Comments on: Weaning from Co-Sleeping without Crying It Out (Mom to Mom #9)

By: Cristina

Cristina — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 15:41:50 +0000

Well everyone, I’m so very glad I ran into this website. I’m in the middle of weaning out of nursing and putting my 17-month-old son in his own bed. I’m a single mom, so my son has been co-sleeping since day 1 and I get no help at all. I didn’t want him to sleep with me, but he is my 1st, and he was born with a lung condition so I got extremely paranoid about SIDS and put him in bed with me since day 1. I’ve tried and failed miserably to put him in his own bed, but it’s just ridiculously hard.

He has one of those convertible cribs and I already turned it into a toddler bed, and moved it right next to my bed, but he won’t stay. He falls asleep rather easy, all the time, but this happens only if I’m nursing him. I’ve been reading all the comments and it does feel great to know that even if we are going through some rough parenting right now, we are definetly not alone because I got a lot of info and a lot of advise that I’m going to try to see if it he finally gives me back my bed.

My problem is not so much the co-sleeping, I don’t really have anyone other than me to be bothered by this, but the nursing is becoming a real problem at night. He just keeps on waking up to nurse, leaving me so little time to actually be asleep.

Thank you everyone for at least comforting me by letting me know that my son is not the only toddler out there who still nurses and co-sleeps!!! I was seriously strating to feel a bit like an alien because I do not know a single person who has this same “problem” if you will, and my family and friends are not supportive at all when it comes to either subject. They think I’m harming my son by not giving him enough independence and letting him not only nurse to this age, but co-sleep as well.

By: Heather M

Heather M — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 02:16:56 +0000

Thanks so much for posting this! I feel more normal instead of a failure after reading some of the posts/replies. My daughter just turned a year old. She’s been a co-sleeper since day 1, but from about 6-9 months, she would sleep half the night in her crib (which was right next to our bed). Now, she refuses to even GET IN her crib. I usually nurse her to sleep and I’ll try to place her in her crib and she wakes up, freaks out and wants mama and more milk! I wouldn’t be so concerned about it… we (both my husband and I) love co-sleeping, but baby number two is due in August and my husband just deployed to Afghanistan until March ‘10. So I really don’t want him to come home to TWO babies in the bed… plus, it’d be nice to know my daughter is capable of sleeping on her own.
I think we are going to try a toddler bed… I’ll place it next to my bed and hopefully she can make the transition. Since she hates her crib so bad, it will go to her baby brother! ;0) If we find any secret trick or anything that works for us, I’ll be sure to let all of you know! Many well wishes to everyone!

By: Can my baby sleep with me? | Baby Parenting Tips

Can my baby sleep with me? | Baby Parenting Tips — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 12:22:49 +0000

[...] Co-sleeping is great, you just have to make sure your bed is safe for the baby. It is better not to have her between the two of you. Instead, push your bed up against the wall (preferably put the mattress on the floor) and have the baby between you and the wall. Men don’t have the same awareness as mothers do, so they are more likely to roll over or hit the baby in their sleep. Especially if your hubby is a heavy sleeper like mine. Here are more ideas: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t10220…; http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/…; As long as you make it safe for the baby, in my opinion it is very healthy for the baby. When you are ready to switch to a crib (if you want to), here are some ways to do that: http://www.breastfeeding123.com/weaning-…; [...]

