My cutie with a cucumber

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Having said that, I had reached a point where I needed some extended time to myself — some time when I was not in charge of one or more of my three children. The problem was that I do not enjoy leaving a child who will surely cry for me if I am not there. I don’t find that relaxing! My first daughter was a high-needs child who absolutely could not separate from me for significant periods of time until she was nearly three years old. Sure she would have survived, but not without tears, and not without crying until she threw up (I never let it get to that point, but I could tell in our early (aborted) attempts at night-weaning that that would be the case). So with her, I learned to take breaks at home — a long, hot bath, a nap, a movie in bed. Something where I could be summoned if needed but could relax in knowing that my child was happy and nearby.

My third daughter is different. She more readily accepts being comforted by my husband. Still, I wasn’t sure that she could manage more than a couple of hours without me. That’s not arrogance talking, either; that’s love and concern for my 16-month-old. So when I mentioned to friends that I was in desperate need of a break, I was a little surprised when they asked, “Couldn’t you just leave a bottle for her?” I know that many mothers separate from their nurslings far before the 16-month point either out of necessity or desire or both. But when you are a stay-at-home mother with a nursling who is used to having you around to comfort her on cue for the last 16 months, it’s not about the milk. It’s not about substituting a bottle for the breast. It’s about substituting another person for the mother and for comfort at the mother’s breast. My toddler drinks cow’s milk and water. She doesn’t need breast milk (although she continues to reap its benefits). What she needs and wants is comfort from me, and one way I provide that is by nursing her.

My husband is an attached parent too, and he has learned ways to provide comfort to my toddler as well. He carries her in the sling, snuggles her to sleep, takes her on adventures. So when I needed some time to myself on Saturday morning, I trusted that he would be able to keep her happy. I headed out the door at 9:30 a.m. and I used my free time to see the matinee movie of The Twilight Saga: New Moon. (I enjoyed it in spite of all the bad reviews!) I even had time when I got home to read a little and take a nap from which I woke up naturally (a nap is a rarity; sleeping as long as I want without being wakened by someone else is almost unheard of!)

So how did it go? My toddler was a trooper! She took a nap at home, then enjoyed a car ride to Whole Foods, a good amount of time grocery shopping while being worn in the sling, and the car ride home. We were separated for about five hours and I think she handled it better than I did! And no, I had not left a bottle of milk for her. I left her in the capable hands of her attached father.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Basic Play Dough Recipe

2 cups flour
2 cups warm water
1 tablespoon and 1 teaspoon cream of tartar
2 teaspoons oil
1/2 cup salt
food coloring (follow brand directions for making orange; adjust as needed)

Pumpkin Pie-Scented Add-ons

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg
1/4 teaspoon cinnamon

Directions

Combine all ingredients in one pot. Over medium heat, stir continuously until the play dough starts to thicken. Adjust the amount of spices to suit your nose! Once the dough becomes difficult to stir, remove from heat and let cool enough until the dough can be worked by hand. Knead the dough until it is smooth (let your child help with this step!) Store the dough in a quart-sized plastic zip-top bag or other air-tight container. Keep the dough separate from any other food items and it will last for well over a month! Have fun with the recipe and experiment with different colors and spices.

Do you have a favorite fall craft or easy do-it-yourself recipe? Leave a comment!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Amber Strocel wearing her son Jacob (Strocel.com)

1. Wear your baby. Babywearing keeps your baby safe and happy while giving you two hands free to get some work done. If you can master carrying your baby on your back, you can even accomplish some more rigorous cooking and cleaning jobs. Just the other day my refrigerator stopped working and I had to empty both the fridge and freezer and allow them to defrost. The fridge was fairly clean already (I swear!) but I knew I needed to wipe it down. My toddler was fussing but was having trouble settling for a nap. The solution? I put her in a backpack carrier and started wiping down the shelves. Within minutes she was asleep. She stayed asleep even as I took her out of the carrier and laid her down for her nap.

2. Take advantage of freezer meals. I don’t mean buy frozen dinners, I mean make meals ahead to freeze for later. Have a baby shower at one of the various shops that allow you to assemble several meals to freeze. After the birth when your friends or relatives ask how they can help, ask for a lasagna for the freezer! And when you have time to cook, double the recipe and put one batch in the freezer for later. Once-a-month cooking is a lifesaver!

3. Lower your standards to raise your standards. I’ll let you in on a little secret. The sheets and towels don’t have to be folded before you put them in the linen closet. It’s better to get those bulky items tucked away unfolded than to have them sitting on your couch, waiting to be folded. Same goes for baby blankets, underwear, even your toddler or preschooler’s clothing that doesn’t need to be completely wrinkle-free. By lowering your standards a bit, you will actually keep on top of the laundry better than if you are a perfectionist.

