Photo courtesy of zweettooth

First, Some Caveats

Please keep in mind:

~ Not all babies do any or all of these behaviors!
~ Such behavior does not mean the baby wants to wean. As Kellymom.com says, “True SELF-weaning before a baby is a year old is very uncommon. In fact, it is unusual for a baby to wean before 18-24 months unless mom is encouraging weaning.”
~ No matter what your aunt/grandma/nosy neighbor says, such behavior does not mean your baby is “too old to nurse.”
~ These behaviors are fleeting, do not have to be tolerated, and can be corrected gently!

Second, Some Do’s and Don’ts

~ Do use a calm and gentle voice when talking to your baby about nursing manners.
~ Don’t shout or yelp (hard as that might be) because such a scare to the baby can trigger a nursing strike.
~ Do talk to your baby as if she or he understands your every word. Just because the baby cannot communicate with words does not mean that he or she cannot understand your meaning. As you calmly repeat gentle admonishments and distractions, even the youngest baby will get the idea!

Third, The Scenarios

I say these names in jest! For ease of discussion, I also refer to the nursling as a “he.”

1. The Scratcher. My mom describes how as a baby I would tickle her sides with my fingers, which just happened to have those razor-sharp baby fingernails! If your baby idly scratches your side or breast as he nurses, try starting out the nursing session by tucking that hand underneath the baby or under your arm. You don’t want to restrain the baby (who will only get mad and disrupt the nursing) but you do want to remove the opportunity and the idea. If it happens anyway, gently move the offending hand and give him your finger or hand to occupy him.

2. The Dentist. My first-born loved to reach her hand up to my mouth and give me a “dental exam” while she nursed. I tried the same techniques as for The Scratcher above, plus used the time to teach her how to be gentle. A simple, repeated request to “be gentle” along with my hand guiding her hand to stroke my face taught her a more comfortable way for her to touch me. My current 9-month-old now knows when I ask her to “be gentle” it means she is supposed to point her finger and stroke my face (or the cat, or the china figurine)!

3. The Biter. Oh, this is a tough one for moms. When babies start teething they sometimes like to soothe their sore gums or try out those new teeth by clamping down on mom. It’s not malicious, and as I said above, it does not mean that the baby does not want to nurse ever again. It simply means the baby is experimenting and needs some reminders that it’s not okay. It can be near impossible not to yelp, but do your best. Then work on anticipating and preventing any clamping down. Babies usually reserve biting for the end of a feed and when the sucking slows down, you can break the latch with your pinky finger in the corner of the baby’s mouth. If the baby was truly at the end of a nursing session, he won’t fuss. If he needs to nurse, he’ll ask.

If the baby does manage to bite, break the latch immediately and as calmly as you can, remind the baby “no biting.” Generally this brings about one of two reactions: the baby laughs or the baby cries. You don’t want to encourage the laughing with a big reaction of your own. If the baby cries, usually 30 seconds or less off the breast teaches him that he will not get to nurse if he bites. You can even say, “If you want to nurse, you cannot bite. Open wide” and demonstrate how to open wide to latch on again. If you are not up to nursing again, try offering your finger (pad side up) or a teether. In my experience babies rarely break the skin, but if it happens to you, check out “How Do I Heal a Bite Mark on My Nipple?”

4. The Lookie-loo. As babies get older they start to get more and more interested in the world around them. You might find that your nursling is attempting to look around the room as he is still latched on, stretching your nipple with his wandering gaze! If possible, find a quiet place to nurse away from other distractions. Talk to your baby to keep his focus on you. Consider wearing a nursing necklace to distract him from the distractions!

5. The Sipper. Like the Lookie-loo, the Sipper might be so excited by the world around him that he can only sit still long enough for a sip or two here and there, off and on the breast again. This is one of the times to remind yourself, “This too will pass.” If you find yourself annoyed by this behavior, use his excitement about the world to divert him from wanting to nurse again. Sometimes babies like to check in with mom for some reassurance after each activity. Provide another transition to the next activity and you can prevent the sipping behavior.

