How to Get Over a Broken Heart
August 16, 2007 by Sara Ost
Filed under Boys & Girls, How To, Misc., Philosophy, Relationships, Stress
It doesn’t take a genius to ascertain that I keep a smart-ass establishment (drugs and horoscopes much?). But we all know that underneath the big, bad edge, smart-asses are really the most tender nibblins of all. So here’s a little love for everyone who has the courage to live, but most especially a couple of my bruised peeps – you know who you are. For everyone else, don’t worry – we’ll get back to the sardonic escapades in two shakes of Molly McButter.
Broken heart? Rejection? Failure? It hurts (and hurts, and hurts).
Here’s how to properly lick your wounds:
1. Take heart: you will not die.
Even though it really, really feels like it. Even though you can feel your heart physically swelling in your chest and pain pulsing through your entire body and your ribs are sticking to your sides like macaroni on a microwave – you will not die from this. It might mess up your mental and physical health a little in the short term (you’re allowed to eat some carbs, for Pete’s sake). But you will not die. It still hurts, though.
2. At least it’s a good hurt.
Vera Pavlova wrote:
“If there is something to desire,
there will be something to regret.
If there is something to regret,
there will be something to recall.
If there is something to recall,
there was nothing to regret.
If there was nothing to regret,
there was nothing to desire.”
3. Give yourself as much time as you need.
A lot of the angst of moving on comes from self-judgments about when and how and why you should move on and what you did wrong. Don’t compare yourself to others. You’re not nuts; you’re not strange; you’re not obsessed; you’re not a fool. Your big crime is innocence. The only sin you can possibly commit is doubting yourself. You’re just human and you felt something. At the time, whenever that was, it felt right. Accept that your feelings are your feelings and let them be (to paraphrase Marcus Aurelius). Feelings are hard to feel and even harder to understand. They’ll pass when the time is right and not a moment sooner.
4. Things simply are what they are.
And now they are different. They cannot be any other way. Life is a series of moments and all you really have to do in this life is accept them. No one expects anything more; and believe me, no one upstairs does, either. Sometimes those moments turn into chapters, but ultimately even the chapters conclude.
5. Treat yourself right.
Try to get out as much as you can (but don’t force yourself to jump into something new or go out partying every night). Talk to your friends, even if all you can squeak out is “it’s another rough one today”. Don’t worry about annoying them – even if you do, they are the ones who really know you and they will still love you. You can’t fool them anyway – even if you don’t say anything, they know.
6. Exercise.
A daily bout of exercise – walking, running, lifting weights, dancing, the elliptical, yoga – will help your brain both regulate and release your feel-good hormones. A bonded relationship causes your brain to release oxytocin, a powerful “commitment” peptide. When it goes away you can become depressed. So let those other helpful hormones fill in the void. Exercise!
7. Eat a lot of fat.
Beneficial fatty acids in things like olive oil, nuts, avocados and salmon will baby your brain and help keep your mood stable. Eat some at every meal from here on out.
8. Spoil yourself (but not too much).
Buy your favorite beer, enjoy an entire pint of ice cream. But don’t go overboard – you’ll just end up feeling worse. There’s no hard-and-fast rule for when you’re about to cross the line. I think you’ll know your limit if you listen to your instincts. In fact, I believe our instincts will never, ever let us down, if only we would pay them heed. (And remember, if you cross your line, that’s okay. Mistakes are not bad, they are learning, and that is what life is all about, right?)
9. This too shall pass.
I know – I know – it doesn’t feel that way right now, but the pain will pass. Reality bites and life will give your heart a ruthless pruning, but you’ll grow back even fuller. You might miss a season or two – no worries, so did the damaged peach tree I watched my grandmother coax for 10 patient years. The fruit it finally bore was the best slice of sweet imaginable. That memory has always comforted me; find one that comforts you.
10. Now is not the time to begin training for a marathon, overhauling your investments, or perfecting your GTD system.
Initial small accomplishments can give you a bump, but if you’re using them to avoid feeling the hurt, that hurt will just come back with a wallop (I don’t know about you but I’m an expert at this one). Do make positive changes and invest yourself in projects that are both distracting and productive, because these things will help you move on with greater confidence. I’m glad I read my RSS feeds today, because one of my favorite bloggers posted this positive guide to dealing with setbacks. But just remember that as you take positive actions, don’t try to repress those feelings. Feelings always come out eventually.
Although, when they do…that’s good, too. Have a good, long lick and remember: everybody plans picnics in the park. Everybody carries a private hurt (or hundred). Good for you for feeling something and taking a risk. That’s called living and all we can do is our best in each moment. There is no right or wrong; there is no should. There is only real.
You might feel sad and hurt, but guess what?
I think you fucking rock.
I’m just a twentysomethin’ blogger and I don’t have the answers, but I do know that.
ive just read this artical and i feel rather stupid, but n e of you guys know wat 2 do when your still suffering of a broken heart two and a half years down the line then please comment, i jus dont know wat to do, ive tryed moving on and still i cannot get my love out of my mind!!!
Dear Louise,
Try checking out the website Beyondaffairs.com. I am a coordinator for my county for individuals who’s been betrayed by loved ones. If you don’t have anyone in your community, simply click on cities and find out if there is a coordinator in your community. If you don’t have any, you can volunteer to be a coordinator. There are many benefits of being a member of the BAN support group. It would help you understand what you are going through as well as help people find the solutions of what to do after being betrayed by their loved one. Also, there are articles you can read in the website as well as a free call to Peggy where she can consult with you for 20 min. The BAN support group was shown in the Oprah show and had positive feedback. By helping others, it helps you with the healing process.
If you need more help than just the support group, you can see a counselor who would help you to overcome the heartbreak process.
The support group is on a first name basis only and will not jeopardize your identity. And we do it for the safety of other spouses.
By the way, did you ever figure out why you are so in love with the one you can’t forget? Was he a hero in your life? Why do you still love him?
Ask yourself if he’s worth the pain you are feeling right now.
What did he do for you that was so loving and you can’t forget him?
Are you sure that it is love and not lust? I used to think that I was in love with this guy. I carried that torch for 6 yrs. When I finally married him, he wasn’t what I though he was cracked up to be. It was all in my mind… I was so enthralled by him and fantasized about him for so long that my mind was distorted. I just ignored all the red flags and his way of thinking because he was sooo very handsome. I made so many excuses. Reality is, he’s just an ordinary man that can’t be faithful.
Just a thought, question yourself why do you love this person. Is your mind distorted? If he/she is worth your love? If she/he is, then you should do what you need to do to get him/her back. Don’t let anything get in your way and do the “Let’s be friends first.” I did this after 6 yrs. I hung on to every word he said and supported everything he said. But like I said, what I thought of him before was all a distortion of my mind. Sometimes, it’s not worth it. I’m rambling but I hope some of it helps
This helped me!
The answer to most of your questions are NO…i think i just need a challenge and i hate being rejected by someone I spent 13 of my 28 years with….tough one to swallow. I grew up with this guy. We simply grew apart. I focused on leaving and upgrading myself while he just sat around trying to make the best of this situation. As in, not working so hard and settling for what he had.
He cheated and lied and let the female he cheated with rub it in my face. For some reason I still went back….if anyone feels stupid, it really should be me.
My entire family has seen my at my weakest…sorta like Carrie after Big left her at the library LOL
I can feel you on that one! I been with the father of my children for 8 years and he cheated on me with some hood rat, and the hood rat ended up getting pregnant! He wasnt man enough to tell me, I had to find pics of the baby in his glove department! The worst thing about it is that me and her were pregnant at the same time and he made me get an abortion! Now he wants me to accept it and move on with our lives but I still havent got closure! Were always fighting and argueing over this situation, its one thing to cheat but when you get a baby involved it takes it to another level! I never thought he would hurt me like that, I was his first for everything! Now he killed my soul, I have no heart anymore! I dont trust anyone!!!
Let me start off by saying thank you Lynnette for your advise. I have been reading your blogs all mornng. I am going thru a rough time in my life with a break up right now. I was seeing a man for a year when he came to me and said that he wanted to break up and try and find someone that he could have a child with. You see I can’t say anymore and I have 2 wonderful daughters.And he knew this when we starting seeing each other but he kept saying that he could be happy with me and my children. So I stepped to the side for him to find happiness. I didn’t want him to stay with me and always have regrets.
So he met and married a women that he met from the internet in 6 weeks.
Yes I said 6 weeks… I was heart broken.
Needless to say the marriage ended within a year with both of us still talking meeting for lunch and remaining friends.
After his divorce he has been in and out of my life. All the time I been wishing that he wanted me. But he doesn’t… He wants to send me things,text me, call me, ask our friends what’s going on with me. But he doesn’t want me.
The other night he called asking me to come out and meet him and some of our friends for drinks and some laughs. I went not knowing why… I guess I missed him. I wanted to see his face. But I knew that I shouldn’t go.
We spent the night together and in the morning he said that it was our last time for him because he met someone and he wanted to try having a relationship with her. I am so heart broken and feeling stupid.
Lynette
Hay Louise i feel your pain i was betrayed by my best friend who is the single biggest love of my life and has been for the past 4 years all though we never got together. He eventually used me for sex knowing full well how i felt about him and by telling me he felt the same. Its been 5 months since we have spoken and i have still no idea why so, i shall imagine i will feel this way 5/10 maybe even 20 years down the line. i just hope your friends are as good as mine. Im 25 now and i really hoped he would be my soul mate.
louise
i know how you feel to a point no one can ever feel how you feel or how i feel. please dont feel stupid cause there are so many of us out there trying to heal and 9 out of 10 times it doesnt. i will tell you my story i have ever spoke about it on the internet, i found this page cause i need help. I never dated in high school. i got a new job at a grocery store. I was 19 when i started i feel head over heels in love with Sam. He was 26 years old. We got close to each other right off the bat. The first problem he had a girfriend of five years. He started cheating on his girlfriend with me,and he was the first guy i had sex with. I asked please leave her. It took 3 months for him to break up with her, That was the first crack in my heart. please remember i was only 19 u could not find us apart, When i was 20 He asked me to marry him he was 28. i said yes i knew i loved him but i was so scared. i couldnt tell you what i was afraid of. i was very happy too. When we go home after he gave in a ring the shit hit the fan. no one in his life understood y he gave me a ring and not his two ex friends he dated longer then me at this time. His mother would not let me come to her home, His friends wouldnt talk to me they talked down to me when they did talk. It put so much stress on us. i started getting mad at him cause he would choose them over me so i broke up with him. I dated another guy for 4 months and i realized how much i loved Sam. He took me back we worked on things, 2 years after that i was 24 i left him for 6 monthes we got back together and i left a again when i was 27. i never left him becaused i wanted to have sex with other guys i left cause i thought someone else could make me more inportant then his friends. Well a after 6 months i wanted him back and he told me no, Thant is when my heart broke. That was almost 5 years ago. my heart is still in to pieces. he has been in and out of my life for those five year, He tells me he loves me but is not in love with me cause of what i did. I do everything everyone one tells me to do to get better but i still need him. honey u are not alone, i see a therapist to help me also i just not know how two people can love each other so so much but cant get on the same page. i would love someones help
I feel like you telling me that you are still not over him takes away any hope of me getting better. Do you think you are not over him becuase he isnt the one? I just want to get over him. He says he still thinks i am the one just not right now. We broke up because he did not want a girlfriend. I understnad that also because i beleive that we were too young to be too serious. But should i beleive him when he say that he think i am the girl for him just not right now? I am so confused i need help. I need tobe better.
When a man tells you, I don’t want a girlfriend right now is because I don’t want a girlfriend right now. It’s a nice way of saying, you are not the one for me because I’m going to look for someone better than you.
In order to reverse the problem, you need to do a few steps.
You agree with him that you need to break up. It deflects the situation from you. He’ll start thinking, “why does she want to let me go. I’m a great guy” Then, you stop calling him altogether. He’ll start saying to himself,”Did I just make the biggest mistake, or what?”
He’ll start thinking, “Wow, why isn’t she chasing me? How come she’s not calling me?” Give the gift to yourself by letting him miss you.
Make yourself priceless. If you start questioning yourself and having self doubts… you start chasing him…. you just set yourself up to the biggest mistake in this breakup process. If he valued you before and you start chasing him, you would lose your own value in his eyes.
You become cheap and pathetic. Don’t call him. Don’t pass by his house. If he loved you, he will not do anything to hurt you or lose you no matter how old you are. If you were priceless, he won’t say, “wow… she’s so priceless. I’m going to break up with her. Maybe, later…. I’ll get her back.” No, he won’t say that. If he valued you, he will keep you. He will do everything in his power to keep you in the relationship because he wouldn’t want any other guy to have access of you. Do you understand this?
Stop wondering about him and get on with your life. Focus on yourself. Focus on a project. Focus on licking your wounds. Let him wonder about you. If you cut him off completely, he has no choice but to wonder if he made the biggest mistake of breaking up with you.
Hang in there. Ciao.
Lynnette,
I have read you post and thought WOW! what you say is so true and down to earth. what you said is something I suddenly get and feel is the right approach of a painful heart. Mine has been recently broken too and it is so easy to keep txting, ‘pretending’ you are coping with the frinedship thing when in reality you are not. Then after a few drinks with your friends you do ‘late night txting’, you wake up in the morning and check your phone and then you cringe to see the rubbish you so embarringly sent! Not good for your own self esteem…
That is why your comment has hit a spot with me. Stop all txting and communication, let him wonder about you and what your up to. he might not care, ok but at least you will not make a fool of youreslf or feel worse than you do.
It does take time to heal, but you will never get rid of the memories and thats ok, it was part of your life. But this is a big world filled with lots of people waiting to meet you.
If you feel hurt, it means you are an effectionate, loving person and deserve someone who will love you for that not reject you. Why keep craving someone who does not appreciate you and your worth?
No person is worth your tears…and when you find someone that is..they will not make you cry.
For six years I’ve been through bliss and hell. A year ago I left the relationship w/ my boyfriend because he cheated on me for the second time(that I know of). I’ve been talking to him daily since and he says he would wait for me to trust him again. Well I just found out he’s had a girlfriend for months. Once I busted him he says it because I was using her until you were ready. All of a sudden he won’t take my calls and I’m crushed that I’ve given everything to him and now he wants nothing to do with me. I want a reason why.I know I deserve better but I just want someone to tell me how someone can be so heartless when I’ve given everything to him. I wanted a future with him and I know I thought I could help him from his horrible past but I can’t get over how he’s so heartless. How can someone tell you they can live with out you and they love you and then an hour later throw you out of their life.
Hi Rori,
I’m so heartbroken…Don’t know what to do. In 2000, I broke up w/ my cheating ex-husband who got his mistress pregnant. At the time, my friend (now my husband- Nick) was my rock.
Nick left me bec. he fell in love w/me and I couldn’t return the feelings. I was going thru the divorce. Nick joined the ARMY to forget about me.We kept in touch. He met someone new and married her. He didn’t know I got divorced. In 2003, as soon as he left for Iraq, she cheated on him. He didn’t talk to her after that and divorced her. In 2005, we met again. Love at first sight.
I knew he would be the one for me. Within 5 mos., we eloped before he left for Iraq the 2nd time. I waited for him and had a 2nd wedding. Huge & over 450 guests in 2007.
In 2008, he left for Iraq the 3rd time. We were doing great. All the soldiers informed me each time that he constantly talked about me. He loved me so much! They said he loved me very much.
I went thru a very traumatic event in 2008. Grandma died in hospice care November2008. On the day of funeral, my brother had a massive stroke. At the same time, my son was arrested for drug possession and alot of different things (16 yo). Husband(Nick) was still in Iraq, unable to be with me. Then, I had to have removal of pre-cancerous cells having a Total abdominal hysterectomy. There was so much darkness in my life that I was so depressed. All these times, my husband was in Iraq. When he came back, he had to deal with us going to courts for my son’s arrest. We didn’t really have time to be together. Then, he left to go home to Texas (I own a house there). However, I live in California. To make a long story short, he reinstated his ARMY contract without consulting with me first for another 4 yrs. He’s supposed to be out in 2011. Now it got extended to 2013. I was upset but still wanted his love. With all of this, in June..he started to act very distant. I started to feel threatened. It would seem that he kept pushing me away for some reason… I didn’t know if it was another woman. His family assured me that he’ll get his senses back and find his way back to me. In July, he sent me an ARMY ring that claims me as his wife. I talked to him last in August. I have not heard from him for a whole month. On my birthday, Sept 1, 2009 He sent me a huge very expensive bouquet of flowers. But yet, NO calls back from him. I asked the ARMY FRG to check on my husband. to see how he’s coping/adjusting. He came from Iraq-California, spent a month doing courts for my son, went to Texas moving into Washington. The ARMY said that they’ll look into it and will help him for his PTSD.
I don’t know what to do. I feel he just gave up on our family. We were the closest of all couples. He’d embarrassed me cause he would constantly kiss me in front of all his family…..Then, now… nothing. What do I do to get him back? I live in California, he now lives in Washington. I am so depressed. His family said to leave him alone. I was leaving him alone until the ARMY told me he admitted he has PTSD. He also stated he needed help bec. he can’t deal with it. He wants to go back to Iraq bec. dealing with the problems over here was too much. I want to be at his side but family says I should just leave him alone. I’m afraid that he’ll find other women. I ‘m so scared of losing him coz he is a great man. Should I leave him alone or should I be at his side? I’m lost and confused. Counseling doesn’t help. I’ve gone to 2 counselors already and they make me more depressed than ever. How do you handle a guy who isn’t normal? My first instinct is to leave him alone. This advise would be for a normal guy. He’s not normal… there’s something wrong with his psyche.
Thanks!
Sad Sandra
Best of luck to you Sandra, hopefully everything works out for you two.
so recently i’v been wakeing up saying fuck this. I dont go out durring the day unless somone calls or texts me. All my friends are growing up and im not, im the same old kid that sits at home and watches t.v. cause i have nuthing better to do. People say “get a job”, but then when ever i see them they always say “man i fucking hate my job”, so why go into sumthing boreing. I have been thinking this, would i rather go insane staying up watching mind numbing shows or go insane hateing my job then going back home and watching the same god damn shows. Some people say get a girl friend. All i say to people like that is “fuck you”. Love isnt for me. i have tried everything from being modist and kind to being a “bad boy” and a asshole. From going slow in a relationship to constant flirting. It isnt cut out for me. And recently i’v been thinking, “what is life?” from what i understand is to live a good life, be nice to your fellow man and reroduce. Now how is it possable for a man to live a good life without love, how can u keep a good additude without love. And how can you reproduce without love. So why live without love. Now im not saying i want to take my life now but i have been thinking about it for quite a while now. I look to God for help, but all i see are clouds in the sky. Im not a ugly person on the inside or outside i know that. Im not fat or abnormaly skinny, other than my spelling problem i am intelligent, i have a warm heart but its fadeing. Growing colder every second, every breath, every momment i think to myself “why am i here?”. Best said from a quote of one of my faviort artists “I wake up in the mourning and i ask myself, is live worth liven for should i blast myself” ~tupac shakur~
Dear Eric,
I hear your pain. Believe me, I was where you are now. I’ve been thoroughly depressed for 7 months now. I have great job. I make a lot of money. A little about my story. I was a millionaire 2.5 yrs ago until a 4 car collision ended all that. I was on disability for 6 mos. and lost everything. 5 houses, and everything else. I couldn’t keep up with the demands of life. But, 6 months prior to that, a 16 yr old was shot in the head and died in my arms. A month later, I found a man lying on the street at 8AM on my way home from work. He was shot several times. When I lifted his shirt to see, a big piece of meat was stuck on his shirt and a big hole was by his lung where the bullet pierced through. Then, the car accident occured and I lost everything. 5 months later, my mom had a small heart attack which scared me to death. 2 months later, my grandma died slowly at home. We wanted her to die bec. she was suffering and couldn’t breath. WE were willing her to die but she hung on. At the same time, while we’re waiting for her to pass on to the next life, my 16 yr old got arrested for drug possession. Dec. 2, 2008 on the day of the funeral, my brother had a massive stroke. We found him on the floor and wasn’t responding. They eventually put him on the ventilator to keep him alive. His brain was so swollen that it pushed out his eyeballs and tongue out. We couldn’t even put his tongue in coz it was so huge. He was on a ventilator for 2 mos fighting for his life. 2 months later, I had to have my whole female stuff to be removed because of cancer.
