Top 10 Reasons Men Don’t Want Sex
Yes, it’s true, ladies. Sometimes even us males are not interested in don’t want to have sex. As it turns out it’s one of those “It’s not you, it’s me” deals. Classic! From WebMD:
- Medications. Antidepressants (SSRI-type) and antihypertensives (blood pressure medication) are often the culprit when a man has a lowered interest in sexual activity. These can also cause sexual dysfunction.
- Lack of sleep. When a man is in his teens or twenties, the opportunity to have sex will often overwhelm the desire to sleep. This is often true also when a relationship is brand new. But, as people and relationships age, sex can lose its compelling nature and a good night’s rest can be quite tempting.
- Hormonal levels. The most important physiological stimulant of sexual desire is testosterone. Many men are mistakenly sent to have a blood test for total testosterone when low libido is the issue. While that information might be interesting to know to have a full picture of a man’s hormonal levels, knowing the free testosterone level is much more relevant to how much sex he desires. Also, too much prolactin and SHBG (sex hormone binding globulin) can suppress sexual desire. So when a hormonal reason is suspected, these are the blood tests to have (in order of importance): free testosterone, prolactin, SHBG, and total testosterone.
- Identity issues. When men feel uncertain about their role in the world, their desire for sex can dwindle. Depression may be linked to this, but isn’t always. Identity issues can crop up when: he has issues at work or is out of work, faces the death of an important family member, becomes disheartened about a formerly held strong belief, and questions his understanding of his own sexual orientation — to name a few.
- Turn-off to aspects of the sex. Some men will turn away from sex rather than have sex that is not fulfilling to them. Lack of fulfillment can be related to specific things that his partner does during sex or how he experiences his partner’s body. He may feel criticized or treated unfairly. It may just seem like too much “work.” He may have sexual interests that he knows or fears his partner may not share.
- Disagreements with one’s mate. When there are interpersonal difficulties between the members of a couple, many men will avoid sex or just plain refuse their partner’s advances. Some men punish their partner by withholding sex, but for others it’s not a matter of punishment, they just cannot muster sexual feelings when there are unresolved conflicts.
- Stress. Stress comes in many forms and may stem from: financial difficulties, personal or family member illness, challenges at work, parenting dilemmas, and issues involving extended family members. Of course, there are many more sources of stress.
- Masturbation that replaces partnered sex. This is a hot topic since the advent of the Internet. It seems to some researchers in this field that many men who might not have sought out other sources of visual sexual stimulation (magazines, videos, movies) have found their way to locate sexual imagery online. For some couples, this can be a dilemma, particularly when the viewing of the images leads to masturbation, that then leads to less partnered sex. Less partnered sex feels like a blessing to some, but to others it is a frustrating and disappointing outcome.
- Fear of intimacy. Some men have relationships with their romantic partner that resemble that of siblings. The contact that they experience in their relationship takes the intimacy level up so high that adding sexual intimacy on top of that feels like an overload. Though it may be difficult to imagine that a person could have too much intimacy, it is the hunch of many sex experts today that this is a very common cause of declining sexual frequency in couples.
- Difficulties functioning sexually. Many men who have an erection dysfunction or believe that they ejaculate too soon — or too late (if at all), will avoid having sex with their partner. Rather than face what feels like another experience of “failure” in our performance-obssessed culture, these men choose to avoid being sexual at all.
they don’t want sex because they are getting it somewhere else!!!!!!!!
I don’t think that getting it somewhere else really reduces men’s sexual interest. I agree above that it is more effected by the things in the relationship. I’m not sure I agree with the masterbation assumption either. It always seems to be more of an option when the partner is not available or interested. On thing that is not really addressed above is the communicaiton needed to openly discuss each other’s interests. Men can be concerned that things they are interested in will be seen as weird by their partner. It doen’t reduce the interest, but even though their partner may think its fine or like it, they are afraid to bring it up.
