How to Get Over a Broken Heart
August 16, 2007 by Sara Ost
Filed under Boys & Girls, How To, Misc., Philosophy, Relationships, Stress
It doesn’t take a genius to ascertain that I keep a smart-ass establishment (drugs and horoscopes much?). But we all know that underneath the big, bad edge, smart-asses are really the most tender nibblins of all. So here’s a little love for everyone who has the courage to live, but most especially a couple of my bruised peeps – you know who you are. For everyone else, don’t worry – we’ll get back to the sardonic escapades in two shakes of Molly McButter.
Broken heart? Rejection? Failure? It hurts (and hurts, and hurts).
Here’s how to properly lick your wounds:
1. Take heart: you will not die.
Even though it really, really feels like it. Even though you can feel your heart physically swelling in your chest and pain pulsing through your entire body and your ribs are sticking to your sides like macaroni on a microwave – you will not die from this. It might mess up your mental and physical health a little in the short term (you’re allowed to eat some carbs, for Pete’s sake). But you will not die. It still hurts, though.
2. At least it’s a good hurt.
Vera Pavlova wrote:
“If there is something to desire,
there will be something to regret.
If there is something to regret,
there will be something to recall.
If there is something to recall,
there was nothing to regret.
If there was nothing to regret,
there was nothing to desire.”
3. Give yourself as much time as you need.
A lot of the angst of moving on comes from self-judgments about when and how and why you should move on and what you did wrong. Don’t compare yourself to others. You’re not nuts; you’re not strange; you’re not obsessed; you’re not a fool. Your big crime is innocence. The only sin you can possibly commit is doubting yourself. You’re just human and you felt something. At the time, whenever that was, it felt right. Accept that your feelings are your feelings and let them be (to paraphrase Marcus Aurelius). Feelings are hard to feel and even harder to understand. They’ll pass when the time is right and not a moment sooner.
4. Things simply are what they are.
And now they are different. They cannot be any other way. Life is a series of moments and all you really have to do in this life is accept them. No one expects anything more; and believe me, no one upstairs does, either. Sometimes those moments turn into chapters, but ultimately even the chapters conclude.
5. Treat yourself right.
Try to get out as much as you can (but don’t force yourself to jump into something new or go out partying every night). Talk to your friends, even if all you can squeak out is “it’s another rough one today”. Don’t worry about annoying them – even if you do, they are the ones who really know you and they will still love you. You can’t fool them anyway – even if you don’t say anything, they know.
6. Exercise.
A daily bout of exercise – walking, running, lifting weights, dancing, the elliptical, yoga – will help your brain both regulate and release your feel-good hormones. A bonded relationship causes your brain to release oxytocin, a powerful “commitment” peptide. When it goes away you can become depressed. So let those other helpful hormones fill in the void. Exercise!
7. Eat a lot of fat.
Beneficial fatty acids in things like olive oil, nuts, avocados and salmon will baby your brain and help keep your mood stable. Eat some at every meal from here on out.
8. Spoil yourself (but not too much).
Buy your favorite beer, enjoy an entire pint of ice cream. But don’t go overboard – you’ll just end up feeling worse. There’s no hard-and-fast rule for when you’re about to cross the line. I think you’ll know your limit if you listen to your instincts. In fact, I believe our instincts will never, ever let us down, if only we would pay them heed. (And remember, if you cross your line, that’s okay. Mistakes are not bad, they are learning, and that is what life is all about, right?)
9. This too shall pass.
I know – I know – it doesn’t feel that way right now, but the pain will pass. Reality bites and life will give your heart a ruthless pruning, but you’ll grow back even fuller. You might miss a season or two – no worries, so did the damaged peach tree I watched my grandmother coax for 10 patient years. The fruit it finally bore was the best slice of sweet imaginable. That memory has always comforted me; find one that comforts you.
10. Now is not the time to begin training for a marathon, overhauling your investments, or perfecting your GTD system.
Initial small accomplishments can give you a bump, but if you’re using them to avoid feeling the hurt, that hurt will just come back with a wallop (I don’t know about you but I’m an expert at this one). Do make positive changes and invest yourself in projects that are both distracting and productive, because these things will help you move on with greater confidence. I’m glad I read my RSS feeds today, because one of my favorite bloggers posted this positive guide to dealing with setbacks. But just remember that as you take positive actions, don’t try to repress those feelings. Feelings always come out eventually.
Although, when they do…that’s good, too. Have a good, long lick and remember: everybody plans picnics in the park. Everybody carries a private hurt (or hundred). Good for you for feeling something and taking a risk. That’s called living and all we can do is our best in each moment. There is no right or wrong; there is no should. There is only real.
You might feel sad and hurt, but guess what?
I think you fucking rock.
I’m just a twentysomethin’ blogger and I don’t have the answers, but I do know that.
Im not alone!!!! im 22 and met my ex when i was 15. fell head over heals in love with her. we had 2 children aged 3 and 5 months. she left me when my eldest daughter was 1 and was seeing some guy for a month. she went to hotels with him every week while i had the baby and it absolutely shattered me. he dumped her and i foolishly took her back. we found our happiness again and had another daughter 5 months ago. i proposed to her when she fell pregnant again and she said yes. we were planning our wedding for later on this year. all of a sudden about 2 months ago she just wanted to be out with her friends in clubs all the time and wouldnt even give me the time of day. she would go out 4/5 times a week and leave me at home with the 2 kids. then she just ended it out of the blue this day last week. i took it extreamley well at first thinking f**k her im too good for her. took the kids to my place last weekend and everything was fine. then i see pictures of her out with a man on her facebook with last saturdays date on it. BAM!! hit me like a ton of bricks. im getting the feelings i had 2 years ago when she left me and i dont think i can cope with it again. if i could just never see her again id get through it but i have kids with her. i cant even confide in my friends because they are all doing final exams in college. i feel so alone and unwanted. PLEASE HELP!
omg stephen! I am sooo sorry! you are def better off without her! I am sorry about all this crap you are going thru– this crap is so hard! I am so hurt myself and cry but best of all, i know i am not alone on this and we are all going to get thru it… it is just gonig to take time. my bf broke my heart to 1000 pieces more than once and this time i will not beg him to stay with me.. email me if you need to talk to someone, i do feel that i cant breathe somethings silvia_varillas@hotmail.com
Wow Im sorry to m8 im going through something similar atm we have been together 14 yrs and all of a sudden starts going clubbing and out with friends alone and was told 2 days ago its over. Tell you what its knocked me for six. Hang in there brother it can only get better from here.
Your doing so well Stephen, be strong and think about your kids, the womans not worth it, I know its not what you want to hear now but you will find some one who loves you and cares for you completely. Iv found that a really good tip is to delete facebook or not go on it for a while because it just makes everything worse.
hey stephen you arent alone…..i have been with my boyfriend for a year and 5 months…we moved in together last year november and that was a big mistake. I have been out of a job for 5 months now everywhere i check aint hiring any one im so confused and miserable. My boyfriend starts coming home 2,3 and 4am in the mornings and i talk to him about it but it doesnt make a difference. I love him very much the last thing i did was to write down what i miss about our relationship and the fact that he acts like he doesnt care also that i feel like he is cheating tho he said he isnt…..i wrote that i didnt beleive him and of everything i wrote down he only chose to answer the part that said i dont believe he is not cheating and his response was “IF U DONT BELIEVE ME MAYBE WE SHOULD SEPERATE” i felt a burning sensation inside when he said that to me. When i was working i told him i wnted us to be over because of his attitude sometimes and he asked me not to leave and now that i am not working he has the energy to tell me that maybe we should seperate if i dont believe him. I cried about it soo many times when i think back on the past i was just coming out of a relationship that caused me to build a wall around my heart after getting hurt and he made me changed my mind and give relationship another chance. I have never cheated on him NEVER we argue but so does everyone. The shocking part is that we still live together,he came home lastnight talking to me calm and sweet,kissed me….he came home a bit earlier and cuddled me a few times when we sleep but in my mind i wanna hate him sooo much but its hard as i live with him….i cant move out now cuz im not working and have no cash to rent somewhere else and worst i live in a foreign country and not my own. i wanna forget him but its hard doing that when im seeing him everyday…..can anyone help me please!