My husband couldn’t be at my side this whole time cause he was shipped to Iraq. This is why I’ve been depressed. But my point is, there is a reason for you to live. Everyone else is fighting to live. Try to focus on yourself to help others. You have a purpose in this life. It might not be money, might not be love for now…But, you have the love of your family which will devastate them so much if they lose you.
Would you honestly be so selfish to do that to them and harm them by probably hurting yourself? I think not. Why not counsel people? Help people out with their troubles. One day, you might not even have to try to flirt, or TRY to be nice…. but honestly be nice because that’s what you’re made of. A woman will notice you and admire you for who you are, what you do, and what you’ve become when you are helping people. Make that your own focus in life. Each one of us has a destiny. Everyone is precious. If I would’ve killed myself a couple of months ago like I planned to because of the pain I was going through…. I wouldn’t be here reaching out to you trying to tell you that I hear you…and telling you that you are worth it. You can make a difference. One day, someone will notice and they will love you just for being you. Tomorrow will be better. Believe me, take it one day at a time…………..Lynnette
It’s been a week since my wife told me she was sleeping with another man. I can’t express the feeling of abandonment and rejection I feel. I lived with this woman for 15 years and was married to her for 8. I don’t even know how to move on. She was my wife and best friend for nearly half my life. I don’t remember what it’s like to be alone. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I can feel my mind and body deteriorating. And now, I’m FORCED to face the uncertain future. I’m so scared. All of my plans for the future included her. Now they are shattered, along with the loss of my wife and best friend. This divorce is so unwanted on my part. I know break up’s are always tough, but when there’s a third party involved, it makes the split so much more painful. I’m learning this for the first time. I can’t help but feel inadequate. My self esteem is destroyed. I’m devastated. I know I’ll get better, over time, but I don’t think I will ever fully recover. This was by far the most emotionally draining week of my life. Sometimes I feel like I just can’t make it without her. I cried so long and hard today. It’s so overwhelming. I have to fight off my emotions all day at work. At night I imagine them together and I get nauseous. I’m so lonely at night.
I hope everyone here realizes that they are not alone. Some relationships are short lived, others have YEARS invested into it. Like mine. But the pain and anxiety are intense all the same. I hope everyone here finds happiness. I know times are dark right now, for all of us, but we have to find a way to trudge on. I will say a prayer for all of us to have the strength to move forward. We have no choice. For me, I’ll miss her forever, but there’s nothing left…
Dear Crushed,
Please check the web site BeyondAffairs.com There are some articles, books you could read. It will also show some support groups that you can join so you can talk with other betrayed spouses in your area. You can always e-mail me at affairsofdheart@sbcglobal.net so I can direct you the right way.
Lynnette
hey there..
i feel your pain. reading what you wrote made me feel like i wasnt alone.
i feel exactly the same way you do.
i feel like i cannot function without her. and i just feel hopeless.
i miss her so much, and i cry every single day without her..
I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I had only been with my boyfriend for a year but he ended things abruptly, being very nice and logical so I can’t even hate him. I’ve lost a stone in weight, can’t eat or sleep and feel constantly sick and weak. Sweating. I physically ache without him. It was long distance and everyone keeps saying ‘this is your time now’ and ‘find out what you’re good at’ or ‘you have a great future ahead of you’ but my future included him and I can’t get over that. Where do I turn now? He was my best friend, my everything and I was happy and had NO idea he wasn’t. There is NO chance of reconciliation and I don’t know where to turn to.
Hi, mockingbirdsing
I am so sorry for what you are going through, it is mirroring my own experiences exactly. I was in a long distance relationship for over two years but it ended similarly to yours. I have tried hating him, and I’m pretty much there now but I’m not sure if negative emotions such as this are a good thing! My future included him too, we had so many hopes and dreams, but there was always a nagging doubt at the back of my mind, in the shape of his female ‘best friend’ who threw a massive hissy fit when I arrived on the scene. She had made attempts to get rid of me before, and now she’s won him back, despite the fact that she’s stalked him all over the net. Unbelievable…
Anyway, I can’t offer much advice on how to get over your broken heart as I really need to figure out how to mend my own. I just wanted to say you are not alone and that I can truly empathise and sympathise with you. I’m thinking of ways to put stuff like this on my own blog, so I have a creative outlet for my wasted heart to vent itself, so maybe something like that will help?
I know we can all get through this, many of us will have experienced it before and know that it doesn’t last forever. I was devastated by someone many years ago and I thought I would never recover. But now he’s divorced and not exactly God’s gift to women, he wants me back and I have laughed so much about it because I can’t for the life of me remember what I saw in him! This will happen again, to all of us. Some take longer time than others to heal, but we all will eventually if we just stay strong and believe in the fact that we are not worthless, we just made bad relationship choices.
crushed…..you are the other side of an affair. I was almost the “other woman”. But, I walked away when I found out he was married. I am the 73 year old who commented awhile ago.He let me believe he was single. I don’t know what is worse. I was deceived. It was short lived but long enough for me to fall in love with him. It has been 4 months since I last talked to him and I still think about him. I read many of these stories and what helped is that I am not alone. None of us could eat, sleep. concentrate, give a hoot about anything. You will go over in your mind for a long time trying to figure out what you did wrong. You did nothing that a thousand others have done.This is what they call “life”. Some good, some bad.It will probably take all of us many years to get over this. Love is very powerful. We never had an arguement. I just walked out of his life. He still can’t figure out why.Give me a break. He must know why. Please send another post about a few months from now to let us know how you are. My “old” heart goes out to you.
Crushed, I read your story and wanted to cry. I too am suffering heartbreak. I have been single for four years after a divorce and finally met someone who I thought was the man of my dreams. He came to my home and behaved like Prince charming.Allowed me to give him all that I had, love, affection, attention and my whole heart. He later called me and told me we could just be friends. I was crushed. My faith in men have been shattered. I never ever want to feel like this again. You are not alone. I cried so much I thought I was loosing it. It has been one week and I still feel horrible. Continue to pray. If you beleive in god read Psalms 51 verse 12.
I will say a prayer for us as well.
sara, thank you for this blog. my broken heart thanks u very much. gives me hope.
susana
when does it get better? the loneliness,the memories to go away, the feeling of needing that person right now that you can breath anymore.what’s worse is when you see that person or when you feel there presence. they don’t have to say eanything to get to you the fact that you know that the person you once cared for love and shared a very intimate and special moments had moved on and doing that things you once did with someone new.I don’t know if i should cry or get mad.all i know is this feeling or emptiness and rejection over and over gain.
What really helped me overcome the pain long time ago is how much my ex- adored me and loved me so much. Use that memory to your advantage and really work hard on yourself to improve yourself. He must’ve thought I was something cause he fell in love with me before. So, I worked out, had a make over, and kept out of his sight for a long time. I trimmed down and started wearing sexy clothes to make myself feel better. Then, I sent him a photo of my sexy self through e-mail and tried to bump into him while I was at my very BEST. Make sure he sees you and make it look like you are having fun. Psyche yourself out to make the best of yourself. One day, he will realize what he’s lost and he will realize the mistake he made. His moments with you will ONLY be triggered if he sees you at your BEST. Don’t look pathetic in front of him. He will feel sorry for you.
My ex- begged me back after seeing me at the gym looking hot and guys were approaching me. This was about 7-8 months he was seeing the other girl. He didn’t see me for awhile until I knew I was ready and made sure he was also there with the girl. That girl hated me too cause I was looking Hot and Sexy. I was always smiling and I know that she was steaming. If both sees you with a sad face, they will just feel sorry for you for looking pathetic.
Why should you look pathetic while they’re both having fun?
Even though I was hurting soooo much inside, I forced myself to look happy.
Soooo…. I was telling myself about the girl who stole my man, what comes around goes around. But, by the time he begged me back, I was no longer interested in a jerk who broke my heart. I actually really laughed at him in front of his face. He wasn’t even worth the effort by that time. I realized there were so many men around to choose from now that I felt confident about myself. Try to avoid him if it hurts you. He DOESN’T deserve your smile, your love, to hear your voice, or any part of you.
Avoid him until you are at your very BEST.
thank you for your advice i’m starting to do that now
Dear, Lynnette
Dear, Lynnette
Yea im not gona go on, thank you so much for your kind words. I am so sorry for your unlucky events, it broke my heart. Ill see ya some day
~eric
Dear Eric,
I just want to mention it to you, it was God who gave me strength because I had nothing else in this world to live for except for Him, my kids, and to help other people like myself who is in so much pain. I find comfort in knowing that even for a second, I’ve helped someone else. Take care of yourself and be good to yourself. Your family and God loves you even though you don’t feel it at this moment. You’ll soon realize it.
Lynnette
ugh… i can relate with all of these stories.
im hurting so much right now.. my ribs feel like they are literally crushing in on my lungs. I can’t even see straight… God i never knew that all of the songs and movies and stories about heart break… i never knew they were real. This is way beyond my ability to deal and i don’t know what to do. I feel… sick.
Thanks to everyone for sharing your stories and advice. I appreciate it more than you know. I don’t feel so alone. Keep on moving. I know we’ll all feel better one day…
I went through so much pain this last month.
Seriously, I never give guys chances.
I’m usually scared to take a risk because every outcome turns out terrible.
But I gave this one guy a chance to show he wouldn’t break my heart.
We were great, seriously, amazing.
After a few months, we were in love.
He was positive he loved me.
I was positive I loved him.
No matter what, we knew we would love each other forever, even though we’re young.
One day, I was furious because he wouldn’t talk to me.
We fought everyday for a week straight, but made up.
I couldn’t take it and out of anger, I broke up with him.
I regretted it every day since and I told him how I felt, which made me look pathetic.
I begged for him back, which was very low of me.
I was sick and cried everyday.
I miss him so much.
It’s been a month, and he’s long moved on.
reading other people’s comments has helped, but any personal advice?
There are 2 ways to get thru the pain of a breakup. You can wait it out or ride it out. Waiting it out means just that-literally soaking in it, sometimes for years, until it finally passes and doesn’t hurt as much. (Nothing more fun than marinating in suffering.) Riding it out is the opposite. Riding it out is when you strap on your suit, grab your long board, and force yourself to get on the wave. Those who forced themselves to push through the rough waters got through it feeling empowered and confident about their abilities to navigate relationships in the future.
What doesn’t kill you will make you even stronger. Those who waited it out were seething with resentment for the wasted years of their lives and were still wrestling with confusion. It’s a hard choice–seething or confident, seething or confident? Try to make yourself feel better by working out, get a manicure, pedicure, a make over, new clothes, and look HOT, just in case you bump into him one of these days. Although he’s moving on, he’s not going anywhere. Don’t call him, don’t stalk him, leave him alone until you’re ready and looking like a hot mama. Give yourself 2 months to work on yourself until you are stronger… No contact for 2 months. But by then, you’ll probably realize he wasn’t worth all that pain and you will remember the reason why you broke up in the first place.
Lynnette;
Well, I see him alot.
And I honestly can’t get over him.
I’m trying to suck it up.
Have him see me all smiley and outgoing, and all cutesy.
it’s not working, at all.
I mean, I see him look at me.
& act as if i’m having the time of my life.
but, it’s all just a huge lie.
Dear Kathleen,
I just want to let you know “I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME TO READ SELF HELP BOOKS”. I keep telling them that I’m not in the mood to read books right now. I’m not at that stage yet. I can’t concentrate in reading right now, etc.
BUT… I am sooooo very glad that I did read a couple of books that helped me through the pain. I swear by it and although I’ve read it, I carry it around, and re-read it to remind me of what I have to
do next. You can actually order a used one in Amazon.com
There are 3 that I want you to read. I’m swearing by it because it
will give you a new outlook in life of men and what you are going through.
1. The RULES by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider (this is old but very, very inspirational. I’ve read this at least 8 times)
2. The RULES 2 (printed in 1997)
3. It’s Called Breakup Because It’s Broken by Greg Behrendt
The author is the one who wrote He’s Just Not that Into You!
ACTUALLY, all these books are very inspirational and it’s a very authoritative book. Meaning, they’ll tell you what to do without
you making any excuses.
What I found out about myself when I was going through the heartbreak was that I NEEDED SOMEONE TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
1. CUT all ties. AVOID him if you could. If you have to see him, ignore him. Make him see that he doesn’t matter. Just act
Non-chalant about everything. Don’t let him see you quiver or don’t even look his way. CUT IT OUT! Why do you punish yourself?
If he doesn’t look your way, you’ll be more disappointed cause he didn’t look your way. If you see him coming your way, pretend you forgot something the other way. HE DOESN”T DESERVE YOUR PRESENCE!!!
2. DON’T LET HIM SEE YOU LOOKING PATHETIC! Don’t make any verbal contacts with him. Don’t talk about him to your friends. Let him wonder why you’re acting like he isn’t the center of your universe anymore. Look mysterious but alluring. Don’t badmouth him.
Don’t give him a reason at all to say to you,”That is the reason why I didn’t go back with you Kathleen.” Designate a very close friend that you can trust and talk about what you’re going through. Don’t let him see you sad, or funky, or not taking care of yourself.
3. DON’T YOU KNOW TO CATCH THAT PERSON YOU LOVE, IT’S ALL ABOUT
MIND GAMES. It’s all about strategy. But, you have to also realize that you can’t force someone to love you back. What did you want to do? What is your goal? You have to make up your mind of what you want to do. Do you want him back or do you want to go on with your life?
Pick which goal and work towards your goal.
4. PRETEND, PRETEND, PRETEND. Don’t let him see you sweat!
Don’t let him see your emotions. I don’t care if you bump into him, your heart will feel like splitting apart. Pretend you are happy! And cutesy bec. you are! Smile, then excuse yourself to the bathroom and grab your journal. Write all the cursing you can muster in your journal or grab the RULES BOOK and read it to remind you what you have to do. Just write everything in the journal. That would be your way of venting. I swear by it! I had a little notebook that fits in my purse. I wrote every emotion I felt. Maybe, one of these days you can read your own journal and give other women advice and write a book. I had a rubber band on my wrist. Every time I felt angry or in pain, I snapped that rubber band to remind me to snap out of it.
I bit the inside of my cheek too to remind me to snap out of it.
Find a way to snap you out of when you are having extreme emotions.
5. I AM TELLING YOU TO WORK ON YOURSELF! GO TO THE GYM, RUN, JOG.
I don’t care but just be active! Don’t be alone. Grab a friend to go somewhere. Learn a new sport. Learn a new hobby. Go horseback riding. Learn new things. I even went as far as changing all my ceiling lights into ceiling fans. It felt good to be able to accomplish something…. WORK ON YOU, YOU, YOU! I even built a Fireplace mantle from Floor to ceiling. It took so much of my time and I didn’t have time to concentrate on my misery. The fireplace mantle took me six months to build. But, it was an accomplishment by myself. I proved to myself I didn’t need him and that I could do anything.
6. Join a support group…. There are plenty of articles on Beyondaffairs.com on how to get over a broken heart. There are even audiotapes and they’re all FREE>
7. Go to the clubs and go dancing. But don’t drink and drive. Don’t go calling him at all cause you’re drunk. You will look pathetic and sound pathetic. Enjoy yourself. Flirt! I went as far as, I called
it “Lynnette’s Flirting Practice”. I would talk to any guy. I didn’t care whether they are ugly, fat, oily, cute, handsome… I didn’t care who I spoke with. I practiced the art of flirting. I practiced with the cops, salesman, janitor… It really made me feel good about myself that someone had my attention. When I talked with a person, I practiced looking into his eyes and made the guy feel like he’s the only person in the room I’m concentrating on. You know where that got me? Every time a guy see me, they would say hi and try to talk to me. Next thing you know, someone always wanted to have a deep conversation with me. It’s harmless but the practice gets you even closer to the RIGHT MAN. You’ll know what to do when the right man comes along…. And it was all a mind game. Practice, Practice, Practice….. But still, READ THE BOOKS I MENTIONED> The RULES BOOK
will tell you not to approach your potential sweetheart first.
What I’m tellin you thou, yeah… don’t approach your potential sweetheart but practice the art of flirting with the guys that you really don’t care about. I’m sure they’ll try to talk to you in front of your ex- boyfriend. This was what happened to me when they were both at the gym, and a couple of guys tried to talk to me in front of him. It felt really good. But please, if you want him back, don’t let him hear that you’re sleeping around. It will be bad for your reputation. Just date someone out of your city limits as much as you can. That would be your own little secret. Be mysterious.
thanks so much, Lynnette.
your advice helped me tons.
I’ll look into those books.
you’re very inspirational! (;
Thanks Lynette. This has also helped me. In fact reading all these posts has been like a mini counselling session.
I don’t know what to do I am in love with this boy I’ve been with for almost two years. in january 09 a girl messaged me on my facebook that he was going out with her and basically telling me all of these things that he’s been seeing her and me…this had been going on since june he denied it every time she told me. finally I found out today the girl and me were both infront of him he didn’t know what to say and his whole family knew and friend I feel so stupid all i want to know is why? .. did he even really love me? Why do i still love him and want to be with him?
So sorry you went through that. I remember the feeling so clearly. I went through the same thing. I was constantly telling my lab partner about my boyfriend at that time. I was in love with him. Little did I know, she was listening to me but she was already seeing him. I was steadily dating him for 4 yrs and couldn’t understand why he did what he did. I kept questioning myself if he truly loved me all those times. He probably did at one point. But, the reality was, he was seeing my lab partner. Not seeing, I’m sorry… he was having sex with her. The pain will be excruciating, I’m telling you right now. But, the best thing to do is stop torturing yourself.
It will be hard, but stop cold turkey in talking with him or asking him why.
Does it make any difference? Are you going to forgive him and forget what he did to you? It was plain and simple, he was thinking about his little weener and making it happy. Cheaters will always think that they can get away with it…they’ll deny it. If you ask him if he had sex with her, he will deny it. The girl is in front of you and he’ll still deny it. Even if you see a used panty under his bed, he’ll deny it. Why even ask? Why bother? He will try to confuse you. The end of my story was I stopped acting stupid. I even tried beating up the girl every time she passed by me at my class. She was scared of me but continued seeing him. A year passed, my life went on. It was a hard life but I got better. She came to my house one day and asked for my forgiveness. I asked what happened. She told me he’s cheating on her. He gave her STD (gonorrhea). He was denying the fact that he gave her anything. So, I suggested that I will gladly call him and ask him how his life had been. I put her on the speaker phone so she can hear what he said. He described about the other girl and how he’s crazy about the girl is seeing now. I know I’m mean, but it was fun to hear because this girl got what she deserved from what they both did to me. I was sooooo very glad that I didn’t end up with him. Until now, he’s still screwing around with different girls and has 3 kids with 3 different women.
