Toddler Nursing Strike Versus Self-Weaning

Teething toddler by Jenn_Jenn

1. Age of the nursling. A baby rarely self-weans before the age of 18 months. The closer a toddler gets to age three, the more likely it might be actual self-weaning, but don’t rely on age alone.

2. Prior frequency of nursing. Was the child nursing once or twice a day, or nursing every 2-3 hours? Did the child require nursing to sleep for naps and bedtime? The more frequently a child was nursing, the more likely it is a strike.

3. Mood of the nursling. Is your nursling acting upset and is he or she difficult to soothe? Is your toddler happy as a clam and busily going about the day? Of course if your child seems unhappy about the turn of events, it’s probably not self-weaning.

4. Event that could trigger a strike. Is your toddler teething or sick? Did you recently yelp when your toddler clamped down on the nipple, or did you reprimand your toddler for something? Examine the possible causes for a nursing strike.

Things to Try to End a Toddler Nursing Strike

When faced with a nursing strike, you want to pump or hand-express to keep up your supply and prevent engorgement, plugged ducts and mastitis. Continue offering the breast without unduly pressuring the child. Try offering as the child is drifting off to sleep or just waking up. Then consider the reasons for a strike, which will give you ideas for how to end it!

The book Mothering Your Nursing Toddler by Norma J. Bumgarner is a wonderful resource and it does not disappoint on the topic of toddler nursing strikes (see pp. 211-212). It lists two of the first potential causes to consider for a nursing strike as a stuffy nose and/or a sore mouth from teething. Keep in mind that biting is often a sign of teething. You can try various pain-relieving techniques to see if any help with the teething and make it more comfortable for your toddler to nurse.

One seemingly crazy trick to try with the stuffy nose is squirting some breast milk in the nostrils (either directly from the breast using clean hands to express, or by pumping and using a dropper or cup). It’s messy and your child might resist it, but it only takes a few drops and it can definitely help clear a stuffy nose, strange as it sounds. Alternatively you can ask your doctor about a saline solution that is appropriate to try to clear his nasal passages.

One other physical cause to consider: a broken tooth. Sometimes a toddler will let someone get a good look in the mouth if you hold the child in your lap, facing you, and then lay the child’s head back on your knees while another adult faces you both and gets a look in the child’s mouth.

I would wonder about an ear infection, sinus infection, injury or anything else that could be making it painful for the toddler to suck.

Toddler nursing strikes can also be caused by hurt feelings over a reprimand or being made to do something the child didn’t want to do. Depending on how verbal your toddler is, you can try to ask about this. Your toddler might not even know the reason for the strike, and you may never know. You can try verbalizing it for your child, with something like, “I can tell something was bothering you and you did not want to nurse. I would like to make it all better so we can try nursing again. I love you and want you to be happy. How about we try nursing in the bathtub (or another favorite, relaxing place).” You know your child best and what might work. The idea is to validate your child’s feelings even if your child cannot verbalize them.

Keep trying different things to see if anything helps. Strikes can go on for days, but hopefully your child can be coaxed back sooner rather than later with all that you are doing to try to help. If a couple of weeks have passed and your child happily goes about the day and readily accepts other means of nourishment and comfort, then it might be time to consider that your child has ended the nursing relationship. It can be a particularly emotional time if you were not the one to initiate the end of nursing. Take pride in the knowledge that you met your child’s needs and the need for nursing went away.

Your Experience

Have you ever dealt with a toddler nursing strike or self-weaning? What happened and how did you handle it?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

When I had my first daughter, I fumbled my way around until I found my parenting style. It happened naturally. I couldn’t stand to hear my baby cry; what mother can? So I breastfed her on cue, wore her in a sling, and co-slept with her in my bed. Those things worked for me, my husband, and my baby. They continued to work for us, and we identified ourselves more and more with an “attachment parenting” philosophy.

'I Told You So' Photo by Marinka van Holten

As my daughter got older and older, the admonitions became more urgent: “She won’t be able to separate from you. She’ll be clingy. You’re holding her back and making her dependent upon you.” Then came the disapproving looks and the stories that weren’t addressed to me but were meant for my ears. The message was clear: “Extended breastfeeding is wrong and you are harming your child.”

Well, let’s fast forward to the end of the story. My first “baby” is now a 7-year-old. She went to preschool after she turned three, and she didn’t shed a tear on the first day of school. I prepared her for the milestone and she separated from me easily. And guess what, she was “still” nursing at that time. I can assure you that her lungs work just fine. She is a happy, social, empathetic child, and I dare say that’s because of — not in spite of — attachment parenting.