6. The Twiddler. Some moms can tolerate when the baby plays with one nipple while nursing the other. If you’re not one of them (and I don’t blame you!), a nursing necklace can really come in handy. You might also have to try repeated warnings, “If you want to nurse, you cannot play with the other hand.” Repeat that phrase or the phrase of your choosing while you guide your child’s hand away. If needed, you can break the latch for a few seconds as a reminder that he will not get to nurse if he does that. Keep in mind too that some babies fiddle and twiddle because they are trying to encourage the milk to let down for the first or even a second time. Babies are smart! You can help by doing breast compressions, and offering more frequent nursing sessions during the day.

7. The Gymnast. Some babies can’t sit still for a nursing session and like to move their bodies around. It can help to learn how to breastfeed while baby-wearing. A sling or wrap can help keep the baby on the task at hand!

8. The Self-server. At some point your baby might try to lift up your shirt to help himself! In addition to reminding your baby about the rules, you can get creative with your clothing so you remain covered until you are ready to nurse. That might mean wearing a tank top underneath another shirt, or wearing a pregnancy or nursing belly band.

Your Experience

Have you had to teach your baby nursing manners? Are you dealing with a problematic behavior? Leave a comment!

Other Carnival Entries

Stay tuned as more entries are added throughout the day!

How to help your baby kick the nipple shield habit – Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog
How to get a spouse to help with breastfeeding – Mama Knows Breast
How to wean a breastfed toddler – BreastfeedingMums
How to treat a cold while breastfeeding – Blacktating
How to tandem nurse without driving yourself and your nurslings crazy – Tiny Grass
How to deal with family members who are not supportive of breastfeeding – Happy Bambino
How to pump successfully at work – The Marketing Mama
How to get baby to take a bottle – BabyREADY
How to breastfeed hands-free – Baby Carriers Downunder
How to get breastfeeding off to a good start – Amber at Strocel.com
How to become a breastfeeding support professional – Breastfeeding Moms Unite!
How to care for a sick nursling – Milk Act
How to be comfortable around breastfeeding – It’s All about the Hat
How to improve milk supply through nutrition – Natural Birth and Baby Care
How to increase breastmilk supply using supplements – Maher Family Grows
How to (naturally) increase your breast milk supply with seaweed – MoBoleez
How to use YouTube to stop nosy questions – Zen Mommy
How to breastfeed (or just look like you know what you are doing) – Mama Saga

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Are You Too Old to Breast-feed?

Are you currently breast-feeding your son or daughter? How old is he or she? Do you wonder what age is appropriate to wean your child? Do you think your family and/or friends feel uncomfortable around you or discussing the topic of breast-feeding?

What is your position on when to wean your child? We want to hear your thoughts.

Please only write-in if you are willing to appear on television.

“Are you too old to breastfeed?” Why no, I don’t think I’m too old to breastfeed — I’m only 37! Just teasing, Oprah. I know what you mean. I am a little nervous though. It seems the topic of extended breastfeeding was not handled well by Tyra Banks on her show. I am trusting you to do your homework before airing a show on the topic of extended breastfeeding. Here are some resources for you:

~ How Long Should I Nurse My Baby? and A Natural Age of Weaning by Katherine Dettwyler, Ph.D.
~ Extended Breastfeeding (Beyond One Year), links compiled by La Leche League International
~ Nursing after the First Year, a collection of articles at Kellymom.com
~ my own thoughts on extended breastfeeding and weaning

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

1. Illness. When she got the stomach flu, I wished she were getting antibodies and all-important fluids from breast milk to keep her from getting dehydrated.

2. Physical comfort. When my daughter started patting my cheeks and rubbing my arms and climbing all over me until I started to get secretly annoyed at the intrusion on my personal space, I realized that she simply needed more physical contact with me to make up for the time we used to spend nursing. When she patted my cheeks, she essentially was asking me to pat her cheeks. “Give me some physical attention, Mama!” was her unspoken plea.

