Worst Wedding Toast
May 17, 2007 by Christine Gooding
Filed under Wedding Reception
If you were selected by the bride and groom to toast them at their wedding, please, please do not do this:
A toast to Sally,* the bride and her groom Matt*, by her cousin Jessica Darla**:
“When we were little, I always thought Sally had it all. She was smart, beautiful and loads of fun. But then I grew up and realized I was wrong. Sally needed a boyfriend. As I was preparing for my own wedding, I told this to my husband and we decided that since he had a friend that needed a girlfriend, we would set him up with Sally who needed a boyfriend. A couple of days before the wedding, I told Sally about my plan and she told me: ‘Jess Darla, I have a boyfriend.’ That’s when we found out about Matt. So, today I want to toast Sally and Matt for finally making her complete and I want to welcome him as my cousin-in-law.”
Dude. It would be one thing, if Sally was marrying the friend who needed a girlfriend, then it would be a cute “we set them up” story…but no. Just your regular, run-of-the-mill, thank God my cousin’s not going to die a spinster story.
*Names changed to protect the innocent.
**Names of the guilty are unknown and so are made up.
Poor Sally.
