“She needs to learn to separate from you and be independent. Just leave and I’ll get her to take a bottle.”

“You’re spoiling that child by picking her up so much!”

“He’ll never want to leave your bed!”

While my family supports my attachment parenting style, I have read and heard those statements elsewhere. Of course I have ignored them entirely and done what’s best for my family.  Still, I always wanted to say, “Just you wait and see! My daughter will blossom into an independent, self-assured child! The time and attention I am giving her now are an investment in her future behavior!” I kept my mouth shut though, because really, if people are going to make those kinds of statements, they probably aren’t going to listen to the parenting philosophy of a first-time mother.  But now the time has come for me to say, “I told you so!”

I nursed my first daughter on cue (I don’t like the term “on demand.” I listened to her cues and nursed her whenever she needed to be nursed). We co-slept. I let her stay by my side at playgroup and I took her with me everywhere I went. I used a sling and practiced child-led weaning. In spite of all that–or rather, because of all that–my child has grown into a secure, confident almost-five-year-old. I have the evidence to prove it….

Right around the time my toddler night-weaned, my daughter decided she no longer wanted to share a bed with her sister. She wanted her own room with her own bed. She became very territorial about it. Not mean, not rude, just very protective of her own things and especially her own bed. I found that out one morning after I dared to get a little sleep in her bed. She saw me there and didn’t say a word, but later that day she grabbed a piece of scratch paper, a black crayon and some blue painter’s tape and made the following sign and taped it to her bedroom door:

It’s actually a very polite sign. See the smiley-face stickers on it? She simply wanted to make it quite clear–in black bubble letters with underlining–that no one else should sleep in her bed! The child who once needed me by her side, wanted me to co-sleep and nurse her through the night, now kicked me out for good! It’s a good thing and I’m proud of how she’s asserting herself and her independence. I only worry a little bit what she’ll be like in her teens….

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

If it had occurred to me I suppose I could have tried to throw away the pacifier and the bottle before giving the doll to my daughter but believe me, my daughter knew everything that was supposed to come with that doll. She would have noticed the loss! I could have guided her to another doll but it’s only natural for her to want the same type of doll her friend has.

My daughter will “nurse” her doll–and her little sister for that matter–and if she does bottle-feed the doll she gives her a bottle of expressed breast milk. She doesn’t know that anything else could even go into a baby bottle. (Alright, I confess it’s water in the bottle because that’s how you make Baby Born use the potty, but my daughter does actually pretend that it’s “mum-mum milk”).

So, what about you? Do you let your little girls or boys play with baby dolls that come with baby bottles? If so, do you talk about breastfeeding and pumping and bottles of expressed breast milk?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

“i’m not sure if many of you realise, since i don’t mention it all that often here because it’s such a normal part of our lives, that smiley is still actively breastfeeding.

i don’t go out of my way to mention it, just as i don’t go out of my way to not mention it, but tonight i thought i’d say something, just in case there are mums out there who are struggling with breastfeeding either because of medical or physical issues, or because they’re being pressured by people around them to stop. i suppose i hope that this will help breastfeeding to be seen as the entirely normal thing that it is & perhaps encourage those mums who are having troubles.

breastfeeding your child, if at all possible, is one of the most amazing things you can do for your child. many mums have to stop early for one valid reason or another, but my hope is that those who can, will continue breastfeeding their children for as long as possible.

i’m quite fortunate in that i’ve very rarely had anything negative said directly to me about smiley still breastfeeding. my mother & father-in-law had said to smiley on a few occasions when he’d asked for “boobie” when they were within earshot, “you don’t want boobie! boobie’s yucky!” i respectfully asked them not to say that & they stopped. i don’t know why they would say that to him, but i assume it’s because in their thinking, a child of his age should be weaned by now. perhaps they even thought that i didn’t want to be breastfeeding him anymore & i was somehow doing it against my will. that’s certainly not the case.

they haven’t said anything recently, but i have caught a look or two (not made at me, but to the air, so to speak) from my mum-in-law that seemed to indicate that it wasn’t okay with her. please know that i’m not saying this to have a go at them. i’m just stating that this is the only opposition that i’ve had to me breastfeeding smiley for this long. i love my mother & father-in-law a lot. they go far above & beyond the call of duty in supporting myself & their grandson & i appreciate them as friends & family.

since smiley rarely breastfeeds in public anymore, due mainly to the fact that he’s too busy & excited about whatever is going on around him, it’s not something which comes up in conversation. i don’t hide it or avoid the subject, it’s just not ‘out there’ so it doesn’t come up. if smiley does want boobie while we’re out, i usually put him off until later simply because i want to finish what we’re doing or because it’s not a convenient time or we’re not in a place where i can sit down comfortably. however, if he really needs boobie because he’s very upset or has hurt himself, then i’ll stop whatever i’m doing to help him feel better.

breastfeeding an infant is about comfort, food, nutrition & protection from illness. breastfeeding an older child is more about comfort from the child’s point of view, but there’s still nutritional value in the milk & there are definitely major benefits in regard to receiving vital antibodies. for instance, with smiley about to attend a day care centre a couple of times a week, i’m really pleased that he’s still breastfeeding regularly to help him obtain ‘fresh’ antibodies to stop him from becoming as ill as he might otherwise from all the bugs & germs to which he’ll be newly exposed.

the world wide average age of weaning a child is four years old. many in the western world would find this rather extreme, but imagine if the vast majority in the western world who wean by six months old were taken out of that average? the more ‘normal’ age for weaning would jump quite a bit higher.

at this stage, i have no plan to wean smiley at a certain age. i’m going to take it day by day. originally, i figured i’d breastfeed him at least until about two years old. after he turned two, however, it didn’t seem any less normal to be breastfeeding him. why should he, at two years old, need boobie any less than he did at one year & three-hundred & sixty-four days old? likewise, why would he need it any less the next day? or the next?

yes, gradually he’s not needed the breast as much each day, but i’ve left that up to him. he’s getting older, more independent, more able to cope with falls or bumps on his own without needing the comfort of the breast, but if he does need that comfort, who am i to deny it? as long as both he & i are happy continuing the breastfeeding relationship, then i can’t see any reason to stop it at this stage.

think of it this way, if your child fell & hurt herself, would you not give her a hug? would you not allow her to have that ‘blankie’ or that special toy that makes her happy again? some day, in her own time, she’ll not always need those things when she feels strong & capable to cope with those occasions on her own. smiley doesn’t have a special toy or a blankie for his hurts or upsets. he has boobie. he doesn’t always need boobie to make it better, most days just a kiss on the sore spot or a hug or band-aid or a bit of attention is enough to make it better.

some might say that breastfeeding for this long will make the child needy or clingy. just ask anyone who’s spent time with my little boy if they think he’s needy or clingy. far from it. he’s a very capable & independant child. he’s had the support & comfort that he’s needed, when he’s needed it & it’s made him confident to go out there on his own & explore & learn.

i want to spread the good word about breastfeeding, so i thought i’d speak up about it.

if you’d like to read more about someone else who has breastfed her kids for as long as they needed & wanted, there’s a really encouraging, positive & inspiring article here.”

Thanks so much for sharing your own inspiring story, Coralie!

For more breastfeeding stories click here. To share your story with me too, click here. I’d love to hear from you!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3