Breastfeeding 1-2-3 » mothering

Sometimes, It’s Not about the Milk

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 20:44:38 +0000

Okay, let’s get a couple things straight. I love breastfeeding. I wouldn’t write a blog about breastfeeding if I didn’t think it was a wonderful thing that I hope more people will learn to appreciate too. I also love attachment parenting and keeping my kids close and securely connected with me. I never felt that breastfeeding and attachment parenting kept me tied down at home or prevented me from doing anything I wanted to do — I just took my nursling along with me!

Having said that, I had reached a point where I needed some extended time to myself — some time when I was not in charge of one or more of my three children. The problem was that I do not enjoy leaving a child who will surely cry for me if I am not there. I don’t find that relaxing! My first daughter was a high-needs child who absolutely could not separate from me for significant periods of time until she was nearly three years old. Sure she would have survived, but not without tears, and not without crying until she threw up (I never let it get to that point, but I could tell in our early (aborted) attempts at night-weaning that that would be the case). So with her, I learned to take breaks at home — a long, hot bath, a nap, a movie in bed. Something where I could be summoned if needed but could relax in knowing that my child was happy and nearby.

My third daughter is different. She more readily accepts being comforted by my husband. Still, I wasn’t sure that she could manage more than a couple of hours without me. That’s not arrogance talking, either; that’s love and concern for my 16-month-old. So when I mentioned to friends that I was in desperate need of a break, I was a little surprised when they asked, “Couldn’t you just leave a bottle for her?” I know that many mothers separate from their nurslings far before the 16-month point either out of necessity or desire or both. But when you are a stay-at-home mother with a nursling who is used to having you around to comfort her on cue for the last 16 months, it’s not about the milk. It’s not about substituting a bottle for the breast. It’s about substituting another person for the mother and for comfort at the mother’s breast. My toddler drinks cow’s milk and water. She doesn’t need breast milk (although she continues to reap its benefits). What she needs and wants is comfort from me, and one way I provide that is by nursing her.

My husband is an attached parent too, and he has learned ways to provide comfort to my toddler as well. He carries her in the sling, snuggles her to sleep, takes her on adventures. So when I needed some time to myself on Saturday morning, I trusted that he would be able to keep her happy. I headed out the door at 9:30 a.m. and I used my free time to see the matinee movie of The Twilight Saga: New Moon. (I enjoyed it in spite of all the bad reviews!) I even had time when I got home to read a little and take a nap from which I woke up naturally (a nap is a rarity; sleeping as long as I want without being wakened by someone else is almost unheard of!)

So how did it go? My toddler was a trooper! She took a nap at home, then enjoyed a car ride to Whole Foods, a good amount of time grocery shopping while being worn in the sling, and the car ride home. We were separated for about five hours and I think she handled it better than I did! And no, I had not left a bottle of milk for her. I left her in the capable hands of her attached father.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Have You Ever Tandem Nursed: A Poll

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 05:25:41 +0000

Finally the poll feature is functioning again here at Breastfeeding 1-2-3! This time let’s talk about your thoughts on tandem nursing!

Must-have guide if you're tandem nursing or considering it

Have you ever nursed more than one nursling at a time? Answer the poll and leave a comment to share your experience or your opinion! If you tandem nursed, how did you feel about it? Did you nurse your children at the same time (one at each breast) or nurse one and then the other? I will share that just after I had my second baby, I nursed my toddler and newborn at the same time so there was little or no jealousy on the part of my toddler. Soon though I gently encouraged her to wait until her little sister was done nursing as that was more comfortable for me. I think if I had had twins I would have worked hard to handle nursing them both at the same time if at all possible, but with an older child it felt far more comfortable for me to nurse them separately and we happily continued that tandem nursing relationship for many months! You can read more of my tandem nursing story here. But back to the poll — I want to hear from you!

Please leave a comment as well!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Mother’s Day Gifts of Time and Service

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Thu, 07 May 2009 08:44:10 +0000

What do mothers want this Mother’s Day? With the recession, I am guessing that gifts of time and service top the list! Such gifts often mean more than those that cost a lot of money anyway!