4. Use natural cleaners. I don’t like to use harsh or toxic cleaners in general, much less around my baby. I feel comfortable scrubbing my sink with baking soda and wiping my counter tops with vinegar rather than brand-name cleaners.

5. Accept help and decide how best to use it. You might be surprised who just might be willing to help out here and there. Last year after I had my third baby, my second child’s preschool teacher was looking to volunteer some time with a family who could use the help. She came over for a couple of hours one or two afternoons a week. While I spent some time with my baby, she folded laundry and played with my preschooler. If I had preferred, she would have held the baby while I got a few things done around the house. It was lovely to have that support and it made a big difference.

If you do not have a relative, neighbor or friend willing to help, can you afford to hire a cleaner once or twice a month? What about a mother’s helper — a preteen or younger teen who will play with the baby while you clean, generally for significantly less than the cost of a babysitter. Then as your baby gets older, see if you have a friend who is willing to trade babysitting time with you. Sometimes you have to get creative and make your own support network!

Do you have some tips on how to get things done around the house while caring for a baby?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Photo by Easternblot

When my child is an infant, my child comes first — first before the dirty dishes in the sink, and first before the unfolded laundry. Those dirty dishes don’t pose a hazard to my baby, nor does the unfolded laundry. So when my baby needs to be nursed, changed, carried or otherwise tended, the baby comes first. And when the baby naps, my needs come next. My needs do not include a sparkling clean home, but rather are often a hot bath, a rest, or eating food when I actually have the opportunity to savor the flavor and not just inhale it.

Now that my baby is a toddler, my standards are rising in keeping with my abilities. My 15-month-old can play independently while I wash her lunch tray and do the dishes. That often was not the case when my daughter was first starting solid foods. The second she started fussing in her high chair or in my lap, we stopped lunch and moved on to her next need — to be cleaned, changed, or entertained. Feeding time needed to be a happy time, and I wasn’t about to let her fuss in her high chair while I tried to clean up. The tray and dishes often went forgotten for hours. Yes it would have been easier to clean them right away, but I prioritized my baby’s immediate needs over the need to keep things sparkling clean at all times. This was true when my baby was an only child, but was even more so when I had two children (and now three).

How does breastfeeding play into all of this? I think breastfeeding makes everything easier. I didn’t have any bottles to sterilize, and breast milk stains are a lot easier to get out of clothes than f*ormula stains! I rested while my baby nursed, and I benefited from the feel-good breastfeeding hormones.

What about you? Have your standards of clean changed since you’ve become a parent?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

“Attached at the Heart Through the Years” is the theme for AP Month 2009 and a statement that healthy, secure attachments between parents and children is a dynamic process that extends throughout childhood and does not end with baby bonding. During AP Month, parents are challenged to re-examine their daily activities and traditions and learn new ways to grow with each other and remain close and supportive.

I found breastfeeding to be a natural and easy way to bond with my children and to stay close to them through toddlerhood. Remaining close and attached was practically effortless during that time. The real challenge came after each child had weaned. Of course we could still hug and kiss and snuggle, but staying attached to active and independent children requires some additional attention.

Five Ways to Promote Attachment with the Older Child

1. Read to your child. Of course we read to our children when they have not yet learned to read, but it’s important to continue reading to your children even after they can read to themselves. Reading with your children not only promotes vocabulary building and comprehension, but it also offers the opportunity for snuggling together on the couch or in bed, and gives the children the gift of your undivided attention. Sitting quietly and talking with a child about a book often leads to the child talking about other things like her friends and school. Favorite reads in our family have been Little House on the Prairie, Caddie Woodlawn, Pippi Longstocking, and The Swiss Family Robinson.

2. Establish traditions. Holiday and everyday traditions bring family members together and lend a sense of stability and security to the family. In my house our traditions center around food! Wednesday nights we have a “feast” made from the contents of the Community-Supported Agriculture basket we pick up Wednesday afternoons. Friday night is pizza night (I love this pizza dough recipe from Allrecipes.com — it makes three crusts so I can use one and freeze the other two portions of dough for future pizza nights! If you want you can substitute an additional cup of whole wheat flour for one cup of the all-purpose.) Saturday morning we have a special breakfast, often these oatmeal pancakes which can be made fresh or frozen ahead of time and popped in the toaster. The kids look forward to these special meals. Best of all we are guaranteed to all sit down at the table together, a practice that many studies show is important for staying connected as a family and keeping children out of trouble at school.

3. Embrace the outdoors. Many of our happiest family memories are of the times we have gone on a bike ride, taken a hike, or spent the weekend camping. This is one of the best ways for the whole family to be entertained and enjoy spending time together. The fresh air and exercise are bonuses!

4. Spend time in the kitchen. Even young children love working in the kitchen with Mom or Dad. My kids often help with the preparation of the family tradition meals mentioned above. At the suggestion of Family Fun magazine I have taken these shared cooking activities one step further by taking pictures of us cooking particular favorite recipes. I plan to compile the recipes and photos in a special family “cookbook” for the children to have when they are older.

