We too, have tried Dr. Jay Gordon’s method, but modified it exactly as you would, and had great success… until those molars started coming in! Now we are back to about two nursing sessions a night. It is a bit of a bummer, but I know the extra waking is due to the teething and will pass with time. My question, though, has to do with naps. For every nap since she was born, my 27 month old has fallen asleep nursing, she sleeps about thirty minutes, and then cries for me. I go in and nurse her back to sleep, which takes anywhere from fifteen to thirty minutes. She then sleeps another half hour to forty-five minutes, cries for me, and I go in and nurse her back to sleep. It is impossible to get anything done, and I am so beside myself about her not being able to get a solid nap in, that even if I stay in bed with her I can’t fall asleep! I’ve tried the suggestions in The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers, but to no avail. Today I even tried completely separating the nursing from the nap and that totally backfired because she never took a nap! I am feeling pretty hopeless about this and any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.

I feel your pain Rachael! I have been there and in fact today my 16-month-old napped for 30 minutes, nursed back to sleep and slept another five minutes. It’s amazing I get any blogging done

When I had just the one nursling, I had the luxury of sitting in the rocker while my daughter napped on me for three hours. If she woke I’d nurse her back to sleep and continue reading my book or watching all the television shows I had taped. Of course, I couldn’t get anything else done that way, but at least I got a “break” of sorts. That wasn’t really an option when my second child came around, and in fact it became even more difficult to juggle nap time as I was trying to coordinate the naps of a 2.5-year-old and an infant.

I have a few thoughts for you and then I hope other moms will chime in with comments on what they do for nap time.

1. Use a sling to carry your nursling to sleep. Get the right babywearing gear and you can comfortably carry a toddler to sleep. While that might not result in longer nap times right away, it is at least a start at separating nap time from nursing. Once you’ve carried your toddler to sleep, you have two choices — very carefully lay your child down and slip yourself out of the carrier, or continue carrying your child while you get a few things done with your two free hands.

2. Go for a walk. Many, many of my children’s naps have taken place in a Baby Jogger. I felt a lot better when my child napped and I accomplished the important task of getting some exercise. In nice weather we would walk outside and both get some fresh air, and in bad weather we would walk at the indoor mall. Again, this technique has the benefit of separating sleeping from nursing. It also works well even when you have more than one child.

3. Go for a drive. Okay, so this isn’t the most environmentally-friendly method of getting your child to nap, but desperate times call for desperate measures. And hey, I have often mentally justified such activities by weighing the effects of burning gasoline against the effects of the anti-depressants I might need if my child didn’t get some sleep during the day! (You think I kid….) Seriously though, once my toddler converted from Child Who Hates Car Seat to Child Who Sleeps in Car, I would go for a drive just long enough to get my toddler to sleep, then go home and transfer her from her seat to her bed.

4. Try the No-Cry Nap Solution. You mentioned The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers. Elizabeth Pantley also has a book dedicated entirely to naps (obviously we are not the only ones to struggle with this issue!) You can read my book review of The No-Cry Nap Solution here.

5. Give it some time. As with all things, time makes it better. I do not mean to minimize the frustration of having a child who cat naps and/or needs to nurse back to sleep. What I do mean is to offer hope from the realization that one day your child will sleep well again at nap time. I found that pre-school wore my three-year-old out. Same with a day at the park or a playdate. There will be times when your child sleeps poorly, but the times your child naps well will slowly increase.

Moms, what do you do for nap time? Have you faced the same nap time dilemma and what solutions have you found? Please leave a comment!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

My cutie with a cucumber

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Interesting to read all your experiences and to see what a common problem this is…I’m in a tough situation so your advice would be helpful.

I’ve co-slept with my son since he was 3 months old, and it has worked great for us. He wakes up to nurse, then falls right back asleep. Neither of us wake up fully, so I’ve been able to have great sleep from from about 12 mos until now (24 mos.)

