On October 3, 2009 at 11:00 am mothers and children at sites across Canada, the United States and other countries will compete to set the record for the most children breastfeeding at one time. The winners of the competition will be the site with the most children breastfeeding at one site, the country with the most children breastfeeding at registered sites and in North America the region (province or territory or state) with the most children participating as a percentage of the birth rate. To level the playing field between large and small, each site will be entered into one of four groups determined by birth rate.

Last year there were 7,632 nurslings in nineteen countries at over 300 sites with a total of over 20,000 supporters! Registration for this year’s challenge is now open so you can find a site near you or register to organize your own site!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Unfortunately, I have been faced with the choice of covering up/leaving the room to nurse or starting a big fight–especially when visiting my husband’s family. I wonder what other breastfeeding advocates do in situations such as this. Do they stand their ground and nurse uncovered? Leave family functions early to make a point?

Good question, and I do not think there is one right answer. Let’s think through the options:

1. Nurse uncovered.
2. Nurse covered.
3. Retreat to a different room.
4. Leave the family function early.

Photo family on the couch by Peterme

For me, the decision would depend on exactly who is uncomfortable with my nursing (the host or another guest?), what my relationship is with him/her (close family, distant relative, good friend, an acquaintance), whether that person is otherwise supportive of me and my parenting, and what I hope my future relationship with that person to be.

Frankly there have been occasions where I have been glad for the excuse to slip away to another room to nurse! I do want it to be my choice however, and in certain situations I would be willing to take a stand, nurse uncovered, and be prepared with some sort of speech should I be questioned about it. “I’m sorry the baby’s nursing makes you uncomfortable. I was having such a nice time talking with everyone and it makes me feel excluded to have to leave when Suzy needs to eat.” Having made my point, I would then wait to see what the objector says and take it from there. If it were the host, and I were again asked to move, I would do so, perhaps with one final expression of, “I respect your wishes. I hope you’ll catch me up on what happens when I’m gone!” Then I would make a decision about whether it is important for me to continue to make an appearance at future family events.

Leaving the function early only hurts the nursing mother and immediate family. It’s unlikely to change anyone else’s mind about whether the mother is welcome to nurse (they’re not going to say, “Gee, I didn’t realize Nursing Mother would leave!”), and it might just make people more questioning of the mother’s “stubborn insistence” on nursing at all costs. That does not educate anyone on why it’s not acceptable to ask someone to cover up or move, and why the baby can’t just take a bottle while in others’ company.

Nursing covered is a non-confrontational compromise, and is certainly a valid option if it is a compromise the mother is willing to make. Retreating to another room also avoids confrontation if the mother is willing to make that sacrifice to keep the peace.

There’s one final option that I didn’t mention above. When it is the husband’s family that objects, it is the husband who should be the one who talks to the family about why it is important for the nursing mother and baby to be welcomed at family events. The nursing mother should not be put in the awkward position of having to defend herself or compromise her beliefs. The husband should show his support by politely speaking to the family members, preferably in advance of the event.

Your Thoughts

What have you done when a family member or friend has objected to your nursing? What affected your decision to take a stand or keep the peace at all costs?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Lots of carnival participants have shared their own stories and advice about nursing in public (see links at the end of this post), but first I would like to discuss the issue of whether women should or should not cover themselves with a nursing cover while breastfeeding in public. At first it might seem like a non-issue. I think most breastfeeding advocates would agree that women should not be told that they must cover themselves while nursing, but if a mother feels more comfortable using a cover, then she should use one — whatever it takes to allow her to feed her baby. To each her own, right? Well, maybe not.

Bebe Au Lait Nursing Cover

I have posted instructions for sewing your own Hooter Hider-style nursing cover and have had several women say how much they appreciate it. However, I once had a breastfeeding advocate tell me that she was not inclined to post a pattern for a nursing cover because she believed it sent the wrong message to new mothers; that they might feel they had to cover up and had to breastfeed in as discreet a manner as possible.

So in the corner of Reasons to Cover:

~ It can make a woman comfortable nursing in public when she might not otherwise.
~ A cover can help an easily distracted baby settle to the task at hand (er, at breast).
~ The cover actually draws attention to the act of breastfeeding and might encourage other women to nurse in public if they see a way that they too would be comfortable nursing in public.

