Great discussion on perfectionism!
October 8, 2008 by Cyndi Lavin
Filed under Artist Communities
We’ve been having this discussion in the comments section of a recent post, and I think the topic is serious enough to warrent it’s own post. Please feel free to join in down in the comment here if you’d like to add your two cents worth!
I’m going to shorten and clip it a bit here:
Sue: Well!!! I also thought that my name should be darth horder but seeing as how it was already taken I would have to say darth Cuss a LOT seeing as how my husband gets upset when I am setting there quietly beading and all of a sudden a wave of profanity erupts from the depths of my being. Becase I made a mistake and have to start all over again on what I am trying to make. Well I am very clumsy and have a hard time making jewelry but I keep thinking one of these days if I persist I will be able to do it with ease.
Kathleen Mary: Speaking of mistakes I am finally learning how to deal with less than perfect results and my creative life is getting real, real interesting. Does anyone else here have problems with perfectionism?
Cyndi: Oh no, none of the rest of us have *any* problem at all with being perfectionists…LOLOLOL!! Ok, well, yeah…most of the time I do have that problem actually. It’s really hard to settle for “good enough” sometimes. 
Kathleen Mary: I’ve been struggling with perfectionism since I was a child without realizing it.. been creative since just about birth – I used to play with my mother’s beads & threads at 4 years old. (Drove her nuts!)
I realized I wasn’t creating anything and really finishing it the last few years. Nothing seemed ‘good enough’ couldn’t even turn the heel of a sock without hesitating – One day, I just decided to ‘let go’ /release my perfectionism. Cyndi, I am writing, knitting, beading – just enjoying my creativity for the first time in a long time!
I think it is because it is nearly impossible to make anything look/sound/feel as great in the physical world it does in my imagination, that and I am never skillful as I would wish to be – always more creative worlds to conquer, right?
“Wars do not make one great.” LOL
Turning heels hasn’t got any easier, though. (:
Cyndi: Don’t misunderstand me, because I really am pretty much of a perfectionist in many areas of my life, BUT…I have decided that anything worth trying is worth doing poorly. As long as I enjoy it. Maybe as long as I am getting better at it, but maybe not. Maybe just as long as I am enjoying the process. What do you think?
Sue: Cyndi, I do think you are right, it is worth doing poorly even so, because even if you don’t like the ultimate finished product, there are so many differing opinions on what beauty is and what is not, that someone out there is bound to like it. Others to hate it. I have a brother who is a magnificent artist, who once told me that art is never perfect because it is man made. I have always thought about what he said and thought it made so much sence, but thought it never applied to me because I couldn’t do anything right, (I thought,) but now that I am getting old and have the time for hobbies, the more I do try new things it astounds me that it does get easier and easier. Of course my husband would say that I am full of it. Because I still do have fits of profanity spewing forth, but I believe there are fewer and fewer occurances.
Kathleen Mary: I think you are ‘right on’ Cyndi – must do it badly before you master it, MUST accept your first attempts will be pretty pathetic and from time to time even after many years the sauce burns, dear lady, no matter how many years you’ve been cooking.
(I tend to want to try everything that has thread involved and spread myself too thin, anyway!) It took me 20 years to get past the Tatting barrier and I have several large bags of half done motifs to prove it!
I would suggest one of the meanest things in our language is the line”Well, IT is JUST HANDMADE!” So the stuff coming from China is perfect?- The stupidest line is “How long did it take you to make THAT?” LOL
AS Cyndi said “BUT… I have decided that anything worth trying is worth doing poorly” — just get the hands moving, some will be great, some awful, some you will pull out, some you will brag about !
No one is going to see half the mistakes you see, anyway! (:
I create because I am a creator, perfection is for God/gods, goddesses, the ONE or what ever you believe in that is bigger than yourself.
I used to be so bad that if something wasn’t perfect, I would throw my hands in the air and give up on it. I know myself, I know I get frustrated when things don’t work the way I want, and what started as something fun turns into a big headache. Because I would rather avoid all that stress, I got to the point that I became very intimidated with trying new things.
Then I started painting, with absolutely no intention of showing what I painted to anyone. Once I was doing it for my eyes only, I started to realize I don’t have to be perfect. That was about 7 years ago and since then I’ve branched out from simply crocheting and painting all the time to bead crafts, paper crafts, and fabric and fiber crafts. And having more fun with what I do than ever!
I think perfectionism is the curse of crafting. Whatever the craft and whatever you do with the finished product (whether to gift it or to sell it), we want people to see the time and skill we’ve put into a piece – not the flaws. The really funny thing is I seem to get more compliments on the pieces I feel are all flubbed up than I do on the ones that turned out “perfect.” (Besides, if someone wants perfect, they can buy it on sale at Wal-Mart and have the same exact thing as about a million other people! Something has to be “flawed” in some way to be unipue!)