By: paula

paula — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 15:46:46 +0000

Wow… first of all great job being able to keep up breastfeeding for so long! My hubby couldn’t take the co-sleeping and I tried forever to get my TWINS out of our bed while breastfeeding. We bought them twin beds but first the two of them and I slept together in one of them… until they fell asleep then I’d go back into my room once they were out.
They were about 16 months old at the time. They were sleeping through the night about 730pm-5am when the hubby got up for work (he’s noisy.) So, they were used to eating at 5am and kept waking up at that time to nurse, so they’d cry when they woke b/c I wasn’t in the room any more.
We had to ween from the breastfeeding over a period of 2 months, so at 18 months old they were completely off of it and onto milk and foods only, luckily no problems with that. Shortly after that they started sleeping 730-730… THANK GOD! In their own room too… I still would go to sleep with them at bed time and nap time, first in the one bed with the both of them… then I would lay on the other bed while they shared for about a month or so… then by about 20 months, when they were old enough to talk to, and they understood more things I just explained that it’s more fun to sleep in your own bed and have lots of room to stretch… we’d "stretch" out on the beds and laugh for a while then they’d sleep in their own beds with me on the floor.
I started telling them that once they went "ni-night" I was going to go sleep with daddy in our big bed because it’s softer than the floor and there’s lots of room for us both to "stretch out" so they understood.
By 24 months I would just tuck them in wide awake and they’d go to sleep by themselves… once in a while just asking "mommy, are you ni-night yet?" loudly enough for me to hear them in my room across the hall. I’d say yes and they would go to sleep. so cute.
Now they are 3 1/2 and after we read a story and all brush our teeth together they go climb into their beds and get under the blankets all by themselves while daddy and I stand in the doorway and turn off the light when they say they’re ready. It was a long time coming… but SO worth it!
Now, our 8 month old has already quit breastfeeding (yes, we had some "issues" that are personal and I don’t want any comments on stopping so early, thanks.) and he is in his own crib in his own room,(our room is too small) but he wont go to sleep without me rocking him and singing to him for about 5-10 minutes at nap time and sometimes at bed time. I really want to be able to just lay him down and him go to sleep without crying b/c I can’t take the crying… but I have two big boys to take care of too, and they get a little crazy when I’m in there rocking the baby to sleep and they sometimes get into trouble (fighting or making a mess or OPENING THE DOOR!, scary!) so I need to be able to just put him down. I also can’t sleep with him… he wont go to sleep that way and as I said, I have the other two. Email me with any advice!

By: Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor

Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 16:21:38 +0000

Hi Katie,

With a six-year-old you might try involving her in the solution. Remind her that you need a good night’s sleep, and so does she, and that means that it’s time for her to stay in her bed in her room, all night long (or until the sun comes up, or until a certain time on the clock, or whatever the rule is), and you need her help figuring out how to make that happen. See if she can come up with a few ideas. If she is part of the solution she might be better at sticking to it. It will give her some power over the situation.

Other ideas: putting a mattress in your room, just for her. She can start off in her room then come to the mattress if she needs to, but not in your bed. Or she can start on the mattress and each night you can move the mattress closer and closer to her room.

If your 4-year-old is willing, they could sleep in the same bed. Make it into a “sleepover” and talk about how fun it is for them to sleep together. My 6-year-old and 3.5-year-old sleep in the same bed and they like it. They still want to be snuggled to sleep, but they generally stay in the bed all night.

I’ve never used reward charts but perhaps it might motivate your daughter — a sticker each night she stays in her bed, and a reward at the end of the week if she’s gotten 7 stickers.

Good luck!

By: Katie

Katie — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 09:51:49 +0000

Hi everyone!

Okay, I am a fellow attachment-parenting, co-sleeping, nursing, healthy-eating parent myself. But I have a big problem in the co-sleeping arena! My 6 year-old (yes, year old!!) still comes to sleep with us. She is very long, sprawls wildly, and I can’t sleep when she comes; I would play “musical beds” and leave to sleep in her bed! Also, her younger sister would soon follow her (the 4 year old.) Finally, after literally years of this (they both weaned themselves naturally from breastfeeding years ago), and after trying music, lights, back rubs, and every manner of thing, I dusted off the old baby gate, and put it up in her room. (Mind you, our bedrooms are like 20 feet apart, with a “Brady bunch” bathroom in the middle; she can see us!!! This isn’t like she’s in a far room, or another floor or something!) She is panicked! :_( Our four-year old quickly adjusted, but my hubby and I are up almost hourly trying to settle my daughter down. She is “scared” and “wants someone to stay with her.” I believe her, but at the same time, it’s been years, and I need to sleep in my own bed with hubby . . . not to mention that we would like to have another baby at some point, and not worry about having an overcrowded bed for that event. Can anyone help/advise? I have reasoned with her, explained it to her, gotten new bedroom things she likes . . . but when night comes, she is just different person, and “freaks out” when she can’t come into our bed. I don’t believe in locking the doors (thus, the baby gate was a compromise when she would not stay out), but I’m very desperate. I’d love a happy ending to this mess! I’ve read Dr. Sears and many other books . . .does anyone have some real life experience though? I don’t know what to do!

