Male Girdles and Designer Vaginas
While women find new and exciting ways to augment their bodies in the pursuit of perfection, male girdles are flying off the shelves with a flurry not seen since jorts.
Although women have been harnessing themselves in with metal, wires, whale bones, laces, straps, tubes, ties, cups, and padding since some uptight dead guy decided nipples and hienies were offensive, the delight of casual masochism is a new entree in men’s fashion.
Designers normally consider it to be an edgy season if tuxedo lapels are expanded a daring centimeter, so you can just imagine the surge of ecstasy coursing through the fashion world right now at the prospect of this new male wardrobe necessity. And it’s not just male girdles: there are special t-shirts, shaper shorts, and briefs with panels. I love the innovations the obesity epidemic inspires! There’s nothing more exciting than discovering a beer gut under that control tee, right ladies? And I know all you men who’ve experienced the unfortunate dupe-du-muffin-top are with me on this.
But for women – as usual – it’s even better. Forget hair extensions and chemical peels. Forget mani-pedis and Brazilian waxes. Forget spray tans and the sewing on of extra (tinted!) eyelashes and the dying of hair and the insertion of plastic breasts. Even your mom gets Botox and lipo. That’s all just basic maintenance. Designer vaginas? Now that’s actually taking care of yourself!
Vaginoplasty has been used in medically-necessary cases (such as where giving birth has damaged the vagina or in the event of accidents and injury). And for some women with abnormal genitalia, cosmetic surgery like labiaplasty has enabled them to be more comfortable, enjoy better sex, and feel more confident. I think that’s wonderful (and who wouldn’t?). However, vaginal cosmetic surgery – often called “vaginal rejuvenation” – is now being used by women who believe their hoo-hoos are ugly, too plump, or the “wrong” shape. Even more bizarre, many women are having hymens artificially created for revirginizing. But perhaps most disturbing of all, the sweet sixteen rhinoplasty habit of affluent families is old news. It’s all about indulging your teen girl in her quest for a trendier jay-jay because that’s what they do on Californication. As if women weren’t already worried enough about their breasts, buns and thighs, doctors report that psychological anxiety about genitalia appearance is a growing problem. Medical organizations are now issuing warnings.
Blame the internet, blame porn, blame the sexualization of American girls, blame objectification, blame parents, blame our culture, blame airbrushing or HDTV if you like, but what should we do? The old “birds and bees” talk is apparently going to need an overhaul.
Wow, I can’t believe this is real. Maybe Blame Doctor 90210.
It’s truly shocking what people are willing to do to themselves in hopes of finding their self esteem.
My background is mostly in theatre, so I’ll chip in on this with that in mind. Eve Ensler had a good thing going with “The Vagina Monologues” and “The Good Body.” Too bad the mainstream media promotes her primarily as a radical or sensationalist; though I find her work rather over-wrought at times, people seem to have stopped taking her seriously all together, which is a shame. This post is a reminder that there are many devices in motion that serve to undermine womens’ body self-image, and women in particular must constantly be on guard against them.
I’d rail against the patriarchal systems in place, too, but then this comment would be too long and disjointed…I have no idea what can be done other than encouraging partners (male or female) to support women in their fight against marketing and commercialism. That sounds pretty cheap, though…but I think that lack of support is the cause for these insecurities taking charge.
Ha! Sounds like another 12 Step program might be just around the corner… Britney will probably be first in line lol
The best post title ever. Haha.
I’m guilty of the occasional padded bra during certain events, and I tried the Oil of Olay Microdermabrasion system before I found out the company tested on animals. I may even get botox if I ever find myself in a financial situation to do so (and can get over the guilt of knowing that the $400+ could feed a lot of homeless people).
But nobody’s whacking on my vajay-jay unless I’m giving birth or having given birth calls for it!
‘Revirginizing’. Oh dearie me.
You can only get laid for the first time once. But it seems some people have “found a way” to turn back this particular clock as well. (Heh. Who doesn’t want to?). But, sadly, denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.
(Sorry).
There’s one thing that it’s easy to forget, with all this going on.
Perfection is *profoundly unsexy*.
It’s the lopsided smile, the curious dimple, the dented nose that people find they can’t stop thinking about. Physical ‘imperfections’…..look at that statement. Look at how it’s got loaded with all that negative baggage. But then look at what it means.
Going trendy in anything is moving towards the average, by definition. And, like, duh, who wants to be, like, *average*?
When you’re a teen, you just want to fit in. But adults should know better.
Never seen a vagina I found ugly.
^ LOL @ Jim
Great comments guys!