Breastfeeding 1-2-3 » toddlers

Rhetorical Questions

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 18:35:04 +0000

Why does a toddler who wakes at 7 a.m. sharp every morning sometimes nap at 9 a.m. and sometimes not until after 2 p.m.? Who are the people who have their kids on a strict schedule and how do they force their children to sleep? (I am guessing it involves tears, and that is why it’s a rhetorical question).

Image by Chris Baker

Who takes care of the mother when she is sick?

When a nursling sleeps in a longer stretch than normal, why does the mother still wake at the usual time? Why couldn’t she sleep through and enjoy that wonderful gift and not panic that something has happened to her child?

Why do people feel it’s at all appropriate or welcome to ask about a couple’s reproductive plans, whether that couple has no children or three? Does the answer somehow change how many children the questioner wants to have or wishes she or he had?

What is the significance of holiday gift-giving in a society in which many people already have too much “stuff” and generally buy whatever they truly need anyway? And if someone is actually in need, shouldn’t we be giving to that person year-round and not because it’s a holiday?

Why did my daughter’s preschool put out a calendar at the beginning of the school year and then change the date of the Christmas Songfest without a big announcement that the date was actually a change in date, so that the smug among us who already had the date of the Songfest on their calendars didn’t note the new date and found themselves driving to a Songfest that is actually scheduled for two days from now?

Why are some people more grumpy during the holidays? Is it because they are mothers who have no one to care for them when they are sick with a cold? (Kidding. Sort of. Achoo!)

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Toddler Nursing Antics

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 09:42:59 +0000

When I discussed How to Teach Your Baby Nursing Manners, I gave a rather tongue-in-cheek list of categories for “misbehaving” nurslings: Scratcher, Dentist, Biter, Lookie-Loo, Sipper, Twiddler, Gymnast and Self-Server. While experienced nursing mothers will know those labels are applied with love, I don’t want to scare off new mothers. Please read that post if you didn’t get a chance to the first time around and you are looking for gentle ways to improve your nursing relationship.

My cutie with a cucumber

Now that my baby is a 16-month-old toddler, I feel the need to add a couple of names to that list. Oh yes, my nursling is sometimes a Sipper and a Gymnast, but she’s also a Pincher and a Switcher. Lately my little darling has taken to fiddling with my breast or my hand while she’s nursing. She doesn’t mean to be malicious, she’s just finding something to do with her hands. Unfortunately when she plays with my skin she often ends up pinching me! I certainly don’t tolerate that behavior and I have a few ways of dealing with it. I hold her hand if she’ll let me. At night I sometimes use the toddler swaddle. During the day, if she’s being particularly persistent, I simply tell her that she cannot continue to nurse if she pinches me. While she might not be able to talk very well yet at this point, she certainly understands everything I say, and I give her the courtesy of informing her of the rules. If she still continues to pinch me, I gently break the latch with my pinky in the corner of her mouth, and calmly tell her that if she would like to nurse again she needs to be gentle. Usually that’s all it takes and she quickly settles back down to nursing without playing with her hands.The Switcher is not very troublesome but I have noticed it making an appearance more often. It doesn’t bother me much when my nursling wants to nurse on one side and soon asks to switch to the other side. I can remember when my first nursling used to ask for “Other side! Big one!” I suspect this happens when my milk is taking longer than usual to let down, or when my daughter is particularly thirsty and wants lots of the foremilk. So I’m pretty understanding about this behavior unless it continues — left, right, left, right! Then I might offer an alternative such as a book, an activity, water or food.What about you? Have you seen any of these Gymnast/Dentist/Switcher characters? How might you categorize some of your nursling’s behavior?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Five Toddler Sleep Lessons

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 04:02:12 +0000

Yesterday I practically shouted from the rooftops about how my husband settled my 15-month-old back to sleep in the night. After three nurslings and seven-and-a-half years of mothering, this toddler sleep thing remains much of a mystery to me. All I know for sure is that I am not willing to let my child cry-it-out.

My sleeping 15-month-old

So what bits of sleep advice can be gleaned from my experience? I have come to these five conclusions:

1. Do what works for you. If co-sleeping and nursing your baby back to sleep help you both get a better night’s rest, then do it!

2. If something stops working for you, then take the initiative and change it! Sounds a little obvious but in a sleep-deprived haze it can be all too easy to continue on with the way things are.

3. It’s okay to try new ways to settle your child to sleep. Whether it’s rocking to sleep instead of nursing, wearing your baby in a sling, or having your partner sing the baby to sleep, it’s okay to experiment. If your nursling is unhappy with that, she will make it quite clear and you can shelve the experiment for another few months and then try again. Or try a different method.

4. There will be back-sliding. You can count on teething, illness, or growth spurts to set back the process. It’s normal and inevitable and it helps simply to recognize that and to put any sleep changes on hold.

5. Eventually, your child will sleep better at night. At some point, you will find yourself waking up for no reason. Your nursling didn’t wake you, you just woke up as part of your own sleep rhythm. Soon, your nursling will sleep so well you will wonder if everything is alright!

For those of you with toddlers, what has your sleep experience been like? Have you come to any conclusions of your own?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Toddler Swaddle

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Sat, 24 Feb 2007 07:00:21 +0000

Everyone knows that safely swaddling a newborn can help the baby fall asleep and stay asleep for longer periods of time. Unfortunately, each of my daughters tolerated swaddling for about three weeks and then protested it vehemently. They wanted those little arms out! I could wrap their lower bodies but heaven forbid I try to corral those arms. [Edited to add: Now I have come to question the wisdom of swaddling babies. As always, do your research!]

Later on as I tried gentle methods to improve my toddler’s sleep, I wondered whether I could create a twist on the newborn swaddle–the “toddler swaddle.” Even as my daughter was cutting back on the night-nursing, each session was difficult for me because she would nurse and refuse to let me go. I had trouble getting her to “pop off” and stay asleep. I employed Elizabeth Pantley’s gentle removal technique (watch for the sucking pattern “suck-suck-suck-pause” and right after the pause, use your pinkie finger to break the latch gently; try try again until the baby settles without asking to nurse again) but my daughter kept a tight grip on my breast with both her hands and woke each time I tried to extricate myself.

Finally I realized that after she nursed on the second side and started to drift back to sleep, I could encourage her to put her arms at her sides and use the bed covers to tuck those arms snugly down. (Remember, with a toddler we were well past the SIDS risk). If ever she protested my tucking her arms down, I knew I’d tried the technique a little too early and would wait another moment or two to try again.

With her arms snugly tucked down, my toddler almost always let me escape on the first try! It’s a crude analogy I know, but it was a bit like putting blinders on a horse. The “toddler swaddle” took the distractions away and gave my daughter the sense of security she needed to settle and stay asleep. She could always free herself easily as she was only tucked in on the side facing me and she was free to roll the other way.

Anything that helps both mother and child get more sleep is a wonderful thing!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3