ahead and went back to where my family and I were sitting. I started to get ready for breastfeeding Rylie for the first time in public. The older lady who was sitting right behind me put her hand on my shoulder and told me that there is a baby room where I can feed my baby. I turned around and in a nice way I told her that I was going to do it right here. She got up and took her grandchild to another spot in church. After the mass was over we were walking out and this lady came up to me and said, “I have been coming here for a long long time and if you are going to breastfeed you should go and do that in the baby/crying room.” I told her as mother I have the right to feed wherever I am and that if she does not want to see me feed my baby then she does not need to sit near me.
Sarah, you know you have my support. I am glad you were able to stay calm and respond respectfully but firmly.
What do you all think?
Photo Credit: Janet Burgess
Good for Sarah!
I have nursed just about everywhere– as discreetly as possibly– including the church we attend (Christian Church- Disciples of Christ) and my grandparents church (Catholic). I do leave my son in the nursery/child care during the service now that he is mobile so I can focus on the service, but I have absolutely no problem feeding him there either. And he goes to “school” there while I work, and I have nursed him in his classroom. In church especially, I try to be discreet, and obviously I am not walking around with my breast hanging out, but I do not cover up with a blanket or anything either.
Other places– basketball games, football games, tailgating, parks, airplanes (thank goodness for nursing!), airports, stores, dining out… yeah… did I say just about everywhere? LOL!
Once again, good job Sarah and an internet high five your direction!
Good for Sarah! I’m so glad she stood up for herself. I have nursed my son in a variety of places. We do not attend church so I haven’t had that particular experience. I think that as long as she is being discreet, which most mothers are, that it is no big deal.
Plus if that woman was sitting behind her I doubt she could even see anything with the way most church pews are. How did she even know what she was doing in the first place.
I’m so sorry that Sarah had such a negative experience at church! My sakes!
I feel blessed to have had good experiences while nursing at church. Once I was nursing in the lobby (instead of the mother’s lounge… which is for those mums that don’t feel comfortable nursing in front of everyone), and a member of our bishopric came over and gave my son a kiss on the head as my boy nursed away.
I thought that this spoke more than any words as to how strongly our ward supported its sisters and their efforts in motherhood … And this is from a church that gets quite a bit of flack about how women are treated (Latter-Day Saints — and I have to say that I have never felt belittled in the least, fwiw ^_^).
Another time, as I nursed my daughter in the lobby, another mother mentioned that there was the mother’s lounge … and I said that I knew. And she immediately followed up with that she wouldn’t want to nurse in there either (which made me laugh a little).
If any mother is given any flack, I’d vote for them to turn to their persecutor and calmly mention to him/her/them that Jesus was breastfed. And, where in the Bible (or any other canon scriptures) is it forbidden? … Since I’m all rebellious like that.
Really, where else would a more fitting place to nurse BE than church, nourishing one’s body and one’s soul?
Way to go Sarah.
For the first couple of months, I took up an offer to use an office. I’m glad that I did, becasue another nursing Mom was there and we struck up a friendship.
Towards the end, I would just nurse in the pew and maybe once or twice I went up for communion while nursing. I never used a cover because that only draws attention to you and makes it MORE obvious of what’s happening.
As a breastfeeding mother and a Christian, my main concern about breastfeeding in public is that I would offend someone, and I would hate to do that. I am also very modest and chose not to breastfeed in public (although it doesn’t bother me at all to see someone else doing it).
As Allanna points out, it is important to note that Jesus was breastfed. He had to have been nursed and for quite some time given that bottles, formula, or sterilization equipment likely weren’t available in his manger. When I picture the Virgin Mary, Jesus’ mother, I picture her as the very essence of what it means to nurture a child, including breastfeeding. I wonder what she would have to say on the topic of nursing in public and, more specifically, in a house of worship.
As a recent visitor at Catholic Mass, I was shown a nice leather couch surrounded by windows where I could nurse. While one would have to miss the sermon entirely to nurse there, it was specifically a nurisng couch and was not hidden in any way. I appreciated the forethought that went in to that little piece of furniture.
Whether you decide to nurse in front of your fellow parishioners or not, I think women should have the choice to, without comment or concern from others, freely nurse their babes while worshipping their God. I think that’s what God would want, but I’m no expert.
I’m a mother of a nursing 13.5 month old. I have always nursed in the nursery. Since I’m of only a handful of mothers who’ve breastfed beyond a week I didn’t want to make an issue of it. Case in point since the nursery worker can’t just give my son a bottle I haven’t heard an entire sermon in over a year.
I find the attitude that I’m doing something wrong or ‘icky’ odd considering God designed my body to work this way and my baby to want my milk…. feeling the cold shoulder of being the ‘breastfeeding mother’ or ’still breastfeeding’(which I got when he was 3 months old no less) has led to me choosing to go to church less because my son and I aren’t really welcome. Well we are unless he wants to eat – then it’s expected me hide away.
As for modesty I can breastfeed without showing any skin without a blanket – the tee shirt nursing tank combo works well. So it’s not a modesty issue. As for causing a man to stumble or whatever – should all those women who wear open toed shoes stop just in case a man with a foot fetish happens to attend the church?
Why is it my fault American society has sexualized the breast to the point some won’t breastfeed or don’t like the idea of it as a result.
I am a mother to 3 breastfed children & i have nursed them when they are hungry and we are out. In fact my youngest is 1 yr old and he is nusing as I write this comment. My oldest is 13 and my ex would make me hide in the bedroom to feed him if we had company, but if he wasn’t around I nursed anywhere and I nursed him for 23 months. My husband now is very supportive of breastfeeding and if the baby is hungry then I feed the baby so I feel very lucky. My middle child is 3 and 1/2 and I nursed her till she was 14 months. My youngest I am just taking it day by day with when to wean. I have nursed the 2 youngest in church and have not gotten any negative feedback from any one in fact I nursed my son on christmas eve. I too feel that it is only natural to feed the baby like God intended and yes there are crying rooms but breastfeeding should not be made for a woman to feel that they have to hide from people when they do it just because of the way society has made people look at breast. If you think about some of the paintings during certain time periods(renisance) they depict woman who are nursing and people thought nothing of it. I have a sling and this summer we visited my parents in FL and went to Kennedy space center and Disney and I nursed in but places with the swing & no one said anything to me which was nice. In fact my mom was asking to make sure he was covered and no one would see him & I told her that my son was ok and you couldn’t see. So I support breastfeeding anywhere & if I were ever asked to leave which I haven’t yet I would stick up for my child and myself since it is our right to feed our children the way we choose either breas or bottle.
Breastfeeding in public is impolite. You wouldn’t use the restroom in front of other people, would you? Private things are private. Also, having babies making noises in places where other people are trying to focus IS very distracting. And for that matter if you don’t think pulling out your breast in church is distracting, you are oblivious!