3. Thirst. If I were a better planner, I would always keep a full Sigg water bottle in the car to satisfy the thirst that inevitably develops in the course of running errands in the hot, dry California sunshine. Maybe I had just gotten used to having liquid satisfaction ready at the breast, because there have been several times out and about where I’ve wished we didn’t have to search out a drinking fountain or another source of water.

4. Nap time. For a long time, the only way to get my daughter to nap was to nurse her or take her for a drive in the car. Now most days she skips a nap entirely, even though she might really need it. I do not usually force the issue unless we are all miserable (at which point she gets offered the choice of going for a drive or resting on the bed or the couch.) Those are the times I really miss nursing.

5. Meltdowns. I try my best to anticipate my child’s needs and keep her from getting too thirsty, hungry, or tired. Sometimes I miss the early warning signs though, and my daughter has a meltdown. It was lovely when breastfeeding was the cure-all that could end even the worst of tantrums. Now I’ve got to be even more vigilant and creative in my parenting!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

By: Juria Yoshikawa

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

From a physical standpoint, I am glad she has weaned. It is not easy to breastfeed while pregnant (although I have done it before). However, from a mothering standpoint, I have been sad that I do not have breastfeeding as an instant way to help soothe my daughter when she is tired, sick, grumpy, or just plain needs to connect with me. I can see, though, that my daughter is very adaptable and was ready to wean, because she has come up with her own breastfeeding substitutes. She never took a pacifier (except a “chew-chew” to chew on!) or favored a “lovey.” Now that she’s no longer nursing, she likes to feel my earlobes or stroke my cheek. It is not excessive or annoying, just a sweet gesture as she wakes up in the morning and tells me that she loves me (and loves my earlobes). She also asks, “Can I lay in your lap?” and we snuggle. Sometimes she requests a “one-finger back rub” up and down her spine as another way to relax.

If you have a child who weaned, did you notice any breastfeeding substitutes?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

When I was pregnant with my second child, my first daughter nursed right through the pregnancy and happily tandem nursed with her new little sister. My experience this time around has been different. My 3-year-old simply is not as attached to nursing at this point. She had already cut back on nursing to about three times per day, and my milk supply dropped quickly. As my milk supply dropped, I found nursing to be more and more uncomfortable, and I found myself limiting the length (but not the frequency) of nursing sessions. Once I became pregnant, I experienced both breast tenderness and a further decrease in milk supply. Consequently, we are down to one nursing session per day, which my daughter self-limits. At this point, she mainly wants to know that she can nurse if she so desires, but when she latches on she quickly finds there’s not much milk and she’s not all that interested in nursing after all. I can see that she will soon wean altogether.

The very helpful book (should you find yourself pregnant and breastfeeding) Adventures in Tandem Nursing: Breastfeeding During Pregnancy and Beyond notes:

Reports seem to indicate that 26 percent of children self-wean during pregnancy…. Although 31 out of 57 babies, or 57 percent, of the children who were nursing at the beginning of their mothers’ pregnancies were no longer nursing by the end, the investigator specifically records that the weaning was baby-led in 15 of those 31 cases and mother-led in 16.

I guess I’d characterize our weaning as part mother-led, part child-led. At any rate, I think we’ll be among the 57 percent who are not nursing by the end of the pregnancy.

After nearly six years of continuous breastfeeding, I am looking forward to a little break. At the same time, though, I am mourning the nursing relationship and all the benefits for my child and me. Right now my three-year-old has a terrible cold and accompanying cough. If I had the milk, I’d be getting as much of the wonderful antibodies into her as possible to help her fight the cold and hopefully prevent an ear infection. As it stands, I’m worried that she’ll get even sicker. I can remember way back when my firstborn was just four months old, and a La Leche League leader with older children basically lamented, “That first illness after weaning is the worst. Your child gets more sick than usual because he’s not getting the antibodies from you. Not only that, but he doesn’t have nursing to comfort him when he’s not feeling well.” Subsequently I heard other leaders say, “Of course when you wean is up to you, but I don’t recommend it during cold and flu season!” Ah, wise women!

