Cash For Wedding Gifts, Anyone?
June 8, 2005 by admin
Filed under Wedding Traditions and History
According to Jaimee Rose of The Arizona Republic, more and more brides and grooms are No longer brash to ask for cash.
In a day when the average wedding costs more than a Toyota Camry and a time when marrying couples are older, settled and own every Crock-Pot they could want, is it any wonder that couples have come to this?
Snubbing tradition and Emily Post, today’s betrothed are doing the distasteful: They’re brazenly asking for cash.
Couples are tucking notes into their invitations, requesting checks in place of china. Towel-heavy gift registries are being replaced by cash-donation Web sites and online registries for honeymoons in Hawaii (Log on and buy the couple a romantic breakfast in bed). Some invitations even include requests for wedding sponsorships (”Open bar brought to you by Uncle Bob”).
Although a wedding always has been a parade of gifts and money from friends and family, cash was the great unspoken hope. Couples couldn’t, wouldn’t ask for it. They instead would be thrilled with a few check-filled cards and schlep around town to return their third set of mixing bowls.
But today’s older bride and groom will have none of that. They often live together and have every Williams-Sonoma gadget, their parents don’t always pay for the wedding and Emily Post is regarded as quaint.
This is actually not a brand new thing all over the world. In some parts of the world like Singapore, giving cash (usually in ‘red packets’) is actually more of the norm rather than an exception. There are even countries like the Philippines that do “money dances” (the guests attach money to the newlyweds as they dance during the wedding reception).
However, in some countries like the US, giving (and asking) for cash during weddings is considered brash. But, this emerging trend is obviously changing things. What about you? What do you think of giving – and asking for – cash as wedding presents?
We did that when we got married here in Germany 4 years ago. It’s not considered brash here since people are more pragmatic here. They understand the practical side of wanting money. We received lots. Some were even sent by post. Good business
LOL! I suppose it can be!
Hubby and I had two weddings. The one in Singapore actually "broke even" with some takeaway presents (we just had a simple wedding there with few guests).
Hi Shai — we did this when we got married in the Phils but instead of saying "we prefer cash", we had a more subtle note inserted in the invite "After the wedding, Simon & Christine will reside at xxxxxx, New Zealand." and hoped like hell the guests got the hint! hehe
For other closer friends and relatives, when they asked what we wanted, I said we prefer cash because it is moer practical rather than me lugging everything half-way around the world.
i still say no to this practice…
you invite people for your wedding because you want them to celebrate with you…and not because you want them to give you gifts.
it should be the guests’ prerogative in the first place if they would want to give you gifts.
i say, be happy if you get gifts and still be pleased if you don’t…their presence should be good enough gifts for the couple.
my sister’s getting married next year in the Philippines.. but they’ll be coming back to live here in Canada.. and up until now she doesn’t know how she’s gonna tell or put it in words that she does not need material gifts but cash/check would be good. I guess it’s a good thing that we have the “money dance” tradition.
I have had my own wedding in 1998 and due to a large circle of friends and a few brothers and sisters who used excel spreadsheets to track gifts by name for thank you notes I can tell you that the going rate the last ten years in the New York area is the following. Overseas people gyp you with a gift with no receipt.
Old aunts and Uncles who never heard of inflation give you 25-50 buck.
Jealous Spinster women who get stood up by b-friend or can’t find a date give $75 even when they know it cost $100 a plate
People who are border line invites, co-workers etc give $200 a couple.
Friends you are pretty close with give $250 a couple.
Uncles/Aunts give $500 a couple
Brother/Sisters give around $1,000 a family.
Parents of the Bride/Groom if Bride/Groom is paying themselves give up to $5,000 a couple and a heck of a lot less if they paid for the wedding.
No-one in NY wants gifts other than cash/checks as due to the pre engagment and bridal parties where they registered for everything and they have all the gifts they want. Plus with wedding costing a minimun of $30,000k you would be broke if all you got was fruit bowls. My wedding followed the above formula and it covered 90% of the cost of it. Thank God I had the estimates of gifts people would give me from the wedding lists from my wife’s family and my family. Mind you I had an afternoon wedding and an extermely small weddign party and made my own favors to save money. Plus we spent numerous weekends trying to get the best price on everything and we still could not break even. It just killed me to write that thankyou note to the two people who gave me bowls of some sort with out a reciept who cost me around $500 to feed while I was eating leftover pasta my first year of marriage.
