The 10 Coffee Shop Commandments
September 24, 2009 by Marye Audet
Filed under Coffee
I was sitting here and thinking of all of the weirdness that goes on in coffee shops. I mean, talk about slice of life!
The thing is that different people go to coffee shops for different reasons. Marc and I go to have some time alone and talk. Some people go to have business meetings. Students go there to study. Lots of people with lots of reasons and sometimes the lifestyles clash.
So, here are -
The 10 Coffee Shop Commandments
- Thou shalt not read other people’s laptop screens no matter how tempting it is. Yea, even out of the corner of thine eye thou shalt not.
- Thou shalt not allow thy cell phone to play rap or acid rock tones at full volume. In fact, thy cell phone shall be set to vibrate for it is distracting.
- Thou shall speak in normal tones and not screech, cackle loudly, or sing along with the ipod. This too, is distracting.
- Thou shalt sit like a lady, if thee be female, and not rest thine foot up on the chair next to thee. The color of your thong or lack thereof does not need to be a matter of public record.
- If thou be male and thou likest the porn, thou shalt not imbibe at thy coffee shop. Thy peers really do not want to know. If thou be female the same rule applies.
- If thou be stopping for the holy elixir in the midst of errands, and IF thou hast thy progeny with thee, thou must take an isolated table if possible. The fruit of thy womb shall be controlled at all times for thou hast entered a holy place, an adult sanctuary.
- If thou wouldst meet thy lover in this hallowed place thou shalt not swap spit. Hie thyself to the backseat of thy car like everyone else. This is hallowed ground.
- If thou be meeting clients and said clients are late, thou shalt not pass the time by passing out business cards to the other patrons.
- If thou must talk on thy cell phone keep thy voice low and melodious. Thy fellow caffeine worshipers are not interested in the details of thy personal life.
- Thou shalt not take the last of the half and half without alerting an employee for this is despicable in the sight of all who come after you.
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Love it!!!!
Thanks
I have broken 4, 5, & 6 all at the same time… hahahahaha snort!
You are too funny, Marye!
I wasn’t going ot tell anyone that it was you I was talking about…
Yes, I agree. What I’d like – an outdoor non-smoking section. I love dining and sipping coffee al fresco. (Will I get flak for that?)
I agree!.
LOL!
Possible addendums:
Thou shall not litter the booths with thou belongings, thereby preventing another caffeine worshiper from sitting down. It is rude and thou will be smitten.
If thou sneeze or cough, do not sneez-eth or cough-eth in the direction of the sugar, dairy, or coffee stir sticks.
When thou has finished thous cup of holy elixer, do not leave thou table a mess. Napkins and uneaten food can be dispensed with in nearby waste or recycling receptacles. Oftentimes, cups or plates can be returned to the counter. Do not violate the holy sanctum with litter.
Absolutely! Maybe we need another 10…
AMEN! (LOLOL….good ones!)
I love this!!!!!! To funny and oh so true.
Yeah..we have all experienced it!
This was great, if only this could be posted in every coffee shop. I especially like number 9: “Thy fellow caffeine worshipers are not interested in the details of thy personal life”. I don’t know how many times I have been reading in a coffee shop and I am interrupted by someone speaking loudly on their cellphone.
thanks Emily!