We Don’t Serve No Fat Folks Here, Y’all
February 4, 2008 by Liberty Kontranowski
Filed under Diets and Dieting, Down with P.C.!, Extreme, Food and Drink, Obesity, Weight Loss
Can you even imagine a waiter coming up to you, just after you’ve planted your fat butt down at your table, and telling you to forget the service, there’s no way you’re eating there? Can you just freaking imagine?
Well, that’s what some of the fine folks in Mississippi may be faced with if House Bill 282 gets passed. Of course, in response to the amazing backlash (you think?) for even drafting such a bill, Rep. John Read, R-Gautier, said that it was never meant to pass, but was instead intended to raise awareness of the health risks associated with obesity. And since Mississippi has snagged the top spot as the most obese state in the nation, he wanted to give the problem the same kind of attention tobacco issues receive there.
You know, maybe this isn’t such a bad thought. We prohibit smoking in many restaurants these days, do we not? We do not serve a drunk person more alcohol at the restaurant’s bar. So maybe we ought to stop serving food to the fat people that walk into the restaurants. That would solve all the world’s problems, wouldn’t it? Restaurants would lose money, sure, but the junk food manufacturers would totally win since the chubby folks would need to get their eats from the grocery aisles instead. Nobody would be any skinnier, but hey, one helluva point would’ve been made, right? Yep, sheer brilliance.
Yeah.
Agreed Representative Read’s heart is in the right place (though his head appears to be wedged firmly up his…), but maybe he ought to try offering up the greenbacks like these guys did. Hey, worked for them.
We could model the legislation after the smoking laws: the restaurant could be divided up into “eating” and “non-eating” sections, patrons would be required to show ID before ordering food, bananas must come with a warning sticker and a photo of an ulcerated stomach, ads featuring food would be banned from television, and kids would be taught to Just Say No to food.
I know, I know, that’s absurd! A much more practical measurement would be some sort of government-issued ID entitling citizens to eat food of their own choosing. Green grocers would have to check this every time you’d go shopping and if you go over, then you’d be forced to go to a state-regulated diet and be banned from all restaurants, convenience stores and supermarkets. It may be tough, but just think of what a Brave New World it would usher in.
(With ideas this bad, ya gotta laugh or you’d cry
)
Oh, I’m laughing, Adrian! What a hoot! Thanks for the hearty guffaw, and let’s hope you’re not elected into any political positions any time soon. Ideas like these might be too fun not to try and push!