I’ve been going out with a man for just over 12 months.. we did not sleep together for the first 2 months; it took me a while to work out ‘his style’… I never was particularly confident with him… now we hardly ever have sex ( he avoids it) it makes me angry (he knows it) but I’m sure he masturbates (goes solo) I know he likes online erotica/soft bondage images ( I hate him looking – makes me feel even worse) I’ve tried to accommodate some of his tastes.. (dressing up & H.J.’s) but he still seldom initiates sex… but get this! He wants to marry me – has insisted on it, in fact – and I’m not really happy to. I divorced my last husband because of an unsatisfactory/boring relationship. I wanted a lover! Now I’m about to get… ‘just another husband’ (yawn!)
Don’t get married! I have been in a marriage for years now that has the same issue. My husband never pusues me and never wants to have sex, and many times I have iniated and he has said no. I find him a selfish and boring lover, but when you are married, you made a commitment to be faithful. If you get married, and this issue is already there, it will only get worse, and then it will be divorice number 2. Jump now and save yourself the heartache!
I am in a relationship with someone I am ready to let go of…..like in the next week! He sucks in the bedroom, and loves what I give him! He enjoys getting, but wont return anything unless I ask him too. I am just tired of dealing with him. It’s ashame. He worries about his body, 6 packs stomach, all of these superficial things that just don’t even bother me! His goal is to have this perfect body, but for me, it is like, What is a perfect body, when I can’t get on the receiving end to enjoy what he’s got! He isn’t the biggest down below, and he is insecure about that, but I am glad that he is not that big, because it is easier to take in orally. It is just a big mess, and I hate that I even started talking to this man. I think I am more frustrated at the fact that I am trying to figure out if he is gay or not. He doesn’t act gay, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t gay. Truly he has been a waste of my time and gosh, I have asked him “Is it me? Are you not attracted to me?” he says “No it isn’t you.” So of course, I think that it is something else. I don’t know…….could be down low gay man, or just doesn’t like sex, but he does masterbate. So maybe that’s it. JUST VERY FRUSTRATING and I am BORED OUT OF MY MIND!!!!!!
What about a man who don’t want sex because his wife (who is on contraceptives, but there is always a risk) told him that she is totally against abortion and having a child is the last thing in the world he wants?
Men are very lucky. They have a whole assortment of goodies to indulge in, whereas us ladies have nothing of the kind. My ex told me he just wasn’t that interested in sex but he was on the net every other night banging one out over pics and videos of ladies getting more than me! F**k that! Seriously – ditch the boring dude buy a vibrator, put on 300 and sleep with a bunch of random, gorgeous men to satisfy your urges.
hi,just had the same experience as tanya.the guy i had been seeing for 6months never wanted sex.said he didnt need sex to be in intimate.he attracts gay men wherever we go and he doesnt mind when they sit beside him and rub his face.i asked him was he gay and he went mad,i said because he wasnt intimate with me that maybe he was gay.he doesnt really want to talk to me now.i think i hit a nerve with him.
I have been in a relationship for 5 years and we are in our mid lower to mid 50’s. When we met six was hot and good. Now when we are together which is only on weekends because of his job he enjoys us just being together and doing things. Yes I enjoy those things too but I want some intimacy like we had when we first met. It was so hot and good. I ask him if it is me and he says no it is him. I asked him was he watching porn and getting himself off and he says no. I am not stupid but I am lost. Could it be his age and not wanting sex?
I have been with a guy for 5 years. It was hot and heavy at first. We have’t had sex in 3 years. He tries to get me off but then he is too tired to do anything. I tell him I want some intamacy in our relationship but he says it isn’t me it is him. I told him that he can’t keep giving me the same excuse he has been giving me for the last 3 years. He is either looking at porn, doing someone else or just really doesn’t have the desire. I have been there and don’t wnt to go there again. What are my options?
Hey guys!
Chill out!
I’d been with my husband for a few years before i wondered why in the hell he would’nt (not couldn’t, in my head) have sex! I did the usual, bought the outfits, surprised him. He could raise a smile but the rest wasn’t in him! physically or emotionally in him! Do you know how that feels! What I found out, i will share… he worships the ground i walk on.. he loves me but… SSRI’s (anti depresants) are the evil culprit.. it can’t be helped.. they make you non sexual! don’t be afraid its not you! he still loves you.. till he comes off the drug you have to wait! If you have any better knowledge than me i’d be must grateful! Help me find my way back!
i have been wit my man for almost 4 years now.we were highschool sweet hearts. he has only had one other partner other than me. and for me he was my first….when ever he wants sex he gets it. its been like that for 2 years now. but when i ever want it…he just pushes me away.im so scared that were just so young and never really had experiance with other people. i was fine with him being the only man iv been with untill he stoped giving a dmn bout my needs!now i find myself wondering what its like with other men…and iv tried telling him and he just says he has alwys been like that and i knew from the getgo and that im trying to change him….is this normal for a young couple thas been together for 4 years?