But over the last 2 weeks his sleep has been terrible. He won’t go to bed until 10:30 (used to sleep easily at 8:30) and wakes up 3 times a night nursing voraciously (like, 30-40 minutes!). I’m pregnant (2 mos) and get so irritated with this! I take him off the breast but then he cries and cries. My husband then comes and tries to comfort him but he won’t go to him at all during the night, and gets really agitated.

I’m so worn out and am thinking of night weaning, but hate the thought of having him cry for long periods of time. Partly cuz I don’t want to cause him upset, but also cuz it is horrible to listen to during the night.

Any suggestions?

Rosemary, congratulations on your pregnancy! Breastfeeding while pregnant can be a challenge emotionally and physically. My guess is that your milk supply has started to diminish a bit (which is normal during pregnancy) and/or your milk has started to taste a little salty (also a normal change). Some nurslings (like my first daughter) continue on nursing as if nothing had changed, but others are affected by the changes.

Photo by Jessicafm

I highly recommend that you check out a copy of the book Adventures in Tandem Nursing: Breastfeeding During Pregnancy and Beyond by Hilary Flower. It describes the experience of breastfeeding while pregnant and the various emotions it triggers in both mother and nursling. You are not alone! Two other books that might be helpful are Mothering Your Nursing Toddler and How Weaning Happens.

As for more immediate, practical advice, try offering your son a bedtime snack and some extra fluids (my suggestions would be water, milk or a cow’s milk alternative like almond milk). Does he drink from a cup, a sippy cup, or a cup and straw? Offer him his alternative drink in that cup. Have the same cup — this time filled with water only — available for drinking during the night. You can still nurse him for as long as you are willing, then offer the cup. I found that it helped to give my nursling some warning, either by offering to nurse for the length of the ABC song, or by counting down at the end of a nursing session (10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-done!). Be sure to talk to him about the plan ahead of time, during the day and not just as you’re going to bed. “Mommy is extra tired and would like to get a good night’s sleep. We will nurse while I sing the ABC song, and then you can have your special cup! If you wake up in the night, your cup will be right there and I can sing you back to sleep.” Keep repeating your plan, whatever it might be, throughout the day and then remind him at night. “Remember how we talked about nursing to the ABC song?” He might still be upset, and you might have to keep working on a plan that suits you both. If he is verbal enough, you might even try asking him to help come up with a solution. “Mama’s mum-mums aren’t making as much milk, are they? What would you like to drink instead? Would you like your sippy cup or this special straw?” You never know, your son might surprise you! Different children have different temperaments, and you know what will work best with your son.

Does anyone else have advice for Rosemary? If you breastfed while pregnant, what was your experience like?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

My happy toddler

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Photo by David Owen

What a darling little flower girl! I suspect that toddler nursing break was just the thing she needed to re-charge and re-connect during the excitement of the wedding and reception! Her mother looked gorgeous too and I think it’s great she didn’t have to retreat to another room to hike up a dress in order to nurse.

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Toddler Nursing Strike Versus Self-Weaning

Teething toddler by Jenn_Jenn

1. Age of the nursling. A baby rarely self-weans before the age of 18 months. The closer a toddler gets to age three, the more likely it might be actual self-weaning, but don’t rely on age alone.

2. Prior frequency of nursing. Was the child nursing once or twice a day, or nursing every 2-3 hours? Did the child require nursing to sleep for naps and bedtime? The more frequently a child was nursing, the more likely it is a strike.

3. Mood of the nursling. Is your nursling acting upset and is he or she difficult to soothe? Is your toddler happy as a clam and busily going about the day? Of course if your child seems unhappy about the turn of events, it’s probably not self-weaning.

4. Event that could trigger a strike. Is your toddler teething or sick? Did you recently yelp when your toddler clamped down on the nipple, or did you reprimand your toddler for something? Examine the possible causes for a nursing strike.

Things to Try to End a Toddler Nursing Strike

When faced with a nursing strike, you want to pump or hand-express to keep up your supply and prevent engorgement, plugged ducts and mastitis. Continue offering the breast without unduly pressuring the child. Try offering as the child is drifting off to sleep or just waking up. Then consider the reasons for a strike, which will give you ideas for how to end it!

