Listen up people! There has been another sighting of Bottlefeeding In Public (BIP)! Some customers complained to management, but management said BIP was protected by law. So it’s time to get personal. It’s time to launch the Anti-Bottlefeeding Coalition Denounces Eating Freely Campaign (the ABCDEF Campaign for short). Modern society cannot tolerate babies eating from bottles in public! Whether you breastfeed or bottlefeed in the privacy of your own home, in the name of all that is decent, modest, and right, prepare yourself to make the following arguments against BIP:

BIP is unsanitary! You don’t know what’s in that bottle! It could be formula, it could be breast milk, and it could be unsanitary! Who knows whether that bottle was properly prepared. Fight disease, fight BIP!

BIP leads to spitting up! Bottlefeeding a baby in public can lead to copious amounts of spit up. What if a baby spits up and ruins the carpeting or furniture upholstery in a business? You don’t think those Bottlefeeding Parents are going to offer to pay, do you?

BIP leads to, um, other things! Bottlefeeding may be natural, but so is urinating and defecating and you wouldn’t urinate or defecate in public, would you? And what’s worse is bottlefeeding leads to urinating and defecating!

BIP is done to get attention! Be aware, be prepared! Bottlefeeding Parents might try to argue that BIP is done for the baby who needs to eat, but that baby doesn’t need to eat! Bottlefeeding Parents are just doing it for the attention! They whip out that bottle, and sometimes they hold the bottle in full view, including the nipple!

BIP can be done in the bathroom! If a baby really needs to eat, that baby can be fed in the bathroom, preferably in a stall while the Bottlefeeding Parent sits on the toilet. And the Bottlefeeding Parent can eat there too.

BIP should be done under a blanket! Carry a blanket with you at all times so you can offer it to the Bottlefeeding Parent to cover up. If you’re really feeling bold, throw that blanket over the baby without asking! It doesn’t matter if it’s hot under there. It doesn’t matter if the baby can’t see. It doesn’t matter if the baby doesn’t like the blanket. Bottlefeeding should be covered for the comfort of others nearby.

BIP must be discrete. I mean discreet. Discrete? Anyway. I’ll get back to you on this one when I figure out the difference between the usage of discreet and discrete. All I know is Bottlefeeding Parents should have the common courtesy of using discretion.

BIP uses bottles for the wrong purpose. Lots of people are under the mistaken impression that bottles are for feeding babies. We know that bottles are other people’s play toys. Keep bottlefeeding at home so people don’t get the wrong idea!

Ready to join the campaign? Then put on your Parenting Police badge and get out there!

Sponsored post: This post brought to you by “If You Think This Isn’t a Joke Then You’re Off Your Rocker” and the ABCDEF Campaign.

I planned to do another post on funny search terms that lead people to Breastfeeding 1-2-3, but as I scanned the recent popular search phrases, I came across some interesting searches that lead to actual Breastfeeding 1-2-3 posts on the topic. Click on the links to see what I have posted about:

1. whale milk
2. paladai
3. baby green stool
4. milk in eyes (15 searches for this! Do you think they actually intended to find a post about breast milk in eyes?)
5. worst cities in america
6. the other boleyn girl book quotes
7. bitty booties
8. human rights complaints against delta airlines
9. how to pronounce medela (I knew I couldn’t be the only one who wondered that!)
10. do breast have alveoli

For a good laugh with truly crazy search terms, see:

~ Top 10 Wackiest Search Engine Search Terms
~ Ten More Wacky Search Engine Terms
~ Even More Wacky Search Terms

For a laugh, watch as big brother Eddie wants his turn breastfeeding (it’s not what you think)!

Thelma and Louise? Lucy and Ethel?

Have you given your “girls” a nickname? Does your nursling have a special name for your breasts? My breasts — and I am sure the world really needs to know this — are called “mum-mums” (interestingly, the same as the name for nursing, “mum-mum,” while the breast milk is called “mum-mum milk,” as opposed to cow’s milk). As a child (long after I weaned) I called my mother’s breasts Mount Fujis!

Leave a comment and humor us with your own nicknames!

