Breastfeeding 1-2-3 » motherhood

Rhetorical Questions

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 18:35:04 +0000

Why does a toddler who wakes at 7 a.m. sharp every morning sometimes nap at 9 a.m. and sometimes not until after 2 p.m.? Who are the people who have their kids on a strict schedule and how do they force their children to sleep? (I am guessing it involves tears, and that is why it’s a rhetorical question).

Image by Chris Baker

Who takes care of the mother when she is sick?

When a nursling sleeps in a longer stretch than normal, why does the mother still wake at the usual time? Why couldn’t she sleep through and enjoy that wonderful gift and not panic that something has happened to her child?

Why do people feel it’s at all appropriate or welcome to ask about a couple’s reproductive plans, whether that couple has no children or three? Does the answer somehow change how many children the questioner wants to have or wishes she or he had?

What is the significance of holiday gift-giving in a society in which many people already have too much “stuff” and generally buy whatever they truly need anyway? And if someone is actually in need, shouldn’t we be giving to that person year-round and not because it’s a holiday?

Why did my daughter’s preschool put out a calendar at the beginning of the school year and then change the date of the Christmas Songfest without a big announcement that the date was actually a change in date, so that the smug among us who already had the date of the Songfest on their calendars didn’t note the new date and found themselves driving to a Songfest that is actually scheduled for two days from now?

Why are some people more grumpy during the holidays? Is it because they are mothers who have no one to care for them when they are sick with a cold? (Kidding. Sort of. Achoo!)

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Five Tips for Housekeeping with a Baby

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 05:42:58 +0000

In accordance with my belief that a new parent’s job is to focus on the baby at the expense of the house if need be, I have developed some shortcuts to getting the cleaning and cooking basics done while maximizing time with the baby. Here are five tips for being as efficient as possible:

Amber Strocel wearing her son Jacob (Strocel.com)

1. Wear your baby. Babywearing keeps your baby safe and happy while giving you two hands free to get some work done. If you can master carrying your baby on your back, you can even accomplish some more rigorous cooking and cleaning jobs. Just the other day my refrigerator stopped working and I had to empty both the fridge and freezer and allow them to defrost. The fridge was fairly clean already (I swear!) but I knew I needed to wipe it down. My toddler was fussing but was having trouble settling for a nap. The solution? I put her in a backpack carrier and started wiping down the shelves. Within minutes she was asleep. She stayed asleep even as I took her out of the carrier and laid her down for her nap.

2. Take advantage of freezer meals. I don’t mean buy frozen dinners, I mean make meals ahead to freeze for later. Have a baby shower at one of the various shops that allow you to assemble several meals to freeze. After the birth when your friends or relatives ask how they can help, ask for a lasagna for the freezer! And when you have time to cook, double the recipe and put one batch in the freezer for later. Once-a-month cooking is a lifesaver!

3. Lower your standards to raise your standards. I’ll let you in on a little secret. The sheets and towels don’t have to be folded before you put them in the linen closet. It’s better to get those bulky items tucked away unfolded than to have them sitting on your couch, waiting to be folded. Same goes for baby blankets, underwear, even your toddler or preschooler’s clothing that doesn’t need to be completely wrinkle-free. By lowering your standards a bit, you will actually keep on top of the laundry better than if you are a perfectionist.

4. Use natural cleaners. I don’t like to use harsh or toxic cleaners in general, much less around my baby. I feel comfortable scrubbing my sink with baking soda and wiping my counter tops with vinegar rather than brand-name cleaners.

5. Accept help and decide how best to use it. You might be surprised who just might be willing to help out here and there. Last year after I had my third baby, my second child’s preschool teacher was looking to volunteer some time with a family who could use the help. She came over for a couple of hours one or two afternoons a week. While I spent some time with my baby, she folded laundry and played with my preschooler. If I had preferred, she would have held the baby while I got a few things done around the house. It was lovely to have that support and it made a big difference.

If you do not have a relative, neighbor or friend willing to help, can you afford to hire a cleaner once or twice a month? What about a mother’s helper — a preteen or younger teen who will play with the baby while you clean, generally for significantly less than the cost of a babysitter. Then as your baby gets older, see if you have a friend who is willing to trade babysitting time with you. Sometimes you have to get creative and make your own support network!

Do you have some tips on how to get things done around the house while caring for a baby?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

A Mystery Illness Identified

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 16:35:29 +0000

Sometimes being a mother means being a detective. My 10-month-old had a restless night last Saturday. On Sunday she was fussy and not much interested in eating solid food, which was unusual for her. I chalked it up to teething because I could see two new teeth poking their way through the top gums.

