Many children nurse well into toddlerhood. If a toddler suddenly stops nursing altogether, there are two possible causes: (1) a toddler nursing strike triggered by an illness, teething, or emotional event, or (2) self-weaning. How can you tell the difference, and what can be done to end a toddler nursing strike? Read more

Welcome to the May Carnival of Breastfeeding! This month participants share stories related to breastfeeding (see entries at the end of this post). My story represents the end of the story — how it turns out when a mother practices extended breastfeeding.

When I had my first daughter, I fumbled my way around until I found my parenting style. It happened naturally. I couldn’t stand to hear my baby cry; what mother can? So I breastfed her on cue, wore her in a sling, and co-slept with her in my bed. Those things worked for me, my husband, and my baby. They continued to work for us, and we identified ourselves more and more with an “attachment parenting” philosophy.

Early on I heard whispers that my parenting style surprised and even worried others. The really bold people, the ones who thought they were doing me a favor by commenting on my parenting, harangued me with any number of myths: “You’re spoiling that baby by picking her up every time she cries! If you carry her everywhere she’ll never want to be put down! She needs to cry to exercise her lungs!” Sometimes I smiled and nodded and promptly ignored the advice. Sometimes I offered information and opinion. It depended on the person and the situation.

As my daughter got older and older, the admonitions became more urgent: “She won’t be able to separate from you. She’ll be clingy. You’re holding her back and making her dependent upon you.” Then came the disapproving looks and the stories that weren’t addressed to me but were meant for my ears. The message was clear: “Extended breastfeeding is wrong and you are harming your child.”

Well, let’s fast forward to the end of the story. My first “baby” is now a 7-year-old. She went to preschool after she turned three, and she didn’t shed a tear on the first day of school. I prepared her for the milestone and she separated from me easily. And guess what, she was “still” nursing at that time. I can assure you that her lungs work just fine. She is a happy, social, empathetic child, and I dare say that’s because of — not in spite of — attachment parenting.

As a new mother I was not armed with the information or ability to tell the naysayers that they were wrong. All I could do was listen to my instincts. I’d silently say, “Just you wait and see. The time will come when you realize that my way is not the wrong way. It might not be right for you, but it is right for me and my children.” That time has come, and look at that, I have a blog that lets me say a big fat “I told you so.” I say that “I told you so” not in the hope of reaching those who doubted me, but in the hope of reaching any other mothers who are struggling with naysayers. Listen to your instincts. Not only will you and your child benefit now from breastfeeding, but you will continue to reap the rewards long afterwards, and I won’t blame you one bit if you utter an “I told you so.”

Stay Tuned for Additional Carnival Entries:

Strocel.com: The Story of Hannah’s Weaning
Baby Carriers Down Under: Traveling to Kandy, Sri Lanka
Laura’s Blog: Weaning a Toddler
Stepping off the Spaceship: Life, Death and Nourishment
So Fawned: Sticking with It
Mommy News Blog: How Breastfeeding Changed My Life
All That Sazz: Flying Breast Milk
GrudgeMom: Breastfeeding Failures and Success
Massachusetts Friends of Midwives: Ben’s Story, The Best Breastfeeding Advice from the Least Likely Source
BreastfeedingMums: Breastfeeding Made Me the Mother I Am
Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog: “They Said the Latch Was Fine”
Chronicles of a Nursing Mom: Breastfeeding Is Not Easy
Breastfeeding Moms Unite: Can Early Public Breastfeeding Sightings Shape One’s Future Breastfeeding Practices?
The Towells: Breastfeeding after Breast Reduction
Zen_Mommy: Celebrating . . . My Chest!
Blacktating: Nursing in Public
Crystal Gold: A Found Memory

This Friday, December 12, 2008, ABC’s 20/20 will run a piece on “Extreme Breastfeeding: When to Stop?” You can see a preview video of the interview that features lactation consultant Robyn, who breastfeeds her 5-year-old kindergartner. Robyn is very well-spoken and I want to commend her for doing the interview and presenting a positive image of extended breastfeeding!

The segment also includes renowned anthropologist Katherine Dettwyler, Ph.D. Kathy has written several fascinating commentaries on extended breastfeeding, including “A Natural Age of Weaning.”

Watch the preview video, watch the full program tomorrow, and please come back and leave a comment to share your thoughts!

On Thursday, July 3, 2008, the Tyra Banks show will feature Veronika Robinson (author of The Drinks Are on Me), who will share her experience with breastfeeding her children until they were ages 7 and nearly 8. She has written about her experience before, in an essay entitled Extraordinary Breastfeeding.

