Women, put safety before manners
November 6, 2009 by Christina
Filed under essential reading
I met a woman recently… a beautiful, vibrant, sassy woman. I don’t take to people immediately, but I liked her on sight. I was going to give her a quick belly dancing lesson one Sunday night.
She was found strangled to death in her own apartment this week. She was a single woman. She was 38.
Women, if you are walking home alone, walk in the street if you have to. Don’t walk close to entryways or cut through alleys. Call and talk to someone on the phone until you are inside safe with the doors locked. Spend money on a taxi.
If someone is approaching you on the street, cross. If someone on the street makes you nervous, duck into a hotel or a store, or stand on a bus corner and let that person walk on by. Don’t worry about hurting their feelings. If they are decent, they will understand that a woman alone has to take some precautions and if they are offended? Well then, you were right to cross the street.
Listen to yourself. If you have any reservations about the man you are seeing, don’t see him. Your local precinct will talk to you about what you can do to protect yourself if you believe you are being stalked and harrassed, but don’t blindly believe you are safe if you’ve taken out a restraining order. Take some basic self defense classes.
Don’t be polite if someone is making you uncomfortable. I got accosted by a bum on the street one day and I yelled bloody murder at him. He backed down. I went to the ladies’ room and threw up. I’ve gotten a hinkey vibe about someone I’m on a date with and I will excuse myself and be gone.
And about that whole dating thing? Be careful. I truly believe that most men out there are decent, true human beings. But I still won’t accept a ride in their car until I’ve known them a while, and I still call and text my girlfriends to let them know I’m ok. I tell someone where I’m going and when I expect to be home. Yes, it’s like being sixteen again but you know what? Those rules were there to keep me safe, and now that I’m forty-something, I want to keep myself safe.
This is some of the best advice I’ve read for women out and about, whether they’re married, single, old, young, with or without their children. I’d rather be teased for being overly ‘paranoid’ than to risk being attacked. Plus, I think used up my 9 lives in my 20’s by breaking almost all these common sense rules you mention. Great stuff!
Great post!
There is a book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin De Becker and in it he says that humans are the only animals that will ignore their sense of danger or fear. If a gazelle senses danger the whole herd takes off running. Humans worry about looking silly or hurting someone’s feelings.
I was always that girl in college who was the dorm mom, asking my friends where they were going, urging them to meet dates out rather than getting in a car with them, lecturing about bringing guys home from bars. Everyone rolled their eyes at me, but some things are just too important to let go of.
I’m so sorry to hear about this woman.
This is SUCH great advice! I make it a point to teach children this rule, too. It’s not ‘bad’ manners to speak up and keep yourself safe. I tell children I would rather deal with the whys of them screaming at or running away from someone they felt was unsafe than the aftermath of some kind of assault.
Two books about safety that I often recommend to women are “The Gift of Fear: Survival Signs that Protect Us From Violence” and “Protecting the Gift: Keeping Children and Teenagers Safe (And Their Parents Sane)”. Both are by Gavin De Becker, a former National Security Advisor.
Jennifer, I don’t think i’ve got many of my nine lives left either. And I’m sure I wore out my guardian angel long ago.
Tracy, thank you for the book recommendations. I’m going to make sure women here see them, and I think I’ll get a copy for myself.
Donna, I bet your voice became the voice of common sense for many a young woman. Thank you for being there for them.
I’m so sorry to hear about your friend! Great advice, thanks.
Hey, April. A couple of women have recommended great books that I’ll post in a day or two, and I believe your local YMCA gives self-defense lessons periodically. Worth looking into.