He did you a favor, honey! Be rid of him! You truly deserve someone who is going to make you a very happy wife and someone who truly loves you.
I met this guy two years ago through friends and we hit it off great, he was the one who made all the first moves from getting my number to saying I love you. Then a few months later out of no where he breaks up with me. I was devastated but moved on. Then 2 months later we run into each other and he falls for me again and of course I take him back, then at the end if the summer out of no where once again he breaks up with me. We never fought and we didn’t break up because of a mistake we made he just didn’t want me. So a month goes by and we talk here and there then after a weekend of staying at his place we cut off ties and change our numbers. Well 6 weeks later I found out I was expecting the unexpected, a baby. I waited to tell him 2 months after I found out. I was nervous and had gotten over him finally. I only told him because I ran into him out and gave my friend which included him a ride home. He was a little drunk and was telling me how sorry he was he hurt me and long story short I went to his house and told him later. I was fine with us not being together because I had time to let my feelings pass but after a few weeks he says he loves me and wants to be with me. No breaking up no games serious family stuff. Now my baby is 1 and the whole time once a week I get a threat he’s gonna leave and I’m not the person he sees himself with and he can’t love me. I do everything to try to make him happy but if I even forget to hang a towel he just hates me. Was it doomed to begin with? I feel like everything up to this point has been his call. Now I’m depressed and sad and desperate to make him happy so my family doesn’t fall apart. What should I do? Let him go or keep trying to fight for it to work? Just today I found a bag with a lock so I unzipped a little opening and it was all if his ex-girls cards pic napkins with love letters movie ticket stubs notes. It just crushed me that even moving in with me and knowing I still think he likes her that he would keep that stuff. And he text me he was sorry and he loved me so accept or don’t. Then says he can’t treat me good because he doesn’t want too. I’m so confused. Do I stay or go? And if I go what do I do? I’m a mom of two girls from 2 different people no one is going to love me now
Kaela!
Girl, you need to leave that man.
Why spend the rest of your life in misery? & wondering from one day to the next if you’re gonna be alone.
get out of there before the pain gets worse.
honestly. you deserve so much better.
& don’t say no one will love you, because honestly, someone will.
you have one guy who did love you, and there’s 6 billion people in the world.
you will find someone.
but, get out of that relationship now.
save you, and your children a whole bunch of pain.
Kaela,
Sorry you’re going through that.
Girllll, STOP!
What the hell is wrong with you???
You’re asking should you stay or should you go?
If you stay, he already said he ain’t gonna treat your right.
What is the matter with you? Where is your self respect?
THE GUY IS LEECHING OFF OF YOU!
Concentrate on your kids and your pretty self!!!
YOU COULD DO IT WITHOUT HIM! See above post
and Read THE RULES BOOK. It’s old but I swear to you
it will change the way you look at men. Someone will fall
in love with you when YOU CHANGE. You can’t change anyone.
You have to be the one who has to change to get a different
outcome. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF!
I feel your pain. Me and my ex just broke up once again. We met 9 years ago…and trust me when I say nothing will ever change. We had several years in between the times we tried to make it work. Being older now I see things much clearer. Its the whole push and pull thing. Please read “Men that cant love” it will give you a whole new look at things. Take it from me its going to hurt like hell trust me I know but pick yourself up and dont let your child think this is what love is.
Kaela,
I think you really know in your heart that this is never going to work. Some things just aren’t meant to be, and your relationship with this man is one of them. Do yourself the biggest (hardest) favour and leave him. It will be hard, so very hard, and it will hurt like hell, but it will be better than living through a lifetime of hurt and pain if you stay with him.
Good luck..x x x
I WENT OUT WITH A GIRL WHEN I WAS 17 I DIDNT FIND HER VERY ATTRACTIVE BUT SHE WAS REALLY COOL I ENDED UP GETTING REALLY SICK AND SHE WOULD BE THERE AT THE HOSPITAL WITH ME EVERY DAY I SOON FELL IN LOVE WIT HER I NEVER RECOVERED FROM BEING SICK DOCTORS COULDNT FIGURE OUT WHAT IT WAS AND IT WOULD MAKE ME REALLY ANGRY SO I TREATED HER BAD SOMETIMES I WAS DRINKING ALOT AND DOING DRUGS TO NUMB THE PAIN I WAS MAD AT THE WORLD FOR BEING SO SICK IT CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER I BECAME VIOLENT AND ANGRY ALL THE TIME SHE LET ME LIVE WITH HER I BROKE HER THINGS AND NEVER HURT HER PHYSICALLY BUT IM SURE MENTALY SHE DID EVERYTHING IN HER POWER TO HELP ME AND HER FAMILY DID TO AND I TOOK ADVANTGE OF IT I FELT SO MUCH PHYSICAL PAIN I COULDNT SEE HOW IMPORTANT SHE WAS AT CERTAIN TIMES BUT I KNEW I LOVED HER AND WANTED TO BE WITH HER FOREVER BUT I LET MY PAIN AND MY ANGER GET THE BEST OF ME SO LAST YEAR IN JULY SHE BROKE UP WITH ME AFTER A BAD FIGHT I HAD LOST MY JOB A MONTH BEFORE AND BECAME EVEN MORE DEPRESSED I HAD NO WHERE TO GO AT THE TIME I SONN FOUND FRIENDS TO HELP ME I TRIED EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO GET HER BACK BUT I COULDNT STOP DRINKING TO HELP ME DEAL WITH LOSING HER I FOUND OUT SHE WAS SEEING SOMEONE ELSE I COULDN EAT SLEEP I JUST WANTED TO DIE WE WENT OUT FOR 3 YEARS I COULDNT UNDERSTAND HOW SHE COULD LEAVE ME WITH MY CONDITION I WAS SELFISH I KNOW I SPENT THE LAST YEAR DRINKING TO TRY AND GET OVER IT IT HASNT WORKED I WAS HOMELESS FOR 5 MONTHS AND I MIGHT BE AGAIN SOON CAUSE I CANT FIND A JOB I THINK ABOUT HER EVERY DAY HOPING SHE WILL COME BACK I JUST TALKED TO HER ON THE PHN AND SHE DOSENT EVEN CARE ABOUT ME NO MORE I RUINED MY LIFE AND I CANT GET OVER IT THE ONLY REASON I PROBABLY HAVEBNT KILLED MYSELF ALREADY IS CAUSE OF MY MOTHER SHE WOULDNT BE ABLE TO LIVE IF I WAS GONE BUT I HURT EVERYDAY I VE NEVER BEEN THIS DOWN OR HURT IN MY LIFE I DIDNT KNOW PEOPLE COULD GO THREW THIS MUCH PAIN WITHOUT DYING I HAVE SO MANY REGRETS AND IM SO SORRY FOR THE THINGS SHE HAD TO PUT UP WITH I JUST WANT HELP I HAVE CRAZY THOUGHTS EVERY DAY FROM IT I KNOW IM A GOOD PERRSON I JUST WISH SHE REALLY KNEW AND DIDNT GIVE UP ON ME I DONT KNOW WHAT IM GOING TO DO NOW I CANT TAKE MUCH MORE I BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH IN MY LIFE AND IM ONLY 21 SOMEBODY GIVE ME ADVICE PLEASE.
First of all, you did what you did and it was the past. It’s the past and you need to forgive yourself for what you did. Do you have a friend you can talk to? Did you apply for MEDI-CAL to get a counselor? If you feel like you are going to hurt yourself, just go to the ER and they’ll give you something to calm you down or refer you to be evaluated. Talk to a priest, rabbi, minister, or somebody. SNAP OUT OF IT!
Second, she can’t possibly take you back because you don’t even like yourself. Would you take “you” back? You need to work on yourself a little at a time. Right now, she won’t take you back because you have nothing to offer her. She will have negative thoughts about you. Don’t bother her for now cause you need to concentrate in improving you. Get a job first or volunteer work. Find something to do. Go back to school. Set a goal.
What I’ve been telling everyone here is choose a goal to achieve.
If you want her back, make that your goal. But, not right now because you are not a complete package yet. Offer her the best of yourself so she can’t turn you down. Build your self-esteem. Talk to someone about your emotions.
Stop drinking! Go to AA meetings. Improve yourself! Work on yourself!
Make some accomplishments. Love yourself so she can love you back.
If you hate yourself, that would be the reflections she’ll see.
Get all the poison out of you! Purge all the alcohol out of your system!
You’re toxic right now and no one will want to be around you.
Work out, jog, play tennis… I don’t know. Do something to improve yourself. Start looking into a men’s shelter just in case that you will be homeless. Look for alternative plans. Set goals for yourself.
Just be good to yourself. In order for someone to love you, offer the best of yourself so they won’t turn you down. Be an enteprenuer and make lots of money. Read books of self improvements. If worse comes to worse, and if you are going to be homeless… go to a mental hospital and 5150. I work in the hospital and a lot of homeless people take advantage of the system by admitting themselves there until they feel they’re ready to come out.
They’re being fed 3 meals a day. Free room and board. We had a patient that admits himself cause he had nowhere else to go. He said it was too cold to walk around the city looking for a place to stay. The men’s shelter was full. We were glad to take him in and he got himself out in a week. He treated it as his vacation spot. You can also get your medications there if you are having a lot of physical pain. Anyway, it’s just a thought cause I’ve seen it alot. Please don’t be offended but simply it’s just a suggestion if you ever become homeless. At least, you’ll have a place to stay and eat. They won’t turn you away.
IN any case, you should go back to school and learn a vocation.
Improve yourself… I will pray for you. Hopefully, you’ll check in with us here and let us know how you’ve been doing.
ITS HARD TO FORGIVE MYSELF FOR MESSING UP SO BAD. I DO TALK TO MY FRENDS AND I HAD GOOD MEDICAL INSURANCE I WENT TO SEVERAL DOCTORS THAT COULD FIND NOTHING WRONG I HAVE A LONG HISTORY OF MEDICAL PROBLEMS.I KNOW I NEED TO FOCUS ON MYSELF BUT ITS HARD WHEN I CANT EVEN FOCUS ON WERE IM GOING TO STAY AT NIGHT OR EAT I GOT NO LOVE IN MY LIFE FROM ANYONE ALL MY FRENDS ARE YA KNOW LIVING WITH THEE WIFES/GIRLFRENDS WITH KIDS AND IT SSEEM LIKE NOBODY CARES AND THE ONE PERSON WHO DO CARE ABOUT ME IS MY MOM AND SHES DYING AND CANT HELP ME WITH ANYTHING.I KNOW I HAVE NO CHANCE OF GETTING HER BACK IT WOULD BE 1 IN A BILLION SHES MOVED ON SHE HAS A NEW BOYFREND AND SHE SAID SHE LOST HER LOVE FOR ME SHE TOLD SHE WILL ALWAYS HAVE LOVE FOR ME BUT SHE AINT IN LOVE WITH ME AND I CANT UNDERSTAND THAT AFTER ALL WE BEEN THREW.THE THING IS I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE MYSELF I TREAT MY SELF LIKE SHIT I CANT EVEN THINK STRAIGHT NO MORE AND I COULD NEVER GO TO A MENS SHELTER ITS NOT FOR ME BUT THANK YOU FOR RESPONDING TO ME I DIDNT THINK ANYONE WOULD. WHAT MAKES U WANNA GO ON HERE AND READ THESE.
Like a lot of the people here, I’ve been through a lot of pain. My story = read my above post on Eric July 28, 2009. I have been through a lot of pain. I have lost everything… but, i’m still here.
When I look at other people’s problems, it reminds me that I was once there and it helps to write about it. It reminds me of how I solved my own problems and survived. I think what everyone needs is just to be heard. At one point, I wanted to end my life…really, really stupid idea. I was so depressed and couldn’t get a grip of my life.
But… I decided maybe if I can just write it all down. Nobody could hear me anyway. So, I logged on to Twitter out of all places… hahahaha…when I look back, I was so desperate to be heard and someone just to listen. My friends didn’t understand and I felt so alone. I went to see a psychologist but it didn’t help. Anyway, I went to Twitter and started posting all my notes. Well, wouldn’t you know… I have over 3 thousand followers now. It helps to be heard and it helps when someone replies who’s been there.
You are only 21. Focus on a goal for 5 yrs from now. What is your goal towards the end of the year? Get a house to rent. Go on Craigslist and room in with other people. Get a job, it could be anything… you can start your own company. Doing lawns. People pay 50 to 75 dollars a month. Have at least 10-20 different houses. You will mow the lawn twice a month. What’s more, you can actually expand and hire other people. You handle the money. 25 dollars for you and hired help get 50 dollars. Then just expand.
You can grow a business. You can even start a moving company and get your friends to help you. There’s really alot of things you could do. In the other hand, you can always go back to school and learn a vocation to start building your future. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and be happy that you’re still 21 and you still have a long life to live…. Be good to yourself cause if you’re not, who will?
Sorry about your mom… it must be very hard for you. What happened to her?
I’m only 14, and I don’t know why I’ve been so emotionally messed up lately. I shouldn’t be like this so young, but I liked the guy for so long, and he knew it. He decided we should hook up and, ofcourse, I agreed. I would have done anything for that jerk. And after it was over, I had such high hopes. I had waited so long for this to finally happen. I wanted my Happily Ever After. Unlike the movies however, this didn’t happen. He believed it was “my secret to tell”, like he did me some kind of favor, when all he did was hurt me. He knew from past experiences how girls reacted to him. How lovesick they became. I was just the next in a long line of victims. I felt like I had been thrown to the curb. And the best part was 2 years ago he did the same thing. But I held on with hope that he would come back. I should have forgotten about his shit and gotten over him. I didn’t, and now I’m stuck in a hole waiting to be saved. I want to get over him more than anything, but I know deep down I might allow the situation to happen again. No one understands how I feel, how I can still like him no matter how bad he’s been to me. He’s completely oblivious of his actions. I hate this weakness. I mean, who wouldn’t. I need someone to help me. As I said, my life has barely started…I’m too young for this.
Dear Young Blondie,
Honey, 14 is such a young age to be handling adult problems. I wish I was 14 again and not go through all of the crap that I’ve been through. At your age, you should be concentrating on girly stuff, like shopping, having sleep overs, trying on new makeup, buying new clothes and getting excited about going back to school. LOVE IS NOT ALL ABOUT SEX. Love is supposed to blossom from friendship, getting to know each other, hanging out, finding out what makes each other happy, sad, nauseous, etc. It’s supposed to be fun and the friendship grows deeper, into curiosity, bewilderment, and just having fun. Just having sex without getting to know him is not LOVE. SEX WITHOUT FRIENDSHIP, TRUST, RESPECT, COURTESY, HONESTY, IS NOT LOVE.
How old is he? Is he more than 18? If he is, then he is violating you and could be reported as rape. If he’s not, then…you made a big mistake.
Mistakes could be erased. But, babies can’t be erased. Did you use a protection? How could you think that it was okey when you don’t even know where his mouth came from? The reality is, when you have sex with someone and you know he’s been around having sex with other girls, (I’m gonna be harsh). …. I want you to really think about kissing that mouth of his. His mouth was in someone else privates and you are actually kissing another girl’s private parts. That is soooo completely gross! Do you really want to do that again? Just think about it so you can snap out of it. If he’s going to kiss you or attempt to, think of him being gross. What if he had gonorrhea, or chlamydia, or syphillis, or AIDS? Yuckk! You would’ve been kissing his mouth who’s been in someone else’s private with gonorrhea, chlamydia or STD!!! Yeah, they tell you in school to wear a condom. But, what they won’t tell you is that what happens to the body parts that is not covered by the condom, like the scrotum? What if the scrotum (balls) had open sores in them? You would’ve ended up with the disease and you let that happen because you fantasized about him with you happily ever after.
Reality check, it doesn’t go like that. Boys are still boys. Hormones are very rampid specially in the teen years. They can’t help it. You will be hurt again if you let this boy do this to you. You are still too young to handle adult problems. Just let this be a lesson for you…if you are to love someone…love yourself first. If you don’t love yourself first, no one will respect you. PEOPLE WILL ONLY DO THINGS TO YOU IF YOU LET THEM!!!
As of now, just shake it off. But, you can’t let this ever happen again.
What he did to you was wrong. But, if you let him do this to you again… it would be your fault for letting him.
Do yourself a favor and don’t grow up too fast. You are too young to make mistakes such as this. I have 2 handsome teenage boys and I listen to all the crap they tell me about girls. One is 16 and the other is 18. They tell me the girls are the one chasing them. And they know that they are too young to make a commitment with anyone. I get so upset with them that they are leading on some girls left and right. My 16 yrs old says he has 4 girlfriends, each from different schools. Of course I reprimand both because it isn’t right. Teenage boys will say anything to get you to bed. That’s the way they are most of the time. Both of my boys work out and have 8 pack abdominals…. They post those in MySpace and girls are crazy over them… My point is, get a grip on yourself. Boys will play you if you are not careful. This is not going to be a first time event in your life. You will be handling a lot of heartbreaks in your life. What this boy did to you will be nothing compared to what you gotta handle when you are an adult. Just read all the posts here. So for now, shake it off. Pat yourself in the back and thank God that you didn’t get pregnant this time. Thank God that you didn’t catch any diseases. Laugh at yourself for being foolish in thinking that you will live forever happily ever after. Write this all down in your book of tomorrows and let this be a lesson YOU NEED TO LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKES>>>>WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT KISSING HIS MOUTH, THINK OF WHERE IT CAME FROM AND WHERE IT HAS BEEN…SOMEONE ELSE’S PRIVATES WITH SORES, PUS, AND KAKA SMELL. Do you really want to kiss that stinky lips? yuckkkkkkE!eee That oughta gross you out! Snap out of it!
Dear Lynnette,
You gave me great advice, but don’t be too dissappointed in me…it wasn’t sex, we just hooked up as in made out and stuff. It was my first kiss and he knew that. Also, we’re both 14, so I don’t think he’s doing anything illegal. I know I’m a “bit” young for sex, and teenage pregnancy is just about my worst nightmare! Mainly I am terrified of the person I am becoming. I’m starting highschool and I’m trying too hard to be on top. I’m subconsiously losing my family, my true to heart friends, and my innocence. I’ve always been the hardest working, smartest, most intimidating and shy girl. This summer I’ve totally changed myself. Instead of thinking about what college I want to go to, I’m worrying about where I stand in the social line. Comparing how many friends everyone has on facebook, or texting stupid crap to cram up my inbox. It’s sickening, but now I’m stuck in this hole of utter depression. I have the potential to be so smart, though it doesn’t seem like smart is exactly what’s “in” at my age. I know, I know…In high school I WILL NOT forget about grades and family to drool about a boy who is (quite frankly), not good enough for me. I hope that I will be able to find my real friends, who I can be myself around. I want to feel pretty, and to stop constantly thinking about the hotties (ehem) who only want girls who blow them. That will not be me. I want to grow up so bad, and find a guy who thinks I’m special and beautiful and perfect the way I am. Is that even possible? I’ll never know until it happens…if it ever DOES happen. But then the thing is, why can’t I just enjoy life to the fullest NOW? Why can’t I be carefree? I’ve never been a carefree person. I’ve always been a perfectionist. I obviously don’t cope well with change. I feel ten years older then everyone else. So much more mature. Is that a bad thing? I have no idea, but I drive myself crazy. And now you might be able to see where this emotional crisis is coming from. The “guy” was just the stick that broke the camels back. When will there ever be a happy ending. The good news is, I think it can only get better from here.
