Here are my musings, for what they are worth (leave a comment if you agree or disagree!) New motherhood can leave any mother feeling physically worn out and tired and consequently less interested in sex. Fatherhood throws a man into a new view of his wife, their relationship, and their roles. If he’s doing it “right,” fatherhood just might leave him worn out and tired too! Arguments over the division of household labor and parenting can also strain a relationship.

Breastfeeding can help by improving maternal mood and promoting bonding as a family. It can also help a mother feel good about her body (what an amazing thing to be able to do, to nourish a life with one’s breasts!), and in some cases helping her return to her pre-pregnancy figure. If, however, breastfeeding presents a stumbling block in an intimate relationship, hopefully that can be addressed through further communication. First by identifying what the problem is exactly — a partner’s sense that breasts are purely sexual, and/or that breastfeeding takes away that part of intimacy? A reduced physical sense of enjoyment on the part of the mother, or simply feeling “touched out” by breastfeeding?

Then the second question becomes what to do to resolve the problem. It’s easy enough to say that “this too shall pass” and to recognize that babyhood and breastfeeding are just the blink of an eye in the span of a relationship. But I am hopeful that there are things that can be done to address any ways in which breastfeeding is having a negative effect. For example, having the partner learn to use a sling and “wear” the baby in the evening to give the nursing mother some more hands-free time. Exploring ways to foster intimacy and enjoyment other than through the breasts. Learning to laugh at the occasional spray of milk during lovemaking! Maybe even making breastfeeding part of the sexual relationship with an adult nursing relationship? I don’t have any particular feelings on that subject except my initial thought that if it works for a husband and wife, doesn’t interfere with the baby’s nursing relationship, and makes breastfeeding a positive thing in the family, then all the better. (And my second thought, that if mom or baby develops a yeast infection (thrush), that all the members of the family will need to be treated whether or not they are exhibiting symptoms. That’s often the case with stubborn cases of thrush!)

The results certainly made me think. Do you have any thoughts on the subject? Any tips on balancing being a mother and a wife? Here is the final survey breakdown:

Please vote in the new poll in the side bar! As you can see I always appreciate reader input and particularly enjoy analyzing the votes that come in.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Feel free to leave a comment to explain your answer.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

1. Everything You Wanted to Know about Breastfeeding, Sex and Breast Milk Fetishes but Were Afraid to Ask — talk about tackling a difficult, taboo subject!

2. How to Get Good Medical Advice on Breastfeeding — it’s not as easy as it sounds, or as one would hope, to get accurate and current information on breastfeeding. This post contains information I would love to pass on to every prospective and new mother!

3. Reviews of Breastfeeding Products, Books, and Clothing — looking for a breast pump, bra, sling, or breastfeeding book? This post links to dozens of reviews of a whole range of breastfeeding-related items.

4. Why Sleep Training Makes Me Want to Cry — This post generated a lot of controversy. People either strongly oppose or staunchly defend “crying-it-out.”

5. Gentle Discipline — I hope this essay validates the use of attachment parenting and gentle discipline.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

~ Does seeing a woman breastfeed stimulate people sexually?
~ Is breastfeeding perceived as a sexual act?
~ Are breasts just good for sex?
~ Why do some people feel shame when they see a woman breastfeeding?
~ How can we change people’s minds about the sexualization of breastfeeding?
~ What should we think when we see a breastfeeding mother?
~ Should a mother use a blanket to cover up while breastfeeding?
~ Has shame driven more women to use formula when they’re in public?
~ Do you think covering up while breastfeeding encourages shame?
~ Are there people I should never breastfeed around?

VideoJug: Shame And Sexualization Of Public Breastfeeding

Anyone have any thoughts on this discussion? Did you all see that fact pop up: “For every 1,000 babies born in the United States, four will die from formula feeding”? Wow. Feel free to leave a comment.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

How does breastfeeding affect my wife’s sex drive?

Any new mother whether breastfeeding or not needs time to heal from giving birth. Even after a woman gets cleared by her doctor to resume sexual relations, she may not be ready to do so. Having a new baby is a huge adjustment, both on a mother and on a marriage.

As to whether the breastfeeding mother has more or less sex drive than the bottle-feeding mother, the jury is out. The Breastfeeding Answer Book reports:

Masters and Johnson (1966) say that breastfeeding mothers are more comfortable with their own sexuality and therefore are more anxious to resume sexual relations with their husbands than are their formula-feeding counterparts.

Recent research is mixed. Some studies indicate that breastfeeding mothers are less interested in sex after childbirth (Byrd 1988; Glazener 1997; Visness and Kennedy 1997) while other studies conclude that breastfeeding mothers are more sexually active than their formula-feeding counterparts (Al Bustan 1995).

