Name tag photo by Sanja Gjenero

Thanks to all the Lactnetters for sharing these substitutes for “Lactation Consultant”:

Location consultant (This is probably the most common. One woman was even listed under the real estate section in her local chamber of commerce directory!)
Lactitian
Lactitionist (as in “nutritionist”?)
Lactritionist
“The lactose intolerant – I mean the lactose tolerant – oh you know, what you are!”
Breast Lady
Milk Lady
Itty Bitty Titty Committee (now that had to have been said with love!)
Breastmilk Nurse
The Boob Lady
Lactessa
Lactating Specialist (I suppose that’s appropriate if the LC is, in fact, lactating at the time!)
Breastfed Lady (again, could be true, but might not be!)
Milk Maid (reminds me of this picture)
Breast-est Wonder Woman
Lactating Gal
Milking Lady
Boobyspecialist
Top Dog in Nursing (a compliment if I ever heard one!)
Boob Nurse
The Lactitioner
Lactating Consulting
Nipple Lady (?!)
Breast Coordinator (breastfeeding does take some coordination in the beginning!)
Dairy Queen
One husband even teased his wife about her new “boob job”!

Do you have any to add?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

1. whale milk
2. paladai
3. baby green stool
4. milk in eyes (15 searches for this! Do you think they actually intended to find a post about breast milk in eyes?)
5. worst cities in america
6. the other boleyn girl book quotes
7. bitty booties
8. human rights complaints against delta airlines
9. how to pronounce medela (I knew I couldn’t be the only one who wondered that!)
10. do breast have alveoli

For a good laugh with truly crazy search terms, see:

~ Top 10 Wackiest Search Engine Search Terms
~ Ten More Wacky Search Engine Terms
~ Even More Wacky Search Terms

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

boobs
booby monster
deets (from “You want to eat?”)
I love you (awww!!)
milkies
milky time
mimi’s
mommy moo moo juice
more
mum mum
na
na na’s
neesh
num num
nurse
nursies
nursing
[sign language signs for "milk" or "please"]
side (as in “other side”)
ssss
teca or tica (from the Spanish “tomar tetica” or “drink from the breast”)
two-sies
ursing

Have a nursing nickname to add to the list? Leave a comment!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

1. “angela white n*ude”
I am flattered. Really. But I can promise you will never see n*ude photos of me here. My toddler nursing photo is as close as you will get!

2. “angela the breastfeeding queen”
Okay, now I am really flattered. And a little confused about why there were three searches for this term. But thanks!

3. “angela white pics”
Stop already! I am starting to blush.

4. “a day with angela white”
How did you know I could use some help with the school run, post office, library, pet food store, grocery store, ballet class?

But enough about me (or rather, my obviously fabulous alter egos)….

5. “free breastfeeding”
One of the best things about it!

6. “fish breastfeeding”
I just can’t picture it.

Tanya at The Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog reviews two funny breastfeeding books.
Stacie at The Twinkies worries about just how long toddler nursing will last!
Andi at Mama Knows Breast shares a dads’ irreverant nursing in public video.
Sinead at Breastfeeding Mums tells the story of a pumping multi-tasking disaster.
Amy at Crunchy Domestic Goddess offers a funny collection of a breastfeeding joke, a picture, and a video.
The Happy Sad Mama shares why she can’t refuse her daughter’s sweet requests to nurse.
Renata at Nurturing Notes reports on a weaning attempt that failed utterly (don’t try this at home!)

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

My daughter was dancing around the room, possibly even “shaking her booty.” When she wanted me join in, she commanded, “Shake your booby!”

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

1. Not to take out my contact lenses for bedtime before I find my darn eyeglasses for reading bedtime stories.

2. Not to do anything incriminating (like, say, shave my nipple hairs) in front of my three-year-old, who will promptly give me away–loudly–to anyone who will listen.

3. Not to let the Cheerios littering the floor of my car get crushed, then spilled on, then formed into dried lumps permanently stuck to the carpeting.

4. Not to compete with other mothers. (I try not to do that. I’m really a nice person. Nicer than most mothers, I think. Better at not competing…. Oops.)

5. Not to forget my kindergartner’s homework, folder, lunch, jacket, show and tell, class picture order, and the fact that it is “wear red” school spirit day. Dang kindergarten is hard!

6. Not to use my six arms to drive, change a CD, talk on my cell phone, hand my daughter a water bottle, and eat a bite of breakfast all at the same time.

7. Not to blame my husband for getting me pregnant for a third time, because we actually did plan it but now I have morning sickness and it is all his fault!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

5-year-old: “Mom, the baby can hear your voice.”
Me [impressed]: “Yes!”
5-year-old: “The baby can hear me.”
Me: “Um-hmm.”
5-year-old: “The baby can hear the television.”
Me [wondering where this is going]: “Yes….”
5-year-old [triumphantly]: “The baby wants to watch a kids’ show!”

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

1. Why buy the cow when you get mama’s milk for free?

2. Mothersucker.

3. All night milk bar.

4. Weapons of mass lactation.

5. Choosy toddlers choose breastmilk.

6. If nursing in public offends you, please feel free to put a blanket over your head!

7. Silly Daddy, boobs are for babies!

8. Blissed out on breastmilk.

9. My honor student was breast-fed.

and one of my favorites:

10. Mommy’s milk is better than any udder milk!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3