Children DO NOT need breatsmilk or formula past one year old. I’m sorry, but if your child is old enough to come to you and tell you that it’s time to nurse, then you are SCREWING UP YOUR CHILD FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIVES!! OMG. Get a grip people! one person said that with their 5 year old it’s still no guarantee that they will sleep through the night. Let me let you in on a little secret. It is ok for your child to cry for a few minutes at a time for a little while. They DO need to learn how to soothe themselves and fall asleep, otherwise, you know what? You are going to end up with a teenager that has sleep problems because they don’t know how to fall asleep on their own. If you know your child has eaten, been changed, is comfortable temperature, etc, then let them cry for a few minutes. I know it’s hard to hear your child cry and not go run to them, but when is it going to stop? Part of being a good parent is taking care of your kids, the other part is teaching them to take care of themselves. You people who let your kids sleep in your bed, suck on your breasts until their 3 (or any older than 1, really), and run every time they start to cry are ABSOLUTELY NOT teaching your children anything good. All that you are teaching them is that if they ever need something in life, dont try to do it yourself, look for someone else to do it for you. What kind of message is that to give? Again, I feel very sorry for your children and the ENORMOUS amount of problems you are bringing to their future. Get a grip. Be a good parent or else dont have kids in the first place. I praise the doctor that gave one commentor some parenting advice, and I wish that more doctors would do this. [...] Thank you for your time, and if one person will realize the mistakes they are making from reading my post, then it will have been worth it.

Why did my husband and I decide on a “family bed” situation? Well, mainly, due to the fact that the idea of letting a wholly dependent and helpless infant cry (her natural and only means of letting you know of pain, discomfort, anxiety, etc.) seemed completely unnatural and inhumane. But my resolve was bolstered, in part, by this brief article I read in an “Awake” magazine (7/22/94). It is 15 years old, I grant you, but the information seems completely sound and convincing.

It reads:
“Sleeping With Baby

“Not only would we reduce SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome), but we’d raise healthier, happier babies if moms did just one thing: Take their babies with them to bed for the first year, rather than isolate them in their own cribs,” says James McKenna, a professor at Pomona College in California. Sleeping in contact with a parent “helps regulate the baby’s physiology throughout the night,” reports The Dallas Morning News. Tests have confirmed that when a baby sleeps next to its mother, the infant’s “breathing patterns, heart rates and sleep stages follow those of its mother.” And as mother and child usually face each other, the baby can easily feed whenever it wants to. “Babies alone in cribs suffer sensory deprivation,” says Mr. McKenna. “We think this can lead to lack of crucial intellectual development and possibly to conditions more conducive to the risk of SIDS.” Statistics show that in countries where babies customarily share beds with their mothers, SIDS rates are much lower.”

Another article I read asserted that the US has one of the highest SIDS rates in the world and also one of the lowest occurrences of a “family bed” sleeping arrangement. These facts are not, I believe, coincidence.

I know that things go wrong, and that sometimes babies die due to no negligence on the parents’ part. But couldn’t it be that in some instances vital cues that something was wrong were missed because the baby was in another room on the other side of the house all alone? I mean absolutely no offense to any poor mother who has had to endure the horrible, incomprehensible ordeal of losing a child. I am placing no blame–just sharing some of the things that prompted my husband and I to be too uncomfortable with the arrangement of having our child sleeping in another room to attempt the CIO method.