yeah man i understand…i met this girl in a town i was working in and we were together for a couple of months…then stopped talking, she would text every now and then…anyway..found out that she had a baby and it was mine, but she didnt want to tell me about it, her sister made her tell me..no she doesn’t want me to father the child and she blames me for getting her pregonant…i manned up and started getting involved in the babys life and she considers me a stalker now..she wont talk to me or nothing..it fukn sux but i have a child with her and i am trying to be a good dad but she wont give me tje oppurtunity because i am the blame the baby..this shit sux and i have no idea how to handle this..she tells everyone i am crazy and abusive just so they canbe on her side…i am nothing of that but a good father who is trying to let his son live a wonderful life..but his mother is going to feed his head with bullshit..hate to say this but karma sux.
well im in the same boat kinda…ive been with this girl for 4 years we have a 3 year old daughter togather we were friends 6 years before we even got togather, we always had a thing for each other then and we decided to act on them one day and ended up going out from there on and haven a kid. after about a year she cheated on me with her ex she was with before she got with me….she ended that i guess cause it was just mixed feelings she had but i got past that seeing there will always be a few bumps in a long term relationship….then i started haven some trust issues at first and when they finally went away we were so much in love again it was like we just meet again, holden hands everywhere we went cudding everywhere we went, etc….all that lovely dovely stuff 3 years went bye and now she cheated on me again with someone from her work i was heart broken and so lost didnt know what to do still dont i still cry time to time and get sad and yet i still love her more then anything we have only been apart for 10 days but it feels like forever….now when i found out she cheated i left her etc…i was always at home taken care of the kid and cleaning house cooking dinner etc like a good stay at home dad does, i always made love to her the way she likes it i never do anything the way i like it was all about her….but after i left her i started missen her and i wanted her back…so i went to call her and she wouldnt answer she went like 7 days without calling me or anything i went 7 days without closeure or even being able to talk about it to get it out of my system..but anyways after i finally got ahold of her after 7 days she tells me she fell out of love with me and that there is never a chance we will ever get back togather…now that hurt to hear i was able to talk her into being friends but u know how hard that is knowing she is prolly talking to the guy she cheated on u with and hangen out with him with ur kid around!!!!!that hurts the most knowing some other guy is trying to be my kids dad! i would hit him if i ever see him but i cant cause i dont wanna go to jail i just wanna work on things to make myself happy again but thats too damn hard i cant even talk to another girl anymore whenever i do i feel guilty and i start getting sad and depressed..im still sad n cry once in awhile and sometimes i find i still cant eat or sleep good anymore like i use to..but i am learning to accept it and move on with focusen on myself in order to be happy…i find myself from time to time just looken at the wall and being sad and feeling like this is all my fault and it sucks knowing that if i did wanna give it another try it wont happpen cause she has moved on to another guy who she works with…maybe ill get over this maybe i wont but all i know is that ONE day i will be happy again and that is all that matters!
Hi,
I feel so lonely, so hurt, my heart is aching more than i ever imagined it to.
I never thought i would be where i am right now in my life, i am 27 and have had 2 fiance’s and have broken up with them both, the first one i was so scared to marry him and it didnt feel right at all, but i was with him cause he treated me like i deserved to be treated but i didnt feel that he was the one, so after being with him for 2.5yrs and engaged for 3 months i broke up with him.
Then my second fiance was so not right for me, but i fell in love with him and we had so many fun times but i was treated like crap but i accepted it cause i had fallen so in love. then we got engaged and his true colours really came out, he has to be the most selfish man i have met so far. He didnt want a wife or a life partner he wanted a slave and a babysitter for him and his mother, so i broke up with him. But i am so lonely right now and so embarressed that i downgraded myself to such a selfish and inconsiderate man.
Im so sad and miserable every single day that im exhausted. for the last 3 years of my life, i just keep loosing everything. my grandma, then my first fiance, then my aunty, then my second fiance and then my uncle…WHY IS LIFE SO HARD? im a good person, Im caring, honest, trustworthy, I sometimes blame all this cause im such a soft person on the inside and so sensitive to anything. I wish i was heartless sometimes. Im not upset that i left the second guy cause he does not deserve me, i just regret dating him and i regret being engaged twice..Should i feel so embarrassed about being engaged twice and do you think i will meet another guy who will accept my past experiences, i also find it hard to accept the fact that me and my second fiance touched each other in a sensual way but did not have intercourse, i am a christian so i feel that i have sinned and feel so guilty about it, i regret it so much cause my selfish uneducated ex would be the type to go and spread the rumour that we had sex before marriage even thou we didnt.
i dont know who to turn to anymore, iv been on antidepressants they only made me put on weight, iv tried councelling and pyscologist but wasnt to happy with the one i went to, im always searching the net for answers to find a way to get over the past and just be happy.
I wish this pain upon nobody.
God bless us all.
Please dont feel guilty, none of this is your fault. you have not done anything wrong. You were right to end it with the first guy, it doesnt matter how far the relationship was gone you knew in your heart it wasnt right. You made nothing but the right choices all the way through, but sometimes life just really sucks!
I have never replied to anything like this before but i felt i had to because i could not belive how similar my situation is to yours, and i am glad to know that someone else knows how it feels to see things from both sides, to have been loved and to have loved, but never at the same time.. i can only hope that it will happen, and when it does none of this stuff will matter any more.
Keep the faith
xx
Hi, Amanda I don’t know what brought me to this site. I am currently enrolled in a nursing program taking Mother baby this semester. I have been doing a lot of research this morning about the reproductive system and I think that’s what led me to this site. First of all, let me say is a right feeling that you are feeling right now. Sometimes we need that to be matured. I had a similar case like you. I was in a committed relationship but it was a long distance relationship. I love this guy because of similarities we shared and he was a christian. But we broke up because he finally exhibit some behavior that made thought he was cheating on me. About two years ago I met another guy who was so crazy about me. He was very nice and caring but I had always refuse when he asked me about marriage. Not that I didn’t like him I love him so dearly and he can even tell from my altitude and my body language. I prayed seriously about it but did not get any answer. About a year ago he asked me again if I would marry him I finally accepted it but I had a phone call from my friend telling me about a dream he had drempt. He just simply told me to get out from that relationship. He did not know I was in a relationship neither did he know this guy. I thought it was a joke and did not listen to him about three weeks later, my pastor called me and told me similiar thing. I was very confuse being at this age 27. On the third time another pastor had a prophecy about dissapointment that was about to come. I prayed about it and believed nothing will happen because I am also a christian and believe God reveals to redeem. Guess what, this whole issue from the time he asked me to marry him to the time I had been told about all these was a month and three weeks. I had falling in love with him so it was a big challenge to let him go. On the other hand, I did not want to be disobedient to God’s word which was the most impotant thing. I wanted to believe if what they told me is true or not so when he call me as usual, I wanted to know his mind and played along with his mind. I told him I am ready to get married to him. To my expectation I was expecting a happy and a joyous moment because that is what he had always wish for. Unfortunately, he seigh and refuse to talk. I finally found out that he was dating another girl that has just graduated from a pharmacy school and he was getting ready to marry that girl and the worse part is that he was getting marriage in the some church we both attend. I have cried,feel dirty the same way you have felt but God has put his arms around me. I have never felt so matured in my life than this before. I prayed to God to forgive my sins and realize that I am still a human being that God is always preparing me to a perfection daily. Every morning, I get up around 5:30am read my bible and pray to God because remember God is your first love he has never and will never broke your heart. Throughtout this I have draw to God more closer, my life has totally change because I believe it was not a good relationship for me to go in. My only advice to you is that God know what is best for you and his promises are yea and Amen. Until you have seen those promises you will not be lowered into your grave it has to come to pass. These bible verses help me a lot when I was dealing with the same stress. Jeremiah 1:5, 17-19. Please read these and let the words speak to you. If you have any question you can email me.