Thanks again
Blondie
Dear Young Blondie,
I am so proud of you! Did you just write this post? For 14, you are very smart. You are also very special. You just need to realize that about yourself. You don’t need any man or anyone else to tell you that! You have to realize that if you love yourself, no boy/man can walk all over you. You have to remember this about yourself when you grow up. You will be there soon enough in 4 yrs. When you are 18 yrs old, you will be in college. You are going to have man problems if you don’t take care of yourself right now. Why not wait till you are mature enough to handle ADULT problems?
And what do you mean carefree? Do you mean being able to do what you want to do without anyone telling you or stopping you?
You could be carefree but you have to make the right decisions such as not doing drugs, drinking alcohol, or having sex. Your first kiss should be special as you said…So, is your first time to lose your virginity. Your FIRST anything, whether it’s kiss, sex, love should always be treated special because you only get to do your FIRST once. Once you lose your virginity, that’s it. You will be marked for the rest of your life. You will always remember your FIRST.
You have to remember that the reason why there are restrictions for young people under 18 yrs old is because your brain is not mature enough to handle certain situations. For example, alcohol.. did you know that if you drink alcohol your brain cells get attacked and destroyed by the alcohol. Brain cells do not regenerate again.
Also, since you are only 14, it’s pretty normal to be kind of depressed because of your hormone cycle. You will notice this depression when you’re about to start your menses. That is what they call PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome). All your emotions are blown out of proportions. You should mark this in your calendar cause I’m pretty sure that next month around this time, you’ll start getting depressed again. It usually start between 7-14 days of your menstrual cycle, having the first day of your menses be the number one day.
It is normal for you to want attention at your age. Believe me, it gets worse than you are now. The great thing about your age is that you are still very innocent. Believe me, you still have a lot to learn. Just take your time… you’ll be there soon enough. Don’t just make any irrational decisions. Do you have a mom or dad you can talk to? Or an adult you can speak with? Don’t be afraid to talk to your mom about your problems unless she’s the kind to punish you by beating you up. Speak with your counselor. You are dealing with grown up problems and you shouldn’t be there yet. I’m pretty sure your mom will be able to understand you more than you think.
As for my two boys, how we did it,… their aunt and I loaded both of them in a van for a 3 hour drive and we talked to them about sex, girls, and about life. They were only 13 and 15 at that time. They were glad we talked to them cause they had a lot of questions. I encourage you to talk to your parents and have an open communication with them. You’ll be surprised of the things they know. They’ve been teenagers too you know.
Just remember, doing ADULT ACTIVITIES comes with ADULT PROBLEMS.
Don’t try it. As for your man/boy, he will also grow up. Most of the boys I was so crazy about when I was your age are bald, fat, and ugly right now. Don’t be in a rush. He’s gonna have a growth spurt around 16 or 17. He might start looking different because of hormones.
Again, I’m just telling you that you should just laugh it off. You made a mistake and time to move on. Start writing a journal and you’ll see that it’ll all get better soon.
Dear Lynnette,
You don’t know how much this means to me that you can help me sort this stuff out. I’m so scared to talk to my parents about everything, that’s why I posted my feelings instead… so people who didn’t know me could just tell me what I want to hear, whether it be good news or bad. Thanks for being proud of me, haven’t heard that in a while:). What I mean about not being carefree is that I’m very bad at letting little things blow over my shoulder. The littlest things in life make a huge impact on me. I guess that means that I’m just downright sensitive, but I mean, it could be worse!
Also, I forgot to mention this, but I got drunk for my first time this summer:/ I did it with one of my really close friend who’s a year older than me. We did it in her basement where her bedroom is. I was curious, and I was pretty sure I would drink at some point in high school. I also told myself that I was doing something bad. I wanted my first time to be with a person I could trust in a place I would be safe. We had an awesome time. I felt very guilty afterwards, but at least I was being half responsible… On the other hand, drugs. TOTALLY OUT OF THE QUESTION I AM NEVER GOING TO TRY DRUGS EVER. ever ever EVER. I’m still disappointed in myself about the drinking.
Yeah, I have been told that my mood swings have a lot to do with “hormones.” I’ve also had trouble with that for a while. In 7th grade I developed an eating disorder and lost my period. Once I recovered, I waited 2 whole years until I finally went on some kind of pill (not birth control) to force it back. I’ve only had it once since the pill, so I’ll probably end up going on birth control to get it back completely. I guess I had been so mean to my body so it decided to fight back! It’s so stressful.
Anyways, it’s been a bumpy road. In the end (hopefully the end is near) I am hoping I will be able to come back even stronger than I was before. I want to start high school with a good head on my shoulders. Your advice has helped immensely, and I’m going to use it finally to put a smile on my face. Not a forced, fake smile but a genuine one. And by the way I do keep a journal and it helps me so much. It’s like I have someone else to talk to when I really don’t. I’ve just decided that what I truly need is a big hug from someone who really cares about my feelings. That sounds like the best thing in the world right now:)
Thanks so much for listening to what I’ve been holding in for so long, Lynnette. You’ve been a great help.
Blondie
As for the drinking, please don’t do that again. You’re brain is still young and undeveloped. You will lose brain cells before it multiplies till adult. That’s why there are those abnormal babies that were born from alcoholic mothers. Their brain never develop at a young age and they’re very slow in school. I hope you understand this.
There was one incident when my son brought a friend to a party. They were very good friends and she was very innocent. However, she got sort of drunk and didn’t want to go home with my son. My son insisted on bringing her home but she became belligirent and obnoxious. She said she will get a ride home with a friend. Anyway, he came home with some other friends and I asked where his friend was. He said she didn’t want to go home. I made him go back to the party and pick her up. He found her in the bathroom floor and was sort of bleeding. He brought her to her house but she fell in front of her house and couldn’t breath. They had to call 911. It was her first time to get drunk and her body couldn’t take it. She was also raped and didn’t remember anything. She was a virgin.
The moral of my story is, be careful of what you put in your body. She was saved by my son when he called 911. However, he still feels guilty for leaving her there even thou she hated on him. She almost died because of alcohol poison. I don’t even know why anybody would want to drink so much that they don’t remember most of the stuff that happens. It’s not fun throwing up and having a hangover in the morning. Anyway, take care and let us know what you’re up to….. Try to open the communication with your parents. They will give you the best advice. I swear to you because they love you and will protect you. Don’t you want to be protected? They’ve been in your shoes too when they were young…
Dear Lynette,
Well I know it’s been a LONG time since I’ve replied but it’s only because I never got a notification by email. That story about your son is pretty intense, and if you’re trying to scare me out of drinking you’re doing very well! Anyways, high school started 3 weeks ago and I joined the swim team so I’ve been having a blast so far! It’s crazy, that’s for sure, and a totally knew and overwhelming experience. As for the guy, well, OVER HIM. yessss never thought the day would come! I think I just realized how big of an idiot he was and how not worth it it was to waste my time thinking about a douchebag. And everyone at school knows me as “his” girl, aka the one who hooked up with him. That’s allright, I’ve gotten used to the comments. As for the drinking, haven’t done it since, but I’m not sure when I’ll come across the same situation again. I hope I can handle it well.
All in all, I’ve climbed out of the black hole I’ve been previously stuck in. School work and swimming has gotten in the way of friend stress, and besides, my grade is made up of 800 kids…I’m BOUND to make at least a couple knew friends:) Anyways Lynnette, I just wanted to follow up on your note I didn’t get until now and tell you that all is well. I hope your family and you are running smoothly as well. Bye!
Rachel ( Rachel’s my real name not BLONDIE if you didn’t already figure that out;))
Dear Rachel,
I’m soooo very glad that you are doing well! I’m so very proud
of you! Swimming is a great competitive sport to get into.
I’m sure you’ll meet lots of new people. You are sooo very young and like I said, enjoy the moments of your youth.
As for my son, yes, the story is very true. Kay, was brought to ER and had alcohol poisoning. The parents were very upset. We found out who the rapist was and he was also young. He was sent to boot camp. The only reason why he wasn’t tried as an adult was Kay didn’t want to
press charges. It was one of her guy friends who took advantage of her. Of course, she hated him but wanted to keep it hush cause she
was embarrassed by the whole incident. She didn’t want to let all the kids in school to know she was raped because she was too drunk.
She didn’t know how to handle her alcohol. She is only 15. She’s okey now thou but she’s not the same.
Just remember this rule as a woman and as you grow up. Men will do and say anything to achieve their goal…(SEX).
Women will do anything for the man they are crazy about to
reach their goal…(MARRIAGE/COMMITMENT). DO NOT LET A MAN ACHIEVE
HIS GOAL FIRST, UNLESS YOU ACHIEVE YOURS FIRST.
If you make this as a motto in your love life as you grow up, I promise you…. you’ll experience less heart breaks in your lovelife.
Any man who will not let you achieve your goal and doesn’t want to work for it, is not good enough to achieve his own goal from you.
Hi everyone. Resolve to edge in a little reading every day, if it is but a single sentence. If you gain fifteen minutes a day, it will make itself felt at the end of the year. Help me! It has to find sites on the: Staining bathroom cabinets. I found only this – bathroom cabinets plans. The doors feature a soft close lock and the counter top is even pre drilled for a faucet. Imagine never having to again wait for the steam of the bathroom to disappear from the mirror, or having to open the window, before using the mirror to shave or apply make up. Best regards
, Bianca from Iceland.
I liked very much this duo:
“6. Exercise.
7. Eat a lot of fat.”
Thanks for your article,
Paolo
i really need help.
im 17, and ive had real deep feelings for this boy i know for 9 months now. i mean, ive really liked boys before, but nothing compared to this. i adore him. i love everything about him. i’m willing to do anything for him, god knows ive already churned myself up from the inside out over how much i desperately want to be with him. he liked me too, we get with each other occasionally, just when we’re out and about with friends. at the beginning i was so happy, i thought “wow this is finally gunna happen for me” even after i was so wary of getting myself in too deep and getting hurt cause it had happened to me twice before. my friends were really supportive and they would talk to him and say ‘yeah go for it you two would be great together’
but he was so shy, and he was even gunna ask me out at one point and he didnt, and ive found this out through my friends. anyway recently i was at a friends party and he was there, and he was hugging me and stroking my legs and kissing me, and the other week he was acting like he was mine, saying he wanted me to come see a band with him, that he’d buy my ticket for me.
but then nothing ever comes of it. its like he just forgets about it after. and i know you may think the answers would be obvious, ie “hes just saying that stuff to you because he can get what he wants” but i know he genuinely liked me, and he wasnt gunna ask me out cause of a bad experience he’d had before with a girl who was nasty to him .
and this has gone on and on for months, and recently i found out from my best friend that her boyfriend was talking to him at the same party, and he said he knows i like him, but he thinks im annoying and hes just using me for what he can get, and hes going back to england to live in a week, and im so distraught i dunno what to do, or who to beleive, because how can he go from almost asking me out, and hugging me and kissing me, to saying something as awful as that, i just cant beleive that he would, hes so shy and sweet.
and it hurts me so much and i’ve cried for hours and hours on countless nights and im so angry at myself for getting into this position again cause i know i get attatched to people easily, and i love him so much, and i used to do whatever i could to make sure i saw him as often as possible, and my heart would sink everytime he wasnt in school, and if he didnt say hello to me i had to force myself not to cry
and even though ive thought to myself hes never gunna know what he wants, just give up, youve got over stuff like this before, just do it again, i cant because i see him all the time, and im going to miss him so much when he goes im not gunna be able to function, its been tormenting me for months because every week id get more attatched to him and i would know that the time for him to leave was getting closer and closer. but i cant help myself. i adore him and my misery cant be put into words. when he goes im terrified of what missing him will do to me, and i havent got the will power to think to myself ” oh its ok ill find someone else” because everytime i let myself fall for someone i end up a wreck, and it affects all aspects of my life. i cant do this anymore, and im still so unsure as to how he truly feels. i just wish my friend had never told me he liked me when he admitted it at first to her boyfriend. and ive reached the point where even if the nasty stuff he said about using me was true, i wouldnt care, id love him still anyway.
i can’t even type through my tears, and my chest and throat just burns with the pain of having to hide how upset i am from people because i just end up making myself look so naiive and stupid.
i have had such a difficult year ive argued so much with my parents and been kicked out, and ive been stuck in the middle of 3 groups of friends all fighting, and no ones had time to help me through this and i can’t cope with it by myself.
somebody please help me, just talk to me personally so i know someone is listening to what it feels like to be wrapped round someones finger. please
Dear Chloe,
Do you know for sure that he is leaving for England to live there?
When you are very certain that he is leaving for England, and he’s never coming back… just write him a letter. In this letter, just tell him good luck, that you and everyone else will miss him etc. DO NOT MAKE IT SOUND
DESPERATE. I’ll tell you why later. I did this once before to a man I was so much in love with. He left for the army. I was never going to see him again. Your guy isn’t going anywhere except England. Well anyway, I always
loved my guy. He was gorgeous as hell. We had a little fling but I’ve always wanted his attention. I was very needy. He suddenly lost interest in me, so I was so devastated until he left for the Army. The thing was, his family lived here in my city. I knew that one day, he will come back for a visit. I also got a hold of his e-mail address for some kind of connection. I was glad that I wrote him my letter. I attached all my phone numbers, address, e-mail address, etc. I also attached a photo of myself. It took me about 50 photos just to choose 3 that I sent with the letter.
I also left a scent of my favorite perfume in the letter. Please be sure to give this to him ONLY if you know for sure that he will be leaving for England. Give this to him on his last day at school or give this to him personally. Don’t sound too needy. If he likes you, he will get in touch with you from England. If he doesn’t, there’s your answer. He wasn’t into you.
Now, if he isn’t leaving for England…I could see what you are doing wrong.
I hope my advise for you will stick like glue for the rest of your life.
Men and women are very different when it comes to love. Men will say anything or do anything to reach their goal. And the goal is getting you in bed to have sex with them. Women ,in the other hand, their goal is commitment/marriage/forever together, etc. Our biggest mistake as women, is
that we easily give in to their goal without achieving ours first. If you do give in to men so easily, there is no chase. Men will instantly lose interest with you because you were not a chase for him. It sounded like you made it so accomodating to him for you being around so much. Where is the chase? Men are made like this. He needs to earn you, to keep you. If you make it so easy for him to achieve you, he will know that you’ll always be there for him. You must make yourself expensive that he won’t discard you.
I knew a man who took a long time to save up $45,000 dollars to buy a BMW because he wanted it so bad. Even thou in our eyes, the value of that car will plummet once he drives it off to his house. Cars depreciates. Well, until now… he still has the car and loves it, takes care of it.
You need to make yourself expensive so that you will be valuable to a man.
Let the man work hard for you before he achieves his goal. The harder he works, the longer he will keep you. If you give in to him so easily through sex, fixing his problems, making it accomodating for him that he doesn’t have to work hard on you… he will lose interest in you very easily.
Make yourself be the expensive car that he will bring home and keep.
Seventeen is a very young age to feel all these heartbreaks. I tell you that you will feel a lot of heartbreaks in your life time. Don’t make yourself cheap by easily offering a guy your body and soul. If you do, he will discard you just as easily. Be mysterious. Be confident. Be alluring.
Men love a good chase. They won’t admit it and say it doesn’t matter. Yes, it does matter. He will have sex with you for a couple of months, for a couple of years… but you will not be his forever. You will be his just for now until someone better comes along. His eyes will wander constantly.
He will look for the chase.
If he does e-mail you, don’t give too much information about yourself. If he writes you in one sentence, write him in one sentence. Only give him what he gives you. Let him work for you….
By the way, with my ARMY guy, I ended up marrying him 7 yrs later.
In the meantime, in those 7 years, I worked on myself…self improvement.
I dated. I met so many people and made so many friends.
We met up in Texas 6 yrs after his service.,… I was in California. He was on his leave from the war. He was enamored by me.But, he worked hard for me for a year that he asked me to marry him.
Good luck to you and let me know what happens..
yeah he’s leaving to go to university ):
thing is its not like i dont know him well, like i have his email address and mobile number and we talk alot, he always starts talking to me on messenger etc, and i wont lose contact with him, i know he’ll still message me and stuff from time to time, and he’ll come back to visit us all and stuff.
i’m mostly just upset about how i feel ive screwed up because he was so nearly going to ask me out . and now i dont know whether or not the stuff he said about just using me cause he knows i like him and that im annoying these days are true ! because i cant imagine him saying things like that he’s so sweet and quiet .
he knows a fair bit about me already, i mean we’ve been fairly close for 9 months now. i mean he knows lots about me as far as lots goes, because i dont tend to open up to many people about myself.
i just need a way to stop the agony i go through everytime something reminds me f him. like , he was online a few minutes ago , and started talking to me, asking me how i was, and my heart just stopped and this wave of dread came over me because i was just like “yeah im fine what about you?” even though im not fine ):
and he went offline suddenly and it makes me paranoid about how maybe he doesnt want to talk to me and is taking the piss basically.
you’re advice was good, its made me realise i need to modify the way i deal with liking guys. i need to stop being so outgoing, and i need to make them try harder. but sometimes its so hard for me. i just desperately want affection. its horrible.and i hate having to deal with it on my own. theres so many complications amongst my friends that have made everything so much harder. ):
Dear Chloe,
I understand how you feel. Your feelings are more extreme as a teenager because you don’t know how to control them yet. You have not had the experience of extreme pain yet. But, once you get over it, you will be stronger. As you get older, and more experienced with your love life, you’ll learn lessons of what to do and not to do.
The reason why I’m giving you this advise is because I don’t want you to go through the pain most of us women go through. I just hope that you will learn your lessons early in the game of love.
Have you watched that movie “He’s just not that into you”. That movie pretty much hit the mark.
You’re also pretty jumpy because hormones at your age is on overdrive. Right now, it goes through extremes. These hormones will be on overdrive specially before your period/menses…PMS.
The other thing is, if you are really depressed, I suggest you write a journal. Write down all you are feeling right now. Or if you’re too lazy, tape record your feelings, or video tape yourself. Sometimes, it helps to read back what you wrote a week ago. I taped recorded myself when I was crying when I was going through extreme pain.
I found out my first husband got someone pregnant. That was extremely painful, but i got over it. I didn’t die thou. I thought I would, but I didn’t die. You just have to accept the way you feel, and ride it out. Improve yourself. Pick yourself up, take off the dust from your mouth and start all over again.
Heartbreaks are very painful. If you can just stick with the basics as I’ve outlined from when I first answered you letter, you will dodge the bullets that is shot at you. It’s unnecessary pain that you don’t need in your life. You have a long life ahead of you. Be kind to yourself right from the beginning.Get strong right now, and stick with the basics so you don’t end up going through what most women have gone through. Don’t grow up too fast. You are putting yourself in adult situations…which leads to adult consequences.
