Nothing At All To Do with Coffee or Tea…
October 22, 2009 by Marye Audet
Filed under Habits
O..k. I need a bit of rant space. This is it…
Several years ago Marc and I met a young man in a coffee shop. He was on fire to join the military and couldn’t wait until he was 18 and could do so. He talked to us a lot about it, knowing that Marc and I had been military. His face lit up, his eyes shone, and he was animated.
There was only one problem. Mama. Mama didn’t want Sonny-Boy to join the military. She couldn’t bear the thought of him in danger, away from home…and so she constantly told him why he couldn’t, shouldn’t go off to boot camp.
Every month or so he would tell us how he was getting ready to go in…only it never happened. A few days ago I happened to see him, now in his 20s, in another coffee shop. No talk of the military. No animation. His eyes were dull, his face was without expression.
Moms (and dads!) kids need to be who they are. They need to grow and mature and eventually move away and start their own lives, make their own mistakes, and dream their own dreams. We pour into them to prepare them to be adults.
This mom may feel that she has spared her son from the danger and possible death of the military but at the same time she has effectively killed him herself. His life will not ever be what it could have been..He will be full of the what ifs….and the sad thing is…if he had a destiny to fulfill? He is settling for mediocrity now. Minimum wage. Mediocre job. Average life. Ho Hum.
I hope and pray he breaks out. It is heart-rending to have children grow up and leave home…I know from experience. And having a son in the military who has been in Iraq twice, lives in Japan until 2013 AND hasn’t been home since June 08? I understand. I do.
But I raised him to be his own person, and I am proud of the man he is. It is just not right for me to stand in the way of someone else’s dreams. It is criminal.
Don’t really know why I am writing this. The young man haunts me, I suppose, because I am so sad for him. I grew up with a dad whose cheer for me was “Go for it!”…I have a husband and family that say “Go for it!” and to have those things taken away at such a young age ..just sad.
image:sxc
My Mom was very protective and sheltered me, but in the end she knew she had to let me fly. I think I turned out OK. Good post.
You do seem to be a proficient flyer, courtney! I think she did a great job.
This post was very interesting to read and gave some food for thought. I wonder about how the young man’s life would have been different if his mom had been more encouraging about his interest in the army. His life would have been on a totally different path. Sometimes to show someone you love them you have to set them free.
Hard to say. Sad becuase usually when there is that much control it is ingrained.
I actually do understand this. The little brother of a friend of mine is off at the Great Lakes Naval Training Center. My friend was understandably scared to death about her baby bro going into the Navy, as were her parents. But they have been smart and supportive of it all, and my friend shares her boot camp letters from little bro – and I tell her to include my pride and best wishes when she writes him back.
I honestly cannot imagine being so smothering as to deny my children a chance at something that would make them happy. I realize that is incredibly easy to say given that I don’t have kids at the time being, but I also have a little brother and if he came to me and said, “This endeavour will make me happy” I would do everything in my power to help him make it happen.
It’s not too late for your coffee shop youngster. It wouldn’t be wrong to simply ask about the military and how things may have changed. (And there may very well be other family dynamics that have changed, for better or worse.)
On a selfish note – could you ask your little one what the marinade recipe for the awesome buy-on-the-street roasted corn is??? I loved it when we lived there and have yet to find a way to replicate it now that I am back in the States. (And I was too young at the time to stop and ask the question.) And tell him to dunk himself in Japanese culture, because it will be harder to find back here than he might think.
And bless you for worrying about the little ones that aren’t even yours.
I will ask Chris, Cindy…He is sort of out of pocket now..in Kuwait.