We too, have tried Dr. Jay Gordon’s method, but modified it exactly as you would, and had great success… until those molars started coming in! Now we are back to about two nursing sessions a night. It is a bit of a bummer, but I know the extra waking is due to the teething and will pass with time. My question, though, has to do with naps. For every nap since she was born, my 27 month old has fallen asleep nursing, she sleeps about thirty minutes, and then cries for me. I go in and nurse her back to sleep, which takes anywhere from fifteen to thirty minutes. She then sleeps another half hour to forty-five minutes, cries for me, and I go in and nurse her back to sleep. It is impossible to get anything done, and I am so beside myself about her not being able to get a solid nap in, that even if I stay in bed with her I can’t fall asleep! I’ve tried the suggestions in The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers, but to no avail. Today I even tried completely separating the nursing from the nap and that totally backfired because she never took a nap! I am feeling pretty hopeless about this and any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.

I feel your pain Rachael! I have been there and in fact today my 16-month-old napped for 30 minutes, nursed back to sleep and slept another five minutes. It’s amazing I get any blogging done

When I had just the one nursling, I had the luxury of sitting in the rocker while my daughter napped on me for three hours. If she woke I’d nurse her back to sleep and continue reading my book or watching all the television shows I had taped. Of course, I couldn’t get anything else done that way, but at least I got a “break” of sorts. That wasn’t really an option when my second child came around, and in fact it became even more difficult to juggle nap time as I was trying to coordinate the naps of a 2.5-year-old and an infant.

I have a few thoughts for you and then I hope other moms will chime in with comments on what they do for nap time.

1. Use a sling to carry your nursling to sleep. Get the right babywearing gear and you can comfortably carry a toddler to sleep. While that might not result in longer nap times right away, it is at least a start at separating nap time from nursing. Once you’ve carried your toddler to sleep, you have two choices — very carefully lay your child down and slip yourself out of the carrier, or continue carrying your child while you get a few things done with your two free hands.

2. Go for a walk. Many, many of my children’s naps have taken place in a Baby Jogger. I felt a lot better when my child napped and I accomplished the important task of getting some exercise. In nice weather we would walk outside and both get some fresh air, and in bad weather we would walk at the indoor mall. Again, this technique has the benefit of separating sleeping from nursing. It also works well even when you have more than one child.

3. Go for a drive. Okay, so this isn’t the most environmentally-friendly method of getting your child to nap, but desperate times call for desperate measures. And hey, I have often mentally justified such activities by weighing the effects of burning gasoline against the effects of the anti-depressants I might need if my child didn’t get some sleep during the day! (You think I kid….) Seriously though, once my toddler converted from Child Who Hates Car Seat to Child Who Sleeps in Car, I would go for a drive just long enough to get my toddler to sleep, then go home and transfer her from her seat to her bed.

4. Try the No-Cry Nap Solution. You mentioned The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers. Elizabeth Pantley also has a book dedicated entirely to naps (obviously we are not the only ones to struggle with this issue!) You can read my book review of The No-Cry Nap Solution here.

5. Give it some time. As with all things, time makes it better. I do not mean to minimize the frustration of having a child who cat naps and/or needs to nurse back to sleep. What I do mean is to offer hope from the realization that one day your child will sleep well again at nap time. I found that pre-school wore my three-year-old out. Same with a day at the park or a playdate. There will be times when your child sleeps poorly, but the times your child naps well will slowly increase.

Moms, what do you do for nap time? Have you faced the same nap time dilemma and what solutions have you found? Please leave a comment!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Interesting to read all your experiences and to see what a common problem this is…I’m in a tough situation so your advice would be helpful.

I’ve co-slept with my son since he was 3 months old, and it has worked great for us. He wakes up to nurse, then falls right back asleep. Neither of us wake up fully, so I’ve been able to have great sleep from from about 12 mos until now (24 mos.)