Also, I agree with the assertion that CIO can lead to an infants being MORE clingy and dependent. Case in point: When my daughter was 11 months old, I would put her to bed, after nursing, around 8 pm. After 2-3 hours she would wake up for her first comfort/nursing session. At that point I would go to bed with her, and she’d be in our bed all night. One evening, I put her down in my bed as usual, and set the room monitor (or so I thought) and went downstairs. After three hours I began to wonder at her sleeping so soundly; checked the monitor, and to my horror, realized my end had been off the entire time. I ran upstairs and found that she had awakened, crawled off the end of the bed (The mattress was on the floor on carpet. We purposely put off installing a bed frame just in case she would ever roll off the bed.) She had cried for who knows how long and eventually fell asleep on her face on the carpet. From that point on, for at least 6 months, she was extremely clingy. She would not permit me to leave the room while she played without bursting into tears. And heretofore, I had been able to get her to go to sleep on her own peacefully, if nursing had not made her nod off–but no more. As soon as she detected me trying to leave the room she would become hysterical. She was just an infant, but that one night of inadvertently crying it out scarred her for the next 6 months. She was terrified of being abandoned by her mother. I cannot tell you how much guilt I felt over the matter, and yet this is a method that many parents adopt, inflicting such seeming cruelty on a nightly basis. And, yes, I say “cruelty” because who has known an infant to cry when they are happy??

I really appreciate this article and the many intelligent relies posted herein. Thank you!

Tonight, my son was in his crib watching his mobile and content, so I decided to jump into the shower. I told him where I was going, that I would be right back and hopped in. He began to cry almost immediately, and by the time I got out 5-10 minutes later he was beyond upset. I scooped him up immediately, nursed him and cried (and cried and cried). He was better so fast, smiling at me and paying with my wet hair.

I knew that CIO did not work, at least not for us, and I needed something, someone to help us! After he fell asleep, I found this article, THANK YOU!

http://www.blisstree.com/breastfeeding123/book-review-the-no-cry-nap-solution/

I bet the author has tips at her website:

http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/

Good luck!

Wow! all of this confirms that everything I do is only natural. I have no children but have cared for plenty. Never ever had I left a baby to cry. To me, it just seemed cruel, archaic, and illogical. I always wondered, why do parents do that? Why do doctors suggest such illogical advice? Who could get a good night comfortable sleep after being forced to sleep under conditions of anxiety, panick mode, lack of attachment, and being forced to cry inconsolably to sleep until wearing out? I know I never could.

When I go to bed crying, and I’ve cried myself to sleep many a times, I sleep deeply but also woke jultingly to nightmares and panick. If I’m an adult and doing this, I could only imagine what a baby would do, but of course, since parents and experts have forced them to be in their own room and independent and all that craziness, they’d never know what their baby thinks or feels since they are so focused on “training” them that all baby’s cues go by the wayside.

This method, no matter how fancy experts want to get with it, just suggests one thing, let the baby cry until it wears itself out. There is no science to it. Even a street dummy can come up with such a stupid practice. Of course a baby will eventually fall asleep after being extremely fatigued and exhaustion. I guess it WILL work! DUH. I don’t have children of my own yet, but I do, as a female, have a maternal instinct that I will not ignore. After all, every woman is born with that, hence her desire to have children and be nurturing. Though childless, I can see past the stupid advice of the experts and refused to be exploited by them. Let a doctor scoff at me. I’ll do all I can to have their license revoked because that is when they cross a line! I’m sorry for the mother that happened to. Getting a new doc is the best thing. I’d also file a complaint with the local QIO–Quality Improvement Organization. Doctors have to answer to someone, too.

And to the parent who said that child will still be in bed with you at five? Well, haven’t you noticed that when you take down the crib and give the child a big boy/girl bed that they will keep coming into your room, even despite you letting them cry it out in a crib? Well, here is the answer. That child always wanted to be with you. Them coming into your room isn’t some new desire or habit since they got a big person bed. They always wanted to, but the crib kept them confined and made it impossible. They cried but were ignored. They tried to let you know before they wanted you, but rather than listen to your heart, you listened to some stupid expert, a complete stranger, who said to let your baby cry it out under all odds. They stopped crying because they quickly figure it is no use. Take a look of what the silent baby means. Babies who are not responded to quickly get the picture. They have no idea why they are being ignored. And they cannot reason that it is due to training, so they give up. But now that they have the bed and nothing to keep them confined, they have their own two feet to bring them to your bed for comfort. So, will you now lock them in their room to prevent that? Why must we force children to be independent before they are ready?