Here’s the blurb from the Tyra Banks show about the episode “Motherhood Controversy”:

With her audience filled with mothers, Tyra hosts a no-holds-barred conversation about the pressures they face today. Tyra speaks with a woman who defends her controversial decision to breastfeed her kids until they were 8 years old, and a woman who believes it is acceptable to breastfeed her children in public. Then a young woman explains her desire to be a stay-at-home wife and mother — even though her own mother raised her to be a career woman. Next, emotions get heated when stay-at-home mothers debate working moms on who makes the better parent.

Perhaps I should be excited to see the topic of extended breastfeeding being discussed on an American talk show, but I cannot imagine the discussion will be productive or enlightening. The promo clip shows Tyra admitting, “I find it quite odd!” And, gee, how did the show manage to find “a woman who believes it is acceptable to breastfeed her children in public”?! I wish nursing in public weren’t controversial, and I hope at least there is a sensible mention of the various federal and state laws that protect a mother/baby pair’s right to breastfeed in public. I won’t be watching (no television at our house at the moment) so please do post a comment here if you get a chance to see the show!

A study for the Annals of the Rheumatic Diseases revealed new ideas about the ability of breastfeeding to prevent rheumatoid arthritis. BBC News reports:

They found women who had breastfed for 13 months or more were half as likely to develop rheumatoid arthritis as those who had never breastfed. Those who breastfed for between one and 12 months had a 25% decreased risk. The study also found that simply having children and not breastfeeding did not seem to protect the women against developing rheumatoid arthritis.

More study is needed in this area to determine exactly what role breastfeeding and lifestyle choices play in the prevention of rheumatoid arthritis. In the meantime, add this to the list of reasons extended breastfeeding is beneficial for both mother and baby!

Cancer is the topic for this month’s theme day here at the Health and Wellness Channel at b5media. I have written a lot about how breastfeeding reduces the risk of breast cancer and ovarian cancer in the mother. This time I want to focus on cancer and the breastfed infant. The good news is that breastfeeding reduces the risk that a child will develop leukemia. Unfortunately, it can still happen. In that case, imagine what comfort a child with cancer could take from nursing at his mother’s breast, not to mention the potential benefit of the promising anti-cancer properties of breast milk.

Jonathan is a two-and-a-half year old nursling with leukemia. You can read his story here. Start with the “my story” page then follow his current progress in the family’s “journal.” Before you go, make sure to leave a supportive comment in “guestbook.”

Can you imagine if a nursing toddler were denied the comfort of breastfeeding during treatment? Remember the controversy over the Ronald McDonald House policy on breastfeeding in public?

My youngest daughter turned three this past week. Her birthday brought a rush of emotions for me. Amazement: how could she be three already? Surprise: where did that growth spurt come from and how did she suddenly (but right on schedule) fit into her 3T clothes? Pride: she is so much fun, even as she grows more independent and tells me, “No! I like it the way I like it!” Trepidation: I remember when my first daughter turned three. That was the age when breastfeeding really became suspect. Up until then, the people around me generally supported the nursing relationship. After all, “two” is still a little babyish. But when “two” turned to “three,” we apparently crossed a line. I rarely had occasion to nurse in public, but there were times when I did — when I put my child’s needs above what strangers thought of us nursing. I certainly didn’t feel comfortable though letting the other preschool mothers and the teachers know that we were nursing. The only person I made a point to tell was our pediatrician. Doctors need to know that “extended” breastfeeding is a normal practice, and that it produces healthy children who hardly ever need to visit the doctor!

This time around, I dread the feeling of having to “closet” our nursing relationship. I won’t go out of the way to hide the fact that we’re nursing, but I won’t encourage it in public and I will discourage it (delay, distract, etc.) in certain situations. My daughter comes first, but now, when she’s three, I get the sense that part of putting her first means backing off the nursing in public.

What do you all think? Was there a time when you no longer felt comfortable nursing in public? Did it happen at age three or a lot younger?

There’s a fascinating and positive article in the Boston Globe today about how more and more women–mainly highly educated women (thank you very much)–are choosing to breastfeed their toddlers, preschoolers and older children. Barbara F. Meltz wrote “Supply and demand: Evidence suggests more women are breast-feeding their children until they’re toddlers and older — and they’re not just earth-mother stereotypes.” (March 31, 2007). The article is very well researched and it contains quotes from top academicians, authors, La Leche League leaders and even my recent interview subject, Dr. Jane Morton.

If you’re interested in discussing this topic, join parenting writer Barbara Meltz for an on-line chat Monday, April 2, 2007 at noon Eastern Standard Time at Boston.com.

