Mental Giants
Our English language often makes no sense, filled with double-meaning pitfalls and sound-alike quagmires. The fact that most of us master it makes us near-geniuses. If you’re feeling stupid today, improve your mental outlook by reading the points below and congratulating yourself on your language agility. That you can understand this mishmash makes you remarkable.
- We’re told that the English language reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.
- We have noses that run and feet that smell.
- There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
- Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren’t sweet, are meat.
- English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.
- Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
- Writers write, but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham.
- The plural of tooth is teeth, but the plural of booth is not beeth.
- One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
- You can make amends but not one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
- A vegetarian eats vegetables, and a humanitarian eats . . .
- People recite at a play, but play at a recital.
- We ship by truck and send cargo by ship.
- A slim chance and a fat chance are the same, but a wise man and a wise guy are opposites.
- Your house can burn up as it burns down, you fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm goes off by going on.
- When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
yeah, you can drive down a parkway, but you park on a driveway.
a dromedary is an acting school for cows. i always heard mention of the un’s kafi annan, but what i heard was “coffee- anon” so i thought it was a support group for caffeine addicts. if a male bovine swallows a hand grenade or stick of dynamite, what one word best summarizes the situation? abombinable! do you beg me to stop?.. no! don’t! stop!!!