If you are too crazy about your guy, calm yourself down. It might be that he’s just very busy and had to log off. Don’t show him how crazy you are about him. Keep it to yourself…
By the way, if you have too much love for you to give, why not adopt a cat or a dog where you can pour out all the affection to the animal that truly deserves it. Save something from d pound. Do a volunteer work at a home shelter. Or pour your heart and soul to your God.
God is probably just tapping you on your shoulder and saying, “Do you remember me?” Just pray to Him and He will guide you.
mmm, hopefully i will learn from my mistakes this time. i cant go through anything like this again. i haven’t seen that movie but i will make a concerted effort to watch it, i think it may help put things into perspective for me, in a lighthearted manner.
i used to keep a diary a few years ago, i used to write in it everyday. i think i may start one up again.
oh that must’ve been terrible, im very sorry for you, but glad that you were strong enough to pick yourself up like i hope i will be.
im good at keeping my feelings to myself, Ive had lots of practice. lol well i have three dogs and two cats so i think I’ve enough love to share with them for now. and also, I’m not religious, i don’t believe that there is any particular kind of ‘God’ as such, i think if there were a god, the world would be in a slightly better situation, much better than it is now, realistically.
my guy has a gig tonight. its his last one before he goes back to England. i wish i could go, but i have nowhere to stay, and i would be too upset anyway. its painful to have to see him and talk to him like everything is normal.
Dear Chloe,
I’m a teenager, too. Trust me, I know the feeling. The boy I’m totally in love with knows how I feel about him. We’ve been broken up for two months, & I’m still not the slightest bit over him. The other night, we were at a party, and he just started kissing me. Then he stopped talking to me, for two weeks, and told other people that I was crazy. I don’t understand, he said he loved me, and he’s the sweetest boy ever. He’s so cute and understanding. But hun, know you’re not alone. I know it feels like you’re the only one in the world experiencing this, but really, you’re not. There are many fish in the sea, even though it may not seem like it, and you two are destined to be together. You might think you’re going to marry this boy, and he’ll come crawling back. But just focus on more important things now. Maybe you’ll realize some bigger dreams you have.
It’ll be okay, I promise.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpse1Y5NH0g
LISTEN TO THE WORDS.
I am extremely broken hearted right now and I just don’t know what to do with my life. I just found out I had been cheated on this whole time and to make matters worse I have no chance with this guy, he has been indifferent towards me this whole time and I feel like a fool. I am extremely heartbroken and don’t know what to do. I feel like he is having the time of his life with all of his girls and meanwhile I am all alone and miserable. The pain is so deep I feel like crying all day even in public i fight tears. i have this inner anxiety now and sad feeling in the pit of my stomach. I know its over but I dont’ want it to be and I just don’t know what I’m going to do with my life I’m at such a loss. How long does this feeling last? Is it possible to get over someone if you have no one else to turn to?
Dear Broken,
Questions:
1. How old are you?
2. How long were you in the relationship?
3. How did you find out he was cheating?
4. Were you the one chasing him in the beginning of your relationship?
5. What is it that you want to happen?
6. Did you stop pursuing him right after you found out?
7. How much pain are you going to endure before you get the message that he is indifferent towards you?
To be honest, I’m confused of your situation. You stated, ” I just found out I had been cheated on this whole time and to make matters worse I have no chance with this guy, he has been indifferent towards me this whole time and I feel like a fool.”
All the questions I’ve asked you above, doesn’t really matter.
If you go back with this Jerk, what makes you think he will stop seeing other people?? If you go back with him, you just gave him every permission to think that it was okey to be unfaithful to you. He will do it time and again. This doesn’t make sense to me at all.
You stated, ” I am extremely heartbroken and don’t know what to do. I feel like he is having the time of his life with all of his girls and meanwhile I am all alone and miserable>”
Hey beautiful!!!!!!!! SNAP OUT OF IT!
HE’S A JERK! HE’S BEEN CHEATING ON YOU THE WHOLE TIME!
DO YOU WANT TO HAVE A THREESOME WITH HIM?
JUST THINK OF HIM PUTTING HIS MOUTH ON SOMEONE ELSE!
SNAP OUT OF IT! WAKE UP! HE DOESN’T DESERVE SOMEONE LIKE YOU!
There are plenty of gorgeous men in the world!
If you’re in the 20 bracket age and up, go to free seminars to meet men.
There’s a lot of gorgeous men who attend free seminars and most
are goal oriented, business oriented men.
There’s seminars that teach you how to be rich. Seminars that are networking and real estate seminars. Bring a calling card and pretend
that you are networking. You don’t necessarily need to understand the seminar but just a way of meeting guys. You can sit in the middle where there’s a guy in your left, a guy on the right, in front of you, and behind you. Wear a slight perfume. Ask questions to the guy next to you.
If you are in the younger than 20 age group…Attend classes that are geared toward boys or men. Join a photography class, auto mobile class, beer tasting class, etc. This way, you’ll be surrounded by men AND you’ll learn something that will give you common interests. Do you understand where I’m coming from?
FIRST THING FIRST! STOP CALLING HIM. STOP CHECKING ON HIM. Stop!
This guy doesn’t deserve you. You finding out was a blessing in disguise!
You should pat yourself on the back and say, “Whew! That was a close one! I almost wanted to marry him!” Can you imagine the extent of the pain you would’ve went through if you did marry him?
CUT THIS FEELING OF DEPRESSION RIGHT NOW! WHY WOULD YOU WANT HIM BACK?
What did you ever do to deserve this kind of mal-treatment?
Go to the gym, work out! Get a manicure, pedicure, a cute sexy outfit!
When you bump into him one of these days, you will see that he’ll regret
the fact that he missed out..ON YOU! FORGET THE JERK and LOVE YOURSELF INSTEAD!
Memories,
thanks for responding well here are the answers to your questions:
1. I’m 30
2. 6 years
3. I found long hair in his apartment that wasn’t mine, his female neighbor rang his doorbell late one night, he disappears on the weekends especially long weekends and doesn’t answer my calls. So i guess its pretty obvious he’s cheating and i’m a fool.
4. yes i was the one chasing him, i’m always the one chasing him and he says it pushes him away even more but i’m so afraid of losing him and being alone that i do it even more.
5, i simply can not have what i want its the most impossible thing in the world.
6. i wish i was strong enough to stop, but i didnt. i did momentarily stop but then i missed him.
7. i get the message loud and clear. i guess i always had a clue i just was in denial but im not anymore.
i know it sounds silly but he’s my first and thats what draws me to him. how do you get over your first? my other problem is that i try to move on but there are no men out there, they’re either unattractive or im unattractive to them or they are taken or married. whats a girl to do? i fear that i will be alone forever and im scared im truly scared. i dont know what to do anymore, i cant stand this loneliness and pain and feeling so low about myself. how long does this last? how do you make a clean break from someone and if you do how long does it take to get over them? i seriously need to know b/c i think its time for me to move on if not to another man then atleast to having absolutely no feelings for him b/c it hurts sooo bad right now.
Dear Broken,
I wish I can give you the easiest way on how to go about forgetting this guy. There is no easy way. I will give you a scenario.
Your heart break is the tide.
Have you ever ridden a tide at the beach? You’re just gonna have to ride the tide along to get you to the other side. If you keep fighting it, you’re gonna sink and drown.
Own your heart break right now. Feel it and own it. Make that as your lesson. Wear it with pride. You are not going to die from it. If you keep fighting it, and being afraid of letting go due to being alone… that’s not love. You are addicted to him. He’s like a drug to you. He is bad for you. You have co-dependency. When drug addicts try to stop their habit, they endure a lot of pain in the process.
That is what you’re doing to yourself. You are simply punishing yourself because you are addicted to this man who gives you so much pain. If you truly love him, you wouldn’t be afraid of letting him go because you want him to be happy. He’s cheating on you because you are letting him.
I just spent $49.00 on How To Get Your Man Back.
I’ll save you the money and tell you what the bottom line is.
YOU NEED TO BE HARD TO GET! I knew a man who spent years on saving $40 thousand dollars to buy a brand new BMW. He worked so hard to get the car that he loves the car. He still has it and takes good care of it. It’s precious to him. Why? Because he wanted it so bad that he
worked hard to get it. Now, I want you to be that expensive BMW.
A man will only keep you if you weren’t readily available for him.
Do not let the man reach his goal (sex) before you achieve your own goal (commitment & marriage). Men loves the chase. You didn’t give him the chase. That is man’s natural instinct. Give the man his game.
And why do you say that there aren’t any other men?
Did you even try? I did.. I even went on online dating. It was so fun. I MET 40 men in 3 months. I didn’t have sex with them. I simply just wanted to meet. It didn’t matter to me whether they were ugly. I just wanted to go out and fill my days. I was at a point where 4 men proposed to me. One was a motivational speaker. I thought it was intriguing because he was literally crying when I told him that I didn’t want to see him on our third date. This guy was very handsome, tall, ultra rich. I felt really bad, but it wasn’t there for me.
I had to tell him the truth. Mind you, I didn’t even have sex with him or anything like that. I was just hard to get.
And, it does work. Practice the art of flirting to anyone. So, you’ll be ready when a real man comes along.
I got this from Lynnette’s advice from the previous post.
It really helps.
August 11, 2009 at 1:29 am
Dear Kathleen,
I just want to let you know “I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME TO READ SELF HELP BOOKS”. I keep telling them that I’m not in the mood to read books right now. I’m not at that stage yet. I can’t concentrate in reading right now, etc.
BUT… I am sooooo very glad that I did read a couple of books that helped me through the pain. I swear by it and although I’ve read it, I carry it around, and re-read it to remind me of what I have to
do next. You can actually order a used one in Amazon.com
There are 3 that I want you to read. I’m swearing by it because it
will give you a new outlook in life of men and what you are going through.
1. The RULES by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider (this is old but very, very inspirational. I’ve read this at least 8 times)
2. The RULES 2 (printed in 1997)
3. It’s Called Breakup Because It’s Broken by Greg Behrendt
The author is the one who wrote He’s Just Not that Into You!
ACTUALLY, all these books are very inspirational and it’s a very authoritative book. Meaning, they’ll tell you what to do without
you making any excuses.
What I found out about myself when I was going through the heartbreak was that I NEEDED SOMEONE TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
1. CUT all ties. AVOID him if you could. If you have to see him, ignore him. Make him see that he doesn’t matter. Just act
Non-chalant about everything. Don’t let him see you quiver or don’t even look his way. CUT IT OUT! Why do you punish yourself?
If he doesn’t look your way, you’ll be more disappointed cause he didn’t look your way. If you see him coming your way, pretend you forgot something the other way. HE DOESN”T DESERVE YOUR PRESENCE!!!
2. DON’T LET HIM SEE YOU LOOKING PATHETIC! Don’t make any verbal contacts with him. Don’t talk about him to your friends. Let him wonder why you’re acting like he isn’t the center of your universe anymore. Look mysterious but alluring. Don’t badmouth him.
Don’t give him a reason at all to say to you,”That is the reason why I didn’t go back with you Kathleen.” Designate a very close friend that you can trust and talk about what you’re going through. Don’t let him see you sad, or funky, or not taking care of yourself.
3. DON’T YOU KNOW TO CATCH THAT PERSON YOU LOVE, IT’S ALL ABOUT
MIND GAMES. It’s all about strategy. But, you have to also realize that you can’t force someone to love you back. What did you want to do? What is your goal? You have to make up your mind of what you want to do. Do you want him back or do you want to go on with your life?
Pick which goal and work towards your goal.
4. PRETEND, PRETEND, PRETEND. Don’t let him see you sweat!
Don’t let him see your emotions. I don’t care if you bump into him, your heart will feel like splitting apart. Pretend you are happy! And cutesy bec. you are! Smile, then excuse yourself to the bathroom and grab your journal. Write all the cursing you can muster in your journal or grab the RULES BOOK and read it to remind you what you have to do. Just write everything in the journal. That would be your way of venting. I swear by it! I had a little notebook that fits in my purse. I wrote every emotion I felt. Maybe, one of these days you can read your own journal and give other women advice and write a book. I had a rubber band on my wrist. Every time I felt angry or in pain, I snapped that rubber band to remind me to snap out of it.
I bit the inside of my cheek too to remind me to snap out of it.
Find a way to snap you out of when you are having extreme emotions.
5. I AM TELLING YOU TO WORK ON YOURSELF! GO TO THE GYM, RUN, JOG.
I don’t care but just be active! Don’t be alone. Grab a friend to go somewhere. Learn a new sport. Learn a new hobby. Go horseback riding. Learn new things. I even went as far as changing all my ceiling lights into ceiling fans. It felt good to be able to accomplish something…. WORK ON YOU, YOU, YOU! I even built a Fireplace mantle from Floor to ceiling. It took so much of my time and I didn’t have time to concentrate on my misery. The fireplace mantle took me six months to build. But, it was an accomplishment by myself. I proved to myself I didn’t need him and that I could do anything.
6. Join a support group…. There are plenty of articles on Beyondaffairs.com on how to get over a broken heart. There are even audiotapes and they’re all FREE>
7. Go to the clubs and go dancing. But don’t drink and drive. Don’t go calling him at all cause you’re drunk. You will look pathetic and sound pathetic. Enjoy yourself. Flirt! I went as far as, I called
it “Lynnette’s Flirting Practice”. I would talk to any guy. I didn’t care whether they are ugly, fat, oily, cute, handsome… I didn’t care who I spoke with. I practiced the art of flirting. I practiced with the cops, salesman, janitor… It really made me feel good about myself that someone had my attention. When I talked with a person, I practiced looking into his eyes and made the guy feel like he’s the only person in the room I’m concentrating on. You know where that got me? Every time a guy see me, they would say hi and try to talk to me. Next thing you know, someone always wanted to have a deep conversation with me. It’s harmless but the practice gets you even closer to the RIGHT MAN. You’ll know what to do when the right man comes along…. And it was all a mind game. Practice, Practice, Practice….. But still, READ THE BOOKS I MENTIONED> The RULES BOOK
will tell you not to approach your potential sweetheart first.
What I’m tellin you thou, yeah… don’t approach your potential sweetheart but practice the art of flirting with the guys that you really don’t care about. I’m sure they’ll try to talk to you in front of your ex- boyfriend. This was what happened to me when they were both at the gym, and a couple of guys tried to talk to me in front of him. It felt really good. But please, if you want him back, don’t let him hear that you’re sleeping around. It will be bad for your reputation. Just date someone out of your city limits as much as you can. That would be your own little secret. Be mysterious.
i agrre with momeries all what momeries say is really nice i just agrre with momeries
Ok, I am 37 years old and have been divorced for three years. My ex-husband emotionally and physically abused me for at least 10 of your 13 year marriage. I finally wised up and got out of it and dumped him, which was the best thing I ever did. I told myself that I would never allow myself to trust another man as long as I lived, which was not the right thing to do. I have real trust issues and really did not want to date anyone, enjoyed finding myself again. Well, this summer at a local car show, I met a guy. He is a bit older than I am, but that was not an issue to me. He pursued me, texting, calling, etc. I was very cautious and not wanting to get too involved too fast. However, there was something about him that I could not explain. I let my guard down I think and fell for him. He was falling for me too. Then problems came forward with his ex-wife and kids. His kids are 20 and 18 by the way. Anyway, we had a rough patch for a couple of weeks and talked about it and I told him that I was willing to still take a chance on him if he was willing to take a chance on me. We went out to lunch a couple more times and had made plans for a weekend date, dinner and movies. Then the day of the our date, I get a text from him saying that he cannot make it work. We had just gone out to lunch the day before and had a great, great time. Laughing and really enjoying each other’s company, then I get the bombshell! I am absolutely devastated. No explanation other than it is not my fault at all, it’s his and he should have never drug me into his life. Well he did and the damage is done. I have lost 20 pounds, I don’t eat, I don’t sleep, I can barely make it through my work day without absolutely coming apart. I totally gave everything I had to this man and he threw me away like garbage. My mom and my friends say that time heals all wounds. I know that it will, I am just in absolute hell at the moment. I just want some closure. He left me hanging there with no explanation other than it was not my fault at all. He truly got to me, I gave him everything I had, I opened my heart, I trusted him, and above all, I let him in my life. I do not know if I will ever trust again.
VBH, not trying to sound cliche, but better now than months or years from now. Sounds like he’s fighting an inner battle within himself. Also sounds like he’s not completely done with his ex. But you DO deserve at least a detailed explanation. Or not. Maybe this text is all you need to know. I understand you having trust issues too (my STBX cheated on me), but don’t let a few a**holes influence your decision. There are still honest, genuine, forthright and trustworthy men out there. You’ll be fine. It sucks right now I know, but just be thankful this wasn’t like a 10-15 year relationship. Don’t waste your time with wishy washy people…
SOMEONE E-MAILED THIS TO ME AND IT HELPED. I JUST WANTED TO SHARE THIS WITH EVERYONE WHO NEEDS HELP RIGHT NOW.
Everyone longs to give themselves to someone, to have a deep, full relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly and exclusively. But God says, “No. Not until you are satisfied, fulfilled and content with being loved by me alone. I love you, my child. Until you discover that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will not be capable of human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with Me, exclusive of any other desires or longings. I want you to stop planning and wishing. Allow me to bring that person to you. keep on listening and learning the things I tell you. You just wait, that’s all.
Don’t be anxious and don’t worry. Don’t look around at the things others have or what I’ve given them. Don’t look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking up to Me, for you will miss what I want to show you. When you are ready, I’ll surprise you with a love more wonderful that you would ever have dreamed of. You see, until you are ready and until the one I have for you is ready – I am working even this minute to have you both ready at the same time – until you are both satisfied and exclusively with Me and the life I have prepared for both of you, you will not be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me. This is a perfect love.
And dear one, I want you to have this wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your relationship with Me, and enjoy materially and concretely the everlasting union of beauty, perfection and love that I offer you with Myself.”
“Please know that I love you utterly…”
“BELIEVE IT AND BE SATISFIED.”
Love, Jesus
Thank you so much for this. It really does help.
You’re welcome.
I’m marking today as the Beginning of My Glorious life.
I will trust God with all my heart and soul. When I need
a reminder in the future how long I’ve come in getting
better, and in healing my shattered heart, I will reflect
on where I started. I just have to look back on this page,
what took me so long in healing. I will heal slowly. I will
lick my wounds… It will be slow but I will heal.
I feel like dying, but I will not die. I already know that.
Today, God gave me life… He’s assisting me with my breathing.
I could feel Him, His love, His warmth… He’s encouraging me
to go on with Life. I have so much love to give. And I am
giving it to Him. He’s sustaining me, by being by my side.
He’s holding me in His arms… I could feel His Love protecting me.
He’s placing his protective shield around me. He’s considering
the people who’s hurt me, evil. They have nothing but evil deeds
in their hearts. He shields me from them.
Today, I’m marking the day of my salvation…my healing… and regaining
my strength from a broken heart. I will trust God with all my heart.