When my newborn was two days old, my six-year-old came to sit next to me on the bed and asked conversationally, “Is baby nursing well? Does she like it? She’s a funny baby. At first she won’t latch on and then you have to get her on and then she nurses and likes it.”

Me: Ooh, my hip hurts!
Me2: And my arm is asleep!
Me3: And I have to go the bathroom!
Me: Alright, time to get up. Roll over gently and sit up.
Me2: Wait! My tummy muscles didn’t expect that belly weight!
Me3: And my bladder! It’s squishing my bladder!
Me: Stop whining and stand up.
Me2: Oooph.
Me3: I’m up! I hope my water doesn’t break.
Me: Don’t be silly.
Me2: I’m thirsty. Get a drink of water before going back to bed.
Me3: But then I’ll have to go again soon!
Me: Doesn’t matter, you need to stay hydrated.
Me2: And besides, you’ll have to move your hips and arms again anyway.
Me3: Try resting on the other hip this time.
Me: Oooph.
Me2: I just hope I can go back to sleep.
Me3: Feel that? The baby is kicking!
Me: Good, now I know she’s okay.
Me2: Goodnight.
Me3: See you at 6 a.m.

A while back I asked for reader input on what nurslings call breastfeeding. Here is a compilation of some of the subtle — and not-so-subtle — code words children use for nursing!

boobs
booby monster
deets (from “You want to eat?”)
I love you (awww!!)
milkies
milky time
mimi’s
mommy moo moo juice
more
mum mum
na
na na’s
neesh
num num
nurse
nursies
nursing
[sign language signs for "milk" or "please"]
side (as in “other side”)
ssss
teca or tica (from the Spanish “tomar tetica” or “drink from the breast”)
two-sies
ursing

Have a nursing nickname to add to the list? Leave a comment!

By: Chispita_666

This morning my three-year-old lavished my pregnant belly with kisses for her little sister. I can see her mind working through the fact that there will be a new baby in our lives sometime soon. She stated with great certainty, “The baby will sleep.” (I hope better than you did, sweetie!) I know I cannot fully prepare her for what life will be like with a newborn in the house, but I took the opportunity to explain, “Yes, the baby will sleep. And the baby will cry, and nurse, and want to be held. The baby will want lots of attention, and you can help!”

“I will hug the baby! I will feed the baby milk!” she offered. I solemnly informed her that babies do not drink milk until they are at least one year old. She thought about that for a moment until her face brightened. “I will squeeze it out! When the baby is not there, I will squeeze it out for her!”

Welcome to the latest Carnival of Breastfeeding: What’s so funny about breastfeeding? Breastfeeding humor is one of my favorite topics. In the past I have had a lot of fun with the silly search engine terms people use to end up at Breastfeeding 1-2-3. Time for another installment! For more breastfeeding funnies, check out the other carnival entries at the end of this post.

1. “angela white n*ude”
I am flattered. Really. But I can promise you will never see n*ude photos of me here. My toddler nursing photo is as close as you will get!

2. “angela the breastfeeding queen”
Okay, now I am really flattered. And a little confused about why there were three searches for this term. But thanks!

3. “angela white pics”
Stop already! I am starting to blush.

4. “a day with angela white”
How did you know I could use some help with the school run, post office, library, pet food store, grocery store, ballet class?

But enough about me (or rather, my obviously fabulous alter egos)….

5. “free breastfeeding”
One of the best things about it!

6. “fish breastfeeding”
I just can’t picture it.

Tanya at The Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog reviews two funny breastfeeding books.
Stacie at The Twinkies worries about just how long toddler nursing will last!
Andi at Mama Knows Breast shares a dads’ irreverant nursing in public video.
Sinead at Breastfeeding Mums tells the story of a pumping multi-tasking disaster.
Amy at Crunchy Domestic Goddess offers a funny collection of a breastfeeding joke, a picture, and a video.
The Happy Sad Mama shares why she can’t refuse her daughter’s sweet requests to nurse.
Renata at Nurturing Notes reports on a weaning attempt that failed utterly (don’t try this at home!)