But over the last 2 weeks his sleep has been terrible. He won’t go to bed until 10:30 (used to sleep easily at 8:30) and wakes up 3 times a night nursing voraciously (like, 30-40 minutes!). I’m pregnant (2 mos) and get so irritated with this! I take him off the breast but then he cries and cries. My husband then comes and tries to comfort him but he won’t go to him at all during the night, and gets really agitated.

I’m so worn out and am thinking of night weaning, but hate the thought of having him cry for long periods of time. Partly cuz I don’t want to cause him upset, but also cuz it is horrible to listen to during the night.

Any suggestions?

Rosemary, congratulations on your pregnancy! Breastfeeding while pregnant can be a challenge emotionally and physically. My guess is that your milk supply has started to diminish a bit (which is normal during pregnancy) and/or your milk has started to taste a little salty (also a normal change). Some nurslings (like my first daughter) continue on nursing as if nothing had changed, but others are affected by the changes.

Photo by Jessicafm

I highly recommend that you check out a copy of the book Adventures in Tandem Nursing: Breastfeeding During Pregnancy and Beyond by Hilary Flower. It describes the experience of breastfeeding while pregnant and the various emotions it triggers in both mother and nursling. You are not alone! Two other books that might be helpful are Mothering Your Nursing Toddler and How Weaning Happens.

As for more immediate, practical advice, try offering your son a bedtime snack and some extra fluids (my suggestions would be water, milk or a cow’s milk alternative like almond milk). Does he drink from a cup, a sippy cup, or a cup and straw? Offer him his alternative drink in that cup. Have the same cup — this time filled with water only — available for drinking during the night. You can still nurse him for as long as you are willing, then offer the cup. I found that it helped to give my nursling some warning, either by offering to nurse for the length of the ABC song, or by counting down at the end of a nursing session (10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-done!). Be sure to talk to him about the plan ahead of time, during the day and not just as you’re going to bed. “Mommy is extra tired and would like to get a good night’s sleep. We will nurse while I sing the ABC song, and then you can have your special cup! If you wake up in the night, your cup will be right there and I can sing you back to sleep.” Keep repeating your plan, whatever it might be, throughout the day and then remind him at night. “Remember how we talked about nursing to the ABC song?” He might still be upset, and you might have to keep working on a plan that suits you both. If he is verbal enough, you might even try asking him to help come up with a solution. “Mama’s mum-mums aren’t making as much milk, are they? What would you like to drink instead? Would you like your sippy cup or this special straw?” You never know, your son might surprise you! Different children have different temperaments, and you know what will work best with your son.

Does anyone else have advice for Rosemary? If you breastfed while pregnant, what was your experience like?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Photo by Boris Peterka

- How did you prepare to return to work after maternity leave and what do you wish you had done differently?

- What was surprising to you — easier, harder, different — about working and breastfeeding?

- Did you face challenges with pumping? Was your employer supportive?

- Did your baby reverse cycle (nurse more at night to make up for the separation during the day)?

- Do you have any tips or other thoughts you would like to share on breastfeeding and working?

Thanks for your input!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Photo by M. Nota

I need your advice! We’re getting ready to register for baby stuff and I’m overwhelmed with all the choices. Can you please answer the following or give me any advice you think will be helpful?

1) What tools/items/stuff did you get for your baby either early or later on that you are so glad you got?

2) What did you think you needed that you never used and wasn’t worth getting?

3) Recommendations for breast pumps? Bottles? Strollers? Car seats? Baby carriers (slings vs. bjorns vs. whatever else)?

4) Any opinions on cloth vs. disposable diapers? I was surprised to read on several web sites that cloth ones don’t turn out to be very much cheaper once you factor in supplies and laundry, so I guess it is more an environmental choice?

5) What else???