I’m still currently hurting over my ex. We went out for about 3 years and been broken up for about 2. Every day I miss her and I get out, treat myself, exercise, and party. It works for me but then the few hours I possible have left in my day, she popes up in my head and it completely brings me down. I still have hope to someday get over her but at the same time its hard because I thought we would be together forever :/
We still talk and were still good friends. She’s already had 2 more bf’s after me and she seems to have fallen in love for them like she did for me. Our parents are like best friends so its hard for us not to see each other, and we do. And every time I see her I just want things to go back to the way it was when we were really happy, but I was young and immature and made a huge mistake. So I decided to move away and go to college out of state and we still talk and I still miss her. But when we talk its short and brief. She’ll ask how I’m doing and I’ll ask how she’s doing and that about it.
Hey Sebastian. My boyfriend broke up with me because he fell out of love with me. I thought we were better than ever, but he was keeping his feelings from me, like always, till I decided to move out, ONLY for financial reasons. He took that, I guess, as me moving on. I am so baffled and heartbroken. I thought we would too be together forever. He was my first, and only love. We dated for four years. I lost my best friend, and he wants absolutely nothing to do with me. I don’t know what went wrong. I didn’t get any closure, so its going to take a lot longer for me to get over him. I feel your pain. This just happened a week ago! I can’t eat, I have a hard time going through one single minute without thinking about him. This is a huge hurdle for us both. We need to stick together and realized that we are not alone, and we can and WILL get over this! Keep doing what your doing, though. And don’t be afraid to let any one else in.
Email if you would like. I would like to make new friends that have something special in common.
knights118@hotmail.com -Hope
Hope- I am going through the exact same thing. No eating and crying so much that my whole face is swollen. I have to surround myself with friends, who I know are all in love with their significant others. It just is so consuming. It’s been 9 days of constant crying and screaming (by myself) and I woke up today and did it all over again. I would tell the whole story, but I already told it in a reply to Megan below. I also welcome supportive people going through hard times to respond to this post. Just remember that no matter what happens, we have to “play on.”
I was with my boyfriend for 9 years. We had our fair share of bad and hard times. We made it through almost everything. We have a 6 year old son together. We have been split up since last October, I left him because he left one thursday night and didnt come home till Monday after work… He was with another woman. I didnt want to leave but I felt so broken hearted and betrayed that I felt that I needed to get away and clear my head. I moved back with my mom after being gone for 10 years. At first he was calling and making threats and was basically desperate for me to come back but I knew things wouldnt be better until we were both calmed down and had a clear head. Well, he ended up seeing her more and more since I wasnt around. They ended up making things official as a couple. That hurt. He keeps saying he still loves me and he EVENTUALLY wants his family back together but he doesnt know when. I know when….after he and the new girl have a falling out… Anyway, every week he asks me to come visit him on the weekend. Well last weekend I finally did. Things were going so well, we were having fun and not stressing about anything. THEN…..she sends him a text that says “BTW I’M PREGNANT” Up until that moment I had held my head high and not gotten emotional at all since the day i left. At that moment I LOST IT. I couldnt stop crying. I realized at that moment we could never be together as a family again. I was with him 9 years, after being away for only 3 months already he has another chick pregnant. It hit me like a ton of bricks. He told her he wasnt ready for another child but she wanted to keep it. She wanted to live with him and was already talking about marriage. I told him she cant be right for you. Look at what she expects after only 3 months….. thats just CRAZY!!! He told he no of course to everything. He tells me he doesnt love her… that he still loves me. Well to make the story a bit shorter, she agreed to an abortion, and apparently he is going with her this weekend to do it… I have been so distraught, I cant sleep, eat, think straight, I cry all the time. I get in my car alone and SCREAM as loud as I can. I feel guilty…like if I hadnt left none of this would have happened…. I feel like its all my fault. Its a heavy burden to carry….
Hope,
You just described EXACTLY
Hope,
You just described the exact same situation that I am in. My boyfriend of 5 years just ended our relationship with no explanation given whatsoever. He will not answer my phone calls or texts-basically just stopped talking to me altogether after 5 years of happiness. I had no idea anything was wrong, and he seemed so in love with me. We had hopes of marriage, children, and a happy life together. I, along with his family and friends, am certain that there is no other woman in his romantic life. It would almost be better to know that there was someone else, just to have some closure and reasoning behind his leaving me. He was my best friend, and it is so difficult because we have many mutual friends who tell me that I should move on and “give him time.” What I struggle with is that, after 5 years together, I feel that I am owed an explanation of some sort. How is it that he can hurt me so badly, ignore my desperate attempts to speak to him, and still be entitled to his “time”? Do I not get a say in how this ends, after 5 years? I, like you, have gotten no closure, and this makes it so hard to get through any given moment in the day. My body aches, and even getting out of bed each morning is the most difficult task. I am so sorry that anyone must ever go through this, but it is somewhat comforting to know that I am not alone. I feel like something led me to read your post, because until now, I have felt so completely alone during the worst time of my life. Thank you for sharing your situation. Please e-mail me if you need a friend who understands your situation.
I’m sorry. This All This we Write makes me really sad. I just went out w/my ex-b to watch Lovely Bones. Somehow, at the end I felt so sick and dissapointed. I tucked my ex’s head towards my chest and I also cuddled on his. I just felt this sadness, this hunger to love and be loved. He was like, “baby, lets go.” I said, “no, I’m crying.” And for some reason I felt like he was thrilled by me telling him that. He then asked why. I told him because, “I thought we were going to have a future together.” He said, “Baby, we only have today.” And then he quoted, “That’s why it’s called the Present cuz it’s a gift.” He saying that made me wanna just push him away cuz it’s a quote I like, but it upsets me that he doesn’t want to make plans. So, I then feel like the Only Person I could just put my trust and hope in IS God. And then I just want to leave the foolishness behind. I so wanna have a partner I could love and be with. Marry. Live with. I don’t know…;/ I wish Life was easy…I’m just so Thankful that I have my health, that I have things going for me otherwise, and that I could lay my head to rest and know that God is with me and He knows how I feel, and He comforts me, and if I think I did wrong. I know He understands and Forgives me Always. May God’s Love Comfort All of You.
I just want to say I am so sorry that everyone is going through this. I knew i wasn’t the only one but i still felt like i was alone. Not anymore. Esmeralda,you do deserve someone who you can love and who can love you back. The way your ex sounds is sad. As one of my friends always tells me, “you are a jewel and you deserve to be chased and earned”. My boyfriend and i have been up and down and now its finally over. We dated for five years. The only guy i have ever loved,and the only guy that i would consider my best friend is gone. He plays with my mind like a yoyo and makes me feel so crazy inside. I am a Christian also and i love God and wonder sometimes why me? but then i realize everyone has a story and so many have hurt. God also comforts me and i know i could never make it through without him. I feel so undeserving of God’s love somtimes.But God is good and he will provide.
