1. Wear metal studded pants.  You can’t take them off and put them through the metal detector, so they’re going to have to wand you.  What were you thinking?
2. Leave liquids in your carry on bags.  Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you should know about the security directive limiting liquids and gels in carry on items.  Even if you’ve missed it, there are explanatory signs located before you get into the security line.  It’s way too late when you see the screeners pulling your bags off the conveyor belt.
3. Talk non-stop on your cell phone.  I love talking on the phone as much as the next person (maybe even more), but it really holds things up when you are trying to put your bags on the conveyor belt, take off your jacket and shoes, take your laptop out of its bag and place it in a separate bin, and take out your packet of liquid/gels, and do ALL those things with ONE HAND because you can’t hang up the phone long enough to get through the security check point.
4. Complain about crew members and airport employees going to the front of the line.  For a while, airports had dedicated security lines for crew members and airport workers.  Because these lines were frequently under used during much of the day, most airports have adopted a policy that all lines will be open to everyone, and instituted a policy to move employees to the front of the line.  Becoming aggressive about it is practically guaranteeing that your bags are going to be searched.  If you’re that hostile and aggressive to a crew member on the ground, it raises a question about what your behavior will be like in the air.  You may not think it’s fair, but you’re going to have to learn to deal with it.
5. Keep your pocket watch, cell phone, rolls of quarters, and bike chain in your pocket.  That doorway that you have to walk through is a metal detector.  All that stuff in your pocket is NOT going to make it through.  The people in line behind you are going to be groaning as you take one item after another out of your pocket.  Instead, take these things out of your pocket BEFORE you reach the metal detector, place it in a bin to go on the conveyor belt, and walk metal-free through the doorway.
6. Argue with the TSA agent.  I know this one is hard, and sometimes it does seem like they are dumber than dirt.  You may even be right.  But they are the ones who have control (situational power), and your life will go much smoother if you just play nice.
7. Make jokes about security or talk about security breaches.  TSA will take them seriously, and you’ll likely find yourself detained by a bunch of people with guns.  “Hi, Jack” has never been funny; it’s just stupid.
8. Act aggressively.  Menacing and intimidating behavior may be an assault.  Pushing and shoving may be battery.  You can find yourself arrested before you even make it through security, so think about whether you really need to take that route.
9. Get drunk and disorderly.  Well, actually, even if you’re just drunk and not disorderly, you’re likely not going to make it through security.  Federal law prohibits airlines from boarding and transporting anyone who appears to be drunk.  If you can’t make it through security without a problem, chances are you won’t be able to board your flight.  Security will detain you right there at the check point rather than risk a problem in the boarding area.
10. Put your baby in a bin on the conveyor belt to go through x-ray screening.  If I have to explain why this one is wrong, you probably aren’t ready for kids.

While I hope you get a chuckle out of this list, let me assure you that these behaviors are real.  I have seen all these examples occur.  Frequently.  When I go to work for my next trip, I know that one or more of these examples will occur.

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Post from: Fly Away Cafe

Thanks to those who voted.  Look for April’s poll to be up next week.

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Post from: Fly Away Cafe

Energizer (the battery people) has come out with a line of portable chargers powered by AA batteries, called the Energi To Go.  It priced at about $20. 

Post from: Fly Away Cafe

Still, there are certain basic courtesies that must be followed.  Traveling can occasionally bring out the worst in people, resulting in the frequent “it’s all about me” syndrome.  Toss in cramped quarters, and discourteous cell phone manners, and you have a recipe for disaster.

In the spirit of happy travels for everyone, and in honor of  Cell Phone Courtesy Month, I offer a Flight Attendant’s 12 Tips for Cell Phone Use on an Airplane:

1. Don’t use your cell phone while boarding.  With a couple of carry ons in one hand, a boarding pass in another, and a cell phone. . . well, juggled between the two. . . you just can’t navigate the aisle, get to you seat, stow your bags and put on your seat belt while holding onto your cell phone.  Get on, stow your bags, sit down, and then, if there’s time make your call.
2. If you’ve ignored the above suggestion, don’t stop in the middle of the aise to write something down, send a text message, or to continue your conversation.  There are people behind you trying to get to their seat.  You are holding up progress, and no one wants to wait on you.
3. Don’t try to talk to the flight attendants about your seating problem, drink or meal order, or special request while you’re talking on the phone.  Give us a couple minutes of your time and we’ll see what we can do for you.  Multi-tasking in this situation means nothing gets accomplished.  Besides, it’s just plain rude.
4. When you are asked to discontinue use, do so.  If it really looks like you’re finishing up a call, we’re going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are disconnecting.  But if you are just dialing, don’t expect us to believe you when you say you are almost through.  Hang up.  We really want to get going.  Now.
5. Turn the power off when asked to do so.  This is true for cell phones and for PDAs.  Most airlines require that all electronics be turned off before closing the door for push back and taxi.  The Flight Attendants are required to do a walk through to confirm.  We’ll ask you again to turn it off.  This time, probably a bit more firmly. You are now holding up the process, and potentially causing a delay.  Look around at all the people you are inconveniencing.  Your phone call is not as important as all those other people, and the reason they are all turning to give you dirty looks is because you’re rude.
6. Take off your head set.  If you have a head set on and are talking, we are going to assume that you are still on the phone and ask you to turn it off.  The head set needs to be removed anyway, so just do it and save everyone a lot of grief.  (Ditto with your PDA.  If you’re still typing, it’s probably on.)
7. Don’t shout.  It’s bad enough when you shout on the ground, but when you’re in the confined space of an airplane, with people sandwiched in all around you, it’s even worse, as sound can amplify.  Watch your volume.
8. Consider the content of your conversation.  People can hear you, so you should think twice about the personal data you reveal (like giving a credit card number to reserve a hotel room) when there are people so close to you.
9. Watch your language.  As I said, your voice can amplify in the airplane.  While your personal conversation is personal, if everyone around you can hear your expletives or your X-rated content, we are going to be asked to intervene.  And we will. 
10. Eliminate the “Can you hear me now syndrome.”  Reception in the airplane can sometimes be spotty.  Whether I’m on the other end of your conversation having to deal with it, or sitting next to you listening to you shout or ask “can you hear me now,” it gets old.  Really fast.  Just hang up and call back when you have better coverage.  It will save everyone involved a lot of frustration.  You too.
11. Don’t try to talk over the background noises on the plane.  Airplanes are noisy places.  There are lots of people and lots of conversations.  Pilots and flight attendants are making announcements.  The air conditioner may be on.  There’s noise from activity on the tarmac.  Face it — it’s noisy!  Don’t continue to raise your voice in the hopes of being able to talk louder than everyone else.  If you’re trying to talk over the voice of the Flight Attendants, we’re just going to continue to talk louder until you get the hint.
12. Keep your cell phone handy if you want to use it taxiing in.  Most airlines allow you to use your cell phone while you are taxiing to the gate.  But you still can’t unbuckle your seat belt of take out your carry ons.

I always try to follow my own advice in using my cell phone, and if I should fall short, I would certainly expect someone to gently remind me of my inconsideration.  I hate having to be the one to do that to you, so please — just use a little courtesy and we’ll all get along.

Post from: Fly Away Cafe