My sister is having her first baby this fall and she seeks help about what to put on her baby registry. Please chime in with what worked for you and what was a waste of money!

Photo by M. Nota

I need your advice! We’re getting ready to register for baby stuff and I’m overwhelmed with all the choices. Can you please answer the following or give me any advice you think will be helpful?

1) What tools/items/stuff did you get for your baby either early or later on that you are so glad you got?

2) What did you think you needed that you never used and wasn’t worth getting?

3) Recommendations for breast pumps? Bottles? Strollers? Car seats? Baby carriers (slings vs. bjorns vs. whatever else)?

4) Any opinions on cloth vs. disposable diapers? I was surprised to read on several web sites that cloth ones don’t turn out to be very much cheaper once you factor in supplies and laundry, so I guess it is more an environmental choice?

5) What else???

My answers:

1. Glad I had: Ring sling. Rocker/glider with foot rest. Good birth, breastfeeding, and parenting books.

2. Didn’t need: never had a crib and never missed it.

3. Breast pump: Medela Pump in Style

Bottles: Not that I could ever get my babies to take a bottle, but I would look for glass bottles like Dr. Brown’s Natural Flow Glass Bottle 2-Pack, 3.5 oz or at least BPA-free bottles like BornFree Plastic Bottles Triple-Pack 5oz 3 Pair

Baby carrier: Maya Wrap Organic Baby Sling. I wish I had learned how to use a wrap in addition to the ring sling.

Car seat: Britax Marathon Convertible Car Seat

4. Cloth diapers are way cheaper than disposables especially if your sister hooks you up with her stash. You can also buy used, plan to use them for more than one baby, and sell them when you are done. You can save money on laundry by washing every other day and line drying the diapers as is best for them anyway. In the end it didn’t come down to cost vs. environment as much as I was more comfortable putting cloth against my baby’s skin than paper diapers and their chemicals (not that I don’t use disposables occasionally).

5. What else? I wish I had prepared more for the birth than for the baby. You already know my opinions on my home versus hospital births:

Labor Day Meme
A Safe and Satisfying Home Birth and Water Birth: My Story
Cost of Giving Birth at the Hospital or at Home
Ten Advantages of a Home Birth

Your Thoughts

Please leave a comment for others to benefit from the communal wisdom!

Working mothers deserve a lot of credit for the dedication it takes to pump at work. I loved seeing this question posted from one working mother to another, and I thought it would be perfect to throw out to all the working moms out there.

I am a working mom breastfeeding my 9 month old, I am one of those that at first thought it would only be for 6 months but here I am with no real signs of weaning anytime soon. Since you are a working mom still breastfeeding, I was wondering if you could answer some questions I’ve had that I can’t seem to find answers to anywhere…Do you still pump and if so how often? Have you dropped any pumps over the years and if so how/when? Does your child still nurse regularly or is it sporadic? My main questions revolve around maintaining a supply when they are not nursing as much as before. I’ve heard of extended breastfeeders whose babies only nurse a few times a week…how does your body maintain a supply if they are nursing so little? I really want to give up the pump before bed because it’s an extra pump that mainly just builds my frozen milk supply and it seems to add a good 30-45 minutes to my getting ready for bed routine (it’d be nice to be able to just go to bed when I’m ready without having to worry about pumping, cleaning parts, etc. beforehand). Any info, resources you found helpful or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Medela Pump in Style in its Backpack

This latest installment in the Mom-to-Mom question and answer series deals with advice for families planning a car trip with a baby. After reading The Value of Traveling with Your Baby, reader Christina asked the following question:

I am actually taking my first trip with my 4 month old this weekend to a wedding. It will be a 7 hour car drive - any advice for the car trip? And on a tangent - any advice for breastfeeding in a dress or am I doomed for separates?

Great question! When my first daughter was four months old we drove from Boston to Detroit and the trip went really well. Car trips with a baby take just a little advance planning. Hopefully other readers will chime in with their advice, after I get started with these tips: Read more

For this latest installment in the Mom-to-Mom question and answer series, I hope you will leave a comment to help a mom struggling with something familiar to many us — getting a good night’s sleep! Even if you don’t have some suggestions, I imagine you have some experience and empathy! Read on for my summary of top tips and past articles on the subject. Read more

When my first two daughters had the need to suck, I would either have them continue to do non-nutritive sucking at the breast (which feels like light sucking in a fluttering kind of way, not the harder suck-swallow pattern). If they didn’t want to nurse, my husband or I would offer a clean finger to suck, turning the pad of the finger to the roof of the baby’s mouth. Neither of my first two would take a pacifier except to chew on it, hence our calling pacifiers “choo choos.” Neither of them ever learned to suck their thumbs.