The book Mothering Your Nursing Toddler by Norma J. Bumgarner is a wonderful resource and it does not disappoint on the topic of toddler nursing strikes (see pp. 211-212). It lists two of the first potential causes to consider for a nursing strike as a stuffy nose and/or a sore mouth from teething. Keep in mind that biting is often a sign of teething. You can try various pain-relieving techniques to see if any help with the teething and make it more comfortable for your toddler to nurse.

One seemingly crazy trick to try with the stuffy nose is squirting some breast milk in the nostrils (either directly from the breast using clean hands to express, or by pumping and using a dropper or cup). It’s messy and your child might resist it, but it only takes a few drops and it can definitely help clear a stuffy nose, strange as it sounds. Alternatively you can ask your doctor about a saline solution that is appropriate to try to clear his nasal passages.

One other physical cause to consider: a broken tooth. Sometimes a toddler will let someone get a good look in the mouth if you hold the child in your lap, facing you, and then lay the child’s head back on your knees while another adult faces you both and gets a look in the child’s mouth.

I would wonder about an ear infection, sinus infection, injury or anything else that could be making it painful for the toddler to suck.

Toddler nursing strikes can also be caused by hurt feelings over a reprimand or being made to do something the child didn’t want to do. Depending on how verbal your toddler is, you can try to ask about this. Your toddler might not even know the reason for the strike, and you may never know. You can try verbalizing it for your child, with something like, “I can tell something was bothering you and you did not want to nurse. I would like to make it all better so we can try nursing again. I love you and want you to be happy. How about we try nursing in the bathtub (or another favorite, relaxing place).” You know your child best and what might work. The idea is to validate your child’s feelings even if your child cannot verbalize them.

Keep trying different things to see if anything helps. Strikes can go on for days, but hopefully your child can be coaxed back sooner rather than later with all that you are doing to try to help. If a couple of weeks have passed and your child happily goes about the day and readily accepts other means of nourishment and comfort, then it might be time to consider that your child has ended the nursing relationship. It can be a particularly emotional time if you were not the one to initiate the end of nursing. Take pride in the knowledge that you met your child’s needs and the need for nursing went away.

Your Experience

Have you ever dealt with a toddler nursing strike or self-weaning? What happened and how did you handle it?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

When I had my first daughter, I fumbled my way around until I found my parenting style. It happened naturally. I couldn’t stand to hear my baby cry; what mother can? So I breastfed her on cue, wore her in a sling, and co-slept with her in my bed. Those things worked for me, my husband, and my baby. They continued to work for us, and we identified ourselves more and more with an “attachment parenting” philosophy.

'I Told You So' Photo by Marinka van Holten

As my daughter got older and older, the admonitions became more urgent: “She won’t be able to separate from you. She’ll be clingy. You’re holding her back and making her dependent upon you.” Then came the disapproving looks and the stories that weren’t addressed to me but were meant for my ears. The message was clear: “Extended breastfeeding is wrong and you are harming your child.”

Well, let’s fast forward to the end of the story. My first “baby” is now a 7-year-old. She went to preschool after she turned three, and she didn’t shed a tear on the first day of school. I prepared her for the milestone and she separated from me easily. And guess what, she was “still” nursing at that time. I can assure you that her lungs work just fine. She is a happy, social, empathetic child, and I dare say that’s because of — not in spite of — attachment parenting.

As a new mother I was not armed with the information or ability to tell the naysayers that they were wrong. All I could do was listen to my instincts. I’d silently say, “Just you wait and see. The time will come when you realize that my way is not the wrong way. It might not be right for you, but it is right for me and my children.” That time has come, and look at that, I have a blog that lets me say a big fat “I told you so.” I say that “I told you so” not in the hope of reaching those who doubted me, but in the hope of reaching any other mothers who are struggling with naysayers. Listen to your instincts. Not only will you and your child benefit now from breastfeeding, but you will continue to reap the rewards long afterwards, and I won’t blame you one bit if you utter an “I told you so.”

