I first published this last year. It remains true.

January 7th’s Reflection speaks of turning points. Sometimes they are beginnings and sometimes they are endings. I can understand that. I don’t like it but, then again, it doesn’t matter whether I like them or not, everything will unfold the way it was meant to.

Thy Will, Not Mine Be Done

My shortcomings also tempt me daily; therefore I also have the same opportunities as the reflections’ writer to become aware of them. In one form or another – self-condemnation will rear its ugly head. I make a mistake and the very first thought is “You stupid A**.” Anger seemingly always jumps up to be recognized. It is self-delusional for me to continue to regret the past and what happened with my relationships, my family. Yet it continues to deepen some level of anger within as it remains unfinished with my children.

Running away is not one that haunts me anymore. Rick taught me (and many others) that I am now able to go through my fears rather than avoid them. Being prideful often flip flops into feeling inferior which causes balance to remain a struggle. Wanting to get even has its moments. When my spirituality isn’t up to snuff and I am feeling lonely, abandoned, distraught or depressed, I get the feeling I want to get even but it is wiped out by knowing today that it simply won’t happen so no need to bother. Acting out of grandiosity? Nope, not part of my character.

The statement the writer makes about attempting half measures to eliminate these defects merely paralyzing his efforts to change is true for me too. It has got to be either all, or nothing at all, and I know without a shadow of doubt that nothing at all will get me grave yard dead. Half measures won’t get me half drunk either. Half measures will get me full on, falling down, sh**-faced, blacked out!

Thus, – it is with complete abandon I place myself in God’s hands, embracing His help and somehow believing He has my best interests at heart because He loves me unconditionally. Else, why would I be sober today, now…

[picture credit]

Post from: Blisstree

Half Measures

One such moment occurred in the last day or so when I “listened” to a fellow alcoholic share in a general way and use words that offer someone whose seen them before, some intuitive insight that this person wasn’t quite right emotionally.

Not knowing definitively that she wasn’t right presented the requirement that a question be asked and it was. The reason the question was asked was stated. The question was asked in a manner which was hoped to be understood. In the realities of life, it wasn’t received well. Actually understandable because the consideration was on target.

I won’t go into any more details. What transpired after this is what wasn’t understandable. That was the judgment without evidence that too many people offered up as defense for someone who didn’t need it. The vilification of another good person simply because a few folks couldn’t be bothered with taking the time to read what had been asked or take the time to understand or lacked the insight.

Sad.

Since when did it become the wrong thing to do to ask someone whether they were okay or not? That is what your comments after the fact did – made it some level of sin to have asked if another alkie was all right or having a problem.

It is my opinion, FWIW, that there are a number of people that might want to give serious consideration to speaking with their sponsors – soon! It is also my opinion that if this is some kind of change in the program of recovery – it sucks and eventually will kill someone!

Have a good evening and please stay sober…

Post from: Blisstree

A Change For The Worse?

And, from personal experience, I’d love to tell them that this one will work and work well! It assuredly does for us alkies

Let Go and Let God

“Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him.”

From A.A.’s 12&12;

“This is a way to a faith that works. In the first two Steps we were engaged in reflection. We saw that we were powerless over alcohol (insert whatever you are powerless over), but we also perceived that faith of some kind, if only in A.A. (insert a support group relevant to your challenge), is possible to anyone. These conclusions did not require action; they required only acceptance.”

Back in the nineteen forties, Bill W. wrote this about electricity in our book;

“Every modern house has electric wiring carrying power and light to its interior. We are delighted with this dependency; our main hope is that nothing will ever cut off the supply of current. By so accepting our dependence upon this marvel of science, we find ourselves more independent personally. Not only are we more independent, we are even more comfortable and secure. Power flows just where it is needed. Silently and surely, electricity, that strange energy so few people understand, meets our simplest daily needs, and our most desperate ones, too.”

If we can relate this to putting ourselves in a position of dependence upon whatever God we understand, we find the way to stay sober and live a reasonably happy life more independently. This can apply to any situation or life challenge. We found it was more than worth giving a try, you might too

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Independence – Dependence?