As a new mother I was not armed with the information or ability to tell the naysayers that they were wrong. All I could do was listen to my instincts. I’d silently say, “Just you wait and see. The time will come when you realize that my way is not the wrong way. It might not be right for you, but it is right for me and my children.” That time has come, and look at that, I have a blog that lets me say a big fat “I told you so.” I say that “I told you so” not in the hope of reaching those who doubted me, but in the hope of reaching any other mothers who are struggling with naysayers. Listen to your instincts. Not only will you and your child benefit now from breastfeeding, but you will continue to reap the rewards long afterwards, and I won’t blame you one bit if you utter an “I told you so.”

Stay Tuned for Additional Carnival Entries:

Strocel.com: The Story of Hannah’s Weaning
Baby Carriers Down Under: Traveling to Kandy, Sri Lanka
Laura’s Blog: Weaning a Toddler
Stepping off the Spaceship: Life, Death and Nourishment
So Fawned: Sticking with It
Mommy News Blog: How Breastfeeding Changed My Life
All That Sazz: Flying Breast Milk
GrudgeMom: Breastfeeding Failures and Success
Massachusetts Friends of Midwives: Ben’s Story, The Best Breastfeeding Advice from the Least Likely Source
BreastfeedingMums: Breastfeeding Made Me the Mother I Am
Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog: “They Said the Latch Was Fine”
Chronicles of a Nursing Mom: Breastfeeding Is Not Easy
Breastfeeding Moms Unite: Can Early Public Breastfeeding Sightings Shape One’s Future Breastfeeding Practices?
The Towells: Breastfeeding after Breast Reduction
Zen_Mommy: Celebrating . . . My Chest!
Blacktating: Nursing in Public
Crystal Gold: A Found Memory

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

The segment also includes renowned anthropologist Katherine Dettwyler, Ph.D. Kathy has written several fascinating commentaries on extended breastfeeding, including “A Natural Age of Weaning.”

Watch the preview video, watch the full program tomorrow, and please come back and leave a comment to share your thoughts!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Here’s the blurb from the Tyra Banks show about the episode “Motherhood Controversy”:

With her audience filled with mothers, Tyra hosts a no-holds-barred conversation about the pressures they face today. Tyra speaks with a woman who defends her controversial decision to breastfeed her kids until they were 8 years old, and a woman who believes it is acceptable to breastfeed her children in public. Then a young woman explains her desire to be a stay-at-home wife and mother — even though her own mother raised her to be a career woman. Next, emotions get heated when stay-at-home mothers debate working moms on who makes the better parent.

Perhaps I should be excited to see the topic of extended breastfeeding being discussed on an American talk show, but I cannot imagine the discussion will be productive or enlightening. The promo clip shows Tyra admitting, “I find it quite odd!” And, gee, how did the show manage to find “a woman who believes it is acceptable to breastfeed her children in public”?! I wish nursing in public weren’t controversial, and I hope at least there is a sensible mention of the various federal and state laws that protect a mother/baby pair’s right to breastfeed in public. I won’t be watching (no television at our house at the moment) so please do post a comment here if you get a chance to see the show!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

They found women who had breastfed for 13 months or more were half as likely to develop rheumatoid arthritis as those who had never breastfed. Those who breastfed for between one and 12 months had a 25% decreased risk. The study also found that simply having children and not breastfeeding did not seem to protect the women against developing rheumatoid arthritis.

More study is needed in this area to determine exactly what role breastfeeding and lifestyle choices play in the prevention of rheumatoid arthritis. In the meantime, add this to the list of reasons extended breastfeeding is beneficial for both mother and baby!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Jonathan is a two-and-a-half year old nursling with leukemia. You can read his story here. Start with the “my story” page then follow his current progress in the family’s “journal.” Before you go, make sure to leave a supportive comment in “guestbook.”

Can you imagine if a nursing toddler were denied the comfort of breastfeeding during treatment? Remember the controversy over the Ronald McDonald House policy on breastfeeding in public?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

This time around, I dread the feeling of having to “closet” our nursing relationship. I won’t go out of the way to hide the fact that we’re nursing, but I won’t encourage it in public and I will discourage it (delay, distract, etc.) in certain situations. My daughter comes first, but now, when she’s three, I get the sense that part of putting her first means backing off the nursing in public.

What do you all think? Was there a time when you no longer felt comfortable nursing in public? Did it happen at age three or a lot younger?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

If you’re interested in discussing this topic, join parenting writer Barbara Meltz for an on-line chat Monday, April 2, 2007 at noon Eastern Standard Time at Boston.com.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

The Rainbow Child Development Center team would like to make a statement in reply to your concerns. Parents choose to enroll their children at our centers with the understanding that we will provide care and activities to stimulate social, emotional, and physical development. One aspect of this service includes providing programming that provides opportunities for children to reach developmental and academic milestones. Rainbow Child Development Center is supportive of breastfeeding. We adhere to the State of Michigan licensing rule R400.5205a (effective 12/7/2007) by supporting and accommodating breastfeeding and by providing a designated place set aside to accommodate mothers and their children who are breastfeeding. We have chosen a designated area which provides a quiet, soft environment for the nursing child and Mom with comfortable adult seating that includes a rocking chair. This area offers a place that will allow one-on-one time for the breastfeeding child and Mom. Our primary goal is to offer a caring atmosphere for children combined with a structured curriculum.