Photo courtesy of A.D.A. Ana Duncan Art and J.G. Whitner

Personally (and I will be forwarding this post to my husband!) I want a hot bath and time to myself to read a book. Alone time is at a premium for me with three kids including a 9-month-old, and a hot bath and a good book would go a long way to restoring my spirit! I do not like to be away from my baby — that’s not relaxing to me — so a bubble bath provides the perfect escape for an hour or more!

Other ideas for gifts of time or service:

~ home-cooked dinner for two after the kids have gone to bed
~ freezer meals — make and freeze a meal that the mother can tuck away for one of those days she just doesn’t have time for cooking!
~ a back rub
~ cleaning (if my husband cleaned our bathroom, I would consider that a serious act of love!)
~ an offer of babysitting time

Gifts from the kids:

~ cookies or muffins baked with the help of an adult
~ arts and crafts
~ “coupons” for chores around the house
~ a bouquet of flowers from the yard

What is it that you want? What is on your list, and what if anything are you giving to others this Mother’s Day?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

A Reminder to Appreciate These Intense Baby Days

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 23:47:46 +0000

A while ago when two of my daughters were in school and I “just” had my six-month-old at home, I tried to take advantage of the time to get out this post on the Denny’s nurse-ins. At some point my baby started to fuss and I attempted to nurse her to sleep. No dice. She wouldn’t settle by nursing. Now how exactly did I go from a first-born who would only go to sleep by nursing, to a third-born who often won’t go to sleep by nursing?! Anyway, it became apparent that I would need to take my baby for a walk. I found socks and shoes and put them on (I mention that only because a few of you will recognize how hard it is to put on socks and tie tennis shoes when you are carrying a 17-pound fussy baby), popped my baby in the sling, and headed out the door. It was a little awkward because I had wrapped my left arm around the baby so she could rest her head on me, and with my right I was carrying my keys (no pockets) and an umbrella to shade us a little from the sun.

As I walked around the neighborhood I came upon an older woman who was walking her chihuahua (that 4-H report my daughter did on “How to Choose a Chihuahua” came in handy for that little detail, see?) The woman looked at me and exclaimed, “You have your hands full!” It’s a comment I hear a lot lately, whether I have one child or three in tow. I gave my standard reply, “Yes, she’s great!” even as I was juggling the baby, the keys, and the umbrella. The woman nodded and said wistfully, “You’re lucky. I wish I was younger.”

Intellectually I know that when the house is quiet someday, and my hands are free, I will miss these intense baby days. But in the thick of it, it didn’t hurt to have that little reminder to appreciate this time.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Mama Needs a Sick Day

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Sat, 27 Dec 2008 07:08:40 +0000

Whom do I call to notify that I am taking a sick day from this motherhood gig? I know it’s only a cold, and I will get over it eventually, but in the thick of it I find it very difficult! Not only am I sick, but my baby is sick too, and that’s when I am on extra duty, not less! When she wakes, she wants ME — after all, I am her primary caregiver, and her dad just doesn’t have the super ability to comfort her at his breast! If only I could have a day filled with naps (mine, not the baby’s!) alternating with hot baths to steam my sinuses! And then a good night’s sleep!

Don’t get me wrong. I am happy to be breastfeeding during these times. I shudder to think that my baby could be even more sick if she weren’t getting antibodies from my milk. My husband is great (he just got back from doing the grocery run I requested, and he is taking the older girls skiing tomorrow) and I am sure he would stand in for me if he could, but that’s just not how it works!

Do you have any tips for coping when you and your nursling are sick? Do you think breastfeeding makes it easier or harder?

Photo credit: Evah Smit

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Poll Results: Attending a La Leche League Meeting

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 00:01:08 +0000

In a pool of 143 voters, 52 percent had attended a La Leche League meeting and an additional 35 percent are interested in doing so. An overwhelming 91% of those who had attended a meeting found it helpful, while only 9% did not enjoy it.

Here are the complete results:

Please vote in the new poll in the side bar!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Compliment or Insult?