Amen and amen! I started doing altered books and art journals “just for me”. It was so freeing to realize that NO ONE WOULD EVER SEE IT…unless I decided to share
Ok, so I am far from Perfect. My works all have what is called a Spirit Bead ( AKA a wrong bead) or a spot that is just a little bit off. I have learned to live with the fact that no matter how hard I try, there is always going to be one little something in a piece. No one else may see it but me, but it is always there. As an Artist, I do not want perfection, but my vision of what i want a piece to be. As long as I am able to do that, I will always be happy with my works.
GREAT attitude, Billie!
I am with Billie, though not so far as to intentionally add something out of place to my projects. I think I would be disappointed if anything new ever came out *absolutely* perfect. It might mean the project was too easy and that I needed to challenge myself more.
When I crochet, I am a lot like Billie – no matter how careful I am I always miss a stitch somewhere! No one else notices it, but I know it’s there. Of course, if I go looking for it in the finished piece, I can never find the part I goofed on.
I also agree with Mathi – if something is perfect the first time, it was way too easy. I find more challenging projects to be so much more rewarding.
Good point! There are times to sweat and slave and times to take a cake walk…
Hey, I’m back (OH, God, less than 3 months before Christmas?) – This is a great conversation & what is more important to resolve than what blocks us from our creative souls?
Billi, I’ve heard of the spirit bead concept, also, but I never have to add one because they usually appear, well – ah, Naturally.
Our senses is how we perceive the world. Sometimes they go astray and the wrong bead is picked up and added — so?
Make it the right bead.
A story to amuse. I have hanging up on my wall a latch hook rug I designed & made in the early 1980’s, it is based on a design I saw in a book of Tolkien’s doodles; I drew pattern myself, every stitch was planned, counted twice, carefully, or, so I thought.
I got to a point at the very end (about 25 rows before ) when I realized that my pattern – one I worked on to make perfect, was 8 rows off. I couldn’t face tearing it out to the middle – so I threw it in the back in the closet – a year or two later – Found it. Wondered if I should just throw it out??!! – I really loved it but the imperfection was almost unbearable.
I thought about ways to solve the imperfection (hide it). doubled on the details and rows. that sort of thing. NO ONE in over 26 (?) years of it hanging up on the wall has ever noticed the doubling of rows/patterns. NO ONE. I used to tell people who admired it, of its’ imperfections, needless to say, that got old very quickly, and to be honest, I don’t know how to find them after all these years. I have only a few of the original cartoons.
Last week I was looking through my half-finished boxes – all kinds of goodies there. A cross stitch picture – really lovely – it was very ambitious and for some reason I gave up on it.. was there some imperfection I could not bear or did I just lack the confidence to finish it? I don’t see anything wrong with it now. I’m going to finish it as soon as the gifts are in the mail.
That is another big issue for me, this lifetime, confidence. What is it and where does it come from when you lack it? It is connected to perfectionism because perfectionism will erode and/or destroy any natural confidence you are born with… some friends (usually when I’ve irritated them to the no end) have told me I am arrogant to the extreme, but I know the opposite is true. I am like a wobbly infant trying to take her first steps; uncertain and rejecting of everything I try to accomplish. I suspect that confidence comes with doing, slowly, proving yourself to yourself, but I do not know if I can ever prove myself to myself – maybe now that I am more accepting of my imperfections confidence will come naturally?
Just more things to ponder.
I find it really interesting that so often the thing that we think is a GLARING error is not even noticed by anyone else. No one. Not one. And when we point it out, the viewers just shrug and say, “oh”. Then they pretend to be able to see it!
Confidence, ahhhh… I’ve decided that I don’t really need any more than I already have. Not everyone likes my work, not everything that I submit to various calls gets accepted, and sometimes it makes me sad. But most of the time I live by the saying that my glass is half full, and that’s all I needed anyway! LOL! It makes me so much more able to appreciate those times in life when my cup truly runneth over, which has been a lot more often than I deserve!
That is about observation, Cyndi: have you ever bought something at a store and noticed an imperfection – a tear or button missing when you got it home and really looked at it? We can only soak up a certain amount of data at a time through our eyes. If we aren’t looking for something (expecting it?) then will we see it? Are we taking the thing in as a whole? – seeing color, lets say, instead, of every detail? I do that a lot because I am have a color based mind. Do we notice that it smells like a warehouse, for instance? Are we bringing every detail to consciousness?