In the corner of Reasons Not to Cover:

~ Some babies refuse to be covered.
~ Without the “right” type of cover, some women have a difficult time seeing the baby and getting a proper latch.
~ A cover potentially can be hot and uncomfortable for mother and baby.
~ As I said, a nursing cover often draws attention to the act of breastfeeding — something a woman using a cover might actually have been trying to avoid!
~ Feeding without a nursing cover helps normalize breastfeeding.
~ Showing women that breastfeeding in public can be done without a cover might empower other women to do the same.
~ A cover might diminish a baby’s communication with the mother and his or her experience with the world, if only for those feedings in public.

In the end I do not think a breastfeeding mother is under any obligation to refrain from using a cover because it might send the wrong message. Just as the woman who does not use a cover is not “whipping out” her breast to make a point, the woman who does use a cover is not doing so to send a message that all breastfeeding women should cover themselves. A nursing mother’s only obligation is to her baby. Period.

What do you think? Do you use a cover and if so, why? Did you make a choice not to use a cover, and if so, why? Have your feelings changed as you have become more comfortable nursing in public? Leave a comment!

Other Carnival Participants (stay tuned for more links being added below through Monday, June 22 — this is a huge carnival!)

Lucy & Ethel Have a Baby: Nursing In Public (Boobs) Out and Proud
PhD in Parenting: Would You, Could You Nurse in Public?
Dirty Diaper Laundry: Breastfeeding in Public Talent – I Haz It
Kim through the Looking Glass: Here? At the Restaurant?
GrudgeMom: Nursing in a Room Full of People You Know
MumUnplugged: Aww, Is He Sleeping?
Massachusetts Friends of Midwives: Nursing in Public: Chinatown, the Subway, the Vatican, and More
Mother Mary’s Soapbox: Breastfeeding My Newborn in Public
Tiny Grass: Nursing in Public as an Immigrant
Mommy News and Views: Tips for Nursing in Public
Blacktating: Thank You for Nursing in Public
Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog: Get Kicked off a Bus for Nursing in Public? Here’s How to Respond
Mama Knows Breast: Products That Can Help You Breastfeed in Public
BreastfeedingMums: Nursing in Public: What’s a Breastfeeding Mother to Do
Stork Stories: Little Old Men & Nursing in Public
Chronicles of a Nursing Mom: Why Worry about NIP?
Warm Hearts Happy Family: Breastfeeding and the Summertime
Musings on Mamahood: NIP, no tuck
babyREADY: A Wee NIP in the Park
Tales of Life with a Girl on the Go: Plains, Trains and Automobiles, We’ve Breastfed in Them All
Breastfeeding Moms Unite: Nursing in Public, A Fresh Perspective on Nurse-ins
Never a Dull Moment: A NIP Product Alternative: Breastfeeding Hats versus Traditional Nursing Covers
Hobo Mama: Easy, Discreet Way to Nurse a Toddler in Public

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Photo by Martin Burns

Here’s the best part of this photo of a woman nursing her baby in a sling while they both rode the train in South Africa — the comments by the wife (the woman shown) and husband (the photographer).

Wife: “Home made sling, home made baby, home made food.”

Husband: “Technically, *hotel* made baby ”

Thanks for the laugh guys, and thanks for showing how comfortably breastfeeding can be done while babywearing.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Have a story or tip you want to share in a carnival post on your blog? Email me your submission by June 15, 2009, for consideration for the carnival on June 22, 2009. As a reminder, here are the guidelines that will increase the chances a post will be selected for inclusion in the carnival:

– A well-written, grammatically correct post
– Thoughtful commentary directly on point for the carnival subject
– Overall quality of the rest of your blog and whether the general subject matter is something of interest to our readers (breastfeeding, parenting)

If your post is selected for inclusion, you will be asked on the day of the carnival to edit your post to link back to each of the other participants in the carnival.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

“In the latest issue of Parents Magazine (May 2009), on page 106, there is a blurb about nursing in public. It really made my hair curl! The paragraph, part of the Manners section, asks the question, “It is okay to nurse my baby in a restaurant?” Jana Banin, the etiquette columnist, says, ”Yes, as long as you’re discreet: Think scarves, shawls, dark booths, or quiet corner tables. No doubt you crave brunch as much as your baby craves milk, and there’s no reason why choosing to breastfeed has to mean months without eggs Benedict. In fact, you deserve it.” While I agree with the sentiment of the answer (it’s okay to nurse in public), the first sentence of her response qualifies when it’s okay, meaning it’s not always okay! I would love if a bunch of nursing moms emailed her and corrected her position! What she is saying undermines moms who may want to nurse but are wary of public nursing, and undermines the effort many women put into getting the general public to be accepting of nursing moms. Her email is manners@parentsmag.com. We shouldn’t need to feel ashamed about nursing in public, or made to feel as though we need to hide in dark corners of restaurants or cover up with a conspicuous shawl to feed our children! Who wants to eat covered up anyway??”