Photo by Joana Croft

Teething was ruled out later that night when she spiked a fever of 103 degrees Fahrenheit. The next morning I started to get really worried — what would cause a fever and disinterest in food, but no runny nose, vomiting, or diarrhea? Had she managed to swallow something she shouldn’t? I started researching by reading the fever information at AskDrSears.com. Roseola sounded like a possibility but it didn’t explain why my little one didn’t want solids. Then I came to the information on Mouth Sores, Coxsackie Virus (Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease). I gently pulled down my baby’s bottom lip to get a look inside — as best as she would let me — and saw what I suspected were mouth sores. Mystery solved! After three nights of fever, and four very fussy days (what do you do with a baby who doesn’t want to be put down but doesn’t want to be held either?! Answer: Distract her! Entertain her! Put on a three-ring circus!), she’s back to her happy self. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I am so happy to be nursing. Breastfeeding saved us during the four days that my 23-pound 10-month-old had zero interest in solid food. She nursed happily, no problem there, and nursing also helped settle her to sleep. My milk supply increased to handle the extra demand, and she did not lose any weight or become dehydrated. If anything I think she weighs more now (or that could just be how I feel after carrying her around these past few days!)

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

A Reminder to Appreciate These Intense Baby Days

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 23:47:46 +0000

A while ago when two of my daughters were in school and I “just” had my six-month-old at home, I tried to take advantage of the time to get out this post on the Denny’s nurse-ins. At some point my baby started to fuss and I attempted to nurse her to sleep. No dice. She wouldn’t settle by nursing. Now how exactly did I go from a first-born who would only go to sleep by nursing, to a third-born who often won’t go to sleep by nursing?! Anyway, it became apparent that I would need to take my baby for a walk. I found socks and shoes and put them on (I mention that only because a few of you will recognize how hard it is to put on socks and tie tennis shoes when you are carrying a 17-pound fussy baby), popped my baby in the sling, and headed out the door. It was a little awkward because I had wrapped my left arm around the baby so she could rest her head on me, and with my right I was carrying my keys (no pockets) and an umbrella to shade us a little from the sun.

As I walked around the neighborhood I came upon an older woman who was walking her chihuahua (that 4-H report my daughter did on “How to Choose a Chihuahua” came in handy for that little detail, see?) The woman looked at me and exclaimed, “You have your hands full!” It’s a comment I hear a lot lately, whether I have one child or three in tow. I gave my standard reply, “Yes, she’s great!” even as I was juggling the baby, the keys, and the umbrella. The woman nodded and said wistfully, “You’re lucky. I wish I was younger.”

Intellectually I know that when the house is quiet someday, and my hands are free, I will miss these intense baby days. But in the thick of it, it didn’t hurt to have that little reminder to appreciate this time.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Mama Needs a Sick Day

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 07:08:40 +0000

Whom do I call to notify that I am taking a sick day from this motherhood gig? I know it’s only a cold, and I will get over it eventually, but in the thick of it I find it very difficult! Not only am I sick, but my baby is sick too, and that’s when I am on extra duty, not less! When she wakes, she wants ME — after all, I am her primary caregiver, and her dad just doesn’t have the super ability to comfort her at his breast! If only I could have a day filled with naps (mine, not the baby’s!) alternating with hot baths to steam my sinuses! And then a good night’s sleep!

Don’t get me wrong. I am happy to be breastfeeding during these times. I shudder to think that my baby could be even more sick if she weren’t getting antibodies from my milk. My husband is great (he just got back from doing the grocery run I requested, and he is taking the older girls skiing tomorrow) and I am sure he would stand in for me if he could, but that’s just not how it works!

Do you have any tips for coping when you and your nursling are sick? Do you think breastfeeding makes it easier or harder?

Photo credit: Evah Smit

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Sleep, Elusive Sleep

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 18:22:11 +0000

My third baby slept well as a newborn, better than my other two. She “slept through the night” within weeks, if you count sleeping the requisite five hours in a row as “sleeping through the night” when it takes place from 8:30 p.m. to 1:30 a.m.! I did not wake her to nurse as I knew she was getting enough milk by her wet and dirty diaper output, and her appropriate weight gain. I was not about to ruin a good thing!

Once the school year started in September though, my first grader and preschooler began bringing home every illness to make the school rounds, including The Cough That Won’t Go Away. Thanks to the immune-boosting powers of breast milk, Nicole fared the best of us, even avoiding influenza altogether in spite of her not getting a flu shot and in spite of her 4-year-old sister’s constant “loving” on her and coughing on her!