I’m sooooo glad I am not alone!! Me and my ex of almost 4 years just recently ended. He and I had gone through a TON of ups and downs, even to loosing a child together and a year later actually having a healthy baby boy together. We moved in together, got engaged, everything was absolutely perfect. Our son will be a year old this march…and a few weeks ago things started to go down hill. I asked that we take some time apart and we did…he wanted me back quickly but after the things he had done to me I wanted my space from him. I always loved him, hell he’s the father of my son! But, i needed my space. And then finally I realized i still needed him in my life, texted him to say lets work this out…only to find out he had moved on and found another girl. A girl on myspace that he’s known less than two weeks and he put her before me and our family and our son! Suddenly she’s miss perfect and more than he ever wanted. I am not one to cry, and my ex watches our son during the day while i work then he works nights so we switch off. This morning when i dropped off my son, i couldnt help it but break down and cry and beg him to come back only to have a STAB IN THE HEART for him to say ‘get over it, move on. i found someone else’. i drove all the way to work in tears. let me not forget to mention how i pulled an all nighter last night and didnt even sleep five minutes because all i could do was stay awake and think about him and wonder how he could have found someone else so quickly. im now at work, my eyes are droopy, i have a pounding headache, i cant eat, cant stop crying. i think its the end of the world. i dont know how i will EVER get passed this…
ohhhh, i know how your feeling, that happened to me to. We have 2 boys 2 and 3 and he’s met this fake blondehair big boobed witch (she’s such a bitch to me) and he’s chose her needs over ours so many times i think i went into shut down emotionally and then slowly i started to try to not think about them and just focus on me and the boys and well cleaning and cooking and doing things for yourself looks wise, shave your leggs, look up home treatments for hair and skin, try different looks, change your house around, hopefully you don’t develop ocd during this time lol but try to make others around you smile and maybe you’ll smile soon to, I feel your pain, deep breaths, refocus and love life (the other things it offers, not the love part) let me know what works for you Id like to try new things to
You Will,…I know you could do it. It sucks though, I know.
It’s interesting… My boyfriend and I have now have been together 4 yrs this past january, and he is just now telling me that he is falling out in love with me. We were and are still each others best friend. Even though we are still together at this moment, I can feel that it will not last. I am head over heels in love with this man, and it just really hurts to hear that he no longer feels the same way. I do blame myself cuz I know i did hurt this relationship. I wish he would at least give both of us a chance to go back to the way we were ( he says he wants to but then says something different). He still wants to be friends but I know that I will never be able to do that. I’m sure that over time i might be able to, but we have just been through so much together it is hard not to be his other half. We used to call each other that :/ . God it is just so funny how you think that you will spend the rest of your life with someone and then it just end. Everything ends… like your hopes and dreams… just everything you wanted out of life is gone. It will be very hard to come back from that especially after ALL the things we have been through.
One I hope that we can work things out and not break up, but if we do happend to do so then LORD GIVE ME THE STRENGTH.
P.S. exuse the grammer. I dont care at the moment.
Hey… My name is Megan and I am 16. I know I may sound way too young to “know what actual love is”… And usually teenage years are classified as the “break-up” years… But never judge a book by it’s born cover.
I have been with my ex-boyfriend for almost 4 months and lost him 1/21/10… 3 days before our 4 month anniversary… We were the best of friends for a year and a half… We shared secrets, laughs, memories, made promises, ran to each other for advice or if we needed a good cry, and were always seen hanging out with each other with smiles… He shyly asked to date me September 24, 2009. I was shocked and asked: “What if we broke up?.. What if things never go back to the way they were?..” … He replied with: “If we had any reason to ever break up, we would talk about it. And we would always be great friends, even if we broke up.” … With that said, I happily accepted… We were considered to be the best and most well-known couple in the school. Rarely ever seen without each other and never neglecting our friends, even if I wanted to be alone with him… He would talk about having kids and marriage. He would “down himself” when he had the chance (( I have low self-esteem as well )) and he only cared for his grades when the semester was about to end. He would be grounded for bad grades and always tried to make it up to me when he did… I know this sounds bad… But I was too much in love with him to care as much. He always said: “I love you.” and told me how beautiful I was and how lucky he was to have met me… Things were wonderful until he started to neglect me for a new videogame our friend brought over for us to try out during a surprise birthday party for him (( His mom asked me to help her with it )) … It was just me, him, and 2 of our close friends named Willie and Andrew… Andrew and my bf were playing the videogame on one of the TVs in his house. Me and Willie were getting very bored of the game and tried to get them off of the game. Willie tried to get Andrew off (( succeeded )) and I tried to get my bf off of it (( epic fail ))… He sat there playing it until 6 in the morning. Only paying little attention to me when the screen had to load… I was upset about it… But knew he LOVED videogames and didn’t want to be selfish and only think about what I wanted to do… Then on the day of my birthday party, one hour before, he called and told me he wouldn’t be able to make it because of a major headache… Again. I was upset… But wanted him to feel better… It was sort of lonely at the party… Two of my friends had boyfriends who I allowed to join, and I would see them hugging and smiling together… It made me a bit upset, but I didn’t want to the party to be depressing and tried to ignore it… Then when I was finally able to see him again on Wednesday, he looked more depressed than I had ever seen him… I kept asking him what was wrong, but all he said was he was sleepy… Then he said he loved me dearly when we had to catch our buses home… The next morning I saw one of my childhood friends crying after talking to my bf… My bf sat next to me depressed and hugged me and said he loved me and told me he needed to go talk to Andrew. I let him and 5 minutes later my childhood friend sat down next to me crying… I wondered what was wrong and she says: “He wants to break up with you…”… It took me a moment to realize what she had said and and she told me the reason: “He said you deserve better than him.”… I started to cry into her arms and the comfort of a few other girls I knew. Andrew picked up my bf’s backpack and walked off with him… The girls walked me to class and I cried through the entire day… My bf only speaking to me once in fear of me hurting him physically. (( Why would I attack my boyfriend?! )) , then walked off… I went on threw the Friday and weekend depressed and weak from rejecting my food… Everyone continues to say the same thing… “He’s not worth it.” , “That’s probably not the truth he told you…” , “It’s going to happen again. I’m sorry.” , “Get over it” , “Think about how he feels right now.” ………… He texted me Monday night, asking me if I was mad at him. I told him: “I’m not mad…… Just extremely depressed from having my heart dropped and broken by someone I loved…….”… He replies: “Well now I feel like an a**hole… I guess it just wasn’t meant to be.” … That said… It brought me to tears… My mom annoyed of my crying over him and my dad enraged with the “Fatherly Urge to Kill Him” … The next morning he asked for a hug and to still be friends… I said: “I guess……. ” but rejected the hug… He walked over to some of his friends and sat against the wall with him, glimpsing over at me with saddened looks… I felt like a big jerk the entire day yesterday and cried once more over it….. My mom still the same and the others continuing to say: “Things will get better!” , “He’s not worth it” , etc…….. My other closest friend saying: “I’ve been broken up with before. Just get over it. It’s not that difficult. You don’t have to keep being Mrs. Emo.” …. She crushed me even more…. I don’t even think she’s had a boyfriend… She has NEVER told us his name and we have NEVER seen him, ever…….. My heart feels empty and torn to shreds…. I cannot eat… I keep losing my appetite every time I try to eat something… He gave me my first kiss… Made me smile when no one else could… He was the only one I could trust with my true emotions… And now I don’t even feel comfortable around him…….. I know…. I’m a “Hopeless Romantic Teenager”……. But…… I loved him…… What should I do?!?!?!……….
Hey Megan. I know exactly how you feel. I am 27 and my x-boyfriend and I had been dating on and off for about 4 years. Friends for 6 months first. Then we got serious February of 2009. He left me after living with me for 3 months–using me to the max extent. He left my house on January 19th, 2010 because he “wasn’t ready, but didn’t want to hurt me.”
I didn’t really even know that we were broken-up, but it was confirmed by a mutual friend of ours that he, “made it very clear.” I never thought my best friend/boyfriend would ever walk out the door and make absolutely ZERO effort to contact me. No email, call, or text for 9 long days.
To make you feel more normal, which you completely are, I have cried for at least 4 hours every day since that night. I wake up and cry in the shower every single day. I’ve even been to a fabulous therapist two different times about it. I feel like my heart has been stolen and I can’t get it back.
I am a school teacher, and I can’t even keep even keep it together all the time in front of my students. It’s very pathetic, but that’s just the way I feel.
I know exactly what you’re feeling about the sadness of losing a wonderful friendship. The truth is that neither you or I did anything wrong. Our boyfriends changed their mind and sometimes, as shitty as that sounds, it is our tragic reality.
I can tell you this much. In one month, you will feel better and it sounds like he will want you back too. Good luck sweetheart. Feel free to give me whatever advice you have.
Oh my gosh…. I’m sorry Angela…. You didn’t deserve to be used by him.
