Pumpkin Positive…More Medical Slang.
Call it what you will – politically incorrect, inappropriate, or maybe even down right rude – but you really have to laugh when you come across the creative ways in which health professionals describe their patients amongst themselves.
For example, the term pumpkin positive describes someone whose brain is so small that a penlight shone into their mouth will make their empty head gleam like a Halloween pumpkin. As a nurse, I’ve run across my share of ‘pumpkin positive’ patients, as well as numerous LOBNH (Lights On But Nobody Home) patients.
These terms are easily banded about verbally by health professionals (to each other) but these days seldom written down. After all, imagine trying to explain in court an acronym such as TTFO (Told to F*** Off). Apparently one quick thinking doctor, put on the spot, managed to explain it away in court by claiming it meant ‘ To Take Fluids Orally’.
More acronyms and medical slang that wouldn’t look good on a patients medical notes include…
CTD – Circling the Drain (patient expected to die soon)
GPO – Good for Parts Only
UBI - Unexplained Beer Injury
DBI - Dirt Bag Index (number of tattoos x number of missing teeth = number of days since last wash)
Digging for Worms – varicose vein surgery
Departure Lounge – geriatric ward
Handbag positive – confused patient lying on hospital bed clutching handbag
Further lists of medical slang can be found here and here.
Again, this is so hilarious… and again, I’m going to be worried the next time I’m around medical personnel!
When I was stationed at a recruit training center,in the PT dept we had an actual “turkey” stamp, for “positive gobbler” sign (they were faking to get out of training)
Oh man, I shudder to think about the medical personnel slang in my area….
Fear not…there’s only a very small percentage of patients that are ‘honored’ with medical slang. And usually it’s well deserved.
Paul, I’d imagine the military has some extremely entertaining slang of it’s own…
Gabrielle, a braver person than me might want to take on the medical slang in your area of expertise…me, I’m going to leave well enough alone.