By: linda

linda — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 02:25:00 +0000

Hello all,
Just an update to my prior note. My son is now 3.5 and we found a race car bed at a second hand store that he WANTS to sleep in. We made a big deal about it being “big boy bed”and put it in his room across the hall. He has been inclined to fall asleep there, after his bath and customary 3-5 books. He has not fought us (we have so far avoided any “crying it out” and we let him know he can come in to sleep in our bed anytime he wants. He has not made it through the night very many times without joining us in the early A.M. but we all feel very much on the way.

Side note, that my husband who had been very ready to not share the bed with a toddler anymore, misses having our son in bed with us. The family snuggle time will be missed by all when our son finally chooses not to visit the family bed.

By: JD

JD — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 09:39:03 +0000

We have an 8 mth old. He has been sleeping with us since we arrived – even in the hospital bed. We bought a cradle which he had naps in sometimes when he was very little but we hardly used it and it is still unused next to our bed. We bought a cot for his own room when he started to crawl. This was because he crawled off the bed during a nap one day and that was it. I felt terrible but he ended up being okay. Currently the arrangement has been cot sleeping for naps and at the start of the night then I go pick him up when Im going to bed and we cuddle all night. He usually wakes me up in the morning by tapping on my face, pulling my hair, etc. He likes to take his time to get comfortable if we go to bed at the same time and moves about the bed alot. Just recently however he is flat out refusing to go to sleep in his cot at all. He screams rather than cries and will not sleep no matter how tired he is or how firm I am. He just gets hysterical. He skwirms if I try to rock him or sing to him. Then he will eventually fall asleep in his play area on the floor or on my lap…wherever so long as it is no where near his cot. I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel it’s safe for him to nap or sleep in my bed without me there and he wakes up as soon as I sneak away anyway. I love sleeping with him but I feel like I have set up this nightmare where he is anxious sleeping in his cot without me. I have even tried climbing into his cot with him, a favourite toy. routine of bath, massage, feed, dim light, music.

By: starzy

starzy — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 04:22:17 +0000

hi! we are an attachment parenting family. my now 14 month son started sleeping through the night around 10 weeks old. he has literally woken up probably less than 5 times since then and sleeps a full 9 to 12 hours every night! He was premature 4 weeks so we co-slept with him 50/50 until he was about 8 months. At about 8 months old we started co-sleeping 100% of the time. and i think i have become addicted to it quite honestly. i love it so much, i cant help kissing him 100 times and holding his feet and smelling him and my husband loves it as well, (although since my baby is a tornado sleeper) he does sometimes kick my husband out of bed somehow.. (takes over his space entirely) somehow my husband ends up at the foot of the bed and quietly wakes me up saying “momma, i have no where to sleep” thats when i bring baby over to his spot in the middle of the bed (hes scared to do it himself thinking he will either disturb the baby or wake him), so now with baby #2 on the way in 5 months, we really want to know what to do. we need advice. should we move our son into his own bed? (which i dont think HE nor I am ready to do) and should we co-sleep with baby #2.. if we do, which i totally want to, we are planning to get a 2nd bed in our 2nd room and each sleep with one child. (my husband and i are very independent sleepers we do not like to touch much when we sleep if we do its hard for me to fall asleep) or should we just get two beds (our king and a new queen bed) and attach them together (which will look quite unattractive) but sleep as a family together? when is an ideal time to get my toddler in his own bed? i think it would break my heart to make him sleep in his own bed and own room. i dont think i can do it.

By: Elspeth

Elspeth — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 14:08:08 +0000

Hey there.
I have an 8 month old who has slept in our bed from birth. At four months or so we started putting him to bed in the bassinet in our room in the hopes that he would start being more comfortable sleeping by himself. Problem is he isn’t and wakes up every hour until I bring him to bed. Then he sleeps three or four hour chunks between feedings. My problem is that my husband is completely opposed to the baby being in the bed. I can’t convince him otherwise. I want to do what’s best for all of us but the baby won’t sleep by himself in his crib and I don’t believe in CIO. Not sure what to do as this is putting a major stress on my marriage but the baby is just so much happier being with us (plus practically it’s much less exhausting for me).