Jennifer B., I share your concern and thank you for bringing the column to my attention! Here is what I have emailed to the magazine in response:

“When you were asked, “Is it okay to nurse my baby in a restaurant?” (May 2009), a better answer would have been, “Yes, in fact the right of a mother and baby to breastfeed in public is statutorily protected by law in the majority of states, regardless of whether or not the mother is being “discreet” by anyone else’s standards. Etiquette defines the rules of socially acceptable behavior. Unfortunately, some people find breastfeeding in public socially unacceptable. However, etiquette in this case does not require the mother to accommodate those people. Instead, etiquette defines what those people should do when they witness breastfeeding in public. The polite thing for those people to do is to avert their gaze and let everyone eat in peace.”

Parents Magazine should support breastfeeding mothers and babies by reminding people that it is acceptable behavior to nurse in public freely. The more women are able to perform that most basic act of nurturing their babies in public, the more it will become socially acceptable.

Sincerely,
Angela White”

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

The entire text of the enacted bill reads:

23-13.5-1. Breastfeeding in public places. – A woman may feed her child by bottle or breast in any place open to the public.

23-13.5-2. Remedies. – In any civil action alleging a violation of this chapter, the court may:

(1) Afford injunctive relief against any person, entity or public accommodation that commits or proposes to commit a violation of this chapter; and

(2) Award compensatory damages and reasonable attorney’s fees and costs to a prevailing plaintiff.

SECTION 2. This act shall take effect on March 1, 2009.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

BIP is unsanitary! You don’t know what’s in that bottle! It could be formula, it could be breast milk, and it could be unsanitary! Who knows whether that bottle was properly prepared. Fight disease, fight BIP!

BIP leads to spitting up! Bottlefeeding a baby in public can lead to copious amounts of spit up. What if a baby spits up and ruins the carpeting or furniture upholstery in a business? You don’t think those Bottlefeeding Parents are going to offer to pay, do you?

BIP leads to, um, other things! Bottlefeeding may be natural, but so is urinating and defecating and you wouldn’t urinate or defecate in public, would you? And what’s worse is bottlefeeding leads to urinating and defecating!

BIP is done to get attention! Be aware, be prepared! Bottlefeeding Parents might try to argue that BIP is done for the baby who needs to eat, but that baby doesn’t need to eat! Bottlefeeding Parents are just doing it for the attention! They whip out that bottle, and sometimes they hold the bottle in full view, including the nipple!

BIP can be done in the bathroom! If a baby really needs to eat, that baby can be fed in the bathroom, preferably in a stall while the Bottlefeeding Parent sits on the toilet. And the Bottlefeeding Parent can eat there too.

BIP should be done under a blanket! Carry a blanket with you at all times so you can offer it to the Bottlefeeding Parent to cover up. If you’re really feeling bold, throw that blanket over the baby without asking! It doesn’t matter if it’s hot under there. It doesn’t matter if the baby can’t see. It doesn’t matter if the baby doesn’t like the blanket. Bottlefeeding should be covered for the comfort of others nearby.

BIP must be discrete. I mean discreet. Discrete? Anyway. I’ll get back to you on this one when I figure out the difference between the usage of discreet and discrete. All I know is Bottlefeeding Parents should have the common courtesy of using discretion.

BIP uses bottles for the wrong purpose. Lots of people are under the mistaken impression that bottles are for feeding babies. We know that bottles are other people’s play toys. Keep bottlefeeding at home so people don’t get the wrong idea!

Ready to join the campaign? Then put on your Parenting Police badge and get out there!

Sponsored post: This post brought to you by “If You Think This Isn’t a Joke Then You’re Off Your Rocker” and the ABCDEF Campaign.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

In this particular case, this guest was exposed in a manner that was causing discomfort toward other guests to the point of them complaining to management and leaving the restaurant.

The manager clearly needs an education in the North Carolina indecent exposure law, which provides:

Notwithstanding any other provision of law, a woman may breast feed in any public or private location where she is otherwise authorized to be, irrespective of whether the nipple of the mother’s breast is uncovered during or incidental to the breast feeding.