Of course it takes a bit of faith and some positive thinking to believe that. Negative thinking won’t make it work. Neither will ego and pride. Might just require a small amount of pain too.

From today’s Daily Reflection: “It was painful to give up trying to control my life, even though success eluded me, and when life got too rough, I drank to escape.”

You know, when people force things on you with complete lack of communication, it isn’t easy. As a matter of fact at certain times it can be damn hard and painful. When your feelings aren’t given any consideration, when you know you’ve been lied to, when you know the lies themselves actually belittle your intelligence and experience, it is most painful.

For alcoholics and drug addicts, reaction in a negative, angry manner is quite normal and not reacting is abnormal. Yet to remain sober, clean and happy, we must learn to get past moments like these, not react, do something constructive with our thinking, reach out to others and simply move on recognizing that the God I understand is far more powerful than the people who offer no respect or consideration. My God loves me and that is really what counts for my serenity. A closed door of opportunity will be replaced by something better.

“With my life in God’s care, fear, uncertainty, and anger are no longer my response to those portions of life that I would rather not have happen to me. The pain of living through these times will be healed by the knowledge that I have received the spiritual strength to survive.”

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People Close Doors and Burn Bridges Behind Themselves

The Daily Reflection for June 30th is certainly one to take forward into July and even after that.

“The unity, the effectiveness, and even the survival of A.A. will always depend upon our continued willingness to give up some of our personal ambitions and desires for the common safety and welfare. Just as sacrifice means survival for the individual alcoholic, so does sacrifice mean unity and survival for the group and for A.A.’s entire fellowship.”

Making it a real challenge for me at this moment to quantify (wrong word, I know but) with this;

“Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life.”

Neatly ignoring the very next sentence: “May I do Thy will always.”

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A Reflection To Move Forward With…

For those profundity pushers who offer newcomers this phrase “do the right thing and the right thing will happen,” I want to say – for who? Because it is my experience that it is a matter of perspective whether this will hold true for you.

It might be that if you do the right thing, the right thing will happen – for someone else! The trap is coming to believe that if you do the right thing, the right thing will happen for you!

For ex., my biggest challenge personally – intimate relationships;

Attracted to a newcomer: the right thing is to leave the newcomer out of my personal world until the person has the opportunity to get and stay sober. You can be friends. I do the right thing and… no, that wasn’t meant to be. Okay, it’s okay…

Have a friend attempt a match-up with someone with long-term sober/clean time. Get silly, excited, even child-like. I do the right thing – maintain reasonable expectations, keep it in the day, stay in contact with HP, no forcing my will on anything. No matter, it wasn’t meant to be and I can’t say I’ll ever be happy with the way that ended. The lower power is a s******.

Again, have a friend attempt a match-up – this time with an “earthling” who is seemingly attracted in return. Shortest vision of all. Just a few days. Do the right thing, don’t get ahead of yourself, be a friend first, communicate. Once again, as if on cue, this wasn’t meant to be because I was simply an ends to a means i.e. had I been able to offer a ride on a motorcycle, this would have come to pass. Judged… and wrongly. The mistake? Misperceived the attraction.

There is not much more to these situations except to say that I put into effect lessons I had learned and did the right things. I suppose I developed an expectation that there might be a caring partner that H.P. thought I was worthy of. Not happening…

This is an example of my depression – and I’m still sober. Through anything, A.A. and my God, despite how I misunderstand Him, see to it that I don’t have to drink alcohol. What would that solve? Or – how much worse could I make life were I to pick up a drink? Not worth it…

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Discouraged, Depressed, Sad, Lonely and Still Sober

It wasn’t a “bot” that left the putrid, hate-filled, obscenity in the moderated comments yesterday that questioned my manhood and character assassinated my good soul. It was an idiot with a dark heart. Possibly related to me but I couldn’t tell.

It is my hope that you get the help that you so desperately need “ryan.” I certainly wouldn’t want to live in that brain of yours again or anymore. Been there, done that.