He knows what I want. He will lead a man that’s created from His eyes,
made specially for me.
so it was the relationship of my Dreams and evrything was Going Fine, i was never usually the Girl to Go Out with someone right away but i Did, when i met him. everything went well the only problem was that he was Hurt about how they Broke His Heart in the past and unfurtanatley i am Paying for this, we have Broken Up Six Times Three Times His doing and Three my Doing where i Dumped Him but bacouse of his Attitude, one time he got Drunk and Confessed to me how he was Falling in Love with me and that the Only Reason why he Treated me like he did and tried to keep me Away was becouse he was scared that i would of Hurt Him.the last time we spoke was when we Broke Up he said that he was just Fucked up and that he coudnt Date me Anymore, and well he probably will try to come back but what i told him was that Thankyou For evrything and that it was our final Goodbye and to not try to Contact me and Look for me. i am so Hurt By this. not that Much beacouse we Broke Up but becouse it was the night i decided to really end things in My Heart, i just felt so confused just a week before he had come to my Home explaining to me that he wanted something serius with me that i was Pretty,Smart and dedicated to my Goals and that he coudnt be so insecure but then a Week later the Same thing.there he went and Broke Up with me i know that he doesnt know if he has to Move and Doesnt know in what direction His Life is Going but Damn jajaja. anyways im trying as hard as i can to get over this and all this Storys have just Given me a little up-lift that im not Alone in this Situations. actually some of the problems here are even worse than mines. mines was just something Small and stupid and just plain insecurity but it hurts just as much.anyway just STAY POSITIVE LADYS, READ THE LAW OF ATTRACTION AND THINGS WILL GO GOOD DONT WORRY THERES A BRIGHTER TOMMOROW. AND WELL WHATS KEEPING ME ON TRACK RIGHT NOW IS THE SAYING THAT GOES. “if you Love something let it Free if it was meant for you it will Come Back”. God has a reason for evrything.
Okay I am embarrassed about this, please be kind.
I have one, and it hurts soooooo bad. I had already been abstinent for so long and vowed to remain that way. In Oct 2008 I met a naval veteran in a program for veterans. Any issue from homelessness to substance abuse is their specialty. Supposingly both our issues were unemployment. He’s 56, I am 35.
I thought because he was older, he’s be wiser. We hit it off quickly and the relationship became sexual. Here’s where its an embarrassement. We both were in a program, and shelter together. I landed a goverment job and a apartment. Soon after he landed a city job and I let him move in.We had already been dating 5 months.
Soon, I mean soon he began disappearing right when he got his check. I’d swear he was out cheating and I be home crying all the time. I didn’t get it, He was a grown man.I’m not ugly, I’m talented too I sing, make jewelry and design clothes. And with all this he still disappeared, half ass paid bills, and then started renigging on sex. But he wanted me to remain faithful.
Now replay these events 30 times and what I have is a cocaine dependent, bipolar, financially unstable, commitment phobic, 56 year old who still thinks he’s a player because I happened to be younger and fell in love with him.
Or is it love? Because I can’t shake this man. He has good qualities but he showers them on everyone else and they all think he’s as nice guy. I am the villian.
He knows I love him, and here’s the sad part. After getting laid off for two months because of a dirty urinalysis. I held down everything. He didn’t need any of his basic needs to be met.They hire him back and instead of paying me any of the money back, he dissapeared to get high and was gone for 4 days.
Aug 31, I had enough. I counted about 17 different episodes maybe more, not to mention I was solo on my b-day.
Yes, I am intelligent but I got caught up, I think it was the cunnilingus. Yep there it is, i said it. After a orgasm, I melted back into him and now I am paying an emotional price. Here’s the real piss off
I see him at work today, and he offer to buy me lunch and tells me how happy he is for me to put him and the bastard was offered a second job at a restaurant. So he’s gonna get him a rented room and live it up.
How did we rise from a homeless shelter to this cocky B.S. I refuse to love again
Wow!…and I thought I had a bad day.
First of all, I just want to let you know that each of us has our weaknesses.
Seriously!
To be honest, I let go of my cheating husband for a guy who was so much bigger than my husband. Even thou my lover at that time left to another country, I’ve always made comparison of what kind of lover he was. There was no substitute.
You already pointed out what the problem is. You love the way he performs this cunnilingus on you. Of course, he would be better. He had so much experience in years compared to other men. But, look at it this way… If you get a much better guy than your boyfriend who is 35 yrs old…You teach him how to perform this act on you. By the time your new boyfriend is 56 yrs old, he would be equal in experience as this loser of a boyfriend you have.
And by the way, why are you letting this guy leach off from you?
I’m from the outside looking in…and I would be scared shitless from what
he’s putting you through. What if he’s performing the same cunnilingus on other women, and you are here kissing the same on his mouth where it just came from another woman? Doesn’t that freak you out? He’s dirty!
Don’t be so blind. I don’t even know him, but it sounds like you’re getting a very dirty deal and you’re letting him get away with it.
I say, it’s a lot easier to deal with another man who you can teach such acts to. My advise is!!!! Run! Run! Run! Run away from this man before you catch AIDS or STD or whatever junk he brings home.
My lesson to you about life is “NEVER LET A MAN ACHIEVE HIS GOAL(SEX) BEFORE YOU ACHIEVE YOUR GOAL (MARRIAGE/COMMITMENT).” That goes with sex too…
If you let him keep getting away and leach off you, then… I really can’t feel sorry for you. People will only do things to you if you let them.
Hi, I am separated for 6 months and my husband and I keep going back and forth. He is bi-polar and continues to go from zero to maniac on me. Why do I still want to be with this man? I am 50 and he is 43 and handsome and built nice and our sex life is amazing. What is it that I keep going back to? I need to figure out how to move on and stop thinking of him.
Well, sounds like he needs his medications.
Does he have a psychologist or psychiatrist?
Why do feel like you have to deal with a bipolar?
If he loves you enough, he will seek the help of a professional.
Or are you typing it in a “figuritively speaking?”
Persons with Bipolar Disease is really hard to deal with.
And, he could be extremely dangerous. My friend got beat up
by her boyfriend who has bipolar personality. They’re in
the extremes. See if you can get him some help.
If he doesn’t get the help, tell him you can’t be around him
because you can’t deal with it anymore. When he is stabilized,
then you can go back. But don’t do it until he gets the help.
If he’s hurting you, don’t stick around until the next time.
There might not be a next time…
I lost a girlfriend of 9 months tht I didnt realize how much I loved until she was gone. The worst part is I know alot of my behavior due to depression and anxiety was part of it. We always had problems communicating and I feel like we never gave each other a real chance to connect. Now she is gone (and already dating someone new after only a week of leaving me) and all i can feel is razorblades and hot coals in my chest.
Eating is a chore and sleep provides little relief from my daily torment.
For the first time in my life I am trying to work on this alone and make myself a better man…as opposed to drowning my sorrows in the arms of another woman.
My 30’s have been hard enough without addiing this to it.
Now all I can do is try to pick up the pieces and heal myself and hope that within time I will be able to smile and love again.
I do hope you pick up the pieces. I was just talking to my nephew about this. He had a girlfriend for over 5 yrs. She’s so beautiful. Anyway, he got so tired of her nagging him all the time. However, he did treat her very well. He did everything for her until he got sick of her nagging.
They talked and he told her he was unhappy. She said she was unhappy too bec. he wasn’t motivated enough to do anything with his life. I think these 2 just had miscommunication with each other. She was pleading with him…but he just had it with her constantly on him about little things. Eventually, they agreed to break up.
Within a week, she wanted him back. He said he needed a little breathing room to think for himself of what he needs to do. Then…he wanted her back. She said “no”. She was playing too many games with his mind.
Within less than a month, she ended up with another guy. My nephew was totally heart broken. But, he kept his head on straight. I would see him cry at church. He was really very depressed. He didn’t show this to the ex-girl thou. He improved himself and went to the police academy. He started getting buffed up. He was fit but very sad.
The thing is, the ex- wanted to get a reaction from him by being with another guy that she hardly knew. She got engaged with the other guy within 2 months. My nephew kept his head on his shoulder and kept working on himself.. Then,… one day..the ex- girlfriend started calling him again. She wanted to be friends. My nephew said,”why would you want to be friends with me if you’re engaged with someone else? You have a fiancee now. Why don’t you talk to him instead?”
She informed my nephew that he was the only one who could understand her.
Now, she realizes the things he did for her. By this time, my nephew still loves her but refuses to be played a second fiddle. He told her in a very friendly way that he wishes the best for her. He realized that he knew he treated her well but she threw it all away by rushing into things so fast.
Now, she’s stuck with the other guy who she doesn’t love nearly as much as she loved my nephew. Her true love was my nephew.
The moral of the story is,… sometimes it’s best to communicate what you really want in the relationship. The ex- girlfriend was so hurt that she jumped right into another man’s arms. She didn’t take her time to figure out what she really wanted. She wanted a reaction from my nephew. She got the opposite reaction. He spoke with her again but this time, it was on a friendly note. He still wishes her the best. He truly is very happy for her right now… But, we also know that she doesn’t love her current boyfriend as much as she loved my nephew. She lost her chances with my nephew by not waiting. Try to heal and work on yourself inside and out. If you have to date other women, make sure she doesn’t hear about it. Because that would make you lose your chances of getting back with her.
Just show her you are a man of integrity.
It’s been 9 mos since my nephew broke up with his girlfriend. He is starting to date another beautiful exotic girl that we know and approve of. We all are cheering for him. Keep your head straight and just wait.
Don’t rush into another relationship. Be strong.
So this is how it happened to me. One night I went out withmy mom her friend and one of my really good firends. My mom was down amd out and she loves t dance so to cheer her up I went. That night ended up being the begining of the end. I meet the most wonderful man I had ever met. I even tried to ush him away because I see me loving him in a way that I had never experienced before, but the harder I tried to keep him away the closer we got. Eventually we told each other that we loved one another, we were inseperable. I even got on a plane by myself (I had never been on aplane before) a flew to another state to see him. He was in the military. This happened a few months after we met. We had a great time. I flew a week later we talked afews times and that was it. He then told me he is going to marry his first love, but in the same breath told me he loves me. I feel so broken he was the first man I wasb truly myself with. The first man I gave all of my heart. Now I find myself wondering why wasn’t I ENOUGH? What did I do or not do that made him just leave like that? We haven’t spoken since that was 8 months ago. I’m 23 and dieing of heart break!!
Hopeless Romantic,
It’s tough, isn’t it?
There are a lot of great advise here…just keep scrolling up.
What memories said made a lot of sense..
Don’t let the man reach his goal (sex), before you reach yours (commitment/marriage).
Women who are hard to get are the ones that keep their men.
The more chase or work a man has to achieve to get to you,
the harder for him to discard you. You made it easy for him
by going down to where he’s at. You should’ve made him work harder
and let him be the one to have visited you instead.
Don’t make it easy next time. In the meantime, keep busy by
filling yourself with whatever activities you need to do.
Write a journal. Go to the gym. Start dating again & just have fun.
There are over a million men in the world. I’m sure you’re gonna
find one or two more in the future. Take your time and lick your
wound. Have fun! Next time, just watch your heart.
Falling in love… all in the mind. Just let it go..
I’m telling myself the same thing.
PLAY THIS SONG! FOR THE BROKEN HEARTED. LISTEN TO THE WORDS.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dpse1Y5NH0g
My sister met her current boyfriend and his best friend at one of her gigs. She’s a singer. Anyway she told the best friend about me and he was excited about meeting me. I didn’t know anything about it at the time. She had a birthday dinner and that’s where I met the best friend. I was not really into him at first, didn’t feel any sparks or anything like that. I talked to him anyway and we started to see each other. He told me after a week that he didn’t want a commitment. Well I didn’t either at the time, so I was ok with it. We talked every day and saw each other twice a week. I started having feelings for him and really enjoyed our time together. We were very affectionate with each other and he was always giving me long kisses. Sometimes I had to pull back to breathe. The only thing I didn’t like was that I had to drive to his place all the time which was a good distance from my house. So sometimes I would spend the night. I was also trying to help him get a better job, because his job was not stable. After 2 months, I started to notice that he sounded a little cold sometimes. Our phone conversations and text messages were brief. Sometimes he didn’t text me back. If he didn’t answer back, I would wait for him to call me. He always would after a day or two. Then he lost his job. A week later my sister’s boyfriend asked her if i was sill seeing his friend, because he hadn’t mentioned me. I told my sister I hadn’t seen him that much after he lost his job. The next week I asked her if her boyfriend had said anything about his friend. she told me it would be best for me to move on. Then she told me one his friends had lost her house and had to move in with him. She doesn’t have a job either. And he met someone and thought that person was “the one”. My sister continued to tell me things about his relationship with the new woman he met and I was really hurt. My stomach is hurting so bad, that I can hardly eat. I did want to lose some weight, but not this way. I found all this out this past Monday and I sent him some angry texts because I was so hurt that my sister had to tell me the relationship was over. I have cried every day, but I know I will get past it. I have talked to him since then he said he was sorry things didn’t work out, and he wants to be friends. I told him I could not be friends right now, but maybe in time we could. I know I will see him again because of my sister and her boyfriend may get married. I miss him so much, but deep in my heart I know it would not have worked out. But I was not ready for it to happen so soon. Anyway I had to get this out, sorry this is so long. Starting today I am moving on with a positive attitude, because I know from experience the hurt will pass.
Lynnette,
What should I do ?
Okay, my ex, the one who got me to comment on this page,
leads me on.
Every night, he’ll text me and flirt alot,
or he’ll bring up memories. Then, the other night, I saw him, and he kissed me. I loved every moment of it. Seriously. Then, he went up north for a week, and didn’t talk to me for about two weeks. And I found out, him and one of my friends had a “fling”, but he never said he liked her, but she figured he did. And when I was talking to him, this past week, he denied everything. He said he had no feelings for her, and he wasn’t over me. But the thing is, he won’t tell anyone else he still has feelings for me, except for his friend.
And when we talk now, I try to act like I don’t care, but something about him makes me cave, EVERY time.
Help!
Dear Kathleen,
I know it’s very hard to resist. I know, I’ve been there. Done that.
But you see, he’s playing you for a fool.
Do you honestly want him back?
Or do you want to forget about him?
If you want him back, I know how you could do it.
I’m going to tell you step by step if you do.
It’s too long.
So, which way do you want to go?
Let me know soon.
But first of all, I have an assignment for you.
List down 10 most important things that you’d want your ideal mate to be.
Example: Intelligent, handsome, great lover, must be, etc.
etc. etc. Only 10 most important qualities you want in your mate.
Out of the 10 qualities,… PICK 3 that is a MUST HAVE out of the ten.
If number 1 is must be a nonsmoker, 2 is must have large (you know what),
3 is must be tall (about 6′2 or so), etc. What are the 3 MUST HAVES that you want in your mate. Now, if you look at the 3 must haves… does your mate qualify for these 3? If he is, is he worth fighting for and worth keeping? Ask these questions to yourself. Then, let me know.
If he doesn’t qualify… then, I’ll tell you how to forget about him.
I’m gonna have to write a book if I have to tell you each step.
Just let me know what direction you want to go?
By the way, why did you guys break up? How long were you together?
When i was younger i wrote in my journal all the things i wanted in a guy and today they are the same. I met this guy and it was too good too be true. We were best friends for 6 months and then we dated for 5 i beleive he is the guy for me. He always told me that he wanted to marry me and be with me forever. We just recently broke up becuase he says he doesnt want a girlfriend. He still things that i am the girl for him just not right now. What am i spoused to beleive?
I want him back.
But, I know that’s not possible, so I guess I have to settle for forgetting.
& We broke up because we fought all the time, and I broke up with him out of anger, and two hours later, I regretted it like crazy. We’ve liked each other for a year, but when he decides to go out with someone, It’s a HUGE deal.
Hi
I’m not qute sure where to start. I have been with my husband for almost eight years in january. We got married in March last year. We separated in Febuary this year.
My husband has always had a drinking problem, i guess when we first got together, i was so young and just was trying to be a good girlfriend, forgiving him and supporting him. The thing is, he really really is a wonderful person inside, so kind and giving. He is my best friend, he makes me laugh, cheers me up, supports me through any hard times i’ve endured except those he has caused.
I chose to be with him for the rest of my life, only last year. Before our wedding, he hadn’t drunk any alcohol for about 6 months. So our wedding day, despte the rain, was beautiful, full of love, potential, hope and happiness. He didn’t drink for about 5 months and then thought he had a hold of it, although you can neve have a hold of alcohol, cos it has a hold on you. that was when we started to go downhill again and i realised on our 6 month wedding anniversary, when he was out drinking the night before and i couldn’t find him till 2pm that day, that if he couldn’t take me into account of his choices yet then he prob never would.
He would go out and never come home, sometimes this has happened for days. He doesnt know when to stop drinking, he will until he passes out. If he does come home, he yells and carries on, calls me names and argues about nonsense. I actually begun to think that it wouldn’t be too long before he hit me. He was perfect when he wasn’t drinking, but so inconsiderate and disrespectful when he was. I have begun to wonder when he stopped loving me. He says he does, but sometimes i have just felt that he mustn’t.
I know alcoholism is a disease, but why couldn’t he just stop for me?
No one in my family really knew about the problem cos i was too embarassed to tell them i guess and i thought we could heal it ourselves. So when i left this year, we had to sell our house and iimoved to another town becasue my husband’s family dont live in our town and have never been very supportive of him trying to quit (they’ve always told him that he doesnt have a problem and if he just has a few, he’ll be right, these are ppl he looks up to telling him this so he gets complacent, and starts drinking and all our hard work goes out the window) so i let him live with my parents. The point of it was for him to see someone about his drinking and quit properly, the point of it was for him to realise what life of was like without me and make the changes to keep me. He knew this.
After i left, my family wouldn’t talk to me for about 6 weeks because they didnt understand and they blamed me for leaving. My older brother still barely speaks to me. My husband had all my families support and all of his (his family never believed we should’ve been together because i am white and he is indigenous and so half of his faily have always disliked me for that and have always tried to break us up), he had his friends telling him that there was no problem (it was like they thought it was a joke – our life together, our marriage hanging on him doing this one thing and they couldn’t even support him in doing it but instead just kept putting it in his face) and so he kept drinking. For the six months i was gone, he kept drinking. Now i do realise that this is hi fault and not all his family and friends but i am so angry at them for their complete lack of support – his friends, even when he is trying not to drink, will invite him places like pubs or for bbq’s etc where everyone is drinking and give him excuses to drink – he doesnt need much help for that, and i know that for someone with a drinking problem there will never be and end to the excuses or justifications. He needs to realise that too. I think he is beginning to.
We have decided that it is best for us to stay separated and not try again. The issues that i have now because of years of dealing with him, his family and his friends (who believe i’m not sociable because i dont drink as much as they do) – i have so much anxiety, sadness, hurt and somedays i’m not sure why i should get out of bed.
We are at the point where we know it is time to let go of each other, maybe not see each other or not talk but it seems a daunting task. I know i sound silly, because he has hurt me so much and i just have never learnt my lesson because i love him so much. Even he sees that he is not good for me – he said it is like i’ve gone to the races everyday and bet on the same horse who always loses hoping that maybe one day it will win and keep winning, but it just doesnt. He told me that need to learn my lesson. I know I do, i just dont know how to be without him, he has been part of my life for so much of it i can remember and i have planned a life, a future with him and it has just fallen apart in my hands.
I can see the place where i need to be, that is without him, but i just dont know how to get there. i dont know how to make it everyday without wanting to call him to tell him something funny and he calls me to find out how i’m going.
I recognise that i am still in love with our happy memories and the plans we had for the future together, he is in so much of my day and he doesnt know it, the music i hear, the conversations i have.
We have decided that if we would ever have a proper chance again sometime in the future, we need to separate fully now and try to move on.