Unfortunately she could not avoid getting a stuffy nose eventually, and trouble breathing made it harder for her to fall asleep and stay asleep. It’s those times I am glad we are breastfeeding and co-sleeping and I do not have to get out of bed to tend to her needs. Even better, nursing acts as a soother, healer, nourisher, and hydrator (okay fine, those last two are not technically words, but you know what I mean).

After many nights of interrupted sleep, I finally got a good stretch of sleep two nights ago. When I woke it was still dark out, but I felt so good I thought it must be time to get up soon. I checked the clock. The time? 3 a.m. I guess 4-5 hours of sleep feels like heaven when you haven’t been getting that many hours in a row in a while! (For the record, lest you think I take such sleep for granted, my first daughter was about two and a half years old before I consistently got that much sleep. Each child is different and each child has different physical and emotional needs.)

Thank goodness I got that sleep under my belt, because last night was the worst night yet. I lost track of the number of night-wakings, not that I usually wake up enough to keep score (I just marvel at the number of diapers in the pail in the morning)!

The other day when we went camping (yes, we went camping in the travel trailer with a four-month-old, but that’s a story for another day), the man in the neighboring campsite inquired about how we slept and said that he “slept like a baby.” I laughed and told him he had obviously forgotten how poorly babies sleep!

So in this holiday season, my wish for all nursing mothers, Christian or not:

Silent night, holy night
All is calm, all is bright
Round yon Virgin Mother and Child
Holy Infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
Sleep in heavenly peace.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

The Best Compliment!

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 17:25:54 +0000

Woman admiring my baby: “She looks so healthy!”
Me: “Thank you!”
Woman: “Are you nursing her?”
Me: “Yes.”
Woman (nodding knowingly and approvingly): “She looks so healthy!”

* * * * *

Interactions like those refuel my tank. Sometimes it gets discouraging to hear stories of women harassed for breastfeeding in public, and to hear criticism of women who promote breastfeeding, and to see such low rates of breastfeeding initiation and continuation. What a pleasant surprise to be complimented and acknowledged for breastfeeding!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Compliment or Insult?

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 05:25:46 +0000

My six-year-old walked up to me, paused, and said, “You smell like milk!” I wasn’t sure whether or not to take that as a compliment. Later in the day, my three-year-old snuggled up in my arms for storytime, and when she leaned her head against my chest, she said, “Your mum-mums smell like fruit!” Compliment, I guess! Still, I made sure to take a shower before heading out to Back to School Night! Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Any Dream Analysts Out There?

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 21:53:34 +0000

I have had two dreams — nightmares — that Nicole turned out not to be mine. The first dream happened when she was six weeks old. In the dream, my husband and I were staying at a hotel. There was a knock on the door, and in walked one of my old neighbors from Michigan. He had come to pick the baby up. “Thanks for watching her!” he said, and walked out the door with her. I was positively heartbroken to realize that I had only been babysitting and I had fallen so in love with her that I had convinced myself she was mine.

In the second dream, I realized that when I went to work each day (which is bizarre because I do not work outside the home in my waking life), the baby went to her “real” mother in prison. I was the wet nurse that took care of the baby at night when she wasn’t allowed to visit her mother in prison. I had to decide whether I wanted to continue being a wet nurse in spite of the risk of disease transmission. Again I was broken-hearted that Nicole wasn’t mine.

At first I thought the dreams were simply affirming my love for Nicole. Now I wonder whether they are about my subconsciously feeling inadequate as a mother. “Maybe I’ll be found out as a fraud and someone will come take her away from me!” I don’t feel that way during the day. I enjoy her a lot and she is an easy baby. If anything I worry about giving my older girls enough attention and reassurance during this time of change in our family. So I am not sure why I am dreaming these dreams. I certainly plan before I go to bed to tell myself not to dream those dreams anymore!

Have you had similar dreams? Any thoughts on the interpretation?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Mom on the Go

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 17:37:43 +0000

Nicole is almost seven weeks old now and I’ve already breastfed her:

~ at the midwife’s and doctor’s offices
~ a wedding
~ a pool party
~ a La Leche League meeting (of course!)
~ in various parking lots
~ at the grocery store
~ while house hunting
~ and yesterday at the first PTA meeting of the school year.

For me, it is convenient to be breastfeeding. It means I can go anywhere, anytime, without having to think about whether I have enough supplies for the trip (as long as my purse is packed with enough diapers). And the best part is my baby is content in all of those new places! When I went to the pool party, everyone complimented me on what a “good baby” Nicole is. All babies are “good” — but Nicole was quiet and contented because I breastfed her whenever she needed it.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3