Got that? “… irrespective of whether the nipple of the mother’s breast is uncovered….” Interesting how over and over companies seem to think they do not have to comply with the law if doing so makes other customers uncomfortable. One would hope they would learn a lesson from the national nurse-ins at Applebee’s and the like.

Unfortunately, it seems that the North Carolina law suffers from the same loophole that Texas law does. There is no enforcement provision, and it can be argued that the trespassing law trumps the breastfeeding law. Watch the local news coverage to hear the explanation from the local police (it’s quite a detailed piece and I am impressed the incident got such extensive coverage!) At any rate a breastfeeding mother cannot afford to challenge the police officer in the moment, because as Everitt said, she could hardly breastfeed her child from jail!

Now Everitt seeks an apology from Denny’s. If she receives such apology, she will meet with other nursing mothers and activists at the Denny’s in question for a meal. If not, a breastfeeding rally will be held outside the restaurant and at other Denny’s locations around the nation.

When: Sunday, February 22, 2009
1 p.m.

Where: Denny’s restaurants nationwide, and at the Asheville, NC Denny’s in particular at
675 Patton Ave
Asheville, NC 28806

To participate and receive updates on the plans: Join the Yahoo discussion group formed for the nurse-ins

Your thoughts?

Leave a comment!

Photo credit: gnr

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

The law essentially says that a mother may breastfeed her child in a public place or private place open to the public and where the mother and her child may otherwise lawfully be present. It also excludes from indecency laws any exposure of the breast incidental to nursing. The full text of the law is published below.

My thoughts on the law? It’s wonderful to see any breastfeeding in public law in place in Massachusetts. That said, there are a few positives and negatives about the law.

(+) It speaks of a “mother and her child” and does not limit the law to an “infant” or “baby” of any particular age.

(+) It provides an enforcement provision which allows a civil action to be brought by a mother who has been harassed for breastfeeding. The court may award damages up to $500 plus reasonable attorney fees.

(-) The statute talks about “intent” in a way that could possibly be misinterpreted. It says, “No person or entity, including a governmental entity, shall, with the intent to violate a mother’s right under subsection (a), restrict, harass or penalize a mother who is breastfeeding her child.” I assume this is meant to cover a situation in which a mother is asked to move for, say, safety reasons (like she’s blocking a fire door — something completely unrelated to the fact that she is breastfeeding). There the person is not intending to harass a mother who is breastfeeding, but to ask her to comply with safety regulations. But no “person or entity” should take ignorance of the law as negating intent. Back to the old adage, “ignorance of the law is no excuse.” You can’t say you didn’t intend to violate the law when you asked a breastfeeding mother to cover up, simply because you weren’t aware that state law prohibits restricting, harassing, or penalizing a mother who is breastfeeding her child.

(-) The law does not apply to churches or synagogues — any “place of religious instruction or worship.” That’s unfortunate. I have read several stories of mothers who have been harassed in church and who felt terribly betrayed by the very people who were supposed to be part of a supportive community.

Bottom line? Don’t let the exclusion stop you from breastfeeding in a place of worship. It’s not a prohibition; there simply is no protection for breastfeeding there in the new state law. The place of worship might be completely accepting of it anyway, and if not, perhaps a discussion needs to take place about the importance of breastfeeding, the benefits for breastfeeding mothers and babies, and the role of a supportive religious environment. I have found that breastfeeding is a wonderful tool to allow quiet attendance at services. And Catholic women can remind church officials about the patron saint of breastfeeding!

Here is the full text of the new Massachusetts law, Chapter 111, Section 221:

(a) A mother may breastfeed her child in any public place or establishment or place which is open to and accepts or solicits the patronage of the general public and where the mother and her child may otherwise lawfully be present.

(b) Notwithstanding any general or special law to the contrary, the act of a mother breastfeeding her child, and any exposure of a breast incidental thereto that is solely for the purpose of nursing such child, shall not be considered lewd, indecent, immoral, or unlawful conduct.

(c) No person or entity, including a governmental entity, shall, with the intent to violate a mother’s right under subsection (a), restrict, harass or penalize a mother who is breastfeeding her child.

(d) The attorney general may bring a civil action for equitable relief to restrain or prevent a violation of subsection (c).

(e) A civil action may be brought under this section by a mother subjected to a violation of subsection (c). In any such action, the court may: (i) award actual damages in an amount not to exceed $500; (ii) enter an order to restrain such unlawful conduct; and (iii) award reasonable attorney fees.

(f) A place of religious instruction or worship shall not be subject to this section.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3