I dont know how to do this? And i feel so lost.
You’re right thou. If you plan for him to ever change, you need to change your way of life. You need to give him tough love. In order for him to change for himself, he needs to completely lose you. Otherwise, you will live your life in misery. You know how the saying goes, “If you love someone, let him go. If it comes back, it’s yours.etc…”
Once he completely loses you, he will soon realize that listening to his friends and family is not the right way to gain you back.
In the meantime, you need to work on yourself. Pamper yourself to the fullest. Concentrate on yourself. See a counselor to help you get through this. Dealing with this by yourself is not going to work.
While you’re pampering yourself, focus on your future. Do something that you’ve always wanted. Hook up with old friends that you haven’t gotten in touch with. Try to go somewhere where you can’t bump into him.
Who says that you can’t love him? You can still love him but love him from afar where he can’t hurt you.
I’m going thru this right now but my husband has PTSD from the war.
Know in your heart that you deserve a better treatment than this.
Love yourself because if you don’t love yourself, who will? He certainly is not showing you love. It certainly shows that he loves his family and friends better than you. He lost respect for you and what you promised to each other…. Keep yourself busy. Go back to school and learn a new trade.
If you have enough money, go on a mini-vacation with some great friends.
Love life. Who knows, maybe you’ll meet someone in the process that who could treat you better than this guy is treating you.
good luck!
thank you. i am only 24 so i know i can still make a positive change now. i guess the hardest thing is that he is my best friend. i lost a lot of friends when i left cos they didnt understand, so i’m in the process of making new friends.
its hard to let go, cos he knows me best and i think of him everyday. even when i try to make the move to stop talking, my heart seems to yearn for him. i see tough love, i guess thats what i was trying to do when i left. i think he sees things more clearly somedays then me – like how i need to look after myself and put myself first.
i’m scared to let go and see him with someone else, because i always think that should’ve been me…
i have never been someone who justs lets the days pass by and see what the future holds, i have always wanted to plan but i cant really so much anymore cos i have no one to plan a life with and the makes me very sad.
i really want to be strong enough to let him go, i feel like i’ve lost all my strength in the last seven years and have none left now.
i’m trying to see the light at then end but its very scary when i dont know what exactly to aim for anymore.
I didn’t know that there’s a lot of people who’s heart has been broken. So let me start my story. I just graduated high school this year. There’s this girl who I like so much and she’s a year younger than me. Everytime that I see her on the school hallways it makes me smile for a reason and it seems like she stands out whenever I see her in a crowd. I didn’t even know her name, I was too shy to approach her and we didn’t have any class together. I always wanted to talk to her but didn’t have the courage to. I was checking my facebook and suddenly she popped out on one of my friend’s friend list. I was very excited so I added her. I even said to myself “Ooh so her name’s Erica.” I sent her a message regarding how me and her have the same interest about traveling to Japan and some more stuff. We actually went back and forth sending facebook message for 3 hours. Then I asked for her number and was shocked cuz she gave it to me. So we started texting one another. So we got to know each other. She told me that she’s Christian and they got their own church. So I went to her church. I never missed at her church, Sundays and Wednesdays I’m there. Back in facebook, her bestfriend added me. Me and her bestfriend kinda chatted and got to know a little about each other. Then she asked me why me and Erica are texting almost everyday the whole day. At first I told her that we were just getting to know each other. Then she said, “nope I don’t think so.” So I told her the truth that I have feelings for Erica. Then she was all pumped. I asked why, she said that Erica have feelings for me too and it put a huge smile on my face. I decided to surprise her by giving her flowers before church started. She texted me the night that I gave her the flowers. She said, “thanks for the flowers, it was very sweet of you.” Then we talked and talked. Then she told me that she have feelings for me to BUT is not sure if she’s ready for a relationship. So that was the first rejection. Broke my heart a little bit and I kinda cried. But I didn’t give up and we remained good friends but we know that we have feelings for each other. We texted each other all day everyday about what’s going on pretty much detailed story of our everyday. Then one day I decided to step it up a notch and started calling her at night cuz she’s in her room and she doesn’t want her parents to know that she’s talking to me. So I called her every night, we were doing great and having fun. Then suddenly one day she’s acting weird. I asked her what’s wrong and she said that she’ll just tell me more about it when we talk. So I called her and asked what’s going on. She told me that she had a conversation with her mom and her brother about who she’s suppose to be with. I was like “okay, so what’s wrong with it?” She told me that she was thinking, and said to me “I don’t think we can be more than just friends.” Right at that moment everything stopped, I felt my heart cracked. And I just hung the phone. I called her the night after. I asked her, “Why? Did I do something wrong? Did I say something wrong?” And she told me, “No you didn’t. You’re an awesome guy but I don’t think you’re the right one for me.” I asked her, “WHY?” She told me that she’s a strong believe and that she’s a spirit filled Christian and wants someone like that. I remember her telling me, “You’re a great guy, you came closer to me than anyone else, you got to know me BEST, but that’s all done, I’m so sorry, please forgive me for breaking your heart.” After talking I felt my heart being squeezed and twisted then I started crying. I couldn’t sleep nor eat. I was up with no sleep for FOUR days and I had no appetite and didn’t eat for a week. I started getting depress and my mind is distorted and don’t know what to do. I cried for days, because the days that me and Erica talked, it’s almost like a relationship. We texted each other all day everyday, talked every night. All the fun memories and good times are now gone.
Helpp!
The guy I’m in love with and loves me just as much and have been going out with for a year suddenly changed his feelings for me for no reason last week. I had been broken up with him all summer but I still hung out with him every waking moment. I’ve talk to him and he told me to move on because he had. So, I went about moving on the wrong way I went and madeout with one of my guy friends who I don’t care for at all. Well, this made my ex jelous and now he’s mad at me and yelling at me. At a football game a couple of nights ago he got this girls number and she broke up with her boyfriend for him. Now I think my ex likes her and that they’re going to get together, when my ex said yesterday he was going to give me another chance. There’s another football game this Friday and I really want to go to see my friends but I don’t want to see him with all these other girls when he promised he would hang out with me. This isn’t his kind of behavior at all, he’s usually so caring and loving, and he still is to everyone else just not me! I don’t want him to get over me, I tried to months to get over him all summer and I didn’t get anywhere, but now he likes another girl and it’s not fair. Now I’m stuck all alone while he’s going to be hooking up with chicks while I sit and watch. This isn’t the man I fell in love with and I don’t know why he’s acting like this.
Con someone please help me before my heart just dies all together.
Why do you feel stuck, all alone?
Who says you can’t go on a date too?
Why wait around for him..? Keep busy and do some stuff with your
girlfriends. If you go to the game, you’re just setting yourself
up to a total heartbreak. Don’t go there.
What’s so important about a game that you can’t hold off until
you’re a lot stronger? You’re heart is more important! Right?
I say it’s better to be alone than having a huge heartbreak.
Loneliness? Or Heartbreak?…. Loneliness? or Heartbreak?
Which one would you choose? I would prefer lonely.
Lonely… you can do something about it.
Lonely… you can go to the clubs, go to a movie with girlfriends.
You can hang out somewhere. Go shopping.
Heart break…. that’s another story. It HURTS! You can’t do anything
about it. It stays with you no matter what! It really, really hurts!
It takes months, and sometimes years to get over it.
So, which one would you choose? Lonely or heartbreak?
I’m giving you the same advise as I did with Brooke:
When a man tells you, I don’t want a girlfriend right now is because he doesn’t want you as his girlfriend right now. It’s a nice way of saying, you are not the one for me because I’m going to look for someone better than you.
In order to reverse the problem, you need to do a few steps.
You agree with him that you need to break up. It deflects the situation from you. He’ll start thinking, “why does she want to let me go. I’m a great guy” Then, you stop calling him altogether. STOP TALKING TO HIM!. He’ll start saying to himself,”Did I just make the biggest mistake, or what?”
He’ll start thinking, “Wow, why isn’t she chasing me? How come she’s not calling me?” Give the gift to yourself by letting him miss you.
Make yourself priceless. If you start questioning yourself and having self doubts… then, you start chasing him…, you just set yourself up to the biggest mistake in this breakup process. If he valued you before and you start chasing him, you would lose your own value in his eyes.
You become cheap and pathetic. Don’t call him. Don’t pass by his house. If he loved you, he will not do anything to hurt you or lose you no matter how old you are. If you were priceless, he won’t say, “wow… she’s so priceless. I’m going to break up with her. Maybe, later…. I’ll get her back.” No, he won’t say that. If he valued you, he will keep you. He will do everything in his power to keep you in the relationship because he wouldn’t want any other guy to have access of you. Do you understand this?
Stop wondering about him and get on with your life. Focus on yourself. Focus on a project. Focus on licking your wounds. Let him wonder about you. If you cut him off completely, he has no choice but to wonder if he made the biggest mistake of breaking up with you. He’s probably not all that worth it, but we all tend to want something we can’t have. And, he’s enjoying himself because you gave him all that power. Take that power back from him… I’m telling you, he will value you more if he thinks he lost you forever…. Why did he come back around this time? Was it you who initiated it again after you tried to get over him or was he the one who started chasing you again? Why do this to yourself? Hang in there. Ciao.
ok well i haven’t talked to him in two weeks and I’ve been trying not to think about him but he’s always on my mind! All I want to do is call him and tlak to him and try to win him back, but considering he’s telling my best friend that he hates me and doesn’t want to waste anymore time fighting for me , I don’t think calling him is a good idea. I just don’t know how he could say he hates me when we were trying to make it work a week or two ago but fought about something that happened 3 months ago! He said he’s moved on, but he’s said that before many times when he didn’t mean it. I don’t know if he’s telling the truth or not anymore when he says that but I don’t know how he could move on when he fought for me for 4 months, and loved me a couple weeks ago… All I know is that I hate this feeling of not knowing what to do and what’s going through his mind. I really do love him and he reallyyy did love me alot. I know he’s tired of chasing me, but I don’t know what to do with that. I mean should I fight for him? He’s always fought so hard for me, it just feels unfair for me not to fight for something I love so much. But what if he really does hate me? I don’t know how he could hate me, (even considering the past), after all we’ve been through together, you know? I don’t want to loose him I know that, and I don’t know whether I have or not. I hate this feeling of how my life is without him, I’m heart broken and I don’t know what to do! Please help
Get angry… We all deserve better than this. I honestly did nothing wrong… I’m left with hurt, and shes careless…. I deserve better than her, I deserve somebody who is as committed to me as I am to her. And so do all of you.
Love opens us up to pain, but we cannot close our hearts. Our minds often try to justify the unjust actions of our partners… but the blame lies with them. Move on, don’t let them have the satisfaction of their misdeeds tarnishing your heart. Replace love with anger, until you don’t care enough to be angry anymore…
WE ARE IMPORTANT, and if they don’t see it, they’re not worth shit.
i like ur idea . God bless u we cant always be fools. if a guy can be faithful , dena woman SHOULD have no excuse for being unfaithful.
hello everyone, im currently in a almost 2 year relationship. my girlfriend and i always fight upon little things. and worst of all she takes almost everything out on me. almost everyday im heart broken, it hurts so very bad.. ive tryed letting her go but i keep taking her back. i just dont know what to do anymore. any help?
Well, if you feel that you deserve to be treated without respect..then, I guess stay with her. If you want respect and to be treated right, then have a long talk with her. You need to talk with her in a calm voice and be mature about it. If you can’t do this, write her a letter saying how you feel about the whole situation. If she doesn’t respect this about you, why stay? I’m sure there’s a lot of women searching for a respectable man like you. You see, PEOPLE WILL ONLY DO THINGS TO YOU IF YOU LET THEM.
If you keep letting her do this to you, she’ll probably do this thing for the rest of your life. How old are you?
And, depending on your age… find out when her menstrual cycle is.
Stay away from her 3-5 days before her menses. She’s probably having her pre-menstrual cycle when a woman’s body is full of whacky hormones. This cycle will make her more sensitive and emotional, and short tempered.
But…. still not an excuse for her to argue and put you down all the time.
Be good to yourself, cause obviously she’s not treating you well.
Imagine having to put up with this kind of crap for the rest of your life with her. Think about it!
Ok, so as I was reading all the depressing comments and life stories about break-ups and broken-hearts, I started to think about my own case of heartbreak that made me look up this site in the first place. I meant a man that was 14 years older than me (oh, gosh just writing this out really helps!). I meant him at my niece’s graduation, something told me to just give it a try when he asked for my number…along the line of just getting to meet him, I found out he had 3 children and at first glance, I was like, hell no! But I decided to give it a try anyway…the first night we hung out, I had sex with him (how sad I thought, but I could not resist). As things proceeded over the summer, I started to really appreciate him for having his kids as a big part of his life and I started to accept them as well. I started to pay for things a lot because I seen that he was a hard-working dad and I really cared for him and didn’t mind taking up the bill. Then it turned into me taking up the bill every time we went out…like it was getting ridiculous, but at the same time, I just continued paying. I am 23 now, but was 22 at the time I meant him. I just came back from teaching in Africa and graduating my Master’s program. I really thought I was a catch. I told myself that he should really value me, Im young, giving, and headed in the right direction. I dont know around what time the relationship (which was never declared) started to slip—>scratch that, I do remember, it was the time that I told him I was going to Seattle to visit a friend because I already booked the flight prior to meeting him, I was still going to go. I spoke to him everyday while I was in Seattle, I even told him how much I missed him while my male friend was around I thought that when I finally arrived back, I would have all of him because he would see how much he missed me…as weeks went by after I returned, we were watching one of the many videos I had produced on my computer…he decided to click through all my videos and found one (that I did not even remember being on there) of me and my friend in Seattle…my friend was aggressively grabbing on my ass-lol I thought, this couldn’t get any worse, but it did, ishy (the guy i am talking about) got really upset at the site of this and accused me of sleeping with him. Although I didn’t even give my friend in Seattle the slightest pleasure in kissing me, ishy still believed I was lying and had sex with him. Anyway, that slowly passed away, and we continued in the relationship, but the way he started treating me began to change. Ishy started getting comfortable with yelling at me and talking to me any kind of way. This was only my fault because I continued with him, so he thought it was ok! I started to feel like I was at the bottom of his to-do-list and I started ti doubt that he was just seeing me. I am a very loyal person, if I am involved with someone, thats the only person I am with at the time. But I guess that part of my package and personality meant nothing to him. I had recently got kicked out of my mom’s house and he told me it was ok to move in with him until I found a place of my own (big no no). Ive only lived there for two weeks up until today and things went downhill. Yesterday while he went to the shower, something told me to take a peep at his text messages…what I found was what I suspected (its like you get what you look for) but I say if you were looking for it in the first place, that means it needed to be found because it was there! But there were several different texts from different women saying how much they missed him. another one was talking about how wet she was and etc. I began to pack my things and as I rapidly did, my heart slowly begun to sink at the bottom of my stomach. For the whole day I couldn’t even function…I told him why I was upset, he denied it and acted so nonchalant about the situation! I was even more surprised that he didn’t even stop me from leaving. He didn’t even call or text. I guess he really didn’t have to because this whole time, I guess I was the one chasing after him. I felt so stupid…how can I be so blinded that the man really didn’t want me–looking back all of his actions adds up to this! I guess love blinds you just as they say. Anyway I talked to a good friend and even prayed because I was so devastated. I even popped back up around his house, which is around the corner to talk to him. He just ignored me and left the house to drop off his daughter. Once he got back he didnt even speak to me, just played madden down the basement with his son for 2 hours. I kept thinking to myself, why the hell am I here, why did I come back? I guess it was because there was o response from him, that I had to go back and get a reaction out of him because this would have let me know that I was worth something, but there was still no reaction out of him. After he finished playing his game with his son, I confronted him while he was in the bathroom. I asked him when was he going to talk to me about the situation, he said he wasn’t, I was like why not, he said he had nothing to say. I asked him f he wanted me to move up and he bluntly told me yes! I said why he was treating me like this and he said I never should have went through his phone! I blocked the door to the bathroom as he tried to leave, demanding that he talk to me, he literally almost made me fall over as he pushed through me with force to exit. I said nothing but started to pack the rest of my things, overwhelmed with the feeling of hurt and his nonchalance as he went to tell his son that he wont be back until late (because he worked at a bar) and dinner was on the stove, I just walked out the door and didnt look back. I cried last night and I was not able to sleep, thats why I found this website and decided to tell my story. I can’t let this get me down forever, he wasn’t my soul mate (who is?)…we all think that its just one person out there for us, but I think one person is out there to just prepare us for the next. Although the times I described above are more of the hurt times in the relationship, I defiantly had fun with ishy, he was a very funny man and I valued his loyalty to his family. He just wasn’t loyal to me and I am becoming slowly ok with that. Ouch my heart still hurts a little, but I can’t sound like the depressed people on here about not getting over relationships for years, now that makes me just want to give up all hope! I won’t! There is someone out there better for me, he just has to cross my path, but in the mean time, I know what I want from a man (someone without children) and what I don’t want (someone that is irresponsive to my feelings and not up front with theirs)…good luck to everyone that is going through something close or worse than my story, as for me, I’m taking it one day at a time and I am moving forward. Lets stop looking in the past!
Love you all-
I met this guy at work and it almost felt like something just happened at first sight. From our first conversation I do not think either of us could get each other out of our minds. After that I could not wait to see him every day and I know he felt the same way. I know we would always make sure we said hi to each other when we first got there and bye before we left. Then conversations started happening, grazes of the hands or arms just so you could get that oh so small touch and he would do the nicest things for me and payed attention to my likes and dislikes. Then I was informed he had a girlfriend and not only a girlfriend but a girlfriend he lived with and had been together with for 7 years. After awhile I approaced him and said how innappropriate it was what we were doing. The flirting had gone for just flirting into feelings and either we needed to stop or do something about it. See I had nothing to loose but he did. After that conversation it was just full speed ahead I guess. He started contacted me via the internet and I would ignore it or tell him would couldn’t talk because of her but after a point I just couldn’t do it anymore and we starting talking outside of work. Nothing happened during this time but now I know that even that is a form of cheating. About 2 weeks after we had the conversation he broke up with her and we started hanging out 4 days later. I had fallen in love and so had he. He told me with in the first couple of weeks and he had fallen so hard for me that it was me or no one. I had a planned vacation and went on it and at that point being out of town it make me come to the conclsuion I felt the same for him. I swear if I could of jumped on a plane early I would of in a second just to see him. Everything was going great we were moving along in all aspect and really starting relationship it was perfect until…Someone in his family had an illness and they thought they were not going to make it through the night of course he called me to let me know he had to go to the hospital and be with his family. I understood we only had been dating for about 6 weeks at the time and I had met his sister but no one else so I really had no place there, but he also called his ex and she came right to his rescue. That whole week I just tried to be there for him in anyway I could he was so distant from me I did not know what to do seeing as this was so early on but I held on and kept going. After that week passed he apologized for how he treated me and we moved on from there and everything was perfect until I got the “smothering” talk. I didn’t understand where that was coming from but I took it and gave him his space and of course he came back. See the one thing I didn’t know is a week prior to that I need my “space” talk he had slept with his ex I found that out months later. We were good for awhile after all of that had happened. Everything was going great he was telling me he saw a future with me, he wanted me to meet his family and he could see himself marrying me. Then BOOM out of no where he breaks up with me. We tried to hold on to it for awhile I guess or maybe I did and he really wanted it to work but it didn’t. In the end he told me he missed his ex and now is back with her. It has taken me awhile to accept I have done nothing wrong and can’t compete with 7 years and that I couldn’t of done anything from keeping this from happening but, why break up with someone of 7 years get right back into a pretty serious thing and then go back to what you left. My heart hurts so much sometimes I can’t even breath. Funny I have been single most of my life and never really had a problem with it but now being alone is like a very bad nightmare that I try to run away from. See we are both in our 30’s so know games needed to be played. I don’t know if they will work out so sad that half me wishes they don’t. But how can you do that to someone. I let my gaurd down for him because I belived that what he was telling me was the truth. I let him in my life. Now he is back in hers. My friends are great but I do not know how to get through this. After we broke up we still slept together for awhile and kept in complete contact for over two months while he was trying to get back together with her and not to mention we see each other every day at work. I know he wanted his cake and eat it to and was selfish. But how can you fall in love with one person put go back to the other. Is it comfort? Did I do something? Will they last. So many questions! But the pain is the worst. I feel for all of you and what you are going through. Feel free to comment postivley or negativly about my story it’s out there for you all to read.
