Name tag photo by Sanja Gjenero

Thanks to all the Lactnetters for sharing these substitutes for “Lactation Consultant”:

Location consultant (This is probably the most common. One woman was even listed under the real estate section in her local chamber of commerce directory!)
Lactitian
Lactitionist (as in “nutritionist”?)
Lactritionist
“The lactose intolerant – I mean the lactose tolerant – oh you know, what you are!”
Breast Lady
Milk Lady
Itty Bitty Titty Committee (now that had to have been said with love!)
Breastmilk Nurse
The Boob Lady
Lactessa
Lactating Specialist (I suppose that’s appropriate if the LC is, in fact, lactating at the time!)
Breastfed Lady (again, could be true, but might not be!)
Milk Maid (reminds me of this picture)
Breast-est Wonder Woman
Lactating Gal
Milking Lady
Boobyspecialist
Top Dog in Nursing (a compliment if I ever heard one!)
Boob Nurse
The Lactitioner
Lactating Consulting
Nipple Lady (?!)
Breast Coordinator (breastfeeding does take some coordination in the beginning!)
Dairy Queen
One husband even teased his wife about her new “boob job”!

Do you have any to add?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

I sometimes admire my baby’s chubby arms, legs and belly so I suppose it’s not such an awful thing to affectionately call a baby gluttonous. Still, I would think there is a better name out there for a breastfeeding doll. Do you have any suggestions, tongue-in-cheek or otherwise? I have gotten you started with the first name that came to my mind: Suckling Suzy. Yes, yes, it’s an awful name that sounds a bit like the title of an adult film or the name a baby pig. I know you can do better!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

BIP is unsanitary! You don’t know what’s in that bottle! It could be formula, it could be breast milk, and it could be unsanitary! Who knows whether that bottle was properly prepared. Fight disease, fight BIP!

BIP leads to spitting up! Bottlefeeding a baby in public can lead to copious amounts of spit up. What if a baby spits up and ruins the carpeting or furniture upholstery in a business? You don’t think those Bottlefeeding Parents are going to offer to pay, do you?

BIP leads to, um, other things! Bottlefeeding may be natural, but so is urinating and defecating and you wouldn’t urinate or defecate in public, would you? And what’s worse is bottlefeeding leads to urinating and defecating!

BIP is done to get attention! Be aware, be prepared! Bottlefeeding Parents might try to argue that BIP is done for the baby who needs to eat, but that baby doesn’t need to eat! Bottlefeeding Parents are just doing it for the attention! They whip out that bottle, and sometimes they hold the bottle in full view, including the nipple!

BIP can be done in the bathroom! If a baby really needs to eat, that baby can be fed in the bathroom, preferably in a stall while the Bottlefeeding Parent sits on the toilet. And the Bottlefeeding Parent can eat there too.

BIP should be done under a blanket! Carry a blanket with you at all times so you can offer it to the Bottlefeeding Parent to cover up. If you’re really feeling bold, throw that blanket over the baby without asking! It doesn’t matter if it’s hot under there. It doesn’t matter if the baby can’t see. It doesn’t matter if the baby doesn’t like the blanket. Bottlefeeding should be covered for the comfort of others nearby.

BIP must be discrete. I mean discreet. Discrete? Anyway. I’ll get back to you on this one when I figure out the difference between the usage of discreet and discrete. All I know is Bottlefeeding Parents should have the common courtesy of using discretion.

BIP uses bottles for the wrong purpose. Lots of people are under the mistaken impression that bottles are for feeding babies. We know that bottles are other people’s play toys. Keep bottlefeeding at home so people don’t get the wrong idea!

Ready to join the campaign? Then put on your Parenting Police badge and get out there!

Sponsored post: This post brought to you by “If You Think This Isn’t a Joke Then You’re Off Your Rocker” and the ABCDEF Campaign.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Have you given your “girls” a nickname? Does your nursling have a special name for your breasts? My breasts — and I am sure the world really needs to know this — are called “mum-mums” (interestingly, the same as the name for nursing, “mum-mum,” while the breast milk is called “mum-mum milk,” as opposed to cow’s milk). As a child (long after I weaned) I called my mother’s breasts Mount Fujis!

Leave a comment and humor us with your own nicknames!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

By: Chispita_666

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3