Unfortunately, I have been faced with the choice of covering up/leaving the room to nurse or starting a big fight–especially when visiting my husband’s family. I wonder what other breastfeeding advocates do in situations such as this. Do they stand their ground and nurse uncovered? Leave family functions early to make a point?

Good question, and I do not think there is one right answer. Let’s think through the options:

1. Nurse uncovered.
2. Nurse covered.
3. Retreat to a different room.
4. Leave the family function early.

Photo family on the couch by Peterme

For me, the decision would depend on exactly who is uncomfortable with my nursing (the host or another guest?), what my relationship is with him/her (close family, distant relative, good friend, an acquaintance), whether that person is otherwise supportive of me and my parenting, and what I hope my future relationship with that person to be.

Frankly there have been occasions where I have been glad for the excuse to slip away to another room to nurse! I do want it to be my choice however, and in certain situations I would be willing to take a stand, nurse uncovered, and be prepared with some sort of speech should I be questioned about it. “I’m sorry the baby’s nursing makes you uncomfortable. I was having such a nice time talking with everyone and it makes me feel excluded to have to leave when Suzy needs to eat.” Having made my point, I would then wait to see what the objector says and take it from there. If it were the host, and I were again asked to move, I would do so, perhaps with one final expression of, “I respect your wishes. I hope you’ll catch me up on what happens when I’m gone!” Then I would make a decision about whether it is important for me to continue to make an appearance at future family events.

Leaving the function early only hurts the nursing mother and immediate family. It’s unlikely to change anyone else’s mind about whether the mother is welcome to nurse (they’re not going to say, “Gee, I didn’t realize Nursing Mother would leave!”), and it might just make people more questioning of the mother’s “stubborn insistence” on nursing at all costs. That does not educate anyone on why it’s not acceptable to ask someone to cover up or move, and why the baby can’t just take a bottle while in others’ company.

Nursing covered is a non-confrontational compromise, and is certainly a valid option if it is a compromise the mother is willing to make. Retreating to another room also avoids confrontation if the mother is willing to make that sacrifice to keep the peace.

There’s one final option that I didn’t mention above. When it is the husband’s family that objects, it is the husband who should be the one who talks to the family about why it is important for the nursing mother and baby to be welcomed at family events. The nursing mother should not be put in the awkward position of having to defend herself or compromise her beliefs. The husband should show his support by politely speaking to the family members, preferably in advance of the event.

Your Thoughts

What have you done when a family member or friend has objected to your nursing? What affected your decision to take a stand or keep the peace at all costs?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3