But, you see, my God helps me through moments like your stupidity – today’s Daily Reflection;

Today I’m Free

“This brought me to the good healthy realization that there were plenty of situations left in the world over which I had no personal power – that if I was so ready to admit that to be the case with alcohol, so I must make the same admission with respect to much else. I would have to be still and know that He, not I, was God.”

I am learning to practice acceptance in all circumstances of my life, so that I may enjoy peace of mind. At one time life was a constant battle because I felt I had to go through each day fighting myself, and everyone else. Eventually, this became a losing battle. I ended up getting drunk and crying over my misery. When I began to let go and let God take over my life I began to have peace of mind. Today, I am free. I do not have to fight anybody or anything anymore.

I will quickly remind you though that you might catch me at the wrong moment on the wrong day. I have not found perfection. If you want to believe I am a ******* ***** you go right ahead and keep believing it. Just understand there is a small chance you’re wrong… lol.

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Today I’m Free!

Daily Reflections

Forming True Partnerships

“But it is from our twisted relations with family, friends, and society at large that many of us have suffered the most. We have been especially stupid and stubborn about them. The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being.”

Can these words apply to me, am I still unable to form a true partnership with another human being? What a terrible handicap that would be for me to carry into my sober life! In my sobriety I will meditate and pray to discover how I may be a trusted friend and companion.

****************************************

What happens when I have stopped twisting the relations with my family, friends and society at large? What happens when I am no longer as stupid and stubborn as I had been? What happens when I am no longer unable to form true partnerships?

When I feel tortured and alone… I look to this reflection and find that I am still alone though I have found the ability to form true partnerships.

This is the reading that leads me to believe something contrary to “Do the right thing and the right thing will happen.” According to whom? What will happen will happen according to God. If I do the right thing something other than what I think is best is liable to happen and it is then that I must practice 3 and 11!

Thy Will, Not Mine, Be Done…

Because I’m soooo smart – I think I know what the right thing is!

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From Which You May Get To Practice Three And Eleven

Yesterday I told you about a gal in New York who had 19 years clean in Narcotics Anonymous who was “back out there.” Her name was Lorraine. That’s right – was – and still is. Sadly, two members of her home group took on the task of having to identify Lorraine in the coroner’s office yesterday. She died from an overdose in a shooting gallery. The conditions she was found in were not nice and I’ll only tell you one thing – the other people using that gallery had put a tarp over her when she died and continued with their business. Those who are familiar with those conditions will understand.

Lorraine had been Linda’s sponsor. Lorraine sponsored many women in Narcotics Anonymous. She was dearly loved by these women despite the fact that she brought recovery to the newcomer in the manner it was given to me – up front, truthful and damn personal!

The strange thing is, I was about to get to know Lorraine in an intimate way. Linda had set us up on a “date” for the end of this month. Linda was sure we would like each other. I was looking forward to the meeting. Last week we knew that would be canceled.

What happened? This is second hand information but from what we’ve been told, last October Lorraine had an operation. Unfortunately she neglected to mention to her surgeon that she was a recovering drug addict. You see, Lorraine had somehow come to a state of mind that, after 19 years, she had some level of power over her disease. He prescribed percocet which evolved into percodan which evolved into oxycodone which evolved into sniffing heroin, which led to shooting up.

Pay attention! 8 months! That’s all it took!

Linda and I had a talk with a priest today. Fr. Steve let us know that the God we understand knew that Lorraine was not in her right mind and He would forgive her and then bring her into His kingdom through His magnificent love.

I have lost the power of choice when it comes to drinking alcohol or using drugs of any name. Please – PLEASE – don’t allow any of the profundity pushers to convince you of anything contradicting that reality! This is not a game, it is a matter of life or death!

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May Her Tortured Soul Rest In Peace

GOD, grant me the serenity
to accept the things
I cannot change,
Courage to change the
things I can, and the
wisdom to know the difference.

Living ONE DAY AT A TIME;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardship as the
pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this
sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it.

Trusting that He will make
all things right if I
surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy
in this life, and supremely
happy with Him forever in
the next. Amen

Just mho, it never gets old and the repetition can’t hurt…

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The Serenity Prayer – Long Version – Repeated