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Sun, 28 Sep 2008 05:25:46 +0000

My six-year-old walked up to me, paused, and said, “You smell like milk!” I wasn’t sure whether or not to take that as a compliment. Later in the day, my three-year-old snuggled up in my arms for storytime, and when she leaned her head against my chest, she said, “Your mum-mums smell like fruit!” Compliment, I guess! Still, I made sure to take a shower before heading out to Back to School Night! Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Mom on the Go

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 17:37:43 +0000

Nicole is almost seven weeks old now and I’ve already breastfed her:

~ at the midwife’s and doctor’s offices
~ a wedding
~ a pool party
~ a La Leche League meeting (of course!)
~ in various parking lots
~ at the grocery store
~ while house hunting
~ and yesterday at the first PTA meeting of the school year.

For me, it is convenient to be breastfeeding. It means I can go anywhere, anytime, without having to think about whether I have enough supplies for the trip (as long as my purse is packed with enough diapers). And the best part is my baby is content in all of those new places! When I went to the pool party, everyone complimented me on what a “good baby” Nicole is. All babies are “good” — but Nicole was quiet and contented because I breastfed her whenever she needed it.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Independence and the Breastfed Child

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 11:48:31 +0000

Independence is the topic for this month’s theme day here at the Health and Wellness Channel. When I first heard the topic, it struck a chord with me. I felt a little rant welling up on this subject. You see, I get the distinct impression that some people associate breastfeeding with a dependence on the mother. An unhealthy dependence, one that somehow keeps the child unnaturally close and clingy and unable to separate or venture out to explore and make friends with confidence. It irks me when I sense that, because I have found the exact opposite to be true. Breastfeeding, and the attachment parenting philosophy that often accompanies it, can give children the self-confidence and security to be independent! The nursling feels safe to run off to explore a new situation because she knows she can come back to the security and comfort of the breast. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that mothers need to be breastfeeding to provide security to their children! Far from it! I’m just saying that breastfeeding is one way to provide the security necessary to help a child on the path to independence, and that breastfeeding is not a crutch or hindrance to independence.

I happen to be a particularly shy person. I worried about helping my children make friends and I hoped that they wouldn’t suffer from a crippling shyness. Now that my older two are three and six years of age, I am happy to report that I have gotten several comments from friends who say, “Your children make friends so easily!” “Your children aren’t shy!” Those things are often said by someone with younger children — ones who still want to stay by mommy’s side at the park. At first I smile and think back to myself about how my children were just like hers, wanting to stay by me, coming to me for a cuddle and a nursing session in between activities. And then I try to explain to the mommy, looking wistfully at my now-independent children, that by giving my children the gift of security at my side in the beginning, we all benefited from a greater independence later on.

For evidence of this, see this question from a breastfeeding mother who wrote about her daughter’s growing independence, and this story about the time my then four-year-old made it quite clear my presence was no longer necessary!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Friday Five: Top Five “Best” Breastfeeding 1-2-3 Blog Posts

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Fri, 09 May 2008 16:14:24 +0000

When my channel editor asked everyone in the Health and Wellness channel to compile the five best posts from each blog, I had to stop and think for a while. What makes a “best” post? I don’t think it’s necessarily the most popular post or the most commented on post. I think it’s the post of which I am most proud, the post into which I put extra effort and care. So I offer for your consideration, in no particular order:

1. Everything You Wanted to Know about Breastfeeding, Sex and Breast Milk Fetishes but Were Afraid to Ask — talk about tackling a difficult, taboo subject!

2. How to Get Good Medical Advice on Breastfeeding — it’s not as easy as it sounds, or as one would hope, to get accurate and current information on breastfeeding. This post contains information I would love to pass on to every prospective and new mother!

3. Reviews of Breastfeeding Products, Books, and Clothing — looking for a breast pump, bra, sling, or breastfeeding book? This post links to dozens of reviews of a whole range of breastfeeding-related items.

4. Why Sleep Training Makes Me Want to Cry — This post generated a lot of controversy. People either strongly oppose or staunchly defend “crying-it-out.”

5. Gentle Discipline — I hope this essay validates the use of attachment parenting and gentle discipline.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3