The daycare that prohibited a Michigan mother from breastfeeding in her son’s room at the center responded by posting a comment today. Rainbow Child Development Center stated:

The Rainbow Child Development Center team would like to make a statement in reply to your concerns. Parents choose to enroll their children at our centers with the understanding that we will provide care and activities to stimulate social, emotional, and physical development. One aspect of this service includes providing programming that provides opportunities for children to reach developmental and academic milestones. Rainbow Child Development Center is supportive of breastfeeding. We adhere to the State of Michigan licensing rule R400.5205a (effective 12/7/2007) by supporting and accommodating breastfeeding and by providing a designated place set aside to accommodate mothers and their children who are breastfeeding. We have chosen a designated area which provides a quiet, soft environment for the nursing child and Mom with comfortable adult seating that includes a rocking chair. This area offers a place that will allow one-on-one time for the breastfeeding child and Mom. Our primary goal is to offer a caring atmosphere for children combined with a structured curriculum.

Never at anytime has a parent enrolled in our program been prohibited from breastfeeding, nor were children “evacuated” due to exposure to breastfeeding. There are many decisions and choices that parents choose to make in the best interest of their child that we do not incorporate into our program, breastfeeding has always been welcomed and supported in our centers. We do not challenge the legality of breastfeeding in public. We do however stand behind our dedication to the quality care that we’ve given all children.

For more than 20 years Rainbow Child Development Center has supported, encouraged and welcomed breastfeeding parents and teachers. If you have further questions please address them to Karen Krygier at the Home Office 248 569-2500. The Director of the Plymouth location, Mary Buchin is only following her job duties and should not be subjected to calls and/or e-mails; her time needs to be focused on the children in her care not defending a policy that is in compliance with the State of Michigan guidelines. We understand that breastfeeding is a very sensitive topic and respect your right to express your opinion; however we respectfully ask that you direct your concerns related to designated breastfeeding areas to your respective legislators.

I thank Rainbow Child Development Center for the response. I am disappointed that the response did not clarify the situation at all. Let me break it down point by point.

Parents choose to enroll their children at our centers with the understanding that we will provide care and activities to stimulate social, emotional, and physical development. One aspect of this service includes providing programming that provides opportunities for children to reach developmental and academic milestones.

I hope this is true of all daycare centers. However, by making a point of stating that you provide “opportunities for children to reach developmental and academic milestones” you seem to be implying that stopping breastfeeding at a certain age is a developmental milestone. Your statement must be taken into context–you allowed the child to breastfeed in his room until he turned age two and then stopped allowing him to breastfeed in his room after he turned two. Why? You have not addressed what precipitated this change. Your actions and your statement make it clear you do not support extended breastfeeding.

I understand that extended breastfeeding is not every mother’s choice, but it is a valid choice (and really, shouldn’t the issue focus on the child’s need anyway?) I do not understand why children in the United States are pushed to wean at an early age. That simply is not the cultural norm around the world. The research of anthropologist Katherine Dettwyler, Ph.D., provides a great deal of insight into the natural age of weaning.

In addition to misconceptions about the appropriate age for weaning there are terrible misconceptions about the emotional benefits of extended breastfeeding. Clearly many people believe that extended breastfeeding fosters an unhealthy dependence in the child. I won’t even get into the question of whether such a dependence would be unhealthy (is there such a pressing need for a two-year-old to be “independent”?) I’ll simply dispute the fact that it creates a dependence in the first place. By meeting the needs of a child in the early years, the child develops self-confidence and the sense of security that allows him to be more independent than he would have been otherwise. You can read more about the philosophy of attachment parenting and its benefits from the Sears family of pediatricians.

We adhere to the State of Michigan licensing rule R400.5205a (effective 12/7/2007) by supporting and accommodating breastfeeding and by providing a designated place set aside to accommodate mothers and their children who are breastfeeding. We have chosen a designated area which provides a quiet, soft environment for the nursing child and Mom with comfortable adult seating that includes a rocking chair.

You have failed to answer the question why your “designated area” is the only area in which a mother and child may breastfeed in the center. Why are you unwilling to accommodate breastfeeding in the child’s room as well? Certainly the rule you cite does not prohibit that accommodation.

This area offers a place that will allow one-on-one time for the breastfeeding child and Mom.

That’s wonderful for the child and mother who wish to breastfeed in private. Katy and her son wished to breastfeed in his daycare room. By preventing that, you have not accommodated breastfeeding nor have you met the needs of the child.

Never at anytime has a parent enrolled in our program been prohibited from breastfeeding, nor were children “evacuated” due to exposure to breastfeeding.

You’re dancing around the issue, playing a game of semantics. You prohibited Katy and her son from breastfeeding in his daycare room. The other children were “removed from the room” when Katy and her son attempted to breastfeed.

There is one final glaring omission in the response and that’s an apology for the way in which Katy and her son were treated and how they were made to feel. Not even an honest statement of “I’m sorry this individual situation was poorly handled but we stand by our policies.” You are hiding behind the letter of the law and not owning up to the simple fact that you have chosen to restrict breastfeeding to one area and one area only and that you are unwilling to accommodate any other needs, even if that’s what it would have taken for the child to have a good experience upon drop-off and pick-up from your daycare center.