Along comes baby number three, and lo and behold, she’s a thumb sucker (see above). On the one hand, I’m thrilled. The thumb is always available and it helps soothe her back to sleep. She remains in the 80-85th percentile for height and length, so she’s still getting plenty of milk and time at the breast. On the other hand, the thumb may not always be clean in the months to come, and I have heard bad things about thumb sucking and development of the mouth and positioning of the teeth. And what if this becomes a terribly hard habit to break?

So, I open the question up to the wise and more experienced readers out there. Is thumb sucking in the breastfed baby a good thing, bad thing, or both? Was it a hard habit to break? What has your experience been? Leave a comment and enlighten me please!

Kelley wrote to me with the following question:

My 10 month old babe has started to come over (she’s been walking for about two months now). She starts to nurse, and then as soon as my milk drops she fusses to get up and walks away, happy as a clam I might add. Is this normal? Is she playing some nursing game that I don’t know about? I can’t find anything about it online. She only wants to really nurse at night, or if I catch her in a groggy state after a nap. Otherwise, it’s the routine above. Any info or suggestions? I don’t want to shoo her away if she really wants it. Is it a phase? Any thoughts you or others might have would be greatly appreciated!

My reply:

My thoughts are that it’s perfectly normal — that your daughter is excited about everything else going on in her day and is too busy to nurse. Her coming to you until the milk lets down is just her making sure it’s there if she needs it! She’s checking in and reconnecting with you briefly before she goes off to explore something else. It’s giving her the self-confidence and assurance to explore her world.

You’re doing the right thing by nursing at night and trying to catch her at other times that she is receptive, like when she just wakes up from a nap. If you want to encourage more nursing during the day, you could try the bathtub as a relaxing setting (skin-to-skin contact can help too), using a sling (if she enjoys that), or going into a darkened room.

One helpful resource is the book Mothering Your Nursing Toddler by Norma Jane Bumgarner.

What has your experience with toddler nursing been? Did your nursling’s level of interest in breastfeeding wax and wane over time? Did a period of reduced interest in breastfeeding lead to weaning? How did you handle any changes in nursing interest? Leave a comment!

Given that physicians recommend breastfeeding for at least one year and beyond, it is assumed that at some point sooner or later, the breastfed baby will have new baby teeth! Some nursing moms and babies sail through that transition without problems, and even benefit from the soothing that breastfeeding can provide a teething baby. But what about the moms who start to notice tooth imprints in their nipples? The baby isn’t biting exactly, but those pesky teeth are getting in the way of mom’s comfort. This happened with a reader who writes:

My 10 month old son is not really biting me while nursing, but clamping down with his two new top teeth. Each of my nipples have sores in the shape of his teeth. I believe he is nursing the way he always has, but now that he has teeth he is clamping with teeth instead of gums. I do not want to wean him! What should I do? Both of my nipples are really hurting!

What advice do you have that might help this mother? What was your experience with nursing a baby with teeth? Leave a comment!

As a follow-up question to this one about breast milk storage guidelines, I got this question:

My husband was supposed to feed the baby with my breastmilk while I was away but I came home too early and now, the baby would not bottlefeed. He probably sensed me. Unfortunately, the breastmilk got wasted. So how do I prevent something like this from happening again? Likewise, how do we get the baby to bottlefeed even when I’m around?

I know lots of women have struggled with this issue, whether it’s just the occasional bottle of breast milk while mom’s away or the need for baby to take a bottle during the day when mom goes back to work full-time.

How did you get your baby to take a bottle (even when you’re around)? If you found something that worked better than bottle feeding, what are some alternatives?

This latest question relates to the discussion we had recently about promoting breastfeeding to pregnant women.

Dear Angela,

I have a friend who is on bed rest and will probably have premature multiples. I gently asked whether she plans to breastfeed and she responded with comments about how she isn’t sure but she’s sick of strong pressure from very pro-breastfeeding women. She says she’ll commit to at least 4 weeks of “trying,” but I could already hear excuses in her explanation, such as “I’m really tiny and I don’t think my body will produce enough”, and “I’ve heard they actually don’t want you to breastfeed premies because the babies don’t get all the nutrients they need, plus they can have trouble latching on.” She also says she’s having a night-nurse and that formula will be easiest for that situation. She also constantly comments on how she hates that she’s gained weight and is worried about getting “much bigger” during her pregnancy. I do know that she wants to do what is best for her babies, and I want to help her get her past her body issues that might be keeping her from focusing on what she needs to do. Any advice on what to say to give her the best advice without seeming to pressure or judge her?

Thanks for your expertise!

Readers, please chime in and leave a comment with your thoughts on how to reassure a pregnant woman about her ability to breastfeed. Any mothers of multiples and/or premature infants out there? I’d love to hear from you on this one.

I do have several thoughts to get the discussion started. I will break this complex question down into various issues that have been raised.

Information versus Advice

It is lovely that you want the best for your friend and her babies, and I am glad that you are trying to be sensitive to her feelings. One way to help her without pressuring her or judging her is to focus on sharing information rather than advice.

