Photo by Easternblot

When my child is an infant, my child comes first — first before the dirty dishes in the sink, and first before the unfolded laundry. Those dirty dishes don’t pose a hazard to my baby, nor does the unfolded laundry. So when my baby needs to be nursed, changed, carried or otherwise tended, the baby comes first. And when the baby naps, my needs come next. My needs do not include a sparkling clean home, but rather are often a hot bath, a rest, or eating food when I actually have the opportunity to savor the flavor and not just inhale it.

Now that my baby is a toddler, my standards are rising in keeping with my abilities. My 15-month-old can play independently while I wash her lunch tray and do the dishes. That often was not the case when my daughter was first starting solid foods. The second she started fussing in her high chair or in my lap, we stopped lunch and moved on to her next need — to be cleaned, changed, or entertained. Feeding time needed to be a happy time, and I wasn’t about to let her fuss in her high chair while I tried to clean up. The tray and dishes often went forgotten for hours. Yes it would have been easier to clean them right away, but I prioritized my baby’s immediate needs over the need to keep things sparkling clean at all times. This was true when my baby was an only child, but was even more so when I had two children (and now three).

How does breastfeeding play into all of this? I think breastfeeding makes everything easier. I didn’t have any bottles to sterilize, and breast milk stains are a lot easier to get out of clothes than f*ormula stains! I rested while my baby nursed, and I benefited from the feel-good breastfeeding hormones.

What about you? Have your standards of clean changed since you’ve become a parent?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Image by Sanja Gjenero

My husband is a great father and very good with the kids, so it should not be quite so newsworthy, except my other daughters refused to be settled back to sleep by anyone other than me (and my mum-mums) until they were over two-and-a-half years old! So the fact that my husband was able to settle our third daughter at the tender age of 15 months is amazing and gratefully received. Not just once, not even twice, but THREE times, which means it is not a Fluke and might actually be Repeatable. Clearly I am giddy with the additional sleep I received.

Last night was especially wonderful. I felt pretty cruddy from the cold to which I finally succumbed after several irresistible toddler pointing games of “Baby’s (runny) nose” and “Mama’s nose.” I needed the sleep and was none too pleased when I woke to nurse the baby at 4 a.m. and she had trouble settling back to sleep for a full 45 minutes. When it was clear she didn’t need to nurse again but she couldn’t stay asleep, I finally gave in and called to my husband at 4:45, and he was able to snuggle her to sleep. For some reason she accepts sleeping on his chest, as if she knows that’s the best he has to offer and she might as well enjoy it. And enjoy it she did — we all slept until it was time to get up at 7:15! Heaven.

When my toddler woke for good that morning, I went in to find her snuggled next to her daddy AND her four-year-old sister who had wandered down the hall to find someone to snuggle her back to sleep. So cute!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Mary shares her wisdom and wit in this practical and accessible book. Through her experience raising her ten children and through stories culled from other mothers of many, Mary demonstrates how a large family can be rewarding for the parents and satisfying for the entire family.

I have long enjoyed reading Mary’s blog Owlhaven.net. Mary breastfed and pumped for her four biological children and practices attachment parenting with all of her ten children including the six she and her husband John adopted from Korea and Ethiopia. Even though I do not share Mary’s religious convictions, I appreciate her openness and the way she conducts herself as a mother. I have learned many things about attachment parenting older children from her examples. I also like how she freely admits that maintaining patience is a daily struggle. Her approachable and generous style of writing means that even as I filed away ideas from her book, I felt reassured that I, too, could maintain sanity and happiness in raising a large family.

(Note: Mary also has a cookbook coming out this September. Family Feasts for $75 a Week is available for pre-order on Amazon.com now!)

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

By the time we headed to our balcony to watch fireworks in the distance, she was ready to give in to sleep. She rested her head on my shoulder (one of best feelings in the world) and eventually drifted off to sleep as the fireworks boomed around us. I carried her into the bedroom and set her down on the bed, and she didn’t even stir.

Baby boy sleeps on his mom's shoulder (Photo by Ewen and Donabel)

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

When I had my first daughter, I fumbled my way around until I found my parenting style. It happened naturally. I couldn’t stand to hear my baby cry; what mother can? So I breastfed her on cue, wore her in a sling, and co-slept with her in my bed. Those things worked for me, my husband, and my baby. They continued to work for us, and we identified ourselves more and more with an “attachment parenting” philosophy.

'I Told You So' Photo by Marinka van Holten

As my daughter got older and older, the admonitions became more urgent: “She won’t be able to separate from you. She’ll be clingy. You’re holding her back and making her dependent upon you.” Then came the disapproving looks and the stories that weren’t addressed to me but were meant for my ears. The message was clear: “Extended breastfeeding is wrong and you are harming your child.”

Well, let’s fast forward to the end of the story. My first “baby” is now a 7-year-old. She went to preschool after she turned three, and she didn’t shed a tear on the first day of school. I prepared her for the milestone and she separated from me easily. And guess what, she was “still” nursing at that time. I can assure you that her lungs work just fine. She is a happy, social, empathetic child, and I dare say that’s because of — not in spite of — attachment parenting.

As a new mother I was not armed with the information or ability to tell the naysayers that they were wrong. All I could do was listen to my instincts. I’d silently say, “Just you wait and see. The time will come when you realize that my way is not the wrong way. It might not be right for you, but it is right for me and my children.” That time has come, and look at that, I have a blog that lets me say a big fat “I told you so.” I say that “I told you so” not in the hope of reaching those who doubted me, but in the hope of reaching any other mothers who are struggling with naysayers. Listen to your instincts. Not only will you and your child benefit now from breastfeeding, but you will continue to reap the rewards long afterwards, and I won’t blame you one bit if you utter an “I told you so.”