You mean crass, not brash.
When my fiance and I got engaged we decided not to register anywhere since we both had 2 complete households when we moved in together. We recently got rid of our 4th toaster and we are not gravy bowl or fine china type of people. What we need is money to make large purchases like the honeymoon and paying off the house. We did the whole word of mouth thing and people still insist on getting us things.
I can not express how frustrating it is when you tell someone specifically that you have everything you need and then they end up getting you another muffin pan and oven mitt (I have 12 so far!). I’d rather not get anything at all because not only do I have to drag these bad gifts 1400 miles but then I have to do something with them! Can we say garage sale? Please don’t waste your money!
Traditionally the reason people gave household gifts to the married couple was because BOTH couples lived with thier parents before they got married and they NEEDED a whole new household. In today’s world, most people no longer live with thier parents past 18, and by the time they are my age they have purchased everything they need and want. There are logical, financial reasons why people ask for money. Please understand that!
I couldn’t agree more with Sarah, my fiance and I already combined two households and spent months ‘rationalising’ down our two of everything. The last thing we need is a third toaster to have to get rid of. But people keep asking me where we’re registered.
I know that plenty of people think its rude to ask for cash, and I doubt I’d feel entirely comfortable being handed cash at the wedding. I’ve found a pretty good compromise however…
Instead of a traditional John Lewis (or similar department store) gift list, I’m using justthething.co.uk to set up our Wedding Registry. It lets me set up a list of any gifts we want, but receive the cash that guests pay toward the gift instead. That way I can register some cool things to do on honeymoon and the odd nice thing for our new home together (no more toasters though!)
It’s a classy way of receiving cash without offending hubby-2-B’s Gran (there’s always going to be one traditionalist).
I read with utter astonishment of how shameless some of you sounded. I think it’s fine to ask for money as wedding gifts but don’t expect every guest to comply! This is a wedding celebration, not some sort of financial transaction where you need to “break even.” A bridal couple should not expect wedding gifts as a means to offset their wedding cost! If money was such an issue, you should have planned your wedding better and save up! Your guests were invited by you to share your very happy day. But many of you end your celebration with complaints of supposed insensitive guests with thoughtless gifts. You ought to be ashamed of yourselves!
it is annoying when people ask what you want then go and get something “traditional” for your kitchen instead. What was the point in asking? The gifts for a wedding are supposed to HELP the bride and groom start their new lives together, so guests should be sensitive to what they need, which is usually not another decorative bowl or some kitchen utensil. Maybe the really old grandparents can be forgiven, but unless people are living under a rock then they should know the statistics of older couples getting married who already have everything for their houses all set. That is why we insert a registry information card in the invitations!! So they know what we need!
My fiance and I are in the same boat as many others,…we need the money, not the towels/pots/pans. We’re trying to figure out a way to to politely word this either on our wedding website and/or invitations. Any suggestions??
I think it is very rude to ask specifically for only money. You sound like the only reason you want people there is for the gifts. Yes, I would love to get some money for my wedding, but I would never outright ask for it.
As someone attending weddings, I like the route of giving them something that they know is from me, not just something that will be heaped into paying their mortgage. Insensitive as it may be, people buying gifts want to get some pleasure out of it too. And I hate just giving money. There is no fun or emotion in it!
WHAT is so traumatizing about celebrating or living WITHIN YOUR MEANS? If you can’t afford DON’T DO IT!!!! Do you check with your guests during your wedding planning to see if THEY can afford what YOU want to do?? If you’re expecting your GUESTS to subsidize your wedding/honeymoon/mortgage, shouldn’t THEY get a say in how THEIR money is being sent???
to those who had the guts to ask for money somehow in their wedding invitations, can you please tell me how you put it?
I’m marrying in US but live in Australia & having already bought everything I don’t need anything.
My wife’s brother and sister-in-law’s daughter is getting married in MD. She really doesn’t know his daughter or future nephew. She is going to the wedding, I’m not. She will have to fly a few thousand miles and stay at a hotel for a few nights for the wedding. I’m retired, she still works. I feel guilty that we are not giving more than $150 for our wedding gift but, it is costing her/us about a $1000 for flight, accommodations, food, tips, etc. to attend. I don’t want to look cheap but how much is enough or too much for people in our position?