Hello. I am confused. I was with a guy since January and everything has always been great. Well I noticed a couple months ago of some changed behavior in his attitude and reactions and slow responses to text messages. I caught him a couple times with illegal drugs, so I assumed to maybe talk to him about it because I thought he was cheating on me. Well, approximately around that same time I fell off the back of his 4-wheeler and fractured my vertebrea while he was driving it on his property. I was in extreme pain and he was drunk and did not seem to care. He made me pick myself up and hop back on the 4-wheeler to get through the woods to his house. Still, he never said sorry and slept in the other room because I was crying and in extreme pain. The next morning I drove myself to the ER. Still had mud all over me too. It seemed like everything changed really quick because he was extremely very very nice and concerned about my accident AFTER I told him I went to the ER. My friends are saying probably because I won’t sue him. Well, he is a chiropractor too. You would think he would be more concerned about my back injury when it did happen. Well…its been 8 weeks since my accident and I still am hurting. He has been blowing me off again. And today I am mentally mind fucked because I just found out he has been with his ex-girlfriend for the past couple days. I just am lost now. I have texted and tried calling him and no answer. If he doesn’t want to see me anymore I wish he would be an adult and not a coward and let me know. It feels like I just got pushed off the side of the planet for no reason. I know I need to get my mind off him….but it is hard to when I am still having tremendous back pain I think of him….Like I said I feel mind fucked! ;-(
I am really so very sorry for you.
At this point, you should be very angry! How dare he just leave you alone there in pain!
If this was me, I would get a copy of my doctor’s bills, and get a copy of all my medical records. You should start a daily diary of everything you experienced during the accident. If the accident occured at his property, he has property insurance. They will pay for your medical bills. If you don’t take care of this right now, who will? Forget about your heart for now!!! Think about your future. Think about the countless things you may never ever do. You need to cover this now! Get a lawyer who will settle this for you. Every time you have pain, you need to record it in your diary of what kind of pain it is. Try to recall what type of bodily pain you suffered right from the beginning. The lawyer is going to need this diary.
In the meantime, heal yourself physically. We are talking about your whole life ahead of you right now. What if you need a surgery in the future?
Do not worry about him right now. He is too obvious that he doesn’t even care. What in the world are you doing wasting your time? You’ve already broken your back, what other sign do you need? I don’t know how but
the small info that you provided us is that he is a complete jerk.
Cover yourself financially, honey. Don’t let this creep get away with
this. You don’t deserve this.
Reading everyone’s broken hearted stories is actually comforting. Having a broken heart fucking hurts.
I am 22, and have been with my boyfriend for a year and 8 months. We are each in our first serious relationship and i never thought i could love someone so much. We have spoekn to each other every day since we first met. So a couple of months ago a friend of my mums asked me to housesit for her for a month. i was completely excited and so so pumped to be able to live with my boyfriend for a month. see how we go when we are breathing down each others necks every second of every day.
so i had grand plans of making him dinner and watching movies every night and inviting people over that kind of thing. on our first weekend in the house, he was working late on the friday night. i rang him to see how he was doing alone in the office, seeing if he’s alright. he was at a party. a work function. i asked him to come home then, seeing as he doesnt have to do his work now. and that im waiting for him and his dinner he asked for was ready. and he said “yeah, ok. ill see you soon”. he never came home. i fell asleep and woke up at 2am and he wasnt there. i rang him and found out he went home with some random backpackers and slept in their hotel room. i flipped ,thinking he was dead or something, and told him i was coming to pick him up, whereever he was. so i got him from the city at 3am. i have never been so angry in my life. Im still in shock that he was able to just forget i existed and not even ring me to just tell me he didnt want to come home! i would have found something to do if id just known he wasnt coming home. so i gradually got over that over the next few days. and he told me far in advance that he had a nother work night out the next week. i was fine with that. means i knew he wasnt coming home, and i could just relax and see my friends. when he came home the next day i asked him how his night was. tell me some stories etc etc. (i secretly was slightly suspicious about his night out because he was very vague about what he was doing and who he was going out with). and he caved and told me he was out with those backpackers again. only this time, he confessed that that includedt hje extremely pretty foreign girl who’s been doing work experience at his office. i put two and two together and realised he was with her the week before as well. this is the moment my heart broke and it hasnt been any better two months later. he went to her hotel room and played some stupid ‘beer pong’ game and had ‘SO MUCH FUN!!”. i am so heartbroken that he couldnt have invited me out too.
he told me straight out that he liked her. and it was her last day in the country and he told her his feelings. it said it made him feel better to get them off his chest. she rejected him. saying “you have a girlfriend. i only like you as a friend”. and i believe that that is what happened. but the fact is, he was able to be attracted to another girl.
i still cant understand it. ever since then, i have been so paranoid and obsessed with him and what he is doing and who he’s with. I have completely lost all trust in him.
hes had more work functions since, and i havent slept a wink when he’s been out. once more he didnt ring me when he got home. and his phone was off and his mates said they werent with him and i just freaked out.
i have become this insecure, clingy, needy, obsessed girlfriend and i hate myself for what ive become. i was never ever ever the jealous type before and i would never have thought he could hurt me so bad.
you’d be thinking that the most sensible solution would be to break up. we said it. i think it all the time. it hurts so much just looking at him. but long ago we planned a 7 month long backpacking trip through asia. so we cant really split up. its all booked and paid for. im just hoping things will be better once were travelling.
i cant wait for the day when i can put all of this behind me.
The girl of my dreams just broke up with me last week. She lives in Atchison, Kansas. She just suddenly did it. We’d been seeing each other for 2.5 years and it was a complicated relationahip. She was the most incredible lover and my best friend. Getting married was always our goal and the night I bought a ring for her I was going to tell her I was ready to get married. With ring in my hand I knocked on her door. She wouldn’t answer the door just kept texting me to go away and to get off her property or she was calling the police. She even said I was obssessed? That really hurt. I left as she wanted but she broke my heart pretty bad. I left her the most sorry-ass voice mail and all I got was a text that said, “Final warning. Contact me again and I’ll call the police.” My attempts to contact her are over cause now after only emailing her twice and leaving her 1 voicemail she’s threatening to file harrassment charges against me. EVen sent me a warning via registered mail. If me going away makes her happpy that’s just something I have to accept. It was just so sudden and so out of character I feel like she died. It really hurts. My best friend and lover is gone and I don’t even know why. What did I do? What possibly couild have changed in 4 hours…from the time I last spoke with her and she was fine? How does someone move on when they have no closure? I wish I could hate her for doing this to me.
i posted before… but have since learned a light bulb went off in my head. I feel i gave up my husband for my children who are 20 and 22. He has told me how disrespectful they have been to him in the past and I never seen it. I always took up for my kids (not his) and it caused a huge wedge in our marriage.. he has anger issues and got help for it. he constantly asked me and even cried to me to get the boys to help do things around the house. Well he no longer lives at home. I am now feeling the disrespect that the boys gave him and i feel i gave up my marriage for some bratty boys.. i have since told my husband that the lightbulb went on and how i feel that i now believe him…. we both go to counseling at the same counsellor and we have appts coming up. I dont think he trusts me in what i say cause i tell ya, i never sided wtih him before so why does he think i would side with him again.. the counsellor did tell him last time that even if he moves back in, most likly things wont change.. that is a true statement.. but now that the light bulb went off in my head, i realize that i was the cause of his anger wtih my boys… you know men.. they all have big egos and these 3 do.. so now i feel i lost my husband over my bad decisions…. how do i get over knowing that i was wrong… he has not said no he doesnt want me back..but he doesnt respond when i say i want him back home.. he said no guarantees.. i know he is on line talking with other women and also texting them now.. so i might have lost him for good over my damn bad behaviors and not seeing things for what they really are.. i am struggling with this and i am very depressed and cant stop thinking of him….. how do i move on knowing i made this terrible mistake..
My story begins in april of 2009, i started working at a restaurant during that time i wasn’t looking for love i was actually looking for some place to work and make money, also around that time i just got over being a alcoholic and drug addict for 4 years so it was very hard for me at that time and still is to this day, and you have to understand im also going threw depression. so on with the story it was around this time i met [amber] someone that changed my life, since then i mean she brought joy in my life for once when ever i seen here i felt like i haven’t seen my friend in years that’s how happy i was, we dated for about a month but i already was in love with her.. until someone else came in the picture and ruined are relationship, another guy who she cheated on me with and then things went down hill from there, when i found out about it my heart broke.. i felt as if someone kicked me in the stomach, i got mad and tried to fight this guy and it made things worst’ it was around the month of june 2009, when i quit my job because i couldn’t take it any more, also you have to understand that amber and this guy worked their as well. if i stayed their believe me it would of just got worse, you know i really loved her and still do to this day’ but i know she’s still with this guy and i don’t know how to deal with it anymore, i never told anyone about this until now. i often have thought’s of suicide’ i can’t take the pain anymore, i just don’t know what to do i feel like going back into drinking. i lost all hope i tell myself it’s gonna get better but every day it’s the same. someday’s i often wonder if i will be here next week, like i said before i just don’t know anymore. i wanna thankyou for sharing this painful story of my life’ as i try to figure out what the future holds for me.
It has been 6 months since my partner of 9 years decided to end it. We always had an off and on relationship, but i absolutely adored the ground he walked on and always thought that eventually we would end up together forever. We never lived together as he seemed to constantly have excuses not to. I just thought that it would work out and we would end up living together. We spent every night and day together. Well one weekend he didn’t call me on the Saturday nor the Sunday. Finally got onto him on the Tuesday and he told me he met someone on Saturday and he was now with her. He just stopped all contact with me..BANG just like that……I heard that she moved in with him two weeks later and they have now been living together for 6 months. At one stage he wouldn’t let me move in as i had a dog…..Since found out that her dog lives there with them. I am absolutely shattered….I have two children and have been with this guy since they were 6 mths and 3 yo, he hasn’t contacted them either, they are hurt they loved him and adored him and thought of him as a father. He is so cruel and i don’t know what i did to deserve this. I guess I just wasn’t the “one” even though he told me every day that he loved and adored me. I am confused and dont think i will ever recover from this….still cry most nights, just can’t get out of this dark dark tunnel. My friends say that it will take time and I smile and work everyday and no one knows that inside i am a mess. When will this feeling end?????
I need some help dealing with this pain that I am feeling.
Good morning Everyone:
I am 34 years old with 4 children which 2 of them are with a guy I’ve been with for 9 years. This guy came into my life when I was 24 years old & coming from a very abusive relationship. I thought he really cared about me until he started making comments about how if he were to strike it rich that I wouldn’t be in the forefront with him. I’m not the type to be on the red carpet is what he told me. I still stayed in the relationship because in my mind he’s telling the truth. I’ve always heard by men that I was unattractive and so although it hurted I felt that it was true. Well I stayed involved with him because he would always show me a good time & I never was required to pay. However, I do remember him always wanting to have sex with me when we did hang out. I just feel into position because this is the way I’ve always been treated. Good enough for sex but nothing more.
He’s never formally introduced me to his family (mom, dad, siblings,etc). They live up north & we live down south. He has his own place now & I don’t have a key to it, but he’s forever had a key to my place & have lived with me & my children. While he lived here, I can count on 1 hand the number of times he’s paid any bills. He has a 4 BR condo & the children that he has with me has never even spent the night there. The only time he comes around me is when he wants sex or for a need. He constantly tells me that no one wants a woman with children only for sex.
Yesterday, I told him to leave my home & to never come back. I told him that when I call, he shouldn’t even answer & just let me move on. He claims he loves me, but I’ve NEVER seen this in action. He says he LOVES his children, but I suspect it’s the ones up north because of the many things he does for them. I can go on & on & on about this guy.
I need help with the following:
1. Calling – I call him numerous times a day & he may call me once
2. Crying – I am constantly crying over him as if he’s a major loss in my life, but that’s not the case. I want to get strong & somehow I’ve lost that.
3. Moving on – I want to be able to move on & stop thinking no one will want me because I have children.
4. Self esteem – I need to know how can I get this back. I feel like I’m not in control of my life anymore.
Hello Everyone,
I’m 29 years old and I am still suffering from a broken heart that happened back in January of this year. I guess you could say my story is a little different from everyone else’s and I hope you all can understand and help me with some wonderful advice. I need it!!! So this is how it goes. I have been with a few men in my life and have always been curious about women. So last year in May a friend of mine introduced me to one of his lady friends who was 22 at the time. We both where attracted to each other instantly and I at first wanted to be friends and than go from there since I have never been in that type of situation before. It was all very scary but exciting at the same time. She on the other hand had already been with a lot of woman so for me it was very intimidating since I didn’t have any experience in that field. As some time passed we started texting more and talking to each other. She was always very busy with work and I rarely got to see her maybe once every few weeks which was very hard for me. How are you supposed to get to know someone like that when you rarely see them?? Anyway, at times I would call and text her and than hear nothing back for days, which confused the crap out of me thinking “Ok, I guess she lost interest”. But than days later out of the blue I would get a text saying “Hey, what’s up” or “I Miss U”. It was very confusing for me not knowing what to think. I started to really like this person and my feelings grew stronger towards her. As time passed we started getting a little more intimate but never went all the way. I guess in every relationship their has to be an aggressor and in this situation neither of us where and I had hoped she would reach out and lead me the way since she had that kind of experience. But that never happened. So after a night of hanging out and having some fun & taking it to another level. I thought for sure we would go all the way the next time. Well come to know that a few days later I get a text from her telling me that she moved on and met someone else because things weren’t going anywhere between us. Wow, that was a shock and stab to the heart like I have never felt before. After all this I had gone through depression, anxiety, my drinking picked up and felt like such a fool for falling for someone like her. After a few weeks she Instant Messaged me a few times to see how I was doing, than after that we hadn’t talked for months. I have tried my best to let it all go because she wasn’t worth it. I pretty much have but also within the time frame we had talked a few times to see if we could re-connect as friends. I can be the type to forgive and forget but there is only so much I will take. Well each time we agreed to meet up for lunch she decided to cancel on me and tells me “how about next week”? I had to hear that a few times from her and finally asked her what her problem was?? She never would give me a straight answer and that’s what drove me crazy was that she wouldn’t communicate with me. All I wanted was the truth and if she changed her mind about being friends, than ok just tell me and not leave me wondering? So about a month ago we met up for lunch, can you believe that? Wow, we both where nervous but it went well, she even had the nerve to flirt with me. I thought the meet up went well and we both had a good time. A week or so later I text messaged her to see if she wanted to meet up again but of course her excuse was that she was busy with work and told me to call next week as she should have some free time. Ok, well I did call & left her a voice mail and text messaged her and never heard back from her till this day. So it’s official that she was playing games with me all along. It’s a shame that people are like this when all you do is be good to them. I also think it’s the age. She needs to grow up and not be so selfish and conceded. I’m going to be 30 I don’t have time to waste and play games!! Turns out later that I find out that she can’t hold down relationships for a long period of time. After the excitement is gone she dumps them and moves on to the next. I am glad that things didn’t work out with her and I am sorry that I had ever met her. But at the same time, I think she came into my life for a reason.
Hello.
For the first time in my life I am going thru heartbreak.
I met the guy online and he spent 1½ years hitting on me while I pulled back – I always knew that if i let it happen it would take on extreme proportions. A year ago I agreed to meet him for the first time, and within 3 hours of meeting we shared our first kiss. Everything felt so right. We had a long distance relationship where we spent approx 1 week out of 4 together and in march he moved to my country to be with me while he waited to start uni (he is 10 years younger than me)The next 6 months were amazing. We just clicked on all levels and I have never been in love like this or had this much fun or this great sex. It just felt so right! Time came close for him to start school and I went back with him for a few weeks for family functions and to see common friends. He was telling ppl that in a year we were hoping to get a place to live together. So I went home, happy that I had found true love. We spoke on cam every day, ate together and just hung out as b est we could. Then he got distant, he would forget to contact me as promised and when I asked what happened he told me on one occasion that he was with a girl and he had had so much fun and didnt want to ruin that by calling me. I was hurt and angry and he said he couldnt talk coz he needed to think. A week later he dumped me. Said he needed to focus on school. That is a week ago today,and then yesterday I got an email from him asking how i was and saying that he cared(i havent contacted him at all in that week). I wrote him back saying I cant be his friend and unless he has regretted his choice he needs to leave me alone so i can move on. I dont know what to do. I cant eat or face the world. I only leave my flat to walk the daog. I stay in bed all day crying my eyes out. I try to make new connections, but in reality the only person I want to see or talk to is him. His mum thinks hell change his mind, but will he? and if he does, how can I ever trust him again? I went through 13 years of hell with another guy and coz of him i have no friends or network- my new guy was my world and my rock. I just want to sleep and not hurt. any advice?
It says that there have been 1,398 responses to this blog, and so I guess I’m 1,399. I guess we all may have a turn to sign this wall at some point…
Its been 10 days since my beloved said she doesn’t want to be with me anymore, and I’m still devistated. I know somehow I’ll get over this, but I have to say never in my life did I expect that the end of a relationship would bring so much agony and dispair. A whole week of work was wasted because I wasn’t able to focus on anything else. I couldn’t get more than 4 hours of sleep a night for the first 5 days and even still I wake up a couple times a night and stare at the ceiling for half an hour before I can fall back asleep again. I was a complete mess last week. I could barely eat, I felt like my muscles wouldn’t move. I was sort of shivering. And I could go on just about how I was physically affected, but the point is that every aspect of my life had been impacted by this sudden change of events, and it’s emotionally taxing. I hope this feeling doesn’t last too long…
I did manage to maintain my dignity and respect throughout the whole thing, I did everything right and that in itself will help me get through a lot of this. I wish a lot more of that went around though. I feel undeservedly disrespected myself. I do still have questions, and I do still wish I understood more about why this desire to be without me came about, and I wish SHE thought I deserved enough respect to tell me that. But now, I guess I have to move on…
Goodbye Jessica, we had a lot of great times together that I hope I will never forget. In that sense, I think that you probably still feel the same, and for that at least I am happy. And although I still think you are crazy for throwing away such a wonderful relationship, I wish you good luck in all your future endeavors. But now I must say good bye Jessica. Jessica, Good bye…
Respectfully,
Damian