For more thoughts on breastfeeding “Beginnings and Endings,” read these entries in the carnival (updated throughout the day):

~ The Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog – Weaning
~ How to be a Badass Dad – The Breastfeeding Father
~ Leche Baby! – Weaning a Toddler
~ Mama Knows Breast – One Mom’s Story of Breastfeeding Challenges
~ Breastfeeding Mums – Beginnings and Endings
~ Adventures of Pip and Squeak – A Complicated Relationship
~ Nature Moms – Mama Knows Breast
~ Crunchy Domestic Goddess – Inauspicious Breastfeeding Beginnings
~ Tales of Life with a Girl on the Go – Breastfeeding Beginnings

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Now I Just Cuddle on Demand

Weaning. I’ve wanted to do it for almost a year, but I am just getting around to it now. My daughter is almost 2 years-old.

Weaning, many women will tell you, is completely unnecessary. Children, they maintain, stop when they want to. Which, in my experience of watching children left completely to their own devices, is when they are 4 or 5 years-old. Others believe that if there is milk in the breast, it is there for the woman’s child, or children, to drink. I understand and respect those beliefs.

That said, I work. My daughter really doesn’t mind being away from me for between 5 and 8 hours a day. She could always ensure that my milk supply stayed in production by waking up during the night to nurse. And, not because she was hungry. She can open the fridge, take out her favorite drinkable yogurt, open it and drink it all by herself.

When my older son was a little over a year old, it took three nights of offering him water during night wakings before he started sleeping through. After three nights of trying the same thing with my daughter a year ago, I gave up and just offered her the breast. Recently, I tried it again and it took about three weeks to get her sleeping from 10PM to 6:00AM without a break.

We’re now down to one very short breastfeeding session immediately before bed for the night. Getting here has not been easy.

I understood that I would need to set a feeding schedule in order to eliminate one nursing session at a time. This meant, paying attention to other clues when my daughter asked to nurse. My older son refused to eat anything except a single dish of mashed potatoes with cheese and spinach at lunch until he was 18 months-old. Continuing to nurse him until just past his second birthday was essential to prevent him from starving.

My daughter, again, was different. Her nursing seemed to have nothing to do with the need for nourishment. I learned that when she asked to nurse, she wanted quiet time; she wanted my undivided attention, she wanted to go to sleep; or just a reflective break from figuring out the world. Breastfeeding does offer safety, calm, and love, but it is not the only way to give a child what he or she needs, it’s just the easiest way.

I’ve since discovered an alternative. I call it cuddling on demand. The best part is that I can ask for it as often as I give it. I like this mutually rewarding phase of family life. We never have to wean ourselves off hugs.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

1. I night-weaned my 2.5-year old, again. A few months ago when she contracted rotavirus and started to get dehydrated, I nursed her unrestricted around the clock. Then we went on vacation, and I knew she needed the comfort and security of night-nursing in the various hotel rooms and guest rooms (plus I’m sure the other vacationers appreciated the instant quieting of any night-waking!) After night-weaning again, my getting more sleep has definitely helped improve how I feel about nursing during the day.

2. I started to introduce some limits on switching sides. With my diminishing supply, my daughter had taken to switching sides often — back and forth, back and forth — in an effort to get more milk (smart girl, she is). Now I make sure to tell her the number of “sides” she can have, and I make sure to warn her when it’s “the last side.”

3. I remembered what I did when I cut back on nursing my other daughter right around this age. I found that she could not handle a reduction in the number of nursing sessions, but she could tolerate a reduction in the length of each nursing session. It’s a lot easier for a nursling to hear, “Yes, for a little while” than “no, not right now.”

I feel a lot better simply having a plan, too. Having taken some control measures makes me feel happier to oblige when my toddler asks to nurse.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3