Photo by Debaird(TM)

What about when my toddler is a preschooler? I know I never nursed my first child when she was at her preschool. I don’t think the teachers even knew she was “still” breastfeeding. I thought they might be uncomfortable with it and would treat her (and me) differently.

So, what are your thoughts? Are there any restrictions you place on when, where, or at what nursling age you will or will not nurse in public?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Having said that, I had reached a point where I needed some extended time to myself — some time when I was not in charge of one or more of my three children. The problem was that I do not enjoy leaving a child who will surely cry for me if I am not there. I don’t find that relaxing! My first daughter was a high-needs child who absolutely could not separate from me for significant periods of time until she was nearly three years old. Sure she would have survived, but not without tears, and not without crying until she threw up (I never let it get to that point, but I could tell in our early (aborted) attempts at night-weaning that that would be the case). So with her, I learned to take breaks at home — a long, hot bath, a nap, a movie in bed. Something where I could be summoned if needed but could relax in knowing that my child was happy and nearby.

My third daughter is different. She more readily accepts being comforted by my husband. Still, I wasn’t sure that she could manage more than a couple of hours without me. That’s not arrogance talking, either; that’s love and concern for my 16-month-old. So when I mentioned to friends that I was in desperate need of a break, I was a little surprised when they asked, “Couldn’t you just leave a bottle for her?” I know that many mothers separate from their nurslings far before the 16-month point either out of necessity or desire or both. But when you are a stay-at-home mother with a nursling who is used to having you around to comfort her on cue for the last 16 months, it’s not about the milk. It’s not about substituting a bottle for the breast. It’s about substituting another person for the mother and for comfort at the mother’s breast. My toddler drinks cow’s milk and water. She doesn’t need breast milk (although she continues to reap its benefits). What she needs and wants is comfort from me, and one way I provide that is by nursing her.

My husband is an attached parent too, and he has learned ways to provide comfort to my toddler as well. He carries her in the sling, snuggles her to sleep, takes her on adventures. So when I needed some time to myself on Saturday morning, I trusted that he would be able to keep her happy. I headed out the door at 9:30 a.m. and I used my free time to see the matinee movie of The Twilight Saga: New Moon. (I enjoyed it in spite of all the bad reviews!) I even had time when I got home to read a little and take a nap from which I woke up naturally (a nap is a rarity; sleeping as long as I want without being wakened by someone else is almost unheard of!)

So how did it go? My toddler was a trooper! She took a nap at home, then enjoyed a car ride to Whole Foods, a good amount of time grocery shopping while being worn in the sling, and the car ride home. We were separated for about five hours and I think she handled it better than I did! And no, I had not left a bottle of milk for her. I left her in the capable hands of her attached father.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Me and my 14-month-old

I hadn’t heard the oven timer beep so it was a good thing my little sous chef alerted me before the muffins burned. There was no more sleeping after that, but my baby had had a good nap, my preschooler and I had had fun baking, and we all enjoyed a yummy snack!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Toddler Nursing Strike Versus Self-Weaning

Teething toddler by Jenn_Jenn

1. Age of the nursling. A baby rarely self-weans before the age of 18 months. The closer a toddler gets to age three, the more likely it might be actual self-weaning, but don’t rely on age alone.

2. Prior frequency of nursing. Was the child nursing once or twice a day, or nursing every 2-3 hours? Did the child require nursing to sleep for naps and bedtime? The more frequently a child was nursing, the more likely it is a strike.

3. Mood of the nursling. Is your nursling acting upset and is he or she difficult to soothe? Is your toddler happy as a clam and busily going about the day? Of course if your child seems unhappy about the turn of events, it’s probably not self-weaning.

4. Event that could trigger a strike. Is your toddler teething or sick? Did you recently yelp when your toddler clamped down on the nipple, or did you reprimand your toddler for something? Examine the possible causes for a nursing strike.

