Q: I could use some weaning advice for mothers who have been feeding on demand. I just cannot work all day and nurse all night. I am truly at the end of my tether.

A: Good for you for breastfeeding your baby on demand for a full year! When you start to resent nursing, it signifies that it’s time to make a change. Your needs matter and you certainly do not want to transfer any resentment to the baby.

As you begin cutting back on nursing sessions you may find one of three things happens: (1) the baby happily accepts alternatives to breastfeeding and the weaning proceeds smoothly, (2) the baby resists weaning and you decide it’s easier to keep nursing than to continue efforts to wean, or (3) you cut back on some of the nursing sessions and discover you are content to continue breastfeeding at that level of frequency. Those are all good options because in the end you’ve made a decision with which you are comfortable. Remember that partial weaning is an option and breastfeeding does not have to be an all-or-nothing proposition unless you want it to be.

The book How Weaning Happens by Diane Bengson offers a great deal of discussion on the philosophy of weaning and includes a chapter on weaning tips and techniques. The The Nursing Mother’s Guide to Weaning (new edition out coming out this April) by Kathleen Huggins is another option but frankly, I think mothers who are truly looking for weaning advice are frustrated by both of these books. The books are great if you’re looking for the inspiration to continue nursing or you just want to guide your child gently through a combination of mother-led and child-led weaning. For more practical tips, try:

~ Kellymom’s resources on weaning

~ La Leche League’s Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) on weaning

~ My thoughts on gentle night-weaning

Here are some tips to get you started. Rule number one for weaning is proceed slowly. That allows the baby to adapt gradually and helps the mother avoid engorgement, plugged ducts and mastitis.

Many mothers make a lot of initial progress by following the simple principle of “don’t offer, don’t refuse.” You may find that you were initiating some of the nursing sessions yourself, either because you recognized the need or it was convenient for you to nurse at that time (I confess to having nursed my child so that I could get through a telephone conversation uninterrupted!) If you do not offer to nurse, you may find your child is willing to go longer between each nursing session. Then when the child finally does ask to nurse, you do not refuse because you know you’ve already made some progress in weaning.

For further progress, continue by eliminating the easiest feeding to drop and save the hardest (the one the baby wants the most) for last. I suspect for your baby the hardest nursing sessions to drop may be the first one when you get home from work and the last one before your baby goes to sleep.

Cut back on one feeding at a time, waiting 4-7 days in between. Talk to your doctor about what to substitute for the dropped feeding. For example, for children over age one you might decide to offer a cup of whole milk (no need to use a bottle at this age if you do not wish to do so) or some solid food. If the baby wants to nurse for comfort rather than to satisfy hunger or thirst, you can try another type of distraction such as cuddling, reading a book, or dancing to some music. I found that my child often wanted to nurse when she was bored or needed help with a transition from one activity to another. It helped tremendously to keep her engaged in fun activities and to have something new to offer after the last activity ended. “Oh, are you done playing with the blocks? Would you like to read a story or go outside for a walk?”

Some mothers find that it helps to avoid the situations or locations in which you typically would have nursed. If you always nursed in the rocking chair or on the couch and your child asks to nurse every time you sit down in that place, consider finding a new place to sit or even remaining on your feet. It might be easier said than done, but it’s better than struggling with a child who wants to nurse as you always nursed before.

Another way to cut back on nursings for older babies is to use delay tactics. Some babies may not be ready and able to wait for a nursing session, but you can try saying “We’ll nurse when we get to the car” or “Yes you can nurse in just a minute when I’m done cooking.” There’s a bit of debate about how to handle the next nursing session if you’ve successfully distracted the child from nursing right away. Personally, I felt that if I said we’d nurse when we got home, it was important to follow through and offer to nurse when we got home. Others feel that if the child completely forgets about nursing once you reach home, there’s no need to follow through. If you don’t offer at that time, certainly it would be important not to refuse the next nursing. “Of course you can nurse honey. I remember that we talked about nursing when we got home.”

When I needed to cut back on nursing sessions with my toddler, she had a hard time cutting out the number of nursing sessions so instead we worked on shortening the length of time we nursed at each session. We agreed that she could nurse for the length of time that it took me to sing two “ABC” alphabet songs. As the songs ended, she needed a final warning that it was time to stop nursing and I would say “Three, two, one, done. Pop off please!” She was able to comply with those restrictions much more easily than restrictions on when she could nurse. It was easier for her to hear “Yes you can nurse for a little while” than to hear “Yes you can nurse in a little while.”

Each nursing mother and child will find the best combination of substitution with food or drink, distraction, delay of nursing and shortening of nursing sessions.

Does anyone else have any thoughts and advice on weaning? What worked for you?

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