My answers:

1. Glad I had: Ring sling. Rocker/glider with foot rest. Good birth, breastfeeding, and parenting books.

2. Didn’t need: never had a crib and never missed it.

3. Breast pump: Medela Pump in Style

Bottles: Not that I could ever get my babies to take a bottle, but I would look for glass bottles like Dr. Brown’s Natural Flow Glass Bottle 2-Pack, 3.5 oz or at least BPA-free bottles like BornFree Plastic Bottles Triple-Pack 5oz 3 Pair

Baby carrier: Maya Wrap Organic Baby Sling. I wish I had learned how to use a wrap in addition to the ring sling.

Car seat: Britax Marathon Convertible Car Seat

4. Cloth diapers are way cheaper than disposables especially if your sister hooks you up with her stash. You can also buy used, plan to use them for more than one baby, and sell them when you are done. You can save money on laundry by washing every other day and line drying the diapers as is best for them anyway. In the end it didn’t come down to cost vs. environment as much as I was more comfortable putting cloth against my baby’s skin than paper diapers and their chemicals (not that I don’t use disposables occasionally).

5. What else? I wish I had prepared more for the birth than for the baby. You already know my opinions on my home versus hospital births:

Labor Day Meme
A Safe and Satisfying Home Birth and Water Birth: My Story
Cost of Giving Birth at the Hospital or at Home
Ten Advantages of a Home Birth

Your Thoughts

Please leave a comment for others to benefit from the communal wisdom!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

I am a working mom breastfeeding my 9 month old, I am one of those that at first thought it would only be for 6 months but here I am with no real signs of weaning anytime soon. Since you are a working mom still breastfeeding, I was wondering if you could answer some questions I’ve had that I can’t seem to find answers to anywhere…Do you still pump and if so how often? Have you dropped any pumps over the years and if so how/when? Does your child still nurse regularly or is it sporadic? My main questions revolve around maintaining a supply when they are not nursing as much as before. I’ve heard of extended breastfeeders whose babies only nurse a few times a week…how does your body maintain a supply if they are nursing so little? I really want to give up the pump before bed because it’s an extra pump that mainly just builds my frozen milk supply and it seems to add a good 30-45 minutes to my getting ready for bed routine (it’d be nice to be able to just go to bed when I’m ready without having to worry about pumping, cleaning parts, etc. beforehand). Any info, resources you found helpful or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

Medela Pump in Style in its Backpack

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

I am actually taking my first trip with my 4 month old this weekend to a wedding. It will be a 7 hour car drive – any advice for the car trip? And on a tangent – any advice for breastfeeding in a dress or am I doomed for separates?

Great question! When my first daughter was four months old we drove from Boston to Detroit and the trip went really well. Car trips with a baby take just a little advance planning. Hopefully other readers will chime in with their advice, after I get started with these tips:

1. Build in extra time for the trip. I have learned from experience that car trips with an infant generally take one and a half times longer than usual. Unless you’ve got a champion “car sleeper” whose tendency is to sleep whenever the car is in motion, you must build in time for additional stops. Diaper changes, nursing sessions, and much needed break time add up faster than you first think they will. So that 7-hour car trip might well take 10.5 hours. If it takes less than that you will be pleasantly surprised, but if it takes that long or longer at least you will have anticipated that and do not have to feel pressured or stressed out.

2. Plan your departure time accordingly. Not only do you need to build in extra time for the trip, you also need to determine the optimal time of departure. If your baby sleeps well in the car at night, then perhaps you want to consider starting out shortly before bedtime. If your baby is like mine and despises being in the car in the dark, you naturally want a morning departure. The key is to maximize the amount of time the baby will sleep in the car. So leave when the baby will be happy for a bit as the adventure starts, and then have sleep time in the car.

3. Make sure the car seat is safe and comfortable. Does your baby need a head rest or a rolled up receiving blanket so that car naps don’t cause a stiff neck?