Things to Try to End a Toddler Nursing Strike

When faced with a nursing strike, you want to pump or hand-express to keep up your supply and prevent engorgement, plugged ducts and mastitis. Continue offering the breast without unduly pressuring the child. Try offering as the child is drifting off to sleep or just waking up. Then consider the reasons for a strike, which will give you ideas for how to end it!

The book Mothering Your Nursing Toddler by Norma J. Bumgarner is a wonderful resource and it does not disappoint on the topic of toddler nursing strikes (see pp. 211-212). It lists two of the first potential causes to consider for a nursing strike as a stuffy nose and/or a sore mouth from teething. Keep in mind that biting is often a sign of teething. You can try various pain-relieving techniques to see if any help with the teething and make it more comfortable for your toddler to nurse.

One seemingly crazy trick to try with the stuffy nose is squirting some breast milk in the nostrils (either directly from the breast using clean hands to express, or by pumping and using a dropper or cup). It’s messy and your child might resist it, but it only takes a few drops and it can definitely help clear a stuffy nose, strange as it sounds. Alternatively you can ask your doctor about a saline solution that is appropriate to try to clear his nasal passages.

One other physical cause to consider: a broken tooth. Sometimes a toddler will let someone get a good look in the mouth if you hold the child in your lap, facing you, and then lay the child’s head back on your knees while another adult faces you both and gets a look in the child’s mouth.

I would wonder about an ear infection, sinus infection, injury or anything else that could be making it painful for the toddler to suck.

Toddler nursing strikes can also be caused by hurt feelings over a reprimand or being made to do something the child didn’t want to do. Depending on how verbal your toddler is, you can try to ask about this. Your toddler might not even know the reason for the strike, and you may never know. You can try verbalizing it for your child, with something like, “I can tell something was bothering you and you did not want to nurse. I would like to make it all better so we can try nursing again. I love you and want you to be happy. How about we try nursing in the bathtub (or another favorite, relaxing place).” You know your child best and what might work. The idea is to validate your child’s feelings even if your child cannot verbalize them.

Keep trying different things to see if anything helps. Strikes can go on for days, but hopefully your child can be coaxed back sooner rather than later with all that you are doing to try to help. If a couple of weeks have passed and your child happily goes about the day and readily accepts other means of nourishment and comfort, then it might be time to consider that your child has ended the nursing relationship. It can be a particularly emotional time if you were not the one to initiate the end of nursing. Take pride in the knowledge that you met your child’s needs and the need for nursing went away.

Your Experience

Have you ever dealt with a toddler nursing strike or self-weaning? What happened and how did you handle it?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Photo by Ronen's Dad

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

My 10 month old babe has started to come over (she’s been walking for about two months now). She starts to nurse, and then as soon as my milk drops she fusses to get up and walks away, happy as a clam I might add. Is this normal? Is she playing some nursing game that I don’t know about? I can’t find anything about it online. She only wants to really nurse at night, or if I catch her in a groggy state after a nap. Otherwise, it’s the routine above. Any info or suggestions? I don’t want to shoo her away if she really wants it. Is it a phase? Any thoughts you or others might have would be greatly appreciated!

My reply:

My thoughts are that it’s perfectly normal — that your daughter is excited about everything else going on in her day and is too busy to nurse. Her coming to you until the milk lets down is just her making sure it’s there if she needs it! She’s checking in and reconnecting with you briefly before she goes off to explore something else. It’s giving her the self-confidence and assurance to explore her world.

You’re doing the right thing by nursing at night and trying to catch her at other times that she is receptive, like when she just wakes up from a nap. If you want to encourage more nursing during the day, you could try the bathtub as a relaxing setting (skin-to-skin contact can help too), using a sling (if she enjoys that), or going into a darkened room.

One helpful resource is the book Mothering Your Nursing Toddler by Norma Jane Bumgarner.

What has your experience with toddler nursing been? Did your nursling’s level of interest in breastfeeding wax and wane over time? Did a period of reduced interest in breastfeeding lead to weaning? How did you handle any changes in nursing interest? Leave a comment!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

By: The Hoovers

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3