Help me I’m drowning! — single mother overload
January 21, 2009 by Christina
Filed under childcare, mother's guilt, work
Wow. Who am I kidding? I was sitting here trying to write a newsy sort of wrap up of Things around the Blogosphere that might interest you single mothers out there. But I just can’t do it tonight. Work is at an insane pitch, and I’m lucky if I can get a few bites in at lunchtime. I’m paying for a gym membership I don’t have time to use, I’m working 12 hours on the books and who knows how many off-, trying to keep up with the news cycles and the ever changing web of politics that govern my days. My mom’s going out of town for ten days and my little guy’s going to be morose and sad his best companion, his partner in crime, his Grammy, is not going to be around. He’ll have to schlepp to the office with me after school. I don’t have time to cook dinner, or fold clothes or peg any quality time to the kiddo outside of the third Harry Potter book if we’re lucky. I feel like I’m a failure as a mom, a lousy employee, and a loser friend.
I’m totally burned out.
How do you all do it???
Gee…definitely been there minus the temporary loss of “Grammy”. There are just times when “the third Harry Potter book” just has to be enough.
That’s really hard to accept when you truly want, and believe you should, “do it all”.
Keeping a good thought for you!
I don’t know…. we moms, we just do it. We reach down and find the strength to plod through, and we prioritize and do our best.
Here’s to hoping you can come up for air soon!
I think we get by, by knowing we are doing the best that we can, which isn’t perfect and although our kids don’t have the picture perfect life we envision for them, we are giving them skills that they wouldn’t get any other way. Stop beating yourself up. You are doing the best that you can, and that is all your little guy deserves.
That said, a nice glass of Chardonnay goes a long way…
I’m burned out too
Thanks, Sanity Fairy. I’ve just been doing less and less for the little guy. How does that happen??
LOL Kelly. I don’t have any strength left. Not even to lay down and give up.
Hey, Karissa! You can hide over here til it all blows over, OK?
Miz Abigail! So good to see you. And thanks for the reminder, I have a lovely Pinot Noir in the fridge. And something to blog about.
One way to deal is to count your blessings. Your son has Grammy around most of the time? That’s a blessing…my son and I live in a town with no relatives and few friends. We’d love to have Grammy living here and helping us out most of the time.
Another thing to feel thankful for – you can bring your son to the office after work. My work hassles me when I do that…though I must admit sometimes I have to…
And remind yourself – you are working to support your son and make both your lives better – if he can understand that yet, try talking to him about it. I download stories from Storynory.com on my ipod and let him listen, have snacks prepared, coloring books etc. and I call him and tell him how much I love him and is he ok…and it’s the best we can do.
I comfort myself with the thought that the father who doesn’t claim his seed will one day burn in the lake of fire…
Thanks for sharing everyone!
why is there no one on this entire blog that I can relate to? I have met plenty of adults who have done everything “you think is right” and they still have issues and i have met kids from single over worked parents (who never had time for their children) and the kids turned out great. No matter what you do you don’t have control and maybe it is better yet that a children see fallible parent. Ladies stop your bloody whining the reason why you don’t have time to relax, is because you don’t give yourself time to relax, you don’t need a crappy semi detached house with palatial cleaning standards, getting over yourself and go and have some time with your friends, people you care about and want to share your thoughts with.
single parent, living in london, while completing a masters and working part time, good night
Bliss, I’m glad you can somehow afford London working part time! That’s impressive. And contemplating a masters? What a luxury. Congratualtions!
I’m sorry. First of all I didn’t mean to be defensive. My comment is more of a reflection on my situation then it is on anyone else and if I’m honest with myself I feel quiet alone in what I am trying to do. I actually got a scholarship and some funding and after (job) work I work on my school work which means I’m permanently tired and we are always late for school and missing home work. Also I have a bedroom room mate (yes, I share my bedroom and rent) with a very good gay friend of mine who has been part of myself and my sons life for many years. He is now a family member and I plan to live with him for years to come. I love my son very much and I try my best and he is a happy child, he goes to drama school which we also got a scholarship for. I had my son when I was quite young. In order to complete my masters my son is going to live with his Dad for a while. I feel like I can’t comment on over worked and exhausted single parents positions, I’m sure there are plenty parents reading this who do not approve but I’m really doing my best here. I’ve made huge sacraficies to go to college and I am constantly broke. I have to say I am happy that my son has a good relationship with his Dad and I trust him enough to be able to let him spend a some time with him for my last semester but I will miss him terribly. I do believe that it is really important for me to do my thesis on my own, otherwise the last seven years of really hard work will have been a waste of time. I also can’t put my son in a position where he is subject to the amount of stress that I would go through to try and manage his life while completing my thesis. I felt like I had to be quite frank to explain where my comments were coming from.
Not to completely harp on but I had a very good childhood, my mother was a stay at home Mom and worked really hard to make sure we had a nice life. She got a brain tumor when she was 48 years old and was dead within a month of her diagnosis. She was just starting to get her life back after raising five kids. I worry about women who put their life on hold for their kids but I also have a great respect for devoted parents who do all they can to support their children.
Bliss, you’re too hard on yourself. Your son has a good man in his life, and a father he can be with too. You’re going for your masters, and that’s important, too. You’re not neglecting your child, and you’re not neglecting yourself, either. I’ve had a shitty weekend filled with too much work and not enough boy time. I’ll probably put in 15 hours this weekend alone, and can’t take my son to school tomorrow.
We try very hard here at Solomother to be supportive, and not judge women too harshly for the choices they have to make to balance work, family, and self. We’re thin on resources sometimes, whether it’s time, emotion, money… But somehow we make it work.
it is more than tough. it is near impossible. take that back. it is impossible.
i was just blogging about this today and i just want to take a nap but i have things i want to do but ugh! yeah. exactly.
bliss is hard on herself. life sucks when you are stretched out beyond your limits.
I am going back to finish my BA and start my masters in the fall. some days i just say f*ck it!
Gracie, there are weekends where we barely make it out of our pajamas, don’t eat breakfast until noon, and simply trash the house in our laziness. Then there are weekends where we go everywhere, do everything, see everyone. And then there are the weekends, like this one, where I’m begging everyone to take the kid for a few hours so I can get some work done.
But he’s happy. Mostly, so am I.