While breastfeeding cannot be considered a religion, or, heaven forbid (pun intended), a cult, bear with me while I make an analogy. Which person is going to have more success: (1) the one who gives someone a cross and says “You should pray! If you’re not religious, you are subject to eternal damnation!” ["You should breastfeed! If you don't, your babies will be sicker!"], or (2) the one who gives someone a Bible and says, “This really helped me. You might find it interesting” ["I found this parenting and breastfeeding resource to be really helpful. I thought you might like to have it"]? What about (3) the one who says, “I can’t believe you don’t plan to go to church on Sunday!” ["You're going to formula-feed?!"] compared to (4) the one who says, “The service on Sunday is about a topic you might like. I can give you a ride if you want to join me”? ["I know you have questions about milk supply, breastfeeding twins and breastfeeding premature infants. Here's the phone number for free breastfeeding information and support." Or, "I attend a La Leche League meeting each month. Let me know if you want to join me!"]

Contrary to popular belief, La Leche League leaders are trained to give information rather than advice. Leaders are there to support women who want to breastfeed, not to convert women who have no desire to so. Breastfeeding is a personal decision. Giving a pregnant woman factual information empowers her with the tools to make her own informed choice. Lactation consultants are also invaluable resources for information and support (and sometimes it can be easier for women to process the information when they are paying for the service — they’ve paid their money for the information and now it’s theirs to do with as they decide).

Breastfeeding after Infertility

The question does not mention whether this pregnant mother conceived through infertility treatments or not, but as someone who experienced primary infertility, I can recognize the self-doubt that sometimes comes into play. It’s hard to trust your body to do what it is meant to do (make breast milk to feed babies) when your body “failed” you when it came to getting pregnant in the first place. Add to that a need for bed rest, and it’s no wonder this woman is worried about her body producing enough milk.

A 2007 study showed that women who use assisted reproductive technology such as IVF to conceive are less confident about their mothering skills, more anxious about caring for a newborn and less likely to be breastfeeding at three months. Such women could benefit from additional parenting information and extra support for breastfeeding.

Small Breasts Make Plenty of Milk

The size of a woman’s breasts does not matter when it comes to milk production. Milk production is simply a matter of supply and demand (the more a baby or babies suckle at the breast, the more the mother will produce). Breast size can affect milk storage capacity (but not necessarily).

Milk supply is one of the biggest concerns among breastfeeding women.

Using Formula in the Night

Given that milk production is a matter of supply and demand, any feeding during which a baby or babies receive formula is a feeding during which the breasts are not being stimulated to produce milk, which in turn lowers the mother’s milk supply. Overnight feedings are particularly important for milk production. Substituting feedings for “convenience” in the night can become a vicious cycle in which the mother’s milk supply drops and she feels the need for further supplementation. Especially in the early weeks, if a mother is not putting a baby to the breast for a feeding, she should consider pumping during that time. Pumping is not as efficient as a baby’s suckling, but it can help maintain milk supply.

Breastfeeding May Help Promote Healthy Weight Loss

The good news is that breastfeeding burns extra calories! Many, but not all, women find that breastfeeding helps contribute to post-partum weight loss.

Breastfeeding Premature Infants

It’s troubling that this pregnant mother is already hearing negative things from medical professionals about breastfeeding. Unfortunately, doctors get very little (1-2 hours) of training on breastfeeding during their medical education. Check out this piece I wrote on how to get good medical advice on breastfeeding (it also has links for other articles on where to get good breastfeeding information). There is a lot of good information out there on breastfeeding premature infants.

To ask questions or read other mothers’ stories, check out this kellymom.com breastfeeding forum on NICU babies. La Leche League also has a forum on breastfeeding premature infants.

For inspiration, read this mother’s story of breastfeeding her triplets, born at 32 weeks and 4 days (they spent 18 days in the NICU).

Breastfeeding Twins

It is a myth that breastfeeding twins is too difficult to manage. One of the wonderful parenting and breastfeeding resources out there is Mothering Multiples: Breastfeeding and Caring for Twins or More! In this interview with the author Karen Kerkhoff Gromada, she shares her experience breastfeeding twins and offers lots of helpful information.

Kellymom.com has compiled a fantastic list of resources for breastfeeding multiples. There is also a La Leche League forum on breastfeeding multiples.

Readers, what do you think? How can this woman best support her pregnant friend? Does anyone have a story to share about breastfeeding multiples or premature infants?

Jeannee recently left a comment seeking information on weaning from a supplemental nursing system:

I am an IBCLC and currently searching for information or testimonials on weaning from the supplementary nursing system. Once the line is introduced mothers and babies do seem to become dependent on it and knowing the best way to remove it from the breastfeeding situation seems to be as elusive as the scarlet pimpernel. Could someone assist me please to help these mothers? Thank you.

If you used a supplemental nursing system or you are a lactation professional who has helped mothers with an SNS, please share your experience by leaving a comment! Feel free to leave links to other valuable resources as well.