Omg Hilary Bob, its the same with me…Im married and my husband had one other partner before me and he was my first. I tried everything dressing up etc and things will be good for awhile and then no sex for like weeks…It will be 8years that we have been together and we have been having this problem for the last 2yrs…I dont kno what to do i talk to him n then things get good n then back to boring again…i feel like this problem will make me end up leaving him in the future and that really scares me.please help ?
this may sound awful to say but im so glad theres someone in the same boat as me.lol im wanting to study counsling….so im always trying to figure out the problem and how to fix it…and the main thing i think it is …just a communication problem.BUT!!!!!!!!! it makes it so hard when your the only one trying to fix it. you have to have ur partner want to try too…and thats were i get stuck. we can try and try and try but if they dont want to try ….then what do we do? and i think it extra hard for us because this is our first time even being in a sexaul relationship and every problem that comes up we dont exactly know how to handel it cause we have never been there….but i totally understand where you think it could result you leaving in the future…i think the same thing and it scares the hell out of me….
Hi! Im hillary bobs husband and why can’t i have sex every single night of the week? Well im in college where i have to write ungodly amount of reports. And i also work 40 hrs a week. Just to let yall know. Um for the readers out there as a relationship progresses ’sex’ will not always be a number 1 priority for a man. Yes sex in a relationship is very important, don’t get me wrong, but there are other things that in life that matter more. Waking up and going into work knowing that your next paycheck is already spent is very depressing and in my case im going to school to be a detective which is going to start me out at damn good pay. Knowing that my family will never go without is more important to me then my own selfish desires. Thanks.
I truly believe that men are more “revenge and anger” motivated than ever before. I don’t know when having a job and responsiblities became a sex killer! Men have been supporting women for a long time. Now we are working to help support the family and we are still not getting any. While a wonderful man, my husband is dealing with anger and grief from a horrible prior marriage and I’m the one suffering for it. The bottom line is people… HAVE ENOUGH COURAGE TO LEAVE! Fear keeps us staying. Fear keeps us complaining. Fear wastes our whole f*&^%%*ing lives. I’m not going to become another number.
At 42, I’m giving it til the end of the year and if I have to I will start over and go out and get something proven to keep you healthy, happy, looking younger, and just plain feeling great. SEX, SEX AND MORE SEX…..
I think Hillary’s bob’s husband need to get that stick out of his butt. Trolling her posts and responding to them is a low blow. My husband and I have been together since HS as well. Our sex life is fine (I was linked here by a friend a mine, so no sex issues from this side).
The simple fact that your wife seems to think you have a problem with your sex life, is a problem. You seem to denounce any and all opinions about her side of it immediately, just look at your own post.
Where in her post did she say finances (etc) didn’t come first? She didn’t. She simply said she was tired of having YOUR needs met, but not her own. Pretty selfish of you to a) have that attitude, and b) to not even address the issue with her. You should be taking care of HER needs as she is taking care of YOURS. (If you were MY husband/wife, I would obstain from sex until you understood that life is all about YOUR needs…it’s about OUR needs)
I personally see no problem with having sex more than once a week with my husband IF we are both in the mood. IF NOT, then it doesn’t happen. With two kiddlings running around, obviously it’s not too much of a realistic goal with us both being tired all of the time.
Also another note: You went from talking about how your finances and crap were important, then you jumped on her stating “these are the reasons I can’t have sex once a week an issue?”. Neither was the issue. The issue is she’s not getting much from sex, and wants more. You aren’t taking her needs into consideration, only your own. You should take some time to look into your relationship and your control issues. Way to treat your wife like crap.