My baby in her car seat

4. Bring the favorite toys and some new ones too! Of course you wouldn’t leave without baby’s favorite blanket, chew toy, or pacifier. It can help to have some new toys to introduce when your baby gets bored with everything else. For older babies who can eat solid foods, food can become excellent entertainment. Cheerios, grape quarters, bits of cheese — anything that can be doled out one by one to draw out the entertainment value!

5. Music can be a lifesaver. A few of my favorites are the folksy The Sun Upon the Lake Is Low and lullabies from All Through the Night by Mae Robertson and the energetic Victor Vito by Laurie Berkner. It’s great to introduce your child to the songs in advance so they’ll be familiar for the trip. Be prepared to sing your old stand-by tunes too — over, and over, and over again! “Old MacDonald Had a Farm” and “The Wheels on the Bus” are good choices for repetitive songs to distract and lull your baby into sleep.

6. Never stop the car when the baby is sleeping! Plan gas stops and food breaks for when the baby is awake. Don’t be forced to stop when your baby is sleeping or you waste that precious time!

7. Consider the best seating arrangements. If someone besides you can drive, then consider whether it will be better for you to be next to your baby in the back seat, or if being able to see you just makes your baby want to get out of the car seat.

8. Go with the flow. If you’re traveling with another adult as well, it’s important that you both are on the same page about the time you think the trip will take, where you plan to stop for diaper changes and nursing sessions (i.e., is your partner prepared to stop as soon as the baby is crying, no matter if it’s not at the rest stop you were aiming to reach?), and what you will do if the baby simply needs a break from driving. The more the both of you are willing to go with the flow, the more pleasant the trip will be.

As for nursing in a dress, you’ve got four options: (1) buy a nursing dress, (2) wear a wrap dress or one with a loose neckline or arms holes that can be pulled to the side for nursing, (3) wear separates, or (4) wear a regular dress but be prepared to go someplace private to hike it up or unzip it to nurse. I’ve done all those things at different times and find I prefer the options that allow me not to have to leave the action, especially for a wedding!

Mom-to-Mom Advice

I’d love to hear what others have done to help make car trips go smoothly. Did you find the trip took longer than expected? What advice do you have? Leave a comment!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

I remember feeling a little betrayed by the attachment parenting experts who basically said, “Deal with it. This too shall pass,” a lot frustrated with the exhaustion, and a little baffled by what to do about the problem. I was not willing to let my nursling cry-it-out, but I was not sure what else might work. Here is the question from reader Jennifer L.:

I met a mama of a 17-month-old in the park today and of course, “The question” came up. She looked at my 14-month-old and asked in a fair, even tone, “Is yours sleeping through the night?” Even without knowing this person, the sound of victory rang through clearly in her question. Her daughter was sleeping soundly and happily due to their hard work “sleep training.” Their daughter is happy and cheerful all day and goes to sleep easily thanks to the “Sleep Easy Solution.”

My daughter only has four teeth, and I imagine 10 are in the process of breaking though, but this has been our hypothesis for the last 5 months and we’re kind of worried the others might not pop through until well after she starts kindergarten. At any rate, she is still waking up at least twice a night or more to nurse. She still needs me to put her to sleep and she has (gasp!) the habit of falling asleep while nursing.

After talking with this mama at the park, my daughter and I rode home on our bike as fast as we could to read every review of the “Sleep Easy Solution” and then we had to re-read everything that came up when I ask Google to search for “Will my toddler *ever* sleep through the night?” Oddly enough, Dr. Sears and family always come up first and I often want to blame them that we’re in this boat to begin with. I read the articles out loud with hopes that my daughter will pick up on the idea that we’re brainstorming ideas to help her sleep.

I really liked your article on getting your child to sleep through the night, and I guess I want to hear about more mommies who managed to survive lots and lots of nightly nursing sessions. The thing is, sometimes she wakes up and cries and nursing doesn’t immediately put her back to sleep. She often wants to practice bouncing on the bed at 3 am (it’s the new thing you know!). Or she just has to cry because she’s so tired and can’t sleep.