Stay Tuned for Additional Carnival Entries:

Strocel.com: The Story of Hannah’s Weaning
Baby Carriers Down Under: Traveling to Kandy, Sri Lanka
Laura’s Blog: Weaning a Toddler
Stepping off the Spaceship: Life, Death and Nourishment
So Fawned: Sticking with It
Mommy News Blog: How Breastfeeding Changed My Life
All That Sazz: Flying Breast Milk
GrudgeMom: Breastfeeding Failures and Success
Massachusetts Friends of Midwives: Ben’s Story, The Best Breastfeeding Advice from the Least Likely Source
BreastfeedingMums: Breastfeeding Made Me the Mother I Am
Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog: “They Said the Latch Was Fine”
Chronicles of a Nursing Mom: Breastfeeding Is Not Easy
Breastfeeding Moms Unite: Can Early Public Breastfeeding Sightings Shape One’s Future Breastfeeding Practices?
The Towells: Breastfeeding after Breast Reduction
Zen_Mommy: Celebrating . . . My Chest!
Blacktating: Nursing in Public
Crystal Gold: A Found Memory

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

Photo by Ronen's Dad

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

I remember feeling a little betrayed by the attachment parenting experts who basically said, “Deal with it. This too shall pass,” a lot frustrated with the exhaustion, and a little baffled by what to do about the problem. I was not willing to let my nursling cry-it-out, but I was not sure what else might work. Here is the question from reader Jennifer L.:

I met a mama of a 17-month-old in the park today and of course, “The question” came up. She looked at my 14-month-old and asked in a fair, even tone, “Is yours sleeping through the night?” Even without knowing this person, the sound of victory rang through clearly in her question. Her daughter was sleeping soundly and happily due to their hard work “sleep training.” Their daughter is happy and cheerful all day and goes to sleep easily thanks to the “Sleep Easy Solution.”

My daughter only has four teeth, and I imagine 10 are in the process of breaking though, but this has been our hypothesis for the last 5 months and we’re kind of worried the others might not pop through until well after she starts kindergarten. At any rate, she is still waking up at least twice a night or more to nurse. She still needs me to put her to sleep and she has (gasp!) the habit of falling asleep while nursing.

After talking with this mama at the park, my daughter and I rode home on our bike as fast as we could to read every review of the “Sleep Easy Solution” and then we had to re-read everything that came up when I ask Google to search for “Will my toddler *ever* sleep through the night?” Oddly enough, Dr. Sears and family always come up first and I often want to blame them that we’re in this boat to begin with. I read the articles out loud with hopes that my daughter will pick up on the idea that we’re brainstorming ideas to help her sleep.

I really liked your article on getting your child to sleep through the night, and I guess I want to hear about more mommies who managed to survive lots and lots of nightly nursing sessions. The thing is, sometimes she wakes up and cries and nursing doesn’t immediately put her back to sleep. She often wants to practice bouncing on the bed at 3 am (it’s the new thing you know!). Or she just has to cry because she’s so tired and can’t sleep.

My husband is confident that she’ll just learn to sleep through the night on her own. At tired moments, my confidence wanes. I want the easy solution. I want her to be well rested and 30 minutes of everyone crying-it-out for two days sounds very appealing sometimes–if we could all get some sleep afterward. Do 15-month-old toddlers need milk 3-4 times a night?

It figures that as I write this, my daughter is sleeping fairly well for her nap today (we magically made it over the one-hour-wake-up hump without me having to intervene!) and she slept fairly well last night. Her sleep is just so all-over-the-map that I wish I could bottle whatever it was that let her sleep 8 hour stretches and recreate it more often. As it is, it seems that we get a good 8 hour stretch about once or twice a month. And then, I am the one who wakes up at 2:30 am wondering where my nursing cub is.

Your daughter is older now–does she sleep though the night and did you continue nursing her at night for as long as she wanted? Dr. Sears suggests that babies still tend to wake up at night to nurse until sometimes between 2-4 years old. Zoiks! Sometimes I feel like I am nursing a gymnast and other times it’s like nursing a kitten (at least I only have one kitten!).