Kids. Bigger house. Luxury SUVs. Travel. Nannies. Custom kitchen. Gazebo. I want I want I want. The list of sh*t we men have to obtain is endless. And we’re working our butts off for it. We’re sitting here telling you women that we’re exhausted and tired of this “keep up with the Joneses” materialism crap and your amazing female powers of intuition say “No, that can’t be it, you’ve been supporting us for centuries!” Ah, HELLO? We’re men. You don’t need to INTERPRET WHAT WE SAY. It’s not a mind game! It’s not a puzzle! We don’t THINK like you – we sometimes tell it like it IS! There is a limit to how much a single man can do and provide. We end up feeling like a means to an end – a paycheck or a laborer. Sometimes a man just has nothing left to give. When my wife says she’s h*rny I wince and say… “Oh boy…here we go…” I can’t believe it myself. First you give us a ten page long list of things you want, they we go work ourselves to death trying to get promoted to pay for it all. Then you complain we’re distant (when we’re just exhausted) and that we SPEND TOO MUCH TIME AT WORK! Unbelievable. Then after years of this, you divorce us and say “Yeah he was a GOOD PROVIDER and got me EVERYTHING I ASKED FOR but he starved me emotionally! I didn’t care about all that material stuff (that I demanded and am taking with me) I wanted to be NURTURED! WHAT A LOAD OF TOTAL CRAP! This is a LIE North American women have been selling men for decades and men we need to call women on this BS!
Tell you what. Next vacation, give your man two weeks alone to hang with other men, drink, play poker and sleep 10 hours a day. He’ll come back and give you sex like you’ve never had. He’ll go for hours. You’ll need a tow truck just to pull the sheets out of you butt.
I think we men are just worn out trying to provide this lifestyle that everyone seems so entitled to these days! The stress of this life is WAY too HIGH! So if you don’t want your husband running off and slamming some chicky half his age because he “relates” to her, maybe ease off on the WHIPPING and “gotta get” lists a bit and give your man a chance to rest once in a while. The only reason why he thinks a gal half his age is “fun” is because being a MAN-SLAVE for an impossible woman his own age is NOT FUN. Does that clarify things a bit for you gals? When a man is reduced to a worker-provider-robot and can’t feel anything besides fatigue, why are you surprised when he’s not ALL THAT in the bedroom anymore? He was h*rny and performing when you MET HIM wasn’t he? What happened? THINK ABOUT IT. So stop being so selfish and materialistic and wanting all the crap your air-head girlfriends want. They don’t need half the crap they are lusting after and neither do you!!
Ah. I feel much better now. Now I gotta get back to work. We need a new SUV. And that gazebo…
Dear Tired Man:
I know how you feel! I work 2 jobs to support my family. I’ve been married to a wonderful man for 15 years. I inherited the step-kids, debt and ex-wife problems. Part of the problem is women’s libido is highest later in life and guys peak much earlier…. too bad :n(
The way the economy is going certainly puts a damper on most sex lives. Having sex, fantasizing about it or watching porn is a great and natural stress relief for me. Sometimes I wish we could create a new Victorian era where (rich) couples discreatly allowed the other their sexual trists without getting a divorce. Alas,this costs too much! I thought masterbation was for the teenage years.. oh well. I guess I’ll keep praying that my man’s libido gets better because at the end of the day, having the fancy car, vacation spot and all is such a drag. I’d rather be without and having a good time with my husband!
I have been married for 8 months and have known my husband for 10 years. Sex was okay during our courtship, but now that we are married, there is no sex. He says that he cannot keep a hard on. He doesnot even try to have sex. We have discuss this over and over. He knows how I feel about the situation. LEvery night we lay in bed like two dead bodies. If I touch him he makes some excuse and turn over. I caught him looking at porn one night, but when I ask him about it now he says that he is not looking at it. I know he is lying. What can one d?? Need help!!!
For me it is stress and I have gained alot of weight.
Well..I to am in the same boat as everyone. Im in my EARLY 20’s and i have been with my Fiancee for 6 years now, and at first he LOVED having sex and could never get enough, but now its like we never have it. I know he works hard at work and is on his feet ALL day long, but even when i try to pleasure him, he resists. Its very strange. Its gotten to the point in which i ask him if he is cheating and getting it elsewhere. Ive almost given up hope. I cant deal with it anymore.