Mine is the same with me… He has not made ANY contact since last Sunday… I see him everyday at school (( Thank the Celestial Lining I don’t have any classes with him… )) and everytime one of his friends comes over to talk to me, he looks to nervous to even approach me… Yesterday I was at lunch and I was talking to a few of my friends and he walked over and started to talk to them, he kept glimpsing over at me when he did until one of his friends -which is my friend too- told him he might not want to mess with me right now… I felt relieved and crushed… One of my friends even told me I should take therapy classes, and thank you to your reply, I know it will not help. If I was one of your students I would understand… I wouldn’t think it’s pathetic.
If you ever need someone to talk to, me as well as everyone who has replied to this website are here to listen with open ears… Thank you so very much for making me feel like I’m not the only one…
Oh my gosh…. I’m sorry Angela…. You didn’t deserve to be used by him.
Mine is the same with me… He has not made ANY contact since last Sunday… I see him everyday at school (( Thank the Celestial Lining I don’t have any classes with him… )) and every time one of his friends comes over to talk to me, he looks to nervous to even approach me… Yesterday I was at lunch and I was talking to a few of my friends and he walked over and started to talk to them, he kept glimpsing over at me when he did until one of his friends -which is my friend too- told him he might not want to mess with me right now… I felt relieved and crushed… One of my friends even told me I should take therapy classes, and thank you to your reply, I know it will not help. If I was one of your students I would understand… I wouldn’t think it’s pathetic.
If you ever need someone to talk to, me as well as everyone who has replied to this website are here to listen with open ears… Thank you so very much for making me feel like I’m not the only one…
Uh oh…. My computer posted it twice…
Oh well… Twice the love to you. =P
Hey megan, im going through the pain with my ex, I lost a lot of weight and looked awful, I begged him for 2 months non stop to get back together and all he said that he would give me was his friendship but there is no way I just wanted to be friends, this was the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. He played a lot of mind games which affected my health and I ended up having to see a doctor.
For 4 months it was hell, I couldn’t stop crying, I didn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, and I was sick in the mornings, even on holiday with the girls he ruined for me and made me cry by saying when I get home we should sort out giving each others stuff back and his half of our flat savings he had spent most of and was going Thailand for 6 months, the only time I enjoyed that holiday was at night when I had a drink cos it made me forget. Even then I was still begging him to come back.
In the end with support from friends and family I gave up, it was the hardest thing ive ever done, I stopped texting and when he text me I told him to leave me alone.
4 days after Christmas just gone he got back in contact with me, told me his brother got cancer and that he is a mess and if we could meet up and talk, I said yes because I didn’t have the heart to turn him away at such a bad time, when he dropped me off home that night he grabbed me and started crying, said he has been a mess since we broke up and that he misses me, I started crying too and poured my heart out, he asked if he could see me new years day and go cinema and I said yes, new years eve he asked me to meet him for a drink with his work mates which I did, we later took his neighbors dog who I adore so much for a walk, he was holding my hand and cuddlin me, it felt like old times I was really happy.
All new years night he was texting me, telling me he loves me and that were soul mates and it was stupid that we broke up; I really felt he had changed. He said please don’t kiss any guys I wish it was me u was kissing when it hit 12, I told him I felt the same. I saw him new years day and we went cinema, anyone that saw us would have thought we were a couple, I was so happy and after long months of pain I started sleeping again and feeling like my old self.
The Monday he told me he had to tell me something, that he had a new girlfriend, I felt like I had been hit by a train, shes his best mates mate and he turned to her because he was down about me and if he knew how I felt he wouldn’t have and we would be together (baring in mind I text my heart out to him for months and all he would say was NO) what went from I want you back and I will brake up with this girl (who his been with a few months) then went to I don’t know what to do because she hasn’t done anything wrong and I cant be like im back with my ex now bye, to I don’t want you anymore. His ripped my heart out all over again. he called me the love of his life who after 3 and a half years doesn’t mind hurting but he cant hurt some girl his been with for a few months!!
I met up with him once after he told me and he was acting like my boyfriend again so I stared screaming at him, I asked if he was happy and he said no so I told him he was weak and he agreed.
Still like a fool I still begged him to get back with me and he still said no!! the last time I contacted him was last Thursday, I asked him again if he was happy and he said im getting there, I asked if he was happy with her and he said shes good to me so yea. I had to delete his phone numbers.
Now I cant sleep, I cry most days, I feel like the life has been sucked out off me and I look at the world blank, he was my 1st real love and my best friend, he always said if I met someone then not to tell him cos it would brake his heart but he went and did at anyway. I hate him so much, why couldn’t he run to his gf about his brother why did he have to contact me?? If im not out I sit at home and cry, I hardly smile and laugh and when I do its fake, at the end of this year we would have been looking at flats I feel my life has ended and I wont find love again, I don’t trust know one and I panic about meeting new guys and they end up treating me bad as well, for 3 and a half years I did everything for him, now im left with nothing, I feel so sad and alone, I put in 101% into that relationship.
My friends keep telling me be single have fun but im ready to settle down and have a family and I thought that was what I was going to have with him, I feel my dream has ended. Im even trying to hold back the tears as I write this, I find it hard getting out of bed in the morning and I sit and cry at my desk.
You will start to get better i promise, we wont be the first or the last girls to be hurt like this and karma will be out to get them, try keep your head up, listen to music, dance round your room, the pain will go in time and u will meet someone wounderful even tho it doesnt feel like that now it will happen x
Natalie and Megan,
I have to admit…I called him and left a voicemail last Saturday. I told him I thought the way we ended it after 4 years was not the way either one of us had wanted it. He called back. We ended up talking on Sunday. I will say that I felt much better after our talk. I got the opportunity to tell him everything that I had been feeling for the past 2 weeks of complete misery–oh and I gave him all the shit he left at my house.
I also told him the truth, that “I want you in my life. I can’t lie and I’m not going to hold back my tears, bc you know me better than that.”
He’s been giving me what I feel like are “courtesy calls” ever since. I know I should tell him to stop, but I don’t want to cut it off like that, again. But I know if I don’t do it soon, he will and then I will feel just as depressed as I did last week. And oh God, I do NOT want that–for me, my friends, my students, or my family.
I want to walk away, but I feel like I can’t right now. What do you girls think I should do.
BTW–Natalie. That dude is a bad person. I want you to try to envision the future (this is what my therapist tells me to do — and it makes me feel better even if it is for a short while) and what you want out of it. A guy that pulls you back into his life and then lies to you, is not good enough to be with you.
And Megan—I am sooooo proud of you, it sounds like you are really making progress. Make sure that you smile at him in the halls even if it kills you. It sounds to me like he is already having second thoughts. Do you think?
Angela – Thank you so much… =] I have been trying to pretend like it is not hurting as much anymore… And every time he’s near me he has a big frown on his face… I can’t tell if it’s real or not… Nyeh. And when he does, I just don’t say a word… Am I doing the right thing so far???… Maybe you should ask him if they are “Courtesy Calls”, I know it’s easier said then done… But it’s better to be honest than to bottle it up. I always did that with my ex before we broke up… I would ask him if I was annoying him, even when I was too scared to, and he never got mad, he just said: “Of course not!” … I hope my advise helps…
P.S.: I wish I had you as a teacher…
Natalie – ?! What a jerk. If I was your friend, I’m sorry to say this but… I would harm his physical being to the max!!! DX He lied to you and treated you with “love” after you gave him actual love… I would never forget that… He’s not good enough for your love. If others have said this as well then I would have to say goodbye to him… I would never be able to take that kind of dishonesty from him… I’m so sorry that you went through that… =[
Hey Angela thank you for your message,
The 1st few weeks are the hardest but giving him back his stuff is a really good start!! I threw all his in the bin and ive only just got rid of the love letters, don’t feel bad if you cry…your normal, I still cry now my self and I get angry because his not worth my tears, how can one person make u feel this low, his not at home crying over me but inside I hope he is because I put my heart and soul in to that relationship and now I feel I cant trust any guy, I worry about such stupid things, like will it happen again, will I get cheated on and im not even with anyone!! Don’t feel bad for contacting him either, he knows that u still love him so he has to understand that at times u are gonna contact him…your not a robot who can just switch your feelings off (I wish we could do that) you were together a long time and its hard to let the good times go, because they are all you think of instead of the bad, and not contacting you for such a long time and to give you some answers is spiteful, u will get better hun, it don’t feel like it now but it will…I promise x
Megan – you really sound like you are holding it together, don’t let him see u sad, the balls in your court now not his, hopefully in time you two can sit down and talk… I hate it when they say u can do better then me, its such a cowards way off ending things and getting your best friend to do it for him is wrong and childish but Megan that’s guys for u!! (Sorry if ive offended any of you nice decent men out there) you will find your appetite again too and wake up smiling, as for my twat of an ex I haven’t heard anymore from him and I keep telling my self that’s the best thing, u will move on quicker, if I told u all the nasty stuff his done it will turn into a book.