Never at anytime has a parent enrolled in our program been prohibited from breastfeeding, nor were children “evacuated” due to exposure to breastfeeding. There are many decisions and choices that parents choose to make in the best interest of their child that we do not incorporate into our program, breastfeeding has always been welcomed and supported in our centers. We do not challenge the legality of breastfeeding in public. We do however stand behind our dedication to the quality care that we’ve given all children.

For more than 20 years Rainbow Child Development Center has supported, encouraged and welcomed breastfeeding parents and teachers. If you have further questions please address them to Karen Krygier at the Home Office 248 569-2500. The Director of the Plymouth location, Mary Buchin is only following her job duties and should not be subjected to calls and/or e-mails; her time needs to be focused on the children in her care not defending a policy that is in compliance with the State of Michigan guidelines. We understand that breastfeeding is a very sensitive topic and respect your right to express your opinion; however we respectfully ask that you direct your concerns related to designated breastfeeding areas to your respective legislators.

I thank Rainbow Child Development Center for the response. I am disappointed that the response did not clarify the situation at all. Let me break it down point by point.

Parents choose to enroll their children at our centers with the understanding that we will provide care and activities to stimulate social, emotional, and physical development. One aspect of this service includes providing programming that provides opportunities for children to reach developmental and academic milestones.

I hope this is true of all daycare centers. However, by making a point of stating that you provide “opportunities for children to reach developmental and academic milestones” you seem to be implying that stopping breastfeeding at a certain age is a developmental milestone. Your statement must be taken into context–you allowed the child to breastfeed in his room until he turned age two and then stopped allowing him to breastfeed in his room after he turned two. Why? You have not addressed what precipitated this change. Your actions and your statement make it clear you do not support extended breastfeeding.

I understand that extended breastfeeding is not every mother’s choice, but it is a valid choice (and really, shouldn’t the issue focus on the child’s need anyway?) I do not understand why children in the United States are pushed to wean at an early age. That simply is not the cultural norm around the world. The research of anthropologist Katherine Dettwyler, Ph.D., provides a great deal of insight into the natural age of weaning.

In addition to misconceptions about the appropriate age for weaning there are terrible misconceptions about the emotional benefits of extended breastfeeding. Clearly many people believe that extended breastfeeding fosters an unhealthy dependence in the child. I won’t even get into the question of whether such a dependence would be unhealthy (is there such a pressing need for a two-year-old to be “independent”?) I’ll simply dispute the fact that it creates a dependence in the first place. By meeting the needs of a child in the early years, the child develops self-confidence and the sense of security that allows him to be more independent than he would have been otherwise. You can read more about the philosophy of attachment parenting and its benefits from the Sears family of pediatricians.

We adhere to the State of Michigan licensing rule R400.5205a (effective 12/7/2007) by supporting and accommodating breastfeeding and by providing a designated place set aside to accommodate mothers and their children who are breastfeeding. We have chosen a designated area which provides a quiet, soft environment for the nursing child and Mom with comfortable adult seating that includes a rocking chair.

You have failed to answer the question why your “designated area” is the only area in which a mother and child may breastfeed in the center. Why are you unwilling to accommodate breastfeeding in the child’s room as well? Certainly the rule you cite does not prohibit that accommodation.

This area offers a place that will allow one-on-one time for the breastfeeding child and Mom.

That’s wonderful for the child and mother who wish to breastfeed in private. Katy and her son wished to breastfeed in his daycare room. By preventing that, you have not accommodated breastfeeding nor have you met the needs of the child.

Never at anytime has a parent enrolled in our program been prohibited from breastfeeding, nor were children “evacuated” due to exposure to breastfeeding.

You’re dancing around the issue, playing a game of semantics. You prohibited Katy and her son from breastfeeding in his daycare room. The other children were “removed from the room” when Katy and her son attempted to breastfeed.

There is one final glaring omission in the response and that’s an apology for the way in which Katy and her son were treated and how they were made to feel. Not even an honest statement of “I’m sorry this individual situation was poorly handled but we stand by our policies.” You are hiding behind the letter of the law and not owning up to the simple fact that you have chosen to restrict breastfeeding to one area and one area only and that you are unwilling to accommodate any other needs, even if that’s what it would have taken for the child to have a good experience upon drop-off and pick-up from your daycare center.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3