THANK GOD TIRED MAN TOLD IT AS IT IS!!!!!!!!!
Lack of sexual attraction to the partner is a huge reason men don’t want sex with their wives. Boredom is another big reason. Men are turned on by sexual newness and variety which is why porn is a multibillion dollar business. Some men find it very difficult to function sexually with the same partner for years on end.
Being too tired or stressed out to have sex is a poor excuse. If two people work together to overcome obstacles and daily stresses, it should never be an issue. I’m surprised that some men can even say they are “too tired” when most woman are the one’s working full-time jobs, raising the kids, cleaning, cooking, etc. It’s like having three jobs! I can’t remember the last time my guy came home and said “let me cook dinner” or “I’ll clean the house”. Yeah, and I get to kick back and watch the football game, right? I’m dreaming. Talk about a crock. Alot of women make just as a much of an effort as men do. Many of us are in the same boat. So if you’re a man with sexual issues because you’re tired or stressed, ask your wife how she handles it; we seem to be good at juggling everything.
When a man dont want to have sex it is frustrating as hell, this is what I did , I took out a personal ad on a free date site, I responbed to every interest and searched for some cute guys a little younger than him. after on for a few weeks, I showed him all the men that were interested in me, and asked him if I needed to move on to one of these guys that were hitting on me on the internet. They say men are visual creatures, I showed him visually, I could do better than him, I told him I really didnt want to turn to one of these men but he wasnt leaving me many options. Then I moved out of our bedroom into the guest room for a couple of days. Well he got the picture I wasnt playing anymore. I think I hit a nerve with his male ego,we are now having great sex, and I deleted myself from that dating site. Its amazing how one might change if they think they are going to lose you. If this didnt work , I was going to leave him. I want to be sexually fulfilled and if he wasnt going to stand and deliver, I would find someone who would. He took notice and things are back on track. Its really sad I had to take it that far, but it worked. He cant get enough of me now, maybe it was all the men that took notice of me that made him change, I dont know whatever it was it worked and I am glad it did.
i’ve been with my wife for 10yrs, dated off and on for 2yrs, in the beggining it was always some lame excuse y we couldnt have sex(my lips r cold, its late, she has a headache, she has to work in the morning, she feels like natures coming, i dnt smell fresh, she’s hungry, i havent spent time with her, i dont help enough around the house after working 50hrs aweek & working on completeing my undergrad @ the time,i need to shave, we just had sex this morning, we just had sex yesterday, her 3rd cousins best friend dog died!!!) the list goes on!! i finally was defeated & stop initiating sex after about 8yrs of marriage and jus dealt with all the rejection. i definitely thought about cheating multiple times, but in my heart, i know thats jus a recipe 4 disater, cus i love my wife & kid. now in the past year she wants to have sex everyday! if she doesnt she gets upset & threatens to cheat on me & says it will be my fault!! i’m trying to tell her that its because of her i lost my sex drive and with her new attitude i feel so betrayed!! i think of all the women i turned down to remain a faithful spouse and not once threaten my wife with infidelity! i can’t believe what a selfish self-centered jerk she is being!!! and honestly for some strange reason i still care about her and am doing my part to help this situation, but at the end of the day i feel really hurt and missunderstud!
Well… can we really use one or two reasons to define why the indiviual we are with doesn’t want to have sex with us anymore? To all the boys and girls out there, if you really have such a problem with your wife/husband, tell them. Tell them LOUD and clear!! And be prepare to do what you need to do if they don’t listen to you. I think wicked sinful is right, do what you need to to make yourself happy. In the end of the day, you only have yourself. I am not here to tell you to be a selfish bitch, but if they love you and respect you the way you do to them. They should be more than understandable to your problem and needs. Don’t you think?
My girlfriend has really stinky breath, I just can’t get past it. It will knock you out!
I think that you should tell her. I would want to know for sure so that I could fix tehe problem.
Dear All,
The main reason for not wanting sex in the EX. My ex cheated on me and I have been unable to be intimate with another human being and fear I never will, if a woman touches me i feel like lashing back at her in retaliation. Women are the most repacious creatures.
.
Well I appreciate all of your postings…
Why?
Because through all of this I have learned one very important thing:
Never get married.