If either of you want to email when ever u need a friend, or something’s to personal to put up here u can contact me on Natalie.wiltshire@capita.co.uk
Girls–I need some advice! I have a few boys who would like to take me on a date. I’m sorry if that at all sounds arrogant, bc I’m not being that way—actually, I’m freaked out and scared. I don’t want to get serious with anyone for a long time, bc right now I couldn’t trust anyone enough to be committed and give away my fragile heart.
Anyway, I really do want my x back and still feel very “involved” with him, eventhough we are not. This is going to sound so dumb, but it’s what I’m really thinking and how I really feel so here it goes–I don’t want to ruin the chances of us possibly getting back together by going on a date. I know that I really should not give a f what my x thinks or hears or says or does, but the truth is I do.
So what should I do?
BTW Megan, you ARE doing everything right. He will be begging you back before you know it–that’s when the really tough decisions come in. We will have to cross that bridge when we get there.
And Natalie–You are so sweet and thoughtful. How are you doing emotionally? Still feeling awful, still crying, etc? Just worried about ya!
Hey Angela
Awww thank u for caring, im okay, I really hope you are?? Its so hard to think that someone else is going through this pain as well!!! I have good days and bad days, work is good because it keeps me busy but going home or if I have nothing planned for the weekend can be quiet lonely and that’s when the tears start but I promised my self this year was gonna be my year so im trying to do all the stuff ive wanted to do like holidays, clubbing just stuff like that really.
As for your dates, if you really don’t feel up to it then don’t push your self, I was in the same boat not that long ago that I cancelled on this guy, I was scared too and felt sick, a few weeks latter I thought sod it so I text him and we met up on 2 dates but the second date he made it quiet clear he wanted just one thing and I said no im not like that, he didn’t really stay in contact with me after that….oh well his lost!!
If you do decide to go on these dates u don’t have to tell anyone, I didn’t even tell my best mates, so there is no way of your ex ever finding out?? Just think of it as 2 people just meeting up for a drink, u don’t have to kiss them or hold hands, I know how u feel about not giving anyone else your heart!!! Are these guys’ friends of yours??
Hun you shouldn’t stop living YOUR life because of you ex but I know your worried that if there is a chance of you getting back together u don’t wanna mess your chance up by going on a date, but like I said no one has to know, has your ex actually said it’s over for good??? There is no chance of us getting back together?? x
Hey hun. He is definitely “single” on his facebook. It is over for now, but not for good. There is a chance that we may get back together someday–but I have no idea when that will be and I know that I can’t go on worrying about it either. I just wish he would call me and say that he is sorry and he knows what a dumbass he was for ending it. I guess that’s just the wishful thinking again.
Natalie, the problem is that I can’t picture myself with anyone else. I woke up sad today and all I want is just to lay in bed with him. This feeling sucks.
I will write more later.
I know how you feel about waking up in the morning wanting to be next to him…. It SUCKS… Thank you both for giving me advice… I really appreciate it. I hope you both begin to feel better soon. They are the ones to dump you? Their loss.
hey stephen you arent alone…..i have been with my boyfriend for a year and 5 months…we moved in together last year november and that was a big mistake. I have been out of a job for 5 months now everywhere i check aint hiring any one im so confused and miserable. My boyfriend starts coming home 2,3 and 4am in the mornings and i talk to him about it but it doesnt make a difference. I love him very much the last thing i did was to write down what i miss about our relationship and the fact that he acts like he doesnt care also that i feel like he is cheating tho he said he isnt…..i wrote that i didnt beleive him and of everything i wrote down he only chose to answer the part that said i dont believe he is not cheating and his response was “IF U DONT BELIEVE ME MAYBE WE SHOULD SEPERATE” i felt a burning sensation inside when he said that to me. When i was working i told him i wnted us to be over because of his attitude sometimes and he asked me not to leave and now that i am not working he has the energy to tell me that maybe we should seperate if i dont believe him. I cried about it soo many times when i think back on the past i was just coming out of a relationship that caused me to build a wall around my heart after getting hurt and he made me changed my mind and give relationship another chance. I have never cheated on him NEVER we argue but so does everyone. The shocking part is that we still live together,he came home lastnight talking to me calm and sweet,kissed me….he came home a bit earlier and cuddled me a few times when we sleep but in my mind i wanna hate him sooo much but its hard as i live with him….i cant move out now cuz im not working and have no cash to rent somewhere else and worst i live in a foreign country and not my own. i wanna forget him but its hard doing that when im seeing him everyday…..can anyone help me please!
Reading all of these stories has given me comfort in knowing im not alone. Me and my ex bf were together for a year and a half, together every day. We were closer than Ive ever been to anyone. One day he suddenly flipped his whole demeanor and became a person I didnt know. He told me I was the only real relationship he’d ever been in and the only girl he’s ever loved. He told me all these wonderful things only to say he wasn’t mature enough for this relationship and moved on in an instant. He’s already trying to be with other girls. I cant believe he can move on so quickly, like I was nothing? I lost my best friend, sometimes I dont know what to do with myself. I hate that I cant stop thinking about him, because I know hes not thinking of me. I agree that facebook is not a good idea for a while, it only hurts more to see them going on with their lives as if NOTHING happend. Even when I’m out with friends at a party, even when other guys show interest, he always pops into my head and makes me upset and depressed. Especially since we have mutual friends, so I see him occasionally, always talking to other girls, laughing and flirting, even trying to kiss them right a couple feet from me, like I dont exist. He told me I should see how special I am and how unspecial he is, then why doesnt he want me? I want the pain to stop more than anything. I randomly break down crying, I cant sleep at night, I feel sick when I try to eat, I have to fake a smile a lot of the time, I cant concentrate on anything, everything reminds me of a memory we had together. I feel absolutely hopeless. I feel crazy because I know he has totally moved on, and here I am, a month later, still thinking of him as soon as I open my eyes in the morning. I feel like I’m becoming a drag to my friends because I can’t just get over it, they try to tell me I can do so much better and he isn’t worth it, but its not helping, i feel like those are just cliche things to say to anybody going through a breakup. Please help, maybe someone actually going through it can put it into better, meaningful words. I dont know what to do
Kay- reading your email reminded me so so so much of what I’ve been going through. I have finally made it to the point where I am not crying ALL of the time. I woke up for two weeks and cried my eyes out every morning. I can tell you one thing that may help. Write him a letter and get all of your feelings out–you need some closure and it sounds like he left you with nothing of the sort. You don’t even HAVE to give him the letter, but I WOULD. Tell him the truth. Tell him how you feel, even if it sounds pathetic. You will feel better, because you are taking the action/power/control back and more importantly, away from him.
If he is hitting on other girls in front of you, that is completely an act, and totally ridiculous.