Thanks for any insight–
~Jennifer

Turns out I have written a lot about sleep over the years. Sadly, I am no expert. Reading back through my posts, what I can tell you is that I mainly kept up with the two night wakings until my daughter turned two, and then we began night-weaning. We had success off and on — if my daughter got sick I would gladly nurse her in the night to get that extra milk and antibodies into her. I also want to note that once children have night-weaned, they continue to wake occasionally for various reasons: to go to the bathroom, because they’ve wet the bed, because they’re sick, because they want someone to comfort them back to sleep, because they’ve had a bad dream or night terror or they’re sleep-walking.

As you can read in the co-sleeping section, our sleeping arrangements have changed over the years, and continue to do so. Right now, the 5-month-old sleeps with me while the 6- and 4-year-olds sleep with their dad. It works for us (and I should probably elaborate on that in another post)! Rather than have you wade through the archives, I have organized the articles on sleep. If you only have time for a few, read the starred articles.

My top tips in a nut shell:

- *** Don’t CIO.
- Talk to your child about the plan, no matter how young your child is. If the child is older, have him or her help come up with ideas (choosing a favorite toy to snuggle, picking a special sippy cup for water in the night).
- Change the bedtime routine to: nurse, brush teeth, jammies, stories, sing/rock/snuggle to sleep. Repeat the sing/rock/snuggle to sleep if the child wakes in the night.
- Have mom do the settling. Maybe it’s worked better for some to have dad do the bedtime routine and/or handle the night-wakings (and if you’re one of them, leave a comment! Some call this “Crying in Daddy’s Arms” or “Fathering Down”) but for me, my children felt more safe and loved and less abandoned by me if I did the comforting. I couldn’t bear to hear my child cry with her dad, and my husband did not appreciate when I’d rush in to “rescue” my child when he had been working so hard to settle her.
- Try using a particular song for settling your child, and then sing that same song again when your child wakes. Or use a tape player or “white noise” radio (very helpful if it has a sleep setting that will turn itself off).
- If it’s not working, then stop and wait another month or two. Be flexible and allow for nursing at night when the child is sick or teething.

Newborns:

~ My current experience with my 5-month-old in Sleep, Elusive Sleep
~ Moms of babies 12 months and younger can vent their frustrations by taking the researchers’ Infant Sleep Survey

Toddlers:

~ *** Starting the process of Getting Your Child to Sleep through the Night, written when my daughter had turned two
~ Celebrating 6.5 hours of sleep in Sleep, Glorious Sleep, when my daughter was two years one month old
~ a little humor to help see you through: “The Perils of Night-Nursing”
~ Toddler Swaddle, written when my daughter was two years two months
~ Progress report at two years three months old
~ *** My three steps to successful night-weaning without tears when my daughter was two years three months old.
~ Okay, I would still nurse her in the night if she were sick…. A short musing about my then 2.5-year-old waking two times a night to nurse
~ A brief bit of encouragement in “Let Me Reassure You,” written when my daughter was two years 11 months old.

Co-Sleeping:

~ SIDS, Breastfeeding, and Co-Sleeping
~ Poll Results about Breastfed Infants Sleeping in Cribs or Co-Sleeping with Their Parents
~ News debate about the relative danger/safety of co-sleeping
~ *** Advice on Weaning from Co-Sleeping without Crying-It-Out (Mom-to-Mom #9)
~ A brief history of my and others’ co-sleeping experience in Musical Beds and the Attachment Parenting and Breastfeeding Family
~ Study comments on how co-sleeping affects maternal mental health

Leave a Comment

What has your experience been with nursing and sleeping? When did you start night-weaning? When did your child start sleeping through the night (define that however you want, just let us know)? What are your tips? What worked or didn’t work?

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3

The segment also includes renowned anthropologist Katherine Dettwyler, Ph.D. Kathy has written several fascinating commentaries on extended breastfeeding, including “A Natural Age of Weaning.”

Watch the preview video, watch the full program tomorrow, and please come back and leave a comment to share your thoughts!

Post from: Breastfeeding 1-2-3