5. Snuggle for bedtime and consider co-sleeping. My seven- and four-year-old girls enjoy the sense of security they get when they are peacefully snuggled to sleep each night. After story time, either I or their dad snuggles them to sleep. Half the time the adult will fall asleep too, but often after five to ten minutes of snuggling, both girls will be asleep and the adult gets up to have a nice, quiet evening. It’s such a small investment of time on the parent’s part and yet it’s so meaningful to the child. I don’t understand why some parents would rather listen to their child cry than spend those precious moments snuggling in bed. It’s a privilege to have your children want to be with you, and it’s a privilege I intend to work hard to continue to earn as my children grow older.

Staying “attached at the heart through the years” is a joy for the whole family!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Photo by Sergio Roberto Bichara

Then you hear the mother furiously whispering to her child, “Hold on! Stay still! Be patient! Stop it!” and other things along those lines. You’re not sure what is going on there — perhaps the child is resisting a diaper change; perhaps the child is running wild around the stall. You are not exactly sure how old the child is, but he is not very verbal. At any rate it is clear the mother is getting more and more frustrated. Suddenly, you hear a loud *SMACK* followed by crying and then whimpering from the child. Obviously the child has been spanked.

What would you do? I believe in gentle discipline and positive discipline in line with the thinking that “discipline” means to teach, not to punish. Spanking is corporal punishment and if anything, it “teaches” the child that hitting is acceptable and that he should obey his mother out of fear. So I am not really interested in hearing how you spank your children and think it’s totally fine, or you spank your children but wouldn’t do it in public (you are entitled to your opinion of course, but I whole-heartedly disagree with such an opinion and I don’t think parents should be entitled to spank their children anytime, anywhere). What I would like to hear is, assuming you also would be distressed by the sound of a child being hit in anger (or hit at all for that matter), what would you do? Would you intervene? Say something or do something? Stay to check on the child? Think about what you would do in that situation and then read on to find out what I did.

What I did: I was so shocked to hear that spanking and the child’s crying that I blurted out, “No! Oh no! I don’t want to hear that!” I spoke before I thought, and I conveyed my disapproval of the spanking quite clearly. The mother stayed silent while the child whimpered. My older girls were upset and asked me what was going on. I told them that the mother had spanked her child and that hitting a child is wrong, just as hitting anyone is wrong. The mother continued to stay silent, and I quickly ushered my girls out of the restroom after we washed our hands. In such cases where a parent is upset in public and is treating a child harshly, I have often wondered whether intervening actually makes the situation worse and whether the parent will then blame the child for drawing attention to them both and embarrassing the parent. So I left it at what I had said and did not try to intervene further. The whole thing has bothered me ever since.

Please leave a comment to share what you would have done in that situation.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Me and my 14-month-old

I hadn’t heard the oven timer beep so it was a good thing my little sous chef alerted me before the muffins burned. There was no more sleeping after that, but my baby had had a good nap, my preschooler and I had had fun baking, and we all enjoyed a yummy snack!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

My happy toddler

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Babywearing and Breastfeeding

When it comes to breastfeeding, the benefits of babywearing are many!

!. Babywearing a newborn keeps the baby close to the breast during a critical time for establishing breastfeeding. Many babywearing advocates talk about how gestation lasts 18 months — nine months “in” and nine months “out” with both skin-to-skin contact and carrying close to the chest in a carrier.

2. Babies who are worn cry less, which reserves the baby’s energy for feeding and makes for happier parents and babies!

3. Breastfeeding while babywearing keeps the mother’s hands free to read a book or tend to older children who might otherwise be jealous of that time spent with the newborn.

4. For mothers who prefer more coverage while breastfeeding in public, a sling or other baby carrier can help a mother feel more comfortable.

5. Baby carriers are great for easily distracted babies who have a hard time settling down to nurse. Dr. Sears explains that the same is true for babies who have a hard time organizing their sucking:

Some babies breastfeed better on the move, especially those problem suckers who need movement to organize their sucking. Tense babies (those with a suck problem called tonic bites) and back-archers often breastfeed much better in the sling because of the organizing effect babywearing has on their entire physiology. As the baby’s whole body relaxes, so do the suck muscles.

6. Babywearing is especially helpful for babies who are gaining weight slowly and at risk of failure to thrive. It makes sense that babies who are worn are reminded to breastfeed more frequently. Babywearing can also help a mother become in tune with her baby’s feeding cues. Again the close contact itself can help the baby organize, relax, and thrive!

I recently mastered the hip carry with my home-sewn sling which is going on seven years of hard use now! (Instructions to make your own baby sling are here). My toddler discovered she could nurse in that position and often settles herself to sleep for the night while the family takes our evening walk.

Do you breastfeed while babywearing? Which type of carrier do you prefer for breastfeeding and babywearing?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3