What I have done, in my situation, (which if you are curious to read about is in one of my comments up above this one)–is I do not hang around him at all. Even if it means not seeing some of the people I am friends with. You need to try to keep a health distance from him. He sounds like a total ass. And even if he doesn’t regret leaving you today, tomorrow, or next year–he will one day and it will be way way too late. You will feel better soon–surround yourself with friends and family, as much as you possibly can. Write out your feelings–it will help ease the pain. And finally, I am so sorry for what you are feeling. I have been/ am there with you.
I was with my guy for four yrs. We have a three year old son together but he isn’t involved with him. I caught him txtg and talking to other women but he insisted it was nothing and I believed him. We did have many arguments over his behavior but he insisted he loved me. Now he is having a baby with another woman and wants to be a part of the baby’s life. What about me and our son?? I’m totally devastated and humiliated. I just want to die. I don’t .know how to move on. I’m totally crushed.
Everyone has experienced some sort of heart break at some point in their life, mine began when I was only 13. I fell madly in love with the guy I swore to spend my life with, Cody. 5 painful years go by, filled with nothing but heartache. It was all a game. and my broken heart was the final goal. Now he sits happy with his fiance, and I’m still searching for something real. Just last year I met a guy off base. I was so excited because I finally decided to get back out there. He was married, but him and his wife were separated, and I didnt take much thought to it. He was fun, and thats all I thought about. After about a month I gradually moved in with him, and performed all the duties that a house wife would perform, and I got quite comfortable with this lifestyle. I never really took to heart the fact that he was an alchoholic, verbally, and borderline physically abusive. All I could tell myself was that he was this gorgeous amazing man, who knew how to have a good time. Then he was shipped to California for training for a month, thats when we fell apart. I wasn’t in love so it didnt hurt to leave. I just walked away with a heart full of memories, and one more friend. Then there was Richard. A co-worker at the time. He stole my heart in the blink of an eye, and from that point on nothing was the same. I was a different person, but a person that I loved becoming. He was every womans dream in a man, and the desperation and pressure of a future was getting heavier and heavier. My older sister was married and starting a family by the time she was 20, and here I sit 20 years old and nothing but a broken heart he handed back to me. A month after we were together I knew he was the one, and when he popped the question I nearly melted as I said yes. Now here I sit 20 years old with a broken heart he handed back to me, and though it may mend in time, I will have the constant reminder of a never ending promise broken, every time I open my closet door and see my dream wedding dress since I was 13 staring back at me. Sometimes, it takes all you have to fight back the tears and make it through another day, and sometimes there is no fighting back at all. I may seem easier to just be vunerable to the world and everything it has to offer, but all it has to offer is another scar, another reminder of why LOVE was never real, but a twisted version of lust, and the craving of eachother. I too still crave him. More than ever on nights like tonight. Our wedding would have been April 20th of this year. Less than 2 months away. And I know he was the only for me. Heartbreak….we will never understand the beauty of it.
Hey Maranda
I am so sorry you had to experience such a lost. It’s funny how we know what to say when it is someone else. It sounds like you need to be alone for awhile. I know you don’t want to, but you need to learn to love you then someone else will be able to love you and yu will not settle. You will recognize game from a mile a minute. There is a really good break up book. Called: It’s called a break-up because it’s broken. Read it. I am not saying it will help, but I am saying learn to fall in love with someone who loves you and don’t fall in love with what your fantasy is of them. Hope you feel better.
Well I am sure this is a topper. My fiance of five years left me on my bday 1/1/10. He packed while I was sleeping and I woke up to see the ring I bought next to me on the night stand. He did not have a car so of course his mother had to come get him the next day. Ihave not seen him since. In the same week I was terminated from my job, sold all my things moved back in with my parents and my two children of which is his. I cry every single day. I am currently on anti-depress meds. He has tried to contact me several times. I finaly spoke to him after he sent an email saying he still loved me. There was no conversation just a short hey how have you been. I don’t ever wnat to see him. I think I can avoid him, by letting soemone else meet him when it’s his turn to see our daughter. This guy walked out on me several times, gave me STI’s, cheated repeatedly, lied constantly. My biggest fear was that one day he would give me HIV. I was so gone that the saddest part was that I didn’t even care. I sent him a very emotional email yeaterday 1/30/10 and I know he read it and he has not responded. Am I punishing myself? How do I move on? I fear being alone. Do you think he says those things to get in my head? Everytime he left it was his decision and everytime he came crawling back I accepted. I bought his clothes, paid his phone bill where he would call other girls, I bought his shoes, I was the only one working. Not to mention it is already hard for him because he has a criminal background and here I am with an MBA and can’t find anything worth holding on to. I feel like my world collasped on me. What do I do?
I wanted to add should that he is 23 and I am 31. Also I am impatiently waiting for him to repsond to the email I sent him days ago. I want to delete the email address so I do not wait for his response because if he cared he would have responded immediately. Right?
hate valentines day! UGH!
This is unbelievable wat a world really …. And to see things like we have to PLAY on etc etc !! This site just another grand example of how love fails miserably everywhere and no were not alone but that changes FUCK all …. Were any of u asked to participate to b here and PlAY such a sick twisted board the answer is NO …. So this hole….we must move on we must do this we must do that ….. We don’t have to do anything it’s our choice we wernt givin that choice when we just all of a sudden arrived in this world but as adults we are In control!! This is not another post of U WILL FInD someone else it will all go away ya of course it will all go away JUST for it to start all over again at somepoint if u look at history it all repeats it self in all aspects one way or another. I’d love to sit here and be on the same disillusioned train but look around it’s happening everywhere .. Fear… Fear and more fear I think the strong ones are the ones who will choose NOT to participate. And choose to let go of this body and fly high dispite how u go out… My days are numbered and I’m more than stoked let me tell ya:):):) The best of luck to all of u and I’m sorrry this wasn’t more positive but that wouldn’t be REAL to ME!! Open your eyes not your HEARTs…. Peace
who needs valentines day!!! ugghhh so sad!
Agreed!!!! Singles already know they are single. Why make them aware of it?
wow you are harsh—-sometimes i am amazed by people who can move on like that.. honestly i wish i was like that! it would be soooo much easier! but hey who knows, after all these breaks up! I might as well become like that!!!! ugghh — valetines day? who needs that?
btw- the whole move on comment- i wish i could do it but it is hard…. i know i will at some point, but it takes time- i wish i was like hey its over, move on! but i cant… heck if we all could do it that way- we wouldnt be writting this- or googling it?
so yesterday i went to see my ex and dumbass me asked him to come back to me cuz i loved him!!! uggghhh and he was like nop! why do i keep doing this to myself!!! ANSWERS!!! am i some kinda loser who needs to be loved by someone who only rejetcs me!!! what am I doing!!!!!!!!! HEEELLLPPP
Im exactly the same, I begged and begged my ex to get back together and he just kept saying no!!! and when he came back into my life telling me a loud of bull shit that were soul mates and shouldn’t have broken up and like a fool I took in every word, then he told me he had a new girlfriend but he wanted me back but then changed his mind and said no and still like a mug I begged him!!!!
no way!! omg!! I keep doing the same god damn thing!! I keep beggin him! i keep asking him to be with me! and he keeps saying no! and i still deep inside of me wait til the next time i get to see him and ask him again!!! what is the matter with me???? seriously i need some help!!! I am such a loser!!!!!!!! oh worst of all, its that i know i am acting like a loser, but i keep doing it!!! uggh
You’re not a loser, one day u will snap inside and be like; you know what I don’t want YOU anymore!!!! I did until that scum bag came back in to my life and left me to pick up the pieces while he can run into his new gf’s arms, even when your heart is braking don’t let him see it, it gives them the power to have a hold on you and makes them feel big but really they are just little boys, in your own time you will get bored of chasing him and the pain will turn to hate and hate will turn to no feelings for them what so ever.