My husband is confident that she’ll just learn to sleep through the night on her own. At tired moments, my confidence wanes. I want the easy solution. I want her to be well rested and 30 minutes of everyone crying-it-out for two days sounds very appealing sometimes–if we could all get some sleep afterward. Do 15-month-old toddlers need milk 3-4 times a night?

It figures that as I write this, my daughter is sleeping fairly well for her nap today (we magically made it over the one-hour-wake-up hump without me having to intervene!) and she slept fairly well last night. Her sleep is just so all-over-the-map that I wish I could bottle whatever it was that let her sleep 8 hour stretches and recreate it more often. As it is, it seems that we get a good 8 hour stretch about once or twice a month. And then, I am the one who wakes up at 2:30 am wondering where my nursing cub is.

Your daughter is older now–does she sleep though the night and did you continue nursing her at night for as long as she wanted? Dr. Sears suggests that babies still tend to wake up at night to nurse until sometimes between 2-4 years old. Zoiks! Sometimes I feel like I am nursing a gymnast and other times it’s like nursing a kitten (at least I only have one kitten!).

Thanks for any insight–
~Jennifer

Turns out I have written a lot about sleep over the years. Sadly, I am no expert. Reading back through my posts, what I can tell you is that I mainly kept up with the two night wakings until my daughter turned two, and then we began night-weaning. We had success off and on — if my daughter got sick I would gladly nurse her in the night to get that extra milk and antibodies into her. I also want to note that once children have night-weaned, they continue to wake occasionally for various reasons: to go to the bathroom, because they’ve wet the bed, because they’re sick, because they want someone to comfort them back to sleep, because they’ve had a bad dream or night terror or they’re sleep-walking.

As you can read in the co-sleeping section, our sleeping arrangements have changed over the years, and continue to do so. Right now, the 5-month-old sleeps with me while the 6- and 4-year-olds sleep with their dad. It works for us (and I should probably elaborate on that in another post)! Rather than have you wade through the archives, I have organized the articles on sleep. If you only have time for a few, read the starred articles.

My top tips in a nut shell:

- *** Don’t CIO.
- Talk to your child about the plan, no matter how young your child is. If the child is older, have him or her help come up with ideas (choosing a favorite toy to snuggle, picking a special sippy cup for water in the night).
- Change the bedtime routine to: nurse, brush teeth, jammies, stories, sing/rock/snuggle to sleep. Repeat the sing/rock/snuggle to sleep if the child wakes in the night.
- Have mom do the settling. Maybe it’s worked better for some to have dad do the bedtime routine and/or handle the night-wakings (and if you’re one of them, leave a comment! Some call this “Crying in Daddy’s Arms” or “Fathering Down”) but for me, my children felt more safe and loved and less abandoned by me if I did the comforting. I couldn’t bear to hear my child cry with her dad, and my husband did not appreciate when I’d rush in to “rescue” my child when he had been working so hard to settle her.
- Try using a particular song for settling your child, and then sing that same song again when your child wakes. Or use a tape player or “white noise” radio (very helpful if it has a sleep setting that will turn itself off).
- If it’s not working, then stop and wait another month or two. Be flexible and allow for nursing at night when the child is sick or teething.

Newborns:

~ My current experience with my 5-month-old in Sleep, Elusive Sleep
~ Moms of babies 12 months and younger can vent their frustrations by taking the researchers’ Infant Sleep Survey

Toddlers:

~ *** Starting the process of Getting Your Child to Sleep through the Night, written when my daughter had turned two
~ Celebrating 6.5 hours of sleep in Sleep, Glorious Sleep, when my daughter was two years one month old
~ a little humor to help see you through: “The Perils of Night-Nursing”
~ Toddler Swaddle, written when my daughter was two years two months
~ Progress report at two years three months old
~ *** My three steps to successful night-weaning without tears when my daughter was two years three months old.
~ Okay, I would still nurse her in the night if she were sick…. A short musing about my then 2.5-year-old waking two times a night to nurse
~ A brief bit of encouragement in “Let Me Reassure You,” written when my daughter was two years 11 months old.

