Talk about multi-tasking! I thought some of you might recognize yourselves in this cartoon I hunted down in honor of Cartoonist Day today. I haven’t gone quite this far but I have strolled the aisles of the grocery store while nursing and pushing the cart!

Listen up people! There has been another sighting of Bottlefeeding In Public (BIP)! Some customers complained to management, but management said BIP was protected by law. So it’s time to get personal. It’s time to launch the Anti-Bottlefeeding Coalition Denounces Eating Freely Campaign (the ABCDEF Campaign for short). Modern society cannot tolerate babies eating from bottles in public! Whether you breastfeed or bottlefeed in the privacy of your own home, in the name of all that is decent, modest, and right, prepare yourself to make the following arguments against BIP:

BIP is unsanitary! You don’t know what’s in that bottle! It could be formula, it could be breast milk, and it could be unsanitary! Who knows whether that bottle was properly prepared. Fight disease, fight BIP!

BIP leads to spitting up! Bottlefeeding a baby in public can lead to copious amounts of spit up. What if a baby spits up and ruins the carpeting or furniture upholstery in a business? You don’t think those Bottlefeeding Parents are going to offer to pay, do you?

BIP leads to, um, other things! Bottlefeeding may be natural, but so is urinating and defecating and you wouldn’t urinate or defecate in public, would you? And what’s worse is bottlefeeding leads to urinating and defecating!

BIP is done to get attention! Be aware, be prepared! Bottlefeeding Parents might try to argue that BIP is done for the baby who needs to eat, but that baby doesn’t need to eat! Bottlefeeding Parents are just doing it for the attention! They whip out that bottle, and sometimes they hold the bottle in full view, including the nipple!

BIP can be done in the bathroom! If a baby really needs to eat, that baby can be fed in the bathroom, preferably in a stall while the Bottlefeeding Parent sits on the toilet. And the Bottlefeeding Parent can eat there too.

BIP should be done under a blanket! Carry a blanket with you at all times so you can offer it to the Bottlefeeding Parent to cover up. If you’re really feeling bold, throw that blanket over the baby without asking! It doesn’t matter if it’s hot under there. It doesn’t matter if the baby can’t see. It doesn’t matter if the baby doesn’t like the blanket. Bottlefeeding should be covered for the comfort of others nearby.

BIP must be discrete. I mean discreet. Discrete? Anyway. I’ll get back to you on this one when I figure out the difference between the usage of discreet and discrete. All I know is Bottlefeeding Parents should have the common courtesy of using discretion.

BIP uses bottles for the wrong purpose. Lots of people are under the mistaken impression that bottles are for feeding babies. We know that bottles are other people’s play toys. Keep bottlefeeding at home so people don’t get the wrong idea!

Ready to join the campaign? Then put on your Parenting Police badge and get out there!

Sponsored post: This post brought to you by “If You Think This Isn’t a Joke Then You’re Off Your Rocker” and the ABCDEF Campaign.

Note to self: If you lean in to inspect a painful white spot on your nipple, and hand-express to see if it is a plugged duct, you might just get a squirt of breastmilk in the eye.

For a laugh, watch as big brother Eddie wants his turn breastfeeding (it’s not what you think)!

Thelma and Louise? Lucy and Ethel?

Have you given your “girls” a nickname? Does your nursling have a special name for your breasts? My breasts — and I am sure the world really needs to know this — are called “mum-mums” (interestingly, the same as the name for nursing, “mum-mum,” while the breast milk is called “mum-mum milk,” as opposed to cow’s milk). As a child (long after I weaned) I called my mother’s breasts Mount Fujis!

Leave a comment and humor us with your own nicknames!

By: Chispita_666