At any rate, breastfeeding mothers may need a little more foreplay and assistance. When estrogen levels are low, some women may experience vaginal dryness. That’s when extra loving attention and a water-based lubricant such as K-Y Jelly can help.

Those early months can leave any mother feeling tired, emotionally drained and “all touched out.” A husband can help his wife get in the mood by speaking her “love language.” In his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, Dr. Gary Chapman identified five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. The idea is that to create a happy marriage, spouses need to show each other their love by speaking their partner’s language.

For example, a husband who performs Acts of Service for his wife such as making dinner one night, taking the baby in the morning so his wife can sleep in, or tidying the house is more likely to have a loving wife who speaks his love language of Physical Touch. Get the idea?

My wife’s breasts squirt milk during sex. Is this common?

For some women, the hormones released during sexual intercourse trigger let-down of the milk. This certainly is not the case for all women. I’ve never had it happen but I have friends who experienced it. Luckily their husbands did not mind and just laughed it off!

To diminish the possibility, a mother can breastfeed the baby or express some milk beforehand. If she does leak anyway, she can keep a towel at the ready and apply pressure to the nipples to stop the milk flow.

Is breastfeeding a sexual act?

No, breastfeeding is not sexual. It could be described as sensory, but not sexual.

But I’ve heard some women have an orgasm while breastfeeding. Is that true?

I like what One Hot Mama has to say on this subject:

As for the physical, just like in sex, some people feel every feeling quite intensely, others hardly at all. The erogenous zones are, like our faces and personalities, unique. So some women do feel stimulated, while I, for example, feel, well, nothing. (Perhaps I should speak to my doctor). Here’s what my favourite breastfeeding expert, author Janet Tamaro [her book is So That's What They're For!] has to say about having, say, an orgasm while nursing: “Don’t panic … Your brain has just secreted a hormone that is telling your body to feel good. This does not make you a child molester, and it doesn’t make breastfeeding immoral. … It’s not that likely, so try not to worry about it or let it stand in the way of a comfortable breastfeeding relationship with your baby.” In other words, take that good feeling, and use it on your partner.

I’m curious what breast milk tastes like. Can I try some?

If your wife is willing, sure! You can taste it straight from the source (as Chandler said, the packaging certainly appeals to adults!) or from a cup. It tastes sweet and a whole heck of a lot better than artificial milk. Don’t take my word for it though–read what this Penn State professor had to say!

Keep in mind that there’s a difference between a healthy curiosity about breast milk and an obsession with it. Since starting Breastfeeding 1-2-3 last year, I’ve come to learn that there are men out there with breast milk fetishes. If you don’t have a partner willing to share some breast milk, you’re sorry out of luck. Don’t try harassing a breastfeeding counselor or a milk bank for some (seriously, you will have the police show up on your doorstep). There are ways to buy milk on-line, but beware that buying milk on-line comes with inherent risks for your health. Unpasteurized breast milk can transmit HIV, syphilis and hepatitis A and B among other things.

There are legitimate reasons for adults to consume breast milk. Some cancer patients drink breast milk to boost their immune systems and reduce the effects of chemotherapy. That’s not just some wacky, far-out idea either. Scientific evidence supports the promising anti-cancer powers of breast milk.

Feel free to share your (G-rated) experience in the comments. Moms, has breastfeeding affected your sex drive? Dads, has breastfeeding (and any attendant increase in bust size) changed how you feel about your wife? Also, please take a moment to vote in the poll in the side bar.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

1. Do Kegel exercises. After childbirth (or at any time!) a mother can do Kegels to strengthen her pelvic floor muscles (the pubococcygeus muscles). These exercises, which can be done without anyone else even knowing, help enhance sexual pleasure (assuming the new mother is even interested in sex after her six-week postpartum checkup!) and prevent urinary incontinence.

2. Listen to music.

3. Smell that wonderful baby smell!

4. Practice deep breathing and relaxation exercises. Deep breathing, progressive muscular relaxation and eliciting the relaxation response are three techniques that can help mothers reduce stress.

5. Read a magazine.

6. NAK. Nursing at the computer keyboard (NAK) is how I get a great deal of my blogging done!

7. Take a bath. Taking a bath together helps soothe and relax the baby and may actually make nursing easier! Skin-to-skin contact (kangaroo care) reduces stress, improves breastfeeding rates and promotes bonding between mother and infant.

8. Sit outside and enjoy nature. When the weather is nice, both mother and baby can benefit from the fresh air!

9. Express from the other breast. Pumping from one breast while nursing from the other actually helps mothers pump more milk due to the baby’s triggering of the milk-ejection reflex.

10. Attend a breastfeeding support group meeting. Share advice and make friends with other mothers. It can be very validating and helpful to nurse among other breastfeeding moms.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3