The funny thing is that babies cannot change their own diapers, they cannot feed themselves, and they depend on someone for all of their needs to be met. Yet, the funny thing is that they are supposed to survive–I like to say toughen it out–all through the night for twelve hours without adult contact. Despite probably waken up in the night because of a wet or poopy diaper, despite probably wanting some comfort or a drink, baby must kick back and put himself back to sleep no matter the circumstances. If the diaper is soiled, tough crap. I guess experts say, “You’re a baby. Poopy diapers are the norm. Get over it, endure a little, and go back to sleep. Nobody is coming, so you’d better find a way to get comfortable, even if the mess between your legs is burning your crotch out.” Awwww, was I too graphic? Was I too mean? Did I say too much for your tender ears? Did I cross a line? Was I too harsh? Well, too bad. I had to say it like it is, and that is how it is, whether or not some want to come out of denial and accept it, which I find is better to do. Face it. It is cruel and should not be done.

Let me tell you, and I have no shame in doing so, is that I’m completely incontinent. I must wear a diaper twenty-four/seven. Wet and poopy diapers do wake me because they are uncomfortable. I get up, change them, and go back to sleep. I could not imagine a helpless baby being forced to “put itself back to sleep” lying in the stuff. I have one word to describe that–inhumane! I don’t care what the reason is. There are better ways to teach someone something than that! This whole thing all seems so illogical, and I don’t need my own children to know how illogical it really is. I care for the mentally challenged off and on, and one has not been tried until they take on such a job. Caring for the mentally challenged makes caring for a baby a walk in the park. It isn’t a crime for a baby to wake during the night. Even adults do for various reasons. I woke up at four this morning due to a very wet soaking diaper, and it is five twenty-four. I decided I wanted to go on the computer for awhile, as I felt too wrestless to go back to sleep after changing my diaper. Now, should i be sleep trained? Should I be forced to sleep in my mess and not get out of bed? I wake up two to three times nightly, as I’ve been a very crappy sleeper since I was a baby. Should I be locked in my room to scream it out until I’m tired so that all the energy that I lost screaming my head off would make me sleep deeper because I was so tired from screaming it out? See the logic here? There is none at all. It is funny that there is all the evidence that suggest that it is bad to let a baby cry it out, but there is none suggesting that it produces happy, healthy, intterractive, independent, well-adapted babies. I’m ready for a REAL debate. Pull out the stuff that says it is okay. You won’t find any because it is not. Don’t bother to compete with me because I’m very well read on the subject. I’m even a staunch advocate against it, and I’m composing my own papers with scientific evidence to back it up.

Humans cannot be “trained.” I refuse to “train” a baby. Rather, I listen and follow cues. This way, it learns to be assertive and be comfortable. If I wanted to “train” something, I’ll get a dog.

To say that babies have no needs at night after a certain age is just plain stupid. We all will have needs no matter the age. Just think of it, just because a baby is “trained” that doesn’t go into adulthood with them. We are not “trained” like dogs, so why should a baby be?

I’ve worked with mentally challenged people for a considerable amount of time. Let me just say that much of what is acceptable to do to babies would never fly in caring for the mentally challenged. If I were to do half the cruel methods suggested that should be done to a poor, helpless, defenseless, little baby, I’d have a criminal record that would follow me forever. If it cannot be done to the mentally challenged in caregiving environments, and if it is even unacceptable to be done to the elderly, who may even wake much more than babies, than why a baby? I seem to get the vive that babies are inferior in this culture and that they must be mannaged and controled to cater to what the parents want. Baby must be squeezed into an already busy lifestyle being forced to accommidate those around them, rather than it being the other way around. Baby comes first and always should.

I’m glad that I regard all human life the same. I respect all of a baby’s needs, and allowing them to scream it out all scared and distressed before bed is disrespectful to say the least. And to parents who say that your baby is so very happy and healthy after this method, how do you really know that baby is happy? Think about that. Baby may seem compliant and happy, but infant depression can set in. Read this article at http://www.naturalchild.com/guest/pinky_mckay.html Something to think about, huh?

Oh, and for proof of my incontinence, check out http://www.takeastandforincontinence.blogspot.com There, I share my story and am an advocate.