Breastfeeding 1-2-3 » bottles

Anti-Bottlefeeding Coalition Denounces Eating Freely

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 09:54:27 +0000

Listen up people! There has been another sighting of Bottlefeeding In Public (BIP)! Some customers complained to management, but management said BIP was protected by law. So it’s time to get personal. It’s time to launch the Anti-Bottlefeeding Coalition Denounces Eating Freely Campaign (the ABCDEF Campaign for short). Modern society cannot tolerate babies eating from bottles in public! Whether you breastfeed or bottlefeed in the privacy of your own home, in the name of all that is decent, modest, and right, prepare yourself to make the following arguments against BIP:

BIP is unsanitary! You don’t know what’s in that bottle! It could be formula, it could be breast milk, and it could be unsanitary! Who knows whether that bottle was properly prepared. Fight disease, fight BIP!

BIP leads to spitting up! Bottlefeeding a baby in public can lead to copious amounts of spit up. What if a baby spits up and ruins the carpeting or furniture upholstery in a business? You don’t think those Bottlefeeding Parents are going to offer to pay, do you?

BIP leads to, um, other things! Bottlefeeding may be natural, but so is urinating and defecating and you wouldn’t urinate or defecate in public, would you? And what’s worse is bottlefeeding leads to urinating and defecating!

BIP is done to get attention! Be aware, be prepared! Bottlefeeding Parents might try to argue that BIP is done for the baby who needs to eat, but that baby doesn’t need to eat! Bottlefeeding Parents are just doing it for the attention! They whip out that bottle, and sometimes they hold the bottle in full view, including the nipple!

BIP can be done in the bathroom! If a baby really needs to eat, that baby can be fed in the bathroom, preferably in a stall while the Bottlefeeding Parent sits on the toilet. And the Bottlefeeding Parent can eat there too.

BIP should be done under a blanket! Carry a blanket with you at all times so you can offer it to the Bottlefeeding Parent to cover up. If you’re really feeling bold, throw that blanket over the baby without asking! It doesn’t matter if it’s hot under there. It doesn’t matter if the baby can’t see. It doesn’t matter if the baby doesn’t like the blanket. Bottlefeeding should be covered for the comfort of others nearby.

BIP must be discrete. I mean discreet. Discrete? Anyway. I’ll get back to you on this one when I figure out the difference between the usage of discreet and discrete. All I know is Bottlefeeding Parents should have the common courtesy of using discretion.

BIP uses bottles for the wrong purpose. Lots of people are under the mistaken impression that bottles are for feeding babies. We know that bottles are other people’s play toys. Keep bottlefeeding at home so people don’t get the wrong idea!

Ready to join the campaign? Then put on your Parenting Police badge and get out there!

Sponsored post: This post brought to you by “If You Think This Isn’t a Joke Then You’re Off Your Rocker” and the ABCDEF Campaign.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Baby Dolls with Baby Bottles

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 17:00:40 +0000

When my preschooler was three, all she wanted for Christmas was a Baby Born doll (pictured at left). Her friend had a similar Zapf Creation doll, Baby Annabell, and of course my daughter wanted one too. Baby Born comes with a potty and a plastic plate and spoon and even some pretend “food” (don’t get me started about that gooey mess!) It never occurred to me to question the fact that the doll also comes with a pacifier and a baby bottle until other nursing mothers mentioned to me (nicely) that they don’t buy their little girls dolls with bottles. They don’t want to teach their girls that you feed babies with bottles as opposed to breasts or that it’s alright to use pacifiers for newborns or even at all.

If it had occurred to me I suppose I could have tried to throw away the pacifier and the bottle before giving the doll to my daughter but believe me, my daughter knew everything that was supposed to come with that doll. She would have noticed the loss! I could have guided her to another doll but it’s only natural for her to want the same type of doll her friend has.

My daughter will “nurse” her doll–and her little sister for that matter–and if she does bottle-feed the doll she gives her a bottle of expressed breast milk. She doesn’t know that anything else could even go into a baby bottle. (Alright, I confess it’s water in the bottle because that’s how you make Baby Born use the potty, but my daughter does actually pretend that it’s “mum-mum milk”).

So, what about you? Do you let your little girls or boys play with baby dolls that come with baby bottles? If so, do you talk about breastfeeding and pumping and bottles of expressed breast milk?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

More Breastfeeding Humor

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Fri, 24 Nov 2006 10:54:40 +0000

Today’s breastfeeding humor takes us back to an old episode of the sitcom “Mad About You.” In an episode entitled “Breastfeeding,” Jamie and Paul have the following exchange:

Paul gazes wistfully at his daughter at Jamie’s breast.

Jamie [pausing]: There’s tuna salad…

Paul: No, no, thank you! I just, I was wondering…

Jamie: What?

Paul: …how close you are to, you know, using the bottle at all, to any degree.

Jamie: Soon.

Paul: I know soon, but like, like when?

Jamie: Like soon! I don’t want to give this up. I love this!

Paul: Who’s saying give it up? I would never say give it up. I’m saying augment. Augment! The bottle in addition to the breast.

Jamie: Yes, but once they get ahold of the bottle some babies lose interest in the breast.

Paul: She’d have to be nuts!

If you missed yesterday’s breastfeeding humor from our old “Friends” Ross and Chandler, click here. To read other entries in the blog’s humor category, click here.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3