Co-Sleeping:

~ SIDS, Breastfeeding, and Co-Sleeping
~ Poll Results about Breastfed Infants Sleeping in Cribs or Co-Sleeping with Their Parents
~ News debate about the relative danger/safety of co-sleeping
~ *** Advice on Weaning from Co-Sleeping without Crying-It-Out (Mom-to-Mom #9)
~ A brief history of my and others’ co-sleeping experience in Musical Beds and the Attachment Parenting and Breastfeeding Family
~ Study comments on how co-sleeping affects maternal mental health

Leave a Comment

What has your experience been with nursing and sleeping? When did you start night-weaning? When did your child start sleeping through the night (define that however you want, just let us know)? What are your tips? What worked or didn’t work?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

When my first two daughters had the need to suck, I would either have them continue to do non-nutritive sucking at the breast (which feels like light sucking in a fluttering kind of way, not the harder suck-swallow pattern). If they didn’t want to nurse, my husband or I would offer a clean finger to suck, turning the pad of the finger to the roof of the baby’s mouth. Neither of my first two would take a pacifier except to chew on it, hence our calling pacifiers “choo choos.” Neither of them ever learned to suck their thumbs.

Along comes baby number three, and lo and behold, she’s a thumb sucker (see above). On the one hand, I’m thrilled. The thumb is always available and it helps soothe her back to sleep. She remains in the 80-85th percentile for height and length, so she’s still getting plenty of milk and time at the breast. On the other hand, the thumb may not always be clean in the months to come, and I have heard bad things about thumb sucking and development of the mouth and positioning of the teeth. And what if this becomes a terribly hard habit to break?

So, I open the question up to the wise and more experienced readers out there. Is thumb sucking in the breastfed baby a good thing, bad thing, or both? Was it a hard habit to break? What has your experience been? Leave a comment and enlighten me please!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

My 10 month old babe has started to come over (she’s been walking for about two months now). She starts to nurse, and then as soon as my milk drops she fusses to get up and walks away, happy as a clam I might add. Is this normal? Is she playing some nursing game that I don’t know about? I can’t find anything about it online. She only wants to really nurse at night, or if I catch her in a groggy state after a nap. Otherwise, it’s the routine above. Any info or suggestions? I don’t want to shoo her away if she really wants it. Is it a phase? Any thoughts you or others might have would be greatly appreciated!

My reply:

My thoughts are that it’s perfectly normal — that your daughter is excited about everything else going on in her day and is too busy to nurse. Her coming to you until the milk lets down is just her making sure it’s there if she needs it! She’s checking in and reconnecting with you briefly before she goes off to explore something else. It’s giving her the self-confidence and assurance to explore her world.

You’re doing the right thing by nursing at night and trying to catch her at other times that she is receptive, like when she just wakes up from a nap. If you want to encourage more nursing during the day, you could try the bathtub as a relaxing setting (skin-to-skin contact can help too), using a sling (if she enjoys that), or going into a darkened room.

One helpful resource is the book Mothering Your Nursing Toddler by Norma Jane Bumgarner.

What has your experience with toddler nursing been? Did your nursling’s level of interest in breastfeeding wax and wane over time? Did a period of reduced interest in breastfeeding lead to weaning? How did you handle any changes in nursing interest? Leave a comment!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

My 10 month old son is not really biting me while nursing, but clamping down with his two new top teeth. Each of my nipples have sores in the shape of his teeth. I believe he is nursing the way he always has, but now that he has teeth he is clamping with teeth instead of gums. I do not want to wean him! What should I do? Both of my nipples are really hurting!

What advice do you have that might help this mother? What was your experience with nursing a baby with teeth? Leave a comment!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3