Stay Tuned for Additional Carnival Entries:

Strocel.com: The Story of Hannah’s Weaning
Baby Carriers Down Under: Traveling to Kandy, Sri Lanka
Laura’s Blog: Weaning a Toddler
Stepping off the Spaceship: Life, Death and Nourishment
So Fawned: Sticking with It
Mommy News Blog: How Breastfeeding Changed My Life
All That Sazz: Flying Breast Milk
GrudgeMom: Breastfeeding Failures and Success
Massachusetts Friends of Midwives: Ben’s Story, The Best Breastfeeding Advice from the Least Likely Source
BreastfeedingMums: Breastfeeding Made Me the Mother I Am
Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog: “They Said the Latch Was Fine”
Chronicles of a Nursing Mom: Breastfeeding Is Not Easy
Breastfeeding Moms Unite: Can Early Public Breastfeeding Sightings Shape One’s Future Breastfeeding Practices?
The Towells: Breastfeeding after Breast Reduction
Zen_Mommy: Celebrating . . . My Chest!
Blacktating: Nursing in Public
Crystal Gold: A Found Memory

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Throughout the chapters on “Helping Children Deal with Their Feelings,” “Engaging Cooperation,” and “Alternatives to Punishment” I found myself dog-earring pages and scribbling notes in the margins:

Prevention not punishment.

Punishment versus natural consequences.

Give child a way to make amends.

Teach them the problem-solving skill.

This book has helped me transition from being the mother of a breastfed toddler whose two’s weren’t all that terrible, to the mother of a four-year-old and a seven-year-old who challenge my parenting skills daily. When I have the presence of mind to employ one of the techniques suggested in the book, I notice how it diffuses conflict rather than escalating it. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen equips parents with helpful communication skills, and it will remain one of my favorite attachment parenting references.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

As people increasingly strive for gender equality, the list of gender-linked tasks and responsibilities, which once were assigned to men or to women only, is shrinking fast. Breastfeeding, though, is still a challenge. Is it possible to share responsibility for work, decision-making, and well-being equally between men and women, when women breastfeed and men do not?

The statement highlights several key points:

My husband holding our sleeping two-day-old

- It makes sense to share the responsibility of assuring that mothers can succeed at breastfeeding.

- Breastfeeding is productive in that it provides (1) care for the nursling, and (2) the “product” of breast milk.

- Paternity leave, parental leave, and family leave are necessary to support men’s involvement in caring for their children.

- The reproductive roles of males and females are complementary, not identical.

- Shared responsibility does not translate into the father feeding the baby half of the time; the mother can breastfeed the child exclusively for the first six months, and the father can take on complementary solid food feedings when the baby turns six months of age.

It is well worth reading the entire statement (PDF).

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Photo of three German sisters by Kai Sender

She actually worried that she was suffering from early onset dementia. Well, now that I’ve had my third child, I can assure her that it’s not early onset dementia, it’s third child syndrome! In the last three days, I have forgotten:

1) the name of that television show filmed in Ireland, the one about the Catholic priest tempted by the spunky townswoman, the one I watched for five out of six seasons (it’s Ballykissangel, of course!)

2) the name of that annual flower that comes in orange or yellow, the one that butterflies like (duh, it is the marigold), and

3) the name of the root vegetable that is a little like water chestnut, kind of bland but nice and crunchy, you peel it like a potato and eat it raw (jicama!)

Third child syndrome frustrates me to no end! I had to write down the above list of three things I had forgotten, for fear that I would forget the list! I think it’s just that the mother of three children constantly must check the needs of her children — is the homework done for tomorrow, when did the toddler last have a bath, does the baby’s diaper need changing, and so on and so on. There simply isn’t room left in the brain for extraneous facts such as the Spanish word “jicama” for the Mexican potato, also known as the Mexican turnip. Ask me next week and I probably won’t even remember I wrote this post.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

9 Months & Beyond, LLC offers a full doula services, lactation support and parenting education. We combine the best resources of a doula agency and pregnancy/ parenting boutique with a respectful, supportive community. From conception through the first years of parenting, we help birthing families through a range of counseling and educational services and products designed for their special circumstances.
Specialties include:
birth/labor doula services
childbirth education
birth tub rental
breast-pump rental
lactation education and consultation
parenting education
support groups
products that promote attachment and connected parenting (such as slings, books, etc)

What will you do if you win $10,000 for this idea?

From being an home-based, one woman show to developing a small service inside of a pediatric office, we are tired but excited by our progress. The extra money would help us make that next step in growth including expanding our hours of service and increasing our physical facilities space. We could then offer group classes for mothers/parents and at a variety of times to better serve our clients’ complex schedules. Further, with a bit of success under our belt, we are beginning to entertain investor options. Bringing more money to the table allows us to maintain control and the vision for our service.

If you agree it’s a fantastic idea and you want to support Micky and her business, vote here!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

I happen to be a particularly shy person. I worried about helping my children make friends and I hoped that they wouldn’t suffer from a crippling shyness. Now that my older two are three and six years of age, I am happy to report that I have gotten several comments from friends who say, “Your children make friends so easily!” “Your children aren’t shy!” Those things are often said by someone with younger children — ones who still want to stay by mommy’s side at the park. At first I smile and think back to myself about how my children were just like hers, wanting to stay by me, coming to me for a cuddle and a nursing session in between activities. And then I try to explain to the mommy, looking wistfully at my now-independent children, that by giving my children the gift of security at my side in the beginning, we all benefited from a greater independence later on.

For evidence of this, see this question from a breastfeeding mother who wrote about her daughter’s growing independence, and this story about the time my then four-year-old made it quite clear my presence was no longer necessary!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3