But no way are you a loser!! We do this cos we love them, have you tried deleting his phone number?? I did and it really helped, and when I start feeling sad and thinking about him I call a friend and they remind me of what a shit he really is and how much I’m better off
i did try to delete his phone number- but i know it by heart! and plus we got the same cellphone plan so this shit is going to keep going on and on!!! people say i should start hanging out with other guys to get attention and will get better… but i am like! I want him! I dont want anyone else!!! what to do! I hate to feel this way!!! it suckssssss
I met my ex-boyfriend summer of 2009. I was just getting out of a relationship and so was he. He had planned on moving out west for the winter and I was still in school with two years to go. I fell for him the first time I laid my eyes on him and by the end of the summer, we started dating. We became best friends and even more and I can’t tell you enough how in love I fell for him. I knew that someday, not now, not tomorrow, the romance would come to an end: He still wanted to go out west and I still had school to finish. But it never occurred to me that this would end, unexpectedly. We broke up last night, just after 6 months of dating. He said he was afraid to get hurt and it would be better now to end what we had. I don’t regret it but I hate him for telling me that I’d be better off without him. It kills me more than he will ever know.
Anyways, I can’t tell you enough how much your stories have helped me. I can’t say that I’ve moved on because I haven’t and I don’t know how long it’s going to take until I can look at him again and feel nothing. He really was my first; first guy I fell in love with.
He says he was afraid of getting hurt, but he doesn’t know that I was more afraid of him waking up one day not wanting to be with me. Not a single day went by that I didn’t think about him eventually wanting to break my heart and not a single day went by that I didn’t think of possibly never seeing him again, even if he still wanted to be friends.
This isn’t just a thing that you give up. But he did and it kills me. I constantly replay what I did and how it could have been avoided. But nothing comes up. He’s left me hanging on to something that I’d hoped would continue onto summer but eventually would end.
He broke my heart. And I’m afraid the next guy I meet will do the same and ill never forgive him for it.
Omg !!! That’s horrible! I am goig thru the same thug, and hate the fact that he does tell me the same shit!!! U r better off without me!! Uggh that’s bullshit
omg!! I cant believe myself!!! after all the mental abuse and treating me like crap all this time I was with him!! I actually blamed myself for everything that had happened and on top of that…. I begged him to come back to me AGAIN!!!! omg– so now not only i made him believe that I had be acting up and it wasnt me, but also I begged him to come back to me and be with me again!!!! oooggguuhhh=== I am such a loser! someone please come and punch me
you really have to stop beating your self up over him, from what you have said u havent done anything but be a good partner. my ex treated me like crap, i got called names, i met him one night when we had been out with our mates and he had been drinking, i said something to him, nothing bad, and he said f**k off you C**T!! His mate had to pull him to the side and sort him out, for the 1st year and a half of our relationship he dumped me over the most stupid things and when he was drunk he would phone me while i was at home with my family and shout down the phone that i was in bed with another man and that i was a s**G, i never even gave a guy a second look while i was with him, (i cant stand cheaters!!! but i still cry over this loser, but he makes me soooooo mad, i hate him, i wish he would just leave my thoughts
The love of my life just called me a nut job and ended it. I realized that he was right since I have been doing the same thing with him for the last ten years while always expecting/hoping for different results. Now I just hate myself for allowing him to treat me this way for so long. I can’t even tell you what sets him off. But I am always the wrong one, always the crazy one no matter what I do. If its not ALWAYS about rough sex he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I feel so lost because the only face I have seen for my future is his.
i just need someone to listen to me hopefully someone does. i met a girl online but i never thought something would happen between us. in august my family had a party and she happen to come to my house and she told me it was her. since the moment i saw her i felt something for her. we started talking more more my feelings grew for her. but she had a boyfriend so i just stayed quiet. then her boyfriend broke up with her and she was hurt so i helped her get over him i didn’t like seeing hurt. i thought to my self if i ever get with her i dont wanna hurt her like that. then one i decided to tell her my feelings toward her she said she felt the same towards me but she was scared that i might hurt her. she also thought i was playing her. so i told her i would prove to her i do have feelings toward her. after trying and trying my feelings grew stronger for her i said i wanted to take things seriously with her. then she told me she was ready so we starting dating and i felt happiness for the 1st time. then i learned she lied to me she went to some party and one of my friends saw her there but my friend said she didnt do nothing bad so i let it slide. but then one say i heard her ex was goin to her house and i got mad and upset. i was scared of losing her and i felt like i could tell her so i decided to tell her that bugged me that he was going. she got mad at me and said to understand that there just friends but it aint the same cause its her ex that she said she needed time to get over. also a friend that liked her went to. i stopped talking to girls cause i didnt say a reason why to talk to them i only wanted to talk to her but she would get mad when i would talk to girls. but she always talked to guys and she said it wasnt the same expect the guys she talked to liked her. i really thought i could take her serious and she said she wanted to take it serious to but she doesnt show it when she gets mad about something i do and she does the same thing and she thinks i wount get mad either. then we were talking about sex and she asked me if i was a virgin and i answered i told her i wasnt.but i lied i am one but some one saw me go in a room with a girl and they assumed i did i but we just talked and the person told everyone they knew and it escalated into something big when i tell people i am one they say thats not what they heard. so i decided to tell her i wasnt one so just incase she would ask someone and they would her i want one she wouldnt think i lied to her. yesterday i told her all that and know she said she didnt know what to believe, now she thinks every i told her was a lie, she doesnt think i love her. i honestly do love her when people ask me if i have a girlfriend i am happy to say yes and show them a picture of her. i didnt want her to think i was lying to her but in the end i had to tell her the truth i coulnt find myself lying to her. then she told me to leave her but i didnt want to i love her to much to leave her she said it was to late cus i lost her already. since this happen i havent been able to eat or sleep ive had a nausea feeling in my stomach.i used to be able to hide my emotions but i cant with her i do love her and i try to fix things but i cant. she says she does wanna be with me but she scared i might cheat on her but i woudlnt do that. i have found my self in school and suddenly i think about all this and i find my self wanting to cry my eyes feel up with tears and i just look to the ground and hope i dont burst out crying, i am scared of losing her. i just wanna know what to do if she doesnt believe what i tell her i dont know what to do. can someone please tell me what to do so i wont lose her. as i wrote all this i had to stop a couple of times i would start crying. i need help someone please tell me what to do.
Omg who ever wrote this is amazing. Thank you soo much!
I know how everyone feels. I’m just glad to know I’m not the only one. I have been dating my boyfriend for close to 2 years. He is my first real, mature relationship. We started off as friends, and then it just escalated from there. We started dating a few monthes later. He was my first for everything and I shared so much with him. We were so good together for the first year and a half then recently.. about a month or two ago, he got a concussion snowboarding and that night he said that he never loved me and that he was going to break up with me. Needless to say, he fell asleep and never did. I felt a little weird the next day telling him that I loved him, but he told me that it was fine. I thought it was starting to get better, until about 2 weeks later he said the same thing.. except this time he did break up with me. He waited until I was with my family at dinner and he texted me. I tried so hard not to cry.. the next day I went to our music practice, and he never showed; he didn’t even come to classes. I was a wreck all day. I didn’t hear from him until later when he texted me and said that him and I both knew that he didn’t want to be apart. He said he would give me until the end of the week and then he would tell me where we stood. I was really nervous all week, trying to be the perfect girlfriend. By Friday, he said he wanted to stay together. Afterwards, I still felt a little weird trying to go back to normal, but I tried. Then he told me that we would break up in a few monthes because he needs more time for other things.. Ever since then I have been depressed and I always cry.. He yells at me and tells me I’m “overreacting” but its just because I have feelings for him. I don’t want to break up with him, so I let him walk all over me.. Hes starting to use me now, I am too afraid to stand up to him though. All of my friends tell me I should, but I’ve shared too much with him to just let him go.. I dont know what to do..
I’m still young, but I wasted an entire year trying to get this guy. I finally got him, and he ended it two weeks later. I was devastated. I tried to get over him before we were even together, but nothing could get rid of the feelings. It’s even harder now. What am i supposed to do? I feel like I’m forever bonded with this guy. Everything I do reminds me of him in some way. He doesn’t even care. I’ve been trying to face the fact that I mean absolutely nothing to him. but it’s hard, you know?