In my novel I speak of a certain evening: A friend has finished the last song he will ever sing at the castle. Something deep within tells my chief character to soak that moment in – REALLY SEE IT, use every sense, smell the scents,touch the fabric of her gown, look at the walls, what her friend & family are wearing, notice the candles and lanterns in the corners of the room-
It is the happiest and most satisfied moment of her entire life & she Knows it.
Memory & perception is about details.
I say that really seeing is a form of high magic, its recreating a moment or thing in your memory so it never fades nor lost – she “hangs” the moment away in her memory (the deepest part of her soul) like a tapestry.
It will comfort her in the darkest moments of her life.
I seem out of step with the rest of my generation. When I like something, they don’t when they like something, I reject it. Beauty, Cyndi, is the in the eye of the beholder. Confidence for me is believing in myself, trusting my instincts. Taking myself, seriously? Not sure. Still working on that one. But I know it is important to all creative activity. Very important.
So : accept that perfection is impossible
learn to experiment fearlessly (things don’t have to be perfect.)
Don’t be too critical of yourself – don’t tear yourself down, build yourself up. Appreciate your creations?
Confidence ? work on that one?
and your last one,
You are not going to please others all the time, are you? But did you please yourself with your efforts?
I see a huge difference, in my opinion anyway, between being confident and taking myself seriously. I try to almost never take myself too seriously…if I did, I’d never post pictures of my daughter making elf ears for me or show you the projects I make that are failures. Or even admit that I have failures.
Confidence definitely relates to appreciating your own work, being pleased with the efforts and sometimes with the results. Sometimes I’m pleased with my effort, but not so thrilled with my results…
Maybe it would be more exact to say take my efforts seriously – esp. writing, which is my real passion this lifetime but any craft I do – when will I ever allow myself to say I am a mistress crocheter or tatter or just know a lot about beading? – accept that my efforts are real and show results?
Self-depreciation is tearing yourself down to size. (and, boy, am I small!) I never seem to accept that I am good at any one thing – need some self-appreciation, now and then, just to survive and striving.
In most things I am pretty humorous – can’t hear that reading my words, but in person, trust me, I am – I’m a Leo, ever know one that couldn’t set the room on a roar, if need be? I don’t mind joking about my stature or nose or even my weight – done all three – but I am still working on understanding how to be confident but not TOO confident when it comes to my creations. (:
Maybe loving what I create is one of the keys? Why would I create anything I don’t love? Been thinking about a key necklace like you created Cyndi – or that one on the general page. Isn’t that a symbol of unlocking our imprisoned souls and silenced creativity?
Yes! Maybe that’s the key (no pun intended). Maybe we each need to make ourselves a symbolic piece that will remind us to [fill in the blank], whatever we happen to be working on at the time! For me, that would be a symbolic piece to remind me not to stress…not much is important enough to be worth suffering through sleepless nights
Sun/moon, sun/moon? serene blue, kind green? merciful lavender? A cat, napping? the sun setting? Isn’t it strange we love beading and beads have been used for prayer and relaxation for centuries? I could write a book about my mother’s crystal Rosary!
What about worry beads? (:
— for me, I have several symbols I would love to work into jewelry or needlework right now.
The Phoenix rising from its own pyre.
( transformation through suffering, death is both beginning and end) I can’t find one phoenix piece I actually like, already made – make it myself.
The key in the lock ready to turn.
(keep writing about that one) – the prison isn’t outside, it is inside. I keep myself silent out of fear of rejection.
The Hermit or hermitess – is the solution to leave society in chaotic times or to stay united with your fellow human beings (even) when you disapprove of their choices? which choice is wise?
Is isolation the answer I am seeking?
Another thing to contemplate, Cyndi. A friend has made an interesting suggestion – to open the door (to my creativity, esp. writing) Pursue my novel’s images in other forms. Make costumes, design jewelry, draw my characters, (my drawing is pathetic!) cross stitch… I describe jewelry – make it as close to my vision as possible etc. Make one of the tapestries (I would use cross stitch because I lack weaving experience.)
I, also, am suffering sleepless nights but it seems organic. I am experimenting with light therapy to see if that is the problem. I have learned to practice spiritual disciplines to help me when I worry (been doing a lot of that lately). I may get not get to sleep but meditation never makes any problem worse.
Some nights I give in,get up and knit or do some silent work.
The moon is often a very soothing image to me. Even my name is associated with the moon
Maybe that’s why I chose to make moon pieces for the Bead Journal Project last year… I need to spend more time looking at them LOL!
Really, the moon is associated with your name? never looked it up – I would think it would be closer to ’swan’ cygnus, in Latin for some reason. Swans are also another image of sublime tranquility (gracefulness) for me. My name means ‘pure/strong (heart??) – a nice thought.
The moon was full today. Saw it & Orion at 3 when my husband left for